Disclaimer: I don't own Psych or any of its related characters. This is just for my own enjoyment and the potential enjoyment of other Psych-Os like me, and no monetary gain was expected or received.

Rating: T

Spoilers: Through current episodes, particularly strong from Heeeeere's Lassie.

Chapter Ten: Stupid Girls

Juliet slid into a chair across from Chief Karen Vick's desk and waited for the woman to acknowledge her.

"Detective O'Hara, can I help you?" Vick asked. "I trust you've taken care of our bear with a toothache?"

"I set up an appointment for him at nine-thirty tomorrow morning, Chief," she said. "I'd like to drive him there myself, to make certain he goes, and just in case the doctor gives him a shot or a prescription for something strong. I don't know if we'll need the whole day or not, though. If the doc just gives him a prescription for amoxicillin and some ibuprofen he'll probably want to come to work afterwards."

"I'll put you both down for the day and if you can make it in then great," Vick said. "…Is there something else?"

Juliet hesitated. "Lassiter's condo is haunted," she blurted. Chief Vick blinked twice, then burst out laughing.

"O'Hara, I…what on earth?" she asked.

"I'm serious, Chief," Juliet insisted. "I went over there earlier this afternoon to track him down but he wasn't there - but there was still a lot of noise in there, like loud banging. And then music. Music that was perfectly appropriate to the conversation I was having with him over the phone. And I was just there now, talking to him about…some personal matters…and the same thing kept happening. Completely disparate songs kept playing on his record player, even after he'd unplugged it, and when he broke the arm off of the thing they started playing on his CD player! He was seriously freaked out, Chief, but he kept trying to play it off as an electrical malfunction."

"I'm not sure I understand, O'Hara," Chief Vick said. "Music popping on and off constitutes evidence of supernatural events?"

"You weren't there, Chief, you'd understand if you had been. First of all it was James Taylor, see? 'You've Got a Friend.' It came on the minute I told Carlton that I was his friend, and he asked me if I was sure of that. The very second, Chief, like it had been all queued up and waiting. Then when I showed up later, I came in and before we'd even had a chance to talk it was a song called 'Queen of my Heart.' I wasn't familiar with it, but the lyrics were something about a love confession. He practically fell all over himself to unplug the hi fi. Then I said that he looked a little demented and 'Crazy' popped on. And he took the record off the turntable and put it away, and as soon as I told him that I broke up with Shawn the damn thing started playing 'The Liberty Bell March,' you know - the Monty Python's Flying Circus theme song? It started playing! I ask you, Chief, how did a song start playing when nobody put a record on? There was a record on the turntable afterward, I checked. Where did it come from?"

"Woah, wait a minute, O'Hara…you told him you broke up with Spencer? When was this?"

"Just a few minutes ago, Chief."

"No, I mean, when did you break up with Spencer?"

"Oh. Saturday."

"Saturday. And today, Monday, you're alone with Lassiter in his apartment, playing love songs on his hi fi."

It was Juliet's turn to blink. "No, Chief - the songs were just playing, we weren't playing them. Anyway, as I was saying, it started to play 'The Liberty Bell March,' and Carlton actually ripped the needle arm right off. And we talked a little bit, and I mentioned something about Marlowe, about how lucky she was to have a good guy like him, and that's when he told me that she broke it off with him. On Saturday. And I expressed my sympathies and the next thing I know, a song called 'I'm Yours' is playing on his CD player in the bedroom. And I gave him a hug, and he pushed me away, and Shania Twain started singing 'Don't Be Stupid.' It's a ghost, Chief, it has to be."

"Marlowe broke up with him. On Saturday. And you hugged him. On Monday."

"Chief. Yes. What?"

"O'Hara…"

"What?"

Chief Vick closed her eyes and shook her head. "Nothing, O'Hara. Look, haunted, not haunted, either way it's not really police business, now is it? If Carlton is bothered by it then he's free to hire TAPS to look into it for him, or move out. And I'm not going to make any of this police business as long as I don't see any problems evolving between you two on the job. Just…take it easy on him, okay? He's…fragile."

Juliet gazed in wonder at the Chief. "Er…okay, I…I will," she promised in bemusement.

"If I might ask, is your breakup with our consultant going to create any issues regarding police business?" Vick asked.

"I can't speak for Shawn, Chief, but I have no intention of allowing it to affect me professionally," Juliet said honestly. "I'm still perfectly willing to work with Psych when called upon to do so."

Vick nodded. "That's good to hear, O'Hara. If I might address the issue on a personal level, for a moment, might I ask why the relationship ended? I was under the impression the two of you were getting along rather well in that regard."

"Not…as well as I pretended, Chief," Juliet admitted reluctantly. "I don't know why, but I guess I kept expecting him to…to change. To grow up."

"O'Hara, every woman spends at least a portion of every relationship hoping her partner will suddenly grow up. Men never do, not completely."

"Some men do," Juliet said. "More than Shawn ever will, at least."

"I won't argue with you on that."

Juliet hesitated, lingering in the chair. "I just…I feel sort of…stupid, Chief. For letting myself get drawn into his shtick. For letting him charm me, I guess. I put everything I really care about in jeopardy over a guy, something I always thought I was much too smart to do. I broke Carlton's trust, I'm sure I made things difficult for you…I just…you know, I always watched girls in high school fawning all over their boyfriends, letting their grades slip or running off and getting pregnant, or just following the boys around like robot puppies with no minds of their own, and I looked down on them for that. I thought I was better than they were because I kept my chin up and my nose clean and worked toward my goals. And now I find out that maybe I'm not so much smarter than them after all."

"O'Hara, I'm not sure what you want me to tell you," Vick said honestly. "Everyone makes mistakes, particularly where the heart is concerned. It doesn't mean you're stupid just because you took a chance on the wrong guy. It just…means you're human, I guess."

Juliet pondered that for a minute. "Yeah. Yeah, Chief, you're right. Thanks. I feel a little bit better."

"Good. Now why don't you go home, or…wherever…and just relax? We've been worried about how Carlton is feeling but your feelings are important to consider, too, and today's been a rough day for all involved, I think. And Juliet?"

Juliet turned back at the door. "Yes, Chief?"

"For what it's worth, and speaking woman-to-woman, a more…mature…man is almost always the better choice. There are no guarantees, but…well, I suppose it's always worth a shot, isn't it? Provided you can keep the personal and the professional…balanced."

Another moment where Juliet was left wondering if the Chief weren't implying something of which she was unaware. "Thanks, Chief," she said anyway. "I'll keep that in mind."

She left the station, with a wave for Buzz McNab who had just come in off of patrol, and hopped into her little bug. The stereo came on with the key.

"Stupid girls…stupid girls, stupid girls. Maybe if I act like that, that guy will call me back. Porno paparazzi girl - I don't wanna be a stupid girl. Maybe if I act like that, flipping my blonde hair back, push up my bra like that - I don't wanna be a stupid girl," P!nk sang. Juliet punched the off button with a nervous giggle. She really hoped it was just Lassiter's condo that was haunted.