Chapter 13

They woke up at the same time, around 11 am. Deidara's head hurt. He felt sick. He shivered from the loss of warmth when Itachi pulled away from their sleeping embrace to sit up. Deidara imitated him, glancing at him sideways, almost afraid to talk. He remembered his night all too well. And he couldn't believe he had poured his heart out to Itachi like that…

"How are you feeling?" The raven finally asked.

"Hungover," he admitted. "It's kinda happening a lot lately…"

"I'm sorry I guess it's a partly my fault."

"No," Deidara shook his head, "of course not."

Itachi sighed, and then he got up and put on his boxers. Deidara admired his tall and lean body as always, but with dark thoughts lingering at the back of his mind. Deidara truly believed Itachi could have anyone, so this relationship just couldn't be right.

Deidara got dressed in silence, and then they sat in front of each other, Itachi in his computer chair and Deidara on the bed.

"This doesn't have to be awkward," Itachi eventually said.

"…Too late for that," Deidara muttered, glancing down.

"Why? Because you finally opened up to me?"

"I never wanted to tell anyone."

Itachi frowned slightly. Behind his blank expression, Deidara could see that Itachi was hurt by his words. But he couldn't take them back now. He just couldn't look into those beautiful dark eyes anymore, though. He needed to go.

"I need to be alone. I'm sorry…"

Deidara walked away. He walked past Itachi's parents in the living room, whispering quick thanks, and then he stormed outside. He allowed the tears he'd been holding in all this time to fall once he was walking down the street, hands in his pockets, shivering in the cold. If even he had a hard time living with himself, there was no way he would put Itachi through that…

…

Itachi tried to call Deidara a few times on Sunday evening, and then on Monday as well.

Deidara didn't answer. He eventually just turned off his cell.

He was trying to concentrate on some drawings, but he still felt a little sick. He hadn't eaten anything since Saturday, and he had no appetite. He felt like cutting, but he didn't, instead he cried some more, thinking about Itachi. All in all his two days off were really shitty.

Monday evening, he was lying down on his unmade bed, wearing sweat pants and a band t-shirt, when he heard knocks at his door.

He frowned, and went to open, thinking that maybe it was just the landlord or janitor or something.

But it was Itachi. And he was pissed.

"Are you gonna let me in? Or are you gonna close the door in my face, just like you turned off your phone when I was calling?"

Deidara stepped aside to let him in, ashamed.

"How are you?" Itachi asked him, his voice cold but hardly hiding a hint of worry.

"I'm awesome," Deidara muttered sarcastically.

After a moment of silence, Itachi said, "Don't you want to know how I feel, or are you even more selfish than I thought?"

Blue eyes widened as they looked up at the other, feeling guilty. He noticed Itachi actually looked exhausted.

"I'm sorry," he whispered.

"I was worried!" The older male cut him, leaning slightly closer, "I was so fucking worried yesterday when you just left like that! You tell me you need to be alone, looking fucking depressed out of your mind! I thought you were gonna do something stupid…" His voice broke.

Deidara swallowed hard, a painful lump in his throat. He really hated seeing Itachi like this. He also leaned closer, and wrapped his arms around the raven. The latter held him back fiercely, entangling his pale fingers in thick blonde hair.

"I'm sorry…" Deidara repeated. "I just… don't want you to waste your time with me…"

"…Ah fuck it, Dei, seriously," Itachi whispered in his ear, "Stop being so god damn emo." He pulled away, but kept his arms around Deidara, and locked eyes with him. "I like being with you. You're funny, cute, passionate, a little weird sometimes but that's okay," he chuckled, caressing his cheek, "I like that. I like you. And you have a rough past but so what? You think I'm gonna leave you alone just because of that? Then you really don't know me," he finished, wiping Deidara's tears softly with his thumbs.

The blonde felt overwhelmed, and conflicted by the lingering feeling that he wasn't right for Itachi.

"Now go put some decent clothes on," Itachi said, his voice calm again, "We're going to eat at my place. First because my mother was disappointed that you weren't there yesterday, and also because you're so skinny I feel like if you go one more day without eating properly you're gonna die."

"…I look like shit," Deidara said.

He was certain his eyes were reddish because of all the crying, not to mention tears marks on his face… How very sexy.

Itachi replaced a blonde strand behind his ear, his finger brushing the silver studs as he often did. They were really close. Deidara lost himself in Itachi's deep onyx eyes.

"You're beautiful," he said simply.

Itachi was so intense sometimes, Deidara liked that about him but at the same time it put him out of his comfort zone. He just didn't know how to act. So he just pulled away and averted his eyes.

"Anyway, I'm just gonna take a quick shower…"

Itachi nodded quietly.

The nineteen year old showered, got dressed in black skinny jeans and long sleeve, blue v-neck shirt, tied his hair hurriedly and, hoping he looked okay, finally followed Itachi to his car without a word.

They sat in silence as Itachi drove across the city. At some point the raven put on some music, from the cd player, and actually it was Within temptation.

"You bought their record?" Deidara asked, surprised.

Itachi glanced at him sideways with a little smile. "Downloaded it."

"Oh," the blonde chuckled.

He felt like he should say something, apologize again, or ask to know how Itachi felt about all the things he'd told him. But he was nervous, ashamed, even, so the words just wouldn't come out. Instead there was a constant lump in his throat.

"Are you okay?" Itachi asked him softly as he parked his car in the entryway.

"Yeah," Deidara said, but there was a slight trembling to his voice.

"You know you don't have to do this, right? I'm not forcing you."

"It's okay…" He said hesitantly, and then he decided to try to lighten the mood a little. "It's my first time eating dinner at someone else's place though… so I am a little nervous."

Itachi looked surprised, "What about your ex..?"

He chuckled, "Oh, no um… her family didn't exactly approve of me."

"Well I don't think you'll find much more open minded families than mine," Itachi replied. "And besides, it doesn't make any sense I mean, she is a piercer after all, do they think she'll date a doctor or what?"

"Her father would die of happiness." Deidara laughed, "He's a doctor so…"

"Oh," Itachi said in understanding. "Hey I never really asked but, do you miss her?"

Deidara was fully aware that there was so much more behind this question than it seemed. Itachi was asking him if he missed his life before meeting him, or his relationship with Konan. But of course he didn't. It had been nothing but a lie.

"No," he shook his head, "we're better off as friends. Yahiko is better for her, and I'm happy for them…" He hesitated, bit his lip and said, "Besides we both know I'm not straight."

This actually made Itachi laugh. It was good to see him smile. He said, "Well anyway I guess we'd better get inside. We're late enough already."

They exited the car, and walked up to the front door quickly. Inside, Mikoto greeted them, all smiles, and made no comment about the fact that it was a little late for dinner.

They sat side by side at the dining table, and Sasuke and Naruto took place in front of them. Itachi's step-father and his mother were sitting at both ends. Mikoto served some salad and paste and it was delicious. Deidara thought it was even better than fancy restaurants' food, and when he told her this she thanked him warmly, beaming with happiness.

Itachi glanced at him sideways and made a little smile. Other than that little comment, Deidara didn't talk much. But that was okay. Itachi's parents weren't questioning him about his life goals, or his job, and he was grateful. Instead Minato, Naruto and Mikoto were making small talk about their jobs, or high school, and Sasuke and Itachi were pretty much silent actually.

Towards the end of the meal they started talking about their upcoming Christmas vacations in Miami. And, to Deidara's surprise, Minato asked him if he was excited about going.

Itachi said, "I didn't even ask him yet."

Naruto looked at his father, offended, "You ruined Itachi's romantic surprise dad!"

"I'm so sorry," Minato said sincerely.

Itachi chuckled, "No big deal. I just didn't get the chance to ask but, Dei, would you like to come with us?"

He blushed, feeling a little intimidated as the whole family stared at him expectantly.

"I don't want to intrude…"

"Of course not!" Mikoto interrupted, "Itachi was always so lonely before he met you! So if he had someone with him…"

"Mom…" Itachi cut her in a low voice, clearly embarrassed.

"It's true!" She exclaimed.

Sasuke tried to save the situation, "What she means is, we'd really like it if you came with us."

Deidara noticed the silent 'thank you' Itachi mouthed at his younger brother, and it made him smile.

"All right, I'd love to go, thanks for inviting me," he said politely although he wasn't too sure about this whole thing.

"Awesome!" Naruto exclaimed.

After that the conversations started again on various subjects, and Itachi took Deidara's hand under the table and squeezed gently.

…

Later, in Itachi's bedroom, the raven was sitting at his desk working on a school project, and Deidara was sitting next to him on an extra chair Itachi had brought, working on design ideas for Itachi's next tattoo.

"Just tell me if you want me to drive you home all right?" Itachi asked at some point.

"It's okay," Deidara replied, shrugging slightly. "There's no rush. I'm probably gonna go to bed really late tonight anyway."

"You always go to bed really late," Itachi said, amused.

"I guess you have a point."

They both stopped what they were doing, and looked at each other.

"You can sleep here tonight," Itachi suggested, "And I'll take you home tomorrow morning on my way to school. I promise not to try anything. You trust me, right?"

Deidara's heart sank. Of course he trusted him, why would Itachi even doubt that?

"Yeah," he said with contained emotion, "You never did anything wrong."

"Then why did you run away from me yesterday morning?"

Deidara glanced away, "It's not your fault. It's… I'm ashamed of myself."

The raven cupped his chin and turned his face, so that he could look into his eyes.

"Why? You shouldn't be."

The blond didn't reply. But a few tears rolled down his cheeks, and he pulled away from Itachi's touch.

"Fuck… I'm always crying…" He wiped his eyes in frustration.

"Look," Itachi said softly, "it's almost midnight, we're both tired, so maybe for once we should go to sleep at a reasonable time…?"

Deidara chuckled, "Yeah."

"…I got you a toothbrush," Itachi said.

At first Deidara frowned, surprised by the sudden and random change of subject, but then he smiled, and laughed lightly.

"That's kinda really sweet actually."

So they went to the bathroom one after the other, and then they stripped to their boxers and lay down in Itachi's bed. They were facing each other, and even though the lights were off Deidara could still see most of the details of Itachi's pale, beautiful face.

He had felt really tired before, and he still was, but somehow he didn't feel like sleeping. He felt like this moment with Itachi was precious – like all moments spent with him were very precious.

And Itachi seemed to be reluctant to sleep as well. His eyes were open, and he was caressing Deidara's skin lazily. His pale, slender fingers ran across his blonde locks, his arm, and his side. When they brushed the side of his stomach so lightly, Deidara instinctively smacked his hand away.

A smile curled around Itachi's lips, "You're ticklish."

It wasn't even a question, so how could Deidara deny it? Besides when Itachi's fingers brushed his sensitive skin again he had the same reflex, so the raven's theory was confirmed.

"Stop it…" Deidara protested, crawling to the opposite side of the bed.

Itachi laughed, and then he shifted closer to him. But he stopped teasing him at least. His fingers resumed their exploring though, as they touched his ear, his neck, and then slid down to his nipple.

"Did it hurt a lot?" Itachi asked as he touched the piercing and the skin around it.

Deidara closed his eye for a moment; that felt kinda good…

"Yeah," he answered, "It's the most painful piercing I got."

Itachi's fingers stopped moving, and instead he curled his arm around Deidara's thin body, pulling him slightly closer. Deidara hesitated, and then placed his hand on top of Itachi's arm, stroking it with his thumb. This felt so intimate, and Deidara was tempted to hold his breath. His feelings were so conflicted, as always. This felt right, yet wrong. Itachi was amazing, but the idea of being more intimate with him was threatening.

"What's the second most painful?" Itachi asked.

"Eyebrow," Deidara answered without hesitating, at least this light conversation was helping him relax, "And, I didn't get any others but I heard pretty much all piercings in the face are painful. For the ears it's not so bad. Why all those questions? Do you want to get one?" He asked half-teasing.

"No," Itachi shook his head slightly, "Just curious… to know more about you."

Deidara made a little smile, and then sighed, "We should probably try to get some sleep."

"We should," Itachi said, but neither of them closed their eyes.

"Hey when do you finish school?" Deidara suddenly asked.

"In about three weeks. My last exam is on December 21st."

"That's soon," he smiled. "And when do you guys leave for your vacations?"

"The day after my last exam, actually… But hey, don't you mean when do we leave?"

His smile widened slightly. "I guess, yeah. I've lived here my whole life and I've never been anywhere else so it's pretty awesome. Thanks again for inviting me."

Itachi smiled back, and leaned closer to give him a soft kiss. "I'm glad you decided to come with us."

"Otherwise you would've been so lonely..." He teased him.

Itachi's smile disappeared, "Never listen to what my mother says all right? She's done psychology classes, so she always exaggerates everything. She thinks my brother and I have all sorts of mental health problems, when we're really just a little antisocial."

"All right, all right I got it." He chuckled; Itachi was kind of cute when he got worked up like this.

"Dei… can I ask what happened to your mother?"

His smile became sad as he answered, "There were complications when she was pregnant with me. I don't know the details but… from what my father told me, it was me or her, you know."

Itachi tightened his hold around him comfortingly. He seemed to be waiting for him to continue talking, so he did.

"She wanted to keep me, to try anyway, and my father wanted her to just save her life. I understand him, you know, he loved her so much… She had a very fragile health, kinda like me. I mean I don't have any really bad disease or whatever, and I'm really not complaining, but I do get sick often, which is a pain in the ass…" He chuckled darkly, and then frowned as he said, "My dad kept saying I looked so much like her. But it didn't make him happy, it made him sad and bitter, and he missed her so much, so yeah like I said I can understand his reasons for… you know…" He finished in a mere whisper.

"What is wrong with you?" Itachi frowned sadly. "Nothing, absolutely nothing, can excuse him for beating you up. And he should've been happy, and love you just as much as he loved her, if not even more…"

"Are you trying to make me cry again?" He chuckled, trying to lighten the mood, but of course this conversation was making him really depressed.

"Maybe you've just been holding back your tears for too long," Itachi said as he pulled him close, and kissed his forehead softly.

The blond buried his face in the crook of Itachi's neck and closed his eyes. He felt emotionally drained, but safe and warm in the raven's arms. He fell asleep like this, with Itachi caressing his hair, just like he always did, in a now familiar and comforting matter.

…

The following weeks went by really fast for Itachi. At school it got pretty crazy, and he had so much work. But he still found some time to see Deidara almost everyday, sometimes before or after school at his apartment, sometimes – mostly on Saturdays – at his work. And on Sundays they spent the day together, and Deidara stayed to eat with the whole family. The more time he spent with the blonde, the more he craved his presence when he wasn't there. It was overwhelming just how much he cared about Deidara, and wanted to be with him no matter what. Itachi had yet to enter that information in his rather thick emo head.

He had also found the time to scan some of his designs to put them on the website, some as background, and some in a picture gallery. There was a link on Silver's facebook page of course, Konan had agreed to it immediately. And Itachi was glad really, because Deidara was getting more new customers every week.

Another good thing they had gotten done was going to the pharmacy to actually get the inhaler for Deidara's asthma. Even though his attacks were rare, Itachi still found it important that he had the necessary medicine for it. The blonde was so damn stubborn that Itachi had to drag him to the pharmacy with his prescription. He was helpless and rather lazy sometimes…

Whenever they spent nights together Itachi was always faithful to his promise not to try anything. Deidara was slowly opening up more and more, and Itachi was glad, but at the same time it was a little bit frustrating not to do anything intimate for a former sex addict such as himself. Of course he hadn't told Deidara this little detail, but he wouldn't be able to control himself for much longer. He wouldn't try to go all the way – not yet, anyway – but soon he would show him that there were so many other things they could do to pleasure each other… He had decided to wait for the Christmas vacations, which were very soon, anyway.

So as he finished his last exam for the semester, he was glad to finally be able to clear his mind from anything school related. Now he would be able to spend more time with his family, but especially with Deidara. They weren't officially boyfriends yet, but actually Itachi couldn't care less about those kinds of details. He knew Deidara didn't want to be with anyone else. Now Itachi just needed to keep trying to convince Deidara that he didn't want to be with anyone else either.

In his car, while driving towards the tattoo and piercing store, he listened to the cd he had made recently with songs Deidara had sent him. The blonde was definitely rubbing off on him when it came to music, and Itachi had started defining his tastes more, deciding he liked alternative, and soft or symphonic metal. So Deidara regularly sent him some songs that he thought Itachi might like, according to what he knew of his tastes.

At least now, when he was stuck in the traffic to get downtown, he could listen to those songs and it made him think about Deidara.

When he finally got to the store, Deidara was waiting for him on the snowy sidewalk, so thankfully Itachi didn't have to go through the trouble of finding a free parking spot. The blonde smiled when he saw his car, and he came to open the door to sit in the passenger's seat.

"Nice music!" He teased.

"Thanks," Itachi replied on the same playful tone.

He leaned towards the blonde to kiss him softly. His lips were cold, probably because he'd been waiting outside, so Itachi decided to kiss him just a little longer, giving himself the excuse that he needed to warm him up.

After that he pulled away, and started driving.

"Yahiko didn't mind…?"

"Nope. He's even more of a cool boss since he started dating Konan again!"

"That's pretty great," Itachi agreed.

Deidara's luggage was already at his place, and he was spending the night with him so that they could all take the plane early the next morning.

A week ago Deidara had felt a bit guilty, and asked if they were staying in a hotel, and just how much more money Minato would spend because he was coming, too. But Itachi had explained that every year they rented a house because Minato knew the guy that owned it, and he was making a very good price for the week. So it wouldn't cost more money because Deidara was there. Well, only for the plane ticket, and food once they got there – although Deidara really didn't eat that much. Anyway, it wasn't a problem.

The rest of the day was spent playing some video games on Itachi's various consoles, eating dinner with the whole family, and then playing more video games. They had already finished preparing their stuff anyway – unlike Naruto, who could be heard running around like crazy in the house to try to find his scattered things.

At 11 pm Itachi decided they should stop since they were getting up at five in the morning… Right now they were playing the only game Deidara seemed to like, actually; guitar hero. Itachi suspected he only liked the game because he knew and loved some of the songs.

"But I could almost play at expert!" Deidara protested, making the raven laugh.

"You're playing at hard, and it's your first time, so you're like, better than most people already."

The blond chuckled as they sat on the bed. "Thanks, I'll put that in my resume. Better than most people at guitar hero."

Itachi leaned in for a soft kiss, smiling. "You could also put, sexier than most people…"

"Yeah right if I'm looking for a job in an escort agency…" He rolled his eyes.

The raven wrapped his arms around Deidara and made them both fall on the bed, and then he closed his eyes, still holding Deidara tightly.

"You wanna sleep like this?" The blonde asked, "With all our clothes on?"

"Hmm… you're right naked is better." He muttered, but didn't move one inch.

Deidara chuckled lightly. "You're tired? Is it because of all those exams?"

Itachi nodded slightly, and opened his eyes. He made a little smile, kissed Deidara softly, and then pulled away so that they could strip to their boxers to sleep more comfortably under the sheets.

Once they'd closed the door and turned off the lights, and were face to face, lying down in the comfortable bed, Deidara whispered, "I've wanted to make at least one trip for a long time now. But I never had enough money. So I wanted to thank you."

"No problem," Itachi said in a sleepy voice, "I'm glad you're gonna be there."

"It's gonna be my first time taking the plane. I'm that pathetic. Getting up at 5 is a pain in the ass though…"

"It's gonna be totally worth it once we're there. Besides, you told me you hate winter here right? Well imagine how great it will be there. Sunny, and warm…"

"You're right it's totally worth it," Deidara smiled, "Good night Itachi."

"Night…"

He really was tired, and it didn't take long to find sleep. Of course the night wouldn't be very long, but as he'd told Deidara, at least they were getting up for something that they were looking forward to. Yet another night during which all they did was sleep, Itachi thought. Well, that wouldn't last for much longer, he'd make sure of that…