I kneeled on the ground and zipped open my bag, finding the snacks I packed for after practice. I grabbed my bag and headed for the showers, stealthily sliding my granola bars into the trash bin. After showering and heading out front, I went to the receptionist's desk. I hadn't talked to Hannah in a while.

I walked to the desk, hoping Hannah had a few minutes to chat. As I neared the desk, I heard the sound of some voices talking. One was Hannah for sure- her medium toned voice was easy to recognize. Then there was the crisp and demanding voice of Alison Evans… but the last voice was oddly familiar. I couldn't put my finger on it though.

Though eavesdropping is normally frowned upon, I felt the need to listen in to the conversation. The muffled voices were clearer as I concentrated on what was being said.

"I'll need to reserve an hour at least every day until the competition," the mystery voice said.

"Unfortunately, we cannot meet your expectations. The studio is on a very tight schedule, especially during these days before ShineDance," Alison explained in a cold voice.

"The best we can do is half an hour every day," Hannah said, her gentle and mellow voice soothing to my ears.

"That'll be fine. I'll have my coach email you about fees," the mystery voice replied. It was definitely a girl.

I decided to find out who this person actually was and walked to the receptionist's desk as if I was not spying at all. My eyes widened and my heart tensed as I recognized the unfamiliar voice.

The girl seemed just as surprised as I was to see me. Her bright blue eyes seemed to get over it quickly though. The girl's brunette hair was done up in a ponytail and the blonde tips were clearly visible. She wore a loose t-shirt and some cotton shorts.

"Oh, hi Patricia. I didn't know you danced," Ally said, smiling awkwardly.

"I could say the same thing," I said, forcing a smile so I didn't look indecent. I then realized that a black taxi was waiting outside through the window. "I have to go. Nice seeing you."

I practically marched out to the parking lot and saw Kevin sitting on the trunk of his car.

"Want to go on another date?" he asked, getting off his seat.

"Sure," I replied, faking a smile. "I have to tell the taxi driver though."

Kevin graciously took my bag and started his car, while I ran to the familiar taxi and told Rob of my plans. He shrugged, said goodbye, and drove out of the parking lot.

I met up with Kevin again, and while driving aimlessly, we agreed to stop at a little café that we had passed a minute ago.

As we stood in line, Kevin offered to pay for my meal.

"I don't need anything, actually. I'll pass," I said, hoping he wouldn't question me.

"You should eat a little bit; we just got out of a massive workout," he said, eyes twinkling.

"It's okay, really… besides… my housemates want me to eat with them," I lied, while keeping a straight face.

"Well, okay. We wouldn't want to upset them, right?" he asked, smiling. He nudged me a little and a returned the smile.

Kevin ended up ordering some sort of sandwich and drink, and we found a little two-person table by the window. I watched him eat and tried not to focus on it, by talking about some other dance routines I had seen in the past competitions we had attended.

After Kevin finished eating, he drove me back to the house. It was a rather quiet car ride, but I didn't mind. The radio was playing in the background, so it was not too big of a deal.

We entered the parking lot of Anubis and Kevin drove to the front door. As I opened the car door and grabbed my bag, he said, "Bye, Patricia. Do me a favor and eat a ton for lunch."

I laughed along, knowing what he said he meant as a joke. However, it still caught me off guard. He wouldn't notice what I was doing, right? I shook off the thought and entered the house.

Like I guessed, all of my housemates were sitting around the dining table, eating lunch- some sort of soup with bread rolls. There were also a salad, but no one seemed to be touching that. I chuckled to myself.

There was one empty seat between Eddie and Joy, and I walked over and took my seat. Instead of digging right into the food, I poured myself a glass of water and merely took small sips of it, watching the others eat. No one was talking at all; it was actually quite uncomfortable.

I finally decided to speak up. "Why is everyone so quiet?" I asked, in a possibly rude tone.

Joy, finally turning to me, had eyes that sparkled. "This soup is to die for. You've got to try it." The others nodded vigorously.

"It's okay. I already ate with Kevin," I explained, hoping to pass their test.

"Of course you did," Jerome commented, while rolling his eyes. He turned back to his food.

Thank goodness. I was in the clear.

Soon after that, the house started to file out of the dining room. I decided to head back upstairs and take a look at my dance costumes for the competition. I was determined to go. The fat wouldn't hold me back from achieving my goal. I would starve myself till I could pass the requirement test in dance.

As I walked out of the dining room, I felt a warm hand place on my shoulder. I turned around quickly to see Eddie holding me back.

"Can we talk?" he asked, eyes searching me nervously. I hadn't seen him like this before. He looked nervous- almost scared of something I did.

I opened my mouth, and was about to decline his offer when I felt my throat dry up. I tried forcing sound through, but it was no use. Tears welled in my eyes- even after everything that had happened; he still had that effect on me. I close my mouth quickly, and shook my head. I then turned around and practically ran up the stairs to the room I shared with Joy and Mara.

I sighed deeply, blinking furiously to rid my eyes of the tears. I went to my closet and took out a few costumes that I liked- there was a black spandex leotard with sheer black pieces of fabrics that hung from the waist haphazardly. Another option was a strapless ivory dress that ended mid-thigh; the only thing that made the dress different was that the bottom looked like it had been cut by a two-year-old with a pair of scissors. The last was a deep purple one- it was tight till it stopped directly under the bust, and then flowed out it gentle waves.

I took these to the bathroom and locked the door quickly. I then threw off the clothes I currently wore and tried the purple costume first. I placed my feet in first and then pulled it up my torso- I then had to put the straps on, but no matter how much I tried to squeeze an arm through, it wouldn't go through at all. My eyes watered (much to my dismay) and I realized that I was getting fat. This costume fit a few months ago, and now, I could barely get it past my stomach. I pulled it off quickly and went to the black one next.

This one had a more meaningful message to me. Audrey, my beautiful older sister, wore this when she dance, back in the day. I took a deep breath, determined to get this on. I slipped my feet in, and started to pull it up my legs. This costume took much more effort than it should have. I had to pull the leotard up on all angles to get it in place for one leg. My anger was coursing through me quickly- this stupid costume fit me, and now I could not even get it up my legs. I groaned angrily and pulled it off hastily.

By now, tears were streaming now in a free fall. Audrey had worn that costume, and it showed that my legs were much larger and fatter than hers when she wore it. I sobbed harder, wishing this damn weight would disappear off my body.

I walked over to the sink, in my underclothes and looked at my self in the mirror. I saw a stranger- someone that wasn't happy, and would never be. She didn't deserve to live. I opened the drawer under the sink, where I kept my 'needs' (tampons, pads, etc.) knowing that no one would ever go looking there for the thing I was about to pull out. I buried my hand deeper in the drawer and felt a cool metal. I held this and pulled my hand out. In the palm of my hand, there lay a small pocketknife.

The gleaming silver blade looked so inviting. It was calling out to me- you can let go of all this pain, it said. I believed it. I took the blade in my right hand and turned my left so I could see the inner part of the wrist. I slowly but surely moved the blade to the wrist, and let it sit there. Then, almost as if in a trance, I pressed it down. I felt the pressure of the cut being made become deeper and deeper until I knew I had to stop. I set the knife on the sink and turned on the warm water tap, letting my wrist wash in the water- it stung so badly, but it felt so good. I watched interestedly as the blood from my cut turned pink from combining with the water and swirling down the drain. I quickly buried the knife in the drawer and shut it.

I held the costumes in my hand and exited the bathroom- I wasn't in the mood to try on the white costume- that was just another rejection waiting to happen.

I came back into my room and saw the pink line on my wrist- it was very noticeable. I took out a large cuff bracelet from my jewelry box and put it on. My cut was covered.

The pain felt so good. So good to let go of my weight, and Eddie, and dance. I might do it again.

And there is the real reason the story was rated T... well, that and something else... but you'll just have to wait for the other reason! What is up with Ally? Why did Eddie want to talk? Will anyone notice Patricia's cut or her lack-of-eating habit?

I'm so sorry for not updating sooner, everyone! School has been a real pain, as well as other shitty things that I don't want to talk about (excuse my potty-mouth). Hope you like the chapter and please, please, please review!