Chapter 8: In which things get even better. How convenient.
Location: Las Noches Grand Hotel Suite 001
Copyright: Tite Kubo.
Oh God, I'm still here.
That was the first thing that shot through my sleepy head when I woke up. The painfully white walls with painfully white furniture burned into my half-opened eyes.
I was still in Las Noches. The fact made me immediately curl up and pull the blanket back over my head. The dark comforted me, as well did the thought that Aizen couldn't see me now.
He's probably watching me. Or someone else is watching me for him.
I don't know whether that is an improvement or not.
My head hurt. I slowly started to remember the events from yesterday, in a random order that made my head hurt even more. Ichimaru's face by breakfast. Ichimaru's glare. Ulquiorra's glare. Ulquiorra tugging my hair. Ulquiorra saving me from Grimmjow. Grimmjow peeking at me while I was changing. Aizen. Aizen. Aizen finding out crucial spoilerific information that had to be kept from him by all costs. Aizen telling me he will get his information at all costs. Suzume as a hostage. My alliance with Ichimaru freakin' Gin.
I groaned under the blanket, thankful that nobody could see my face right now.
I'm done for. I'm fucking done for. For some reason, mornings weren't my best moments of the day, no matter what had happened the day before. Or in this case, it actually mattered, but it only made things worse.
The memories kept pouring in, but there was one thing that came back again and again. It was that maddening smug smile from His Royal Bastardness himself. It simply drove me around the corner, the way he looked so evilly content and arrogant, and the worst thing was he actually had enough reason to be content and arrogant. His new puppet had danced almost perfectly the way he wanted, despite her obvious lack of any grace and composure. I punched the mattress and imagined it was his face.
Die, Aizen. Punch. I don't care about the plot, just die, punch die, punch and die punch punch again. Punch. I don't care if 20,000 years in prison are supposed to happen. Punch. You should be dead. Falcon Punch.
And with dead, I don't mean that your psychotic Gary Stu excuse for a punch soul goes to Soul Society again. I mean that your very punch existence will be erased in a most painful way. El Directo Punch.
I would give anything just to make him upset. My fists were shaking too much to deliver a Final Punch now. Really, anything. I would give, no, I would even DO anything to see his corpse. At this point, the detestable image of that despised grin was so overpowering, that I wasn't even surprised by my own rather unusual bloodlust. Bloodlust. That word maybe described my feelings better than rage, hatred or whatever kind of negative emotion. Bloodlust, combined with a maddening helplessness, that made me even more bloodthirsty.
And that's where I made my new resolve. My hate for him, my hate for this place, my hate for whatever the hell was happening to me and whoever the hell had set this up- that hate would become my new strength. I would get a spine just so that maybe I could sweep that smile off his face. My desire to tear him and this entire place including its residents apart would get me through this. Bloodlust would be my guide, revenge would be my blade, hatred would be my partner in crime. In all anime, you can see how far one can get if driven by a desire for revenge. It wasn't the noblest motive, but at least it was something I could hold onto- and that was all I needed. An emotion that could make me crawl up by just remembering that smile. Crawling up and make him crawl.
Now then, how to actually do that.
There were two options, I concluded. I could use my all and face him with my new strength, and hope that by resisting I could sabotage his plans, not reveal even more crucial information and, most importantly, make him angry or at least not amused. Second, I could keep up my image of worthless coward, and stab him in the back. Somehow.
They were both attractive. The first one because the whole idea of heroic resistance appealed my rather sensitive ego, and because it was the fastest way of crossing Aizen.
The second because I was already familiar with the technique of getting yourself underestimated. And it was safer. And easier, because if I'd really break down, it wouldn't be so obvious.
After a half hour of internal discussion, option two was voted first.
Time to get to work.
I got out of bed, slowly, clinging to my blanket.
They will always be watching you. Be on your guard. Be the actress you could never be.
I slowly approached the sink and mirror, making sure I trembled a bit and that my way of walking was edgy and unsure. I looked into the mirror.
Holy shit.
I hadn't prepared for that sight yet. I should've known that after approximately two days of kidnapping, crying, stress and no chance of doing something about my make-up (read: poor mascara), I would look pretty bad. But I hadn't thought of that when I carelessly looked into the mirror.
Back at me stared a girl that might as well have been surviving in the Amazone for two weeks while being haunted by Jack the Ripper.
Her blonde curls, which were about the only things she was proud of when it came to her looks, had turned into an inextricable mess of faint yellow burdocks. Her skin had an unhealthy colour that balanced between pink and grey. Her lips were dried out. Her eyes were the worst part: the mascara was smeared all over her face. The watery black blurb melted effortlessly into the dark purple shades under her eyes from exhaustion; the eyes themselves were swollen so much you could barely see the unusually big pupils and turbid barely-blue irises; around the irises lingered a thousand red veins.
Now then, start acting.
I can't put off a good fake cry, so instead, I just stared at myself with a shock that was only partly acted. "O fuck" I whispered, trying to be loud enough to be heard. I stammered back to my bed and sank down, letting my head rest in my hands. "Damn this all…" I tried to make my shoulders shake as naturally as possible without overacting.
Knock knock.
"I DON'T WANT BREAKFAST! SHUT THE HELL UP!" I screeched while keeping my face hidden.
The door opened and someone entered, pushing a chart that probably contained my breakfast.
"I was ordered to bring you breakfast. Eat it. Aizen-sama said you will need the energy for later."
Gooooood morning to you too, Ulquiorra.
"I'm not hungry." That was actually true. I felt pretty sick, now that I focused on my physical state rather than my mental one. Which was also sick, but in a different way.
"Eat it."
I flinched at the extra tension in his voice, and made myself as compact as possible. "I'm not hungry" I muffled with my head between my knees.
"If you don't eat, I will force you to." And I remembered Ulquiorra threatening Inoue that he would shove the food down her throat if she didn't eat.
"Ok, ok, I'll eat, sorry." Saying sorry like that… Disgusting.
Ignoring the fact that I had to literally stuff the food down my throat and nearly choked myself to death several times, it was a nice breakfast. Still, there was something really wrong. Not with the breakfast, but a bad feeling like I was forgetting something crucial. It had been asking attention the whole morning.
You're having a bad feeling while being held captive by Aizen flippin' Sousuke. How surprising. Maybe you even have paranormal powers! Or you're just mad. I mean, you ARE talking to yourself right now, and-
"Now, come with me" said the Ulquiorra with a small hint of impatience. "Can't I, um, like, sort of, er… Like, make myself look a bit better?" I shyly asked, making sure my voice was soft and unsteady. I pointed at the obvious evidence that was my face.
He gave me a scanning look, and examined my face for a few seconds. "Very well. I will be waiting outside. Hurry up."
"Y-yes, thanks." Thanks. You just said thanks to him. Miserable little-
"I said, hurry up."
I hurried back to the mirror. The girl in front of me didn't look any better now. I started by washing my face, and then used a stunningly white towel to remove my get rid of my panda bear-from-hell-look. My eyes weren't so swollen anymore and seemed a bit brighter too. Altogether I was still creepily pale and with dark purple shades under my eyes, but hey, at least I wasn't sparkling.
Great, now I've lost my good sense of humor too. A Twilight reference? I've gotten really low in such a short time span.
Then I walked out the door, wordlessly joined Ulquiorra and again crossed several billions of corridors. And arrived before, what a surprise, another unnecessarily big ass door. That opened itself, revealing, what a surprise again, that monster on his throne. Grinning like a Cheshire Cat. Oh, how I thirsted for landing a punch on those lips.
"Ah, Myrthe, there you are. You look a bit better, I'm happy." Yeeeah sure. I look all healthy and happy now, do I? Arn't we all a freaking ray of sunshine today.
"Because I need you in good shape for today."
Whoop dee flippin' doo.
"I am going to ask you a few questions, and I'd be pleased if you could answer them honestly."
I decided not to answer; After all, if it sounded too obedient, it was suspicious, and if it sounded too heroic, it would screw my whole act.
"But first, a little present from me." He smiled, and an unknown Arrancar entered at snap of his fingers. He carried a blue pillow, the kind you usually put crown jewels on. He actually bowed down for Aizen, offering him the pillow. Aizen's smile widened and he took something off the pillow. It shimmered a little, and its colour was, to my biggest surprise, white.
And then he suddenly stood behind me. I froze as he whispered 'Stay still' and lifted up my hair. I expected two hands that would strangle me to death any minute, but instead, it was only a silk ribbon with something cold attached to it. So I expected that within a few seconds someone would pull that ribbon and strangle me to death, but that didn't happen either. Instead, he secured it and stepped back. "Turn around, please."
I slowly did. The fabric brushed softly against my skin, and I had to resist my self from curiously touch it and check what was attached to it in the middle. Aizen smiled contently, like an artist who is examining his new magnum opus-to-be. Do not punch, do not punch, do NOT punch…
"As I predicted, it suits you perfectly. Here, take a look yourself" he took an elegant and beautifully crafted hand mirror from the pillow and handed it over. Of course, my curiosity was way too strong, so I looked. It was, how surprisingly, white. It fitted tightly around my throat, a bit like those chokers worn by Gothic Lolitas. It had little, pearl-like beads shaped like tears scattered on it, which were polished so much they seemed to glow. A pretty detail was that the shade of white perfectly matched with my pale skin and white dress. Just gimme a crown and I'm the bride from hell.
The beads were pretty; however, they just vanished in the background compared to the one exactly in the middle. It was silver bell. Very pretty, and through the holes you see a soft, light blue radiation as if a wingless Navi was trapped within. Or a blue, shining, glowing sphere, for those who do not know what a Navi is.
It may have been pretty, but it still was a bell. He just gave me a cat bell. Like a pet.
"Now now, don't tell me you don't like it?" Aizen must've seen my facial expression that may or may not have been very, very sour.
"Wh-why…" I made sure to stutter as natural as I could.
"Why did I give you this? Is it that strange for me to offer a friendly, well-meant gift?"
Do not answer that question.
He smiled. "Alright, maybe this gift has a practical side to it too." Really.
"Ulquiorra, if you would be so kind as to release about half of the pressure that you've have been holding back?" Wait, what? I expressed genuine panic on my face. I had already experienced I couldn't even take the slightest spiritual pressure. Let alone that from Espada no. 4. Ulquiorra meanwhile just nodded. I prepared for the giant impact that would come down on me.
Nothing happened. To me, that is. The Arrancar that just brought the blue pillow let out a scream, which was cut off halfway because it apparently lost its ability to breath and dissolved into the air. I watched it with horror paralyzing my whole being.
"Seems like it's working perfectly. As you've probably realized by now, this bell nullifies all spiritual pressure that would normally kill you." That… is actually pretty practical, indeed. But it's still a cat bell. And I'm still not a cat.
My thoughts were quite rudely interrupted when a wail filled with rage rang through the space. Another Arrancar, seemingly a big brother or clone from the one that just died, came running into the room. He held a giant axe or something up and it was pretty obvious that he was planning on chopping a certain pig's head off.
Aizen smiled. In a second, he drew his sword and disarmed the thing with ease, then chopped off one of its legs. It went so fast that by the time I realized what the hell just happened, the leg and its previous owner were already lying on the ground, tragically separated. It growled like a mad dog, and from the gaping bloody hole grew two new legs. It didn't look very tasty.
This is your moment. Use it.
And I started screaming as hysterical-but-not-too-hysterical as possible. I saw a sigh escape Ulquiorra's stoic face, so my helpless image was apparently still alive 'n kicking. Which was good. Very good. Though it didn't feel exactly fabulous. But neither was that three-legged thing that lunged at Aizen again. Who just smiled and flipped his blade upside down.
I had trouble understanding what about the gesture gave me such a bad feeling. It looked scary, alright, but why did I get the feeling I was again forgetting something important?
"Crumble…"
And that's where I knew what shit was about to hit the fan. O SHI- CLOSE YOUR EYES!
"... Kyouga-Suigetsu."
I clapped my hands for my eyes, half because the command from my brains finally came through, and half because some unexpected light blinded me.
Whatever you do, don't open your eyes. Stay calm, don't open your eyes. Just keep 'em nice and shut. Afterwards, I remembered that that was unnecessary; there's no trouble seeing Kyouga Suigetsomething unsheathed. The problem was the unsheathing itself, which had already passed. But can you blame me for forgetting that in the current situation?
Anyway, it had one plus not seeing anything. The screaming alone was enough to scare the hell out of me as Aizen killed off the guy. Not being able to see it was actually a relief.
"You may open your eyes now, he's gone."
I slowly obeyed. There was no corpse. There was no a single drop of blood in sight. In fact, it was so clean and white, it was almost as if my hears had pulled a prank on me. I looked up to Aizen. Look scared. Look scared like hell. It's not hard.
Aizen smiled. I have already been ranting on that smile for too long now, so I will shut up about it this time, and just tell that it made me want to punch him again. It also strengthened my so-called resolve. I even managed to partly ignore the Arrancar's death screams that kept echoeing through my head.
The bastard smiled more contently than before. At the time, I thought it was because my scared face worked. I've always been a little naïve.
"I see you already know how my Zanpaktou works." I nodded as insecure as possible. "Well, I had considered using Kyouga Suigetsu as a way to get more information, but it seems that will not be possible."
Small victory is mine!
"Which leaves me no other choice but to use my other trump card." I did not like the sound of that. Several worst-case scenarios passed by, with one in particular that made my determination shudder. I tried to push it, but it kept recurring until Aizen spoke up again.
"Please know that I am truly sorry for having to do this…" Yeah sure. Whatever the hell happens to me, you don't give a damn about it. Quit the act.
"Ulquiorra, if you would be so kind to bring our other guest here?"
Inoue is here? Already? Geez, the plot goes faster than expected. Maybe Ichigo and the others are already on their way too. Ichigo, and Renji, and Rukia, and Chad, and Ishida, and… and… and Kurosaki Ichigo, and Abarai Renji, and Kuchiki Rukia, and… Chad, and and Ishida Uryuu, and Kurosaki…
You may have noticed a certain name shimmered in its absence. You may have noticed I was repeating names as if I had gone crazy and needed help. Well, no shit, Sherlock. It was both. I kept repeating the names like a mantra. Repeating names often helped when I tried to push a certain thought away. In this case… Well, if you haven't already figured it out by know, you can forget a career as detective, buddy.
Of course it will be Inoue. Of course. Inoue Orihime. No one else. And Kurosaki Ichigo is on his way. And with him are Abarai Renji, and Kuchiki Rukia, and-
"Ah, that was fast, as expected. May I welcome you here, in Las Noches?" Aizen spoke to someone who had just been brought in. Through a door behind me. So I had to turn around. Which I totally didn't want to.
Well, I didn't even need to. Because right before I could move a foot, someone called my name. Well, called was a big name. It probably was intended to be a call, but it sounded so soft and hoarse it was nearly a sob. And still, I understood it perfectly. It was not the only thing I perfectly understood.
Impossible. Instead of names, I now kept repeating this word. No, not repeat, I screamed it inside my head. I shouted it, I screeched, I yelled, I shrieked, I roared. It echoed, I could swear it echoed through my body so loud it caused the trembling. Impossible.
All of this went in a couple of seconds. All the time, my back was still facing the source of the sound. And my eyes were still facing Aizen. Who looked back. And smiled.
"Aren't you going to greet your friend?"
"You better not, Myrthe. I am not looking as awesome as usual today."
Impossible. No. Just no.
Finally I turned around, stiff like a robot. She gave me a grin, but even I could detect her nervousness. And the bruises. Still she was grinning. And she waved with her free hand. The other was caught in Ulquiorra's iron grip.
"Well, you've seen better days too, I see. So, how's life?"
I still couldn't answer. The voice had given me a blow, alright. But the sight gave the finishing kick under the belt. That, without a doubt, was Suzume.
Me: AND THE PLOT THICKENS! DUN DUN DUN DUUUUUN *plays 5th symphony of Beethoven completely off key*
F!Myrthe: Oh, so you actually still do something about my story? After, I don't know, MONTHS OF HEARTLESS, COLD NEGLECTION? *raises a wrench*
Me: Ehm, yeah, well, about that, I've been on vacation a lot, without access to Word and/or Internet, and there were friends I had to socialize with, and there was little inspiration, and the cat- *hit by wrench*
F!Myrthe: You better work out those 'superspecialawesome new ideas' of yours out quickly. And how the hell did Suzume get involved here?
Me: Yeeees… How did Suzume get here? Find out in the next chap- *hit by rotten banana*
ALSO: Remember (probably not, considering how long ago it was ^^;) that in the prologue I wrote that this FIC isn't really a self-insert because the character is slightly different from me? As an argument I said that F!Myrthe will change later due to the circumstances. With 'change' I actually meant the resolve that is made *and sorta broken* in this chapter, but I couldn't spoil such things in the prologue, ne? The resolve is the exact point where Fanfic!Myrthe and Wannabewriter!Myrthe become two different persons. Because if I had been in the same situation... I'd probably had tried to kill myself out of despair or have an incurable mental breakdown.
Naww, kidding XD.
Or am I?