Chapter 2: In which we get promoted
Location: Around the tea table, Urahara Shop, Karakura Town, Japan, Bleach.
Copyright: Tite Kub- Ah, why do I even bother. Blab la bla not my stuff blabla all hail to the rightful owner bla bla please don't sue my underwear off etc. etc.
Last time on 'Totally not Spies': Our heroines meet the main character of Bleach, get nearly nommed by a Hollow Ex Nowheria, and proceed to meet and have awkward silences with pretty much half of the entire cast. Also, they are forced to tell the 'truth' when Ishida accuses them of espionage.
"Interesting theory" Urahara said finally, after when seemed another neverending silence.
"So… You believe us?" I asked, more than a little hopefully.
"Not yet. It makes the spy-theory even more plausible, in fact."
"But we can't even prove we're not!" I squeaked. "The more we tell you, the more suspicious we'll be! It's not fair!" The last words escaped my mouth before I could ralize that I sounded like a toddler wanting candy.
Ishida pushed up his glasses again. "You do have a point there. However, if your... amusing story is true, you should also know things about us that are impossible to be learned about through espionage."
"But how do I know-" I was interrupted by a pinch from Suzume. She winked and leaned over to Renji, whispering something in his ear.
His head turned the same colour as his hair.
"H-How… That's impossible!" he stammered, . Suzume giggled, and I could swear she winked once more.
"And? Convinced now?" she said confidently, folding her arms in triumph. He only nodded.
I thought it was my turn now, so I did a good research through my mind. What did I know about them that others couldn't possibly know?
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They were all staring at me waiting for either a confession or a miracle.
Scientific research has proved that a brain can recover information faster when under stressful circumstances…
"So what about you?" Ichigo asked impatiently.
Fuck science…
Idea.
"Ehm… Toush- Captain Hitsugaya?" I beckoned.
His eyes narrowed even further. "What?"
I said a little prayer to the plot bunnies and said the word I had set my hopes on.
"Kusaka."
His eyes went quite wide. Bull's eye.
"I know who he is." I added superfluously. He only nodded.
"He's your-" His hand went suddenly up, the international gesture for 'that's enough', so I shut up. I've never been the extremely tactful type anyway.
"So, anyone else?" Suzume demanded, sounding a little overconfident. The silence that followed grew a bit uncomfortable again; and it was really getting on my nerves. I decided to be bold for once.
"So, have guys fought the Arrancar yet or are they yet to come?" I asked curiously.
Dead silence.
"Which ones? Ulquiorra and Yammy , Something-Something-Grantz… Luppi…?" I added, just to make sure.
Only shocked faces.
"Has Grimmjow showed up yet?" Suzume said eagerly, her eyes sparkling with renewed excitement.
Ichigo nearly dropped his cup. It was the only motion in the room.
"Ha! You should see your FACES!" A new voice guffawed from behind us.
"Yoruichi-san, how nice of you to join us as well" Urahara said, his voice so friendly that it bordered on sarcastic. The tall woman -when did she get dress?- smirked and gave us an approving nod.
"You seem to know a lot more than we anticipated."
"Ha! You better get used to the fact we already know what's going to happen!" Suzume said grinning much more confidently, with her arms still folded in a most dignified and almost arrogant way.
"Aah! You mean you two are prophets!" Inoue chirped. There really is no other way describing that sound of hers.
"I don't think so, Inoue" Urahara suddenly looked alarmingly serious. He turned towards us. By now he looked so serious Suzume and I started to feel a little uneasy.
"Hey, Kisuke" our new member said teasingly, "you're scaring them with your wise-old-grandpa-attitude!"
Although his left eyebrow seemed to twitch for a second, he maintained his gloom-and-doomlike sourface.
"You two must listen very carefully to this, ok?"
I have a bad feeling about this.
I'll skip you the exact explanation, because I don't remember it clearly. Also it was complicated and had to do with the laws of the universe, time-paradoxes and other scientific stuff. And I suck at science. But I'll try to explain it in the future-telling-for-dummies-way (that was his second way of explaining it to me, after he had noticed that only Suzume had understood anything):
We, that is Suzume and yours truly, know what will happen. They, that is everyone in the world, don't. Assuming that we are now a part of their world, we can change things here. Do you get it so far? Then you're faster than I was.
Next: If we tell them things they can't know yet, we can, or even will 'change' things. Because people will always try to change their fate once they know about it. So if we tell them for example about a future battle in which they will die, there's a big chance that battle will end completely different or won't take place at all, because they will try to avoid it. And these changes are very prone to cause catastrophies, because everything that happens (his voice became over-the-top solemn here) must happen according to how this world is supposed to 'go round'.
Therefore, Suzume and I are absolutely forbidden to 'spoil' about the 'plot'.
Though I was still trying to wrap my head around this (and I wasn't the only one having trouble), Urahara cleared his throat once more, the grave expression still on his face.
I have this feeling that this somehow is going to get even more complicated.
"Nothing in this world is coincidental" he continued. "Especially something extraordinary like your arrival here, and the fact you two just happened to meet Kurosaki-san and Kuchiki-san, who conveniently turn out to be one of the few people in this entire town that you know. From that I, cautiously deduce that you two came here with a purpose." I secretly knew I had a purpose in life!
"That purpose might be unknown, but I have a theory: Your most outstanding attribute here is your large knowledge. Knowledge of what is happening in this world, and what is going to happen in the future. From that, I can safely assume that that is the reason you appeared here. From that I can deduce again it is connected with your purpose."
"AND?" Suzume generally doesn't really enjoy cumbersome stories. "And what IS that purpose, gramps?" Stripe-Hat cleared his throat, dignified if not a little insulted.
"Your purpose is… to guard the plot."
LAME. Judging by Suus' expression, she thought the same. Urahara didn't notice.
"You two have to make sure everything here happens according to how it should happen, when it should happen, etcetera etcetera."
"Shouldn't that work out automatically? I mean, Rukia is right here, so I figure the whole rescue arc- I mean, thing went spotless without us. Right?" I said, trying to hide my own uncertainity. But our sandal-wearing-oracle shook his head.
"And that's my last point: The reason you two ended up here, is because something must've been disturbed." He looked up. "And it's your task to fix it!" he concluded happily.
From all the things to become once I'm older, 'hero' was the first thing I scratched off the list. And look what is happening to me.
"What… if we refuse?" I felt my appearance shrink when everyone suddenly looked at me. But I somehow continued. "What if we- what if I ignore whatever my task is and go home?"
My voice trembled. I avoided the stares everyone was giving me and stared intensely at my teacup. Urahara sounded a bit weird when he finally answered.
"I don't know."
I clutched the poor teacup even tighter.
"And what is your theory then?" I heard a light chuckle coming from his direction.
"That unless you fulfil your task, there is no going home."
With an optimistic jingle, the teacup fell in pieces on the floor.
No going home.
"No going home" I hissed out loud. "NO going HOME." Since I no longer had a teacup to torture, I clutched the folds of my T-Shirt.
"Now now, there's no need to destroy my china-"
"WHO GIVES A FUCK ABOUT YOUR FUCKING CHINA!"
I clapped my hand before my mouth, scared by my own outburst. Suzume stared at me with big eyes; I usually didn't lose my temper like this. Then again, I usually didn't get into situations like this.
I tried to compose myself again with a deep breath; however, I knew that I would be crying in less than a minute. A stingy feeling already came up in my nose, a clear sign of my body that I could think of cute puppies for all I wanted, but that the waterfall was now inevitable.
I can't start crying now.
I can't start crying here.
"Will you just" a whiny tone had already crept in my voice, another indicator of the coming flood "give me a minute?" I stood up, trying to avoid all possible eye contact, and walked with trembling knees to the next room, and the next one, and the next one, where I finally leaned forward with my head against a random wall.
There's no way that this is happening.
There's just no, fucking, way.
I'm going insane.
I'm just dreaming.
"I'm just dreaming." I said it out loud, but it didn't come out half as convincing as I wanted to. Instead, a sob escaped through the words.
I'm just dreaming. I'm going to wake up somehow. I will be woken up by the insufferable alarm on my Nokia. I will get out of bed, curse my school, take my meds and begin my day.
And most of all, I will remember nothing of this. Maybe I will remember it was about Bleach and that Suzume was in it.
Or maybe I am in a coma.
I liked that idea. It meant that I would have one hell of a story when I would wake up. It meant that I would skip a lot of school. It meant that people would be standing around my bed right now, saying how tragic this was, that it was such a loss for the world; that I had been such a wonderful person and that they felt so sorry for not telling me how much they loved me before.
It meant that people would really miss me.
And yet, somewhere in my mind, the lonely corner where all unwanted thoughts are hidden, I knew that I was just being scared. I knew that the wall felt too rough under the skin on my forehead. I knew that the scratch on my knee, from when I tripped while on the run for that Hollow, stung too much too be imaginable.
So I just turned until I leaned with my back to the wall, and started crying, slowly sinking down until I sat on the ground with my back to the wall and my head in my hands.
I was so busy with crying while trying not to cry, that I hadn't noticed Suzume entering the room too until she suddenly sat next to me. I could tell she had no idea what to say, and in fact, I rather liked that. Because if she had said anything I'd have to concentrate on the feelings of someone that was not me. And to be honest, I didn't really feel like doing that right now.
So we just sat there, and I'd love to tell you whether Suzume was crying too or just there to comfort me, but as you all expected, I was too busy with my own miserable persona.
But at least I pitied myself with some dignity for the first time, in a relatively silent way. That is probably the reason why I could hear what they were saying three rooms from where I sat.
"I'm not entirely sure that the blonde one is suitable for this." From all people, lil' Toush just had to say it.
"Tch. Not suitable? That girl has a soul made of pudding!" I heard Ikkaku say. "She has no spiritpower at all!"
"But she could see the Hollow!" Ichigo protested.
"I think that can be considered a phenomena related to the fact they're not from this world." Hat 'n Sandals joined in. "Another example would be that they are European and yet seem to speak and understand Japanese fluently." Wait… But they are talking in English!
"It doesn't matter whether her level spiritpower is high or low." Toushiro again, sounding unnaturally mature as ever. "What matters is her attitude… Or rather the lack of that."
"It is indeed a major concern." Stripe-Hat again. "But I'm afraid they are the only ones we can depend on."
"If that is true, there is a good reason for anxiety. I am not sure about that Suzume girl, but it is a fact that if we have to depend on the little one, we're royally screwed" Yoruichi said, and I could hear some murmur of agreement.
I felt Suzume's concerned look burning into my hands that were covering my face. And I knew she had the best intentions when she put her hand on my shoulder and said they were just a bunch of idiots, but something inside me just snapped.
I pushed off her hand rather meanly, stood up so suddenly Suzume let out a small cry of surprise, ran through two doors and halted in third doorway, pointing at nobody in particular, my whole body shaking again and my breath shallow from emotion.
"You people wanna know something?" I screeched slightly hysterically through my sobbing,"I never asked for this!" I could see the O-Crap-She-Heard-Us-look spread through the room.
"I didn't sign up for getting thrown into some other world; being nearly eaten by a monster and getting suspected of espionage! And while I'm at it: I don't want to be your petty Plot Babysitter anyway! Screw you!"
Stunned silence. I took a breath, not bothering to wipe the tears off my face. "You people have no idea what's going to happen. For your information, I do! And before that shit hits the fan, I'm outta here!"
Nobody said a word. I was shaking over my entire body from stress and anger.
"You can't make me do this!" I shrieked finally. And with that I turned around and ran through those doors again, ran through some more, shot through the shop and fled into the sunlight. I could hear Suzume scream something after me, but I only increased my speed.
Leave me alone. Just leave me alone now.
"Myrthe!"
"LEAVE ME ALONE!" I yelled as I crossed the street and randomly turned right. I wasn't thinking clearly and I was being a huge bitch, but at the moment I didn't really care, so I just kept running like hell, turning left and right at random intervals. I don't know how long I had been runningwhen I finally reach a beautiful green park, where I sat down on a bench completely exhausted, breathing so heavily I sounded like a badly tuned flute.
I then realized I had absolutely no idea where I was and that I had inherited a gift to get completely lost wherever I would go.
I then also realized there was not a single human in the park.
And then I realized that there might be no humans in there, but something else was.
"Correct me if I'm wrong, missy, but you wouldn't happen to be a Plot Guardian, would you?"
O shit. O shit. OH SHIT.
F!Myrthe: And that is the first cliff-hanger in a series of constantly reappering story cut-offs that have no real purpose than to anger the readers.
Me: Did I mention I'm not a very nice person?