Chapter 4: Misery on Earth

I wasn't going to bother informing Yuuki that I was going out to see the stars. I needed to escape the walls of my cage—the sun dorms—and breathe the outside air. I put together my telescope and faced it up and then went searching for the charts that I had previously shoved into my bag. I sighed, finding the Big Dipper and stared at the glowing orange moon.

It was strange but I liked strange.

It had been red before it turned orange, changing into yellow as it climbed up in the sky. With the telescope I could see the scars the moon had, reminding me of someone close to me.

Why did I pick Astronomy as my hobby anyway? I think it started when Mom told me that when people died, people went to Heaven and I had looked Heaven up in the dictionary. It stated it was in the sky so I bought a telescope in hopes of finding my father in the sky, aimlessly floating among the clouds. When I didn't see him, I used the telescope to search the Earth.

I was young and stupid for believing that the telescope would help me see Europe from America. Not that I believed Dad had escaped to Europe. I was five and I only remember Mom coming into my room, shutting off the nightlight. She curled next to me in bed, played with my hair and muffled her cries into my pillow, holding onto me like I was her only way of breathing. I would lie there and pretend she was fine. Tomorrow would be like any other day.

Dad used to always go out and travel without saying anything, but he always came back.

Tomorrow he would be sitting in the kitchen, drinking his black coffee.

But that time he didn't come back.

No one knew where he vanished and the cops didn't even bother to investigate after discovering that he normally left. They just assumed he left—as in he wanted to be gone…as in he didn't want to be included in the family anymore.

That hit me hard.

Not brick hard either.

It was more like someone dropped the Titanic on me. I used to cry until my eyes felt as if they were going to shrivel up like a dying flower. I was so depressed that I refused to eat and I would throw up purposely just to get rid of the cold feeling in my stomach.

Then rumors spread around that he might have left because he was with another woman. I used to beat up the kids who would say this rumor to my face, refusing to believe he would leave the family he already had to start another.

But if not dead, then where? WHERE DID HE GO?

After a couple of years my school principal got fed up with my attitude and called Mom in. Everyone told her that a ten year old shouldn't be so aggressive and cruel.

I shouldn't be giving girls twice my size black eyes.

I shouldn't be breaking the bones of teenage boys.

I shouldn't be terrorizing my teachers with my bullying ways.

They thought I needed anger management.

The students thought I needed a straight jacket.

Then they tried to say that they understood why I acted out.

I lost my father. They 'knew' how I felt.

Bastards.

How can they judge me when all they see are my actions?

How can they judge when they don't know what really stirs in my head and beats in my heart?

Unless they have some empathic power, then I doubt they would understand how I feel.

Even if they went through the same bull shit, people go through their emotions on different levels...some are more or less intense. And how we deal with it...well, that's complicated.
Anyway...Mom had politely declined the offer of names of excellent therapists and took me home without saying anything 'cause that's what proper ladies do, but once we got home she complained about my weight and eating habits.

I had rolled my eyes and told her that appearance didn't mean everything.

But I was wrong. To her, everything was about appearances.

My behavior continued till I was twelve when Mom caught me giving lip to a neighbor. She had literally bitch slapped me in front of everyone—heads turned, over exaggerated gasps were heard, jaws dropped to the ground and people were too stunned to move. Actually minus the neighbor who left quickly because she figured that it was something between mother and daughter...and probably believed that madness ran in the family.

We had both said sorry at the same time.

I had said it because I knew I was being a bitch and that I shouldn't act out 'cause a lot of kids had no fathers. I was just a part of their crew.

I had to get over it.

She said it because she felt like she failed as a mother, and it was then I saw her --with her perfect hair, perfect body, perfect manicured nails and all—for what she really was.

A broken woman who hid behind a mask of beauty so the world wouldn't know just how screwed up she really was.

She was the beautiful, scarred moon.

The Moon would be lonely without her stars.

She was desperate and I knew it. She couldn't keep her husband and now her daughter was slipping through her fragile, trembling fingers. She didn't know how to tell me how much she loved me without criticizing me at the same time.

I had smiled a watery smile and chose to forgive her and her words.

The words that cut into me every time she said them.

The ones that gobbled my confidence.

I told her it was okay because I was never going to leave her and that we were a team.

I loved her too.

Yet ironically I did end up leaving her. Three years later I got news that I could go to Japan as a foreign exchange student. Oh she was not pleased but at the same time she understood. We both knew that ever since he left there had been a dark cloud above us, threatening to destroy our bond and swallow us. If she put me on a leash, then I was going to retaliate. However, if she gave me freedom to explore, then I would return to her.

When I got to Japan I was expecting to be there for only a year but then Headmaster Cross asked me if I wanted to stay until I graduated and I accepted.

Yea, okay, so they have weird rules and annoying students. On the other hand though, it was a nice campus and the programs were beyond my expectations.

And here's how life is so damn ironic.

When I was younger I wasted my time searching for a man who I knew would never come back to me, and now I'm wasting my time trying to avoid a guy who won't leave me the hell alone!

Stupid Goddamn stalker.

I swear he pops out wherever I go!

Is it possible that he stuck an atom-sized microchip on me? How is it that he always knows where I am?

I sighed as a familiar head full of blonde hair travel closer to where I was located, the familiar pair of blue eyes stare at the ground like it was suddenly the most interesting thing in the world.

I watched him slouch against the tree and shove his hands in his pockets, now looking everywhere but at me.

The damn bastard was skipping class again. Wouldn't he get punished for that too? Well he can't blame me for skipping. I heard him take in a long breath of air, give out an equally long frustrated sigh and clear his throat.

He was finally looking—staring—at me.

"What?" I asked, my voice sharp and diseased with rage.

"I…I came to say-"

"Save it for someone who cares about apologies." I cut him off.

"Serena...I..." He trailed off, not knowing where to start and how to say it.

Lets be honest.

Boys never know what to say when girls are moody or crying. They're not like the boys in movies or soap operas, whispering sweet nothings into your ear and wiping your tears away. Real boys, the ones you see everyday (unfortunately), are clueless.

A girl could die of heart failure before a boy actually gets a sentence out of his mouth.

Yet he said something that caught my attention. My head had snapped towards him when he said my name. It was the first time he ever used my first name and with that tone.

The one that meant he was honestly sorry.

Part of me wanted to say "It's okay. Just don't bring it up again" and part of me wanted to say to go shove it up his ass, so I kept quiet but he never finished his statement. It was deathly silent for at least an hour, if you didn't count the sighing and occasional shuffle of the feet.

I changed my telescope's position, centering it on the planet Mercury. Mercury was going retrograde—didn't that usually mean that communication issues would stir up in Astrology terms?

Whatever.

No longer using my telescope to find my bastard of a father, I looked up at the stars as my only escape from the misery on Earth.

The suffering everyone had.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Wanted to give a little bit of background to my character.

This is also a short chapter but for a good reason. I needed something to build up the next chapter because that's the one with all the excitement.

-grins- I love you guys. Thank you soooooo much for reviewing! It's really encouraging to know that people like what I write!

And that I'm actually writing well...-sweat drops- English isn't exactly my first language...

Hahaha the astrology factor about Mercury's retrograde is true. There is supposed to be a lot of communication problems during that time...though I'm not quite sure how long they last...

Name on play...stargazer...a flower or a person who watches the star? Both!