"Yes – Jayne – yes. So good…don't stop! Please don't stop – please don't stop – " she chanted, the words falling from her lips…."No, baby girl, never," he growled, the hand attached to the arm underneath her neck coming up to grip her hair. "Ain't never gonna stop – yer – unhhh – yer mine, ya hear? Mine!"

"Yours!" she whimpered..."Mine," he snarled low…"Yours," she yelped in agreement as he slammed into her…a river of hot, dark, pulsing, explosive bliss in his arms.

"River!"

Jayne bolted upright, panic poundin' through his chest and his John Thomas hard as a rock. Took a bit 'a time ta focus and realize he was still on the sofa. He was a bit surprised he'd slept at all. Hadn't slept in near three days, though. What weren't no surprise was that he'd dreamt of the girl. Of course he would dream 'bout her. What else was there to dream on?

Some nights, like tonight, the dreams were so real he wondered if'n maybe River had died and was now hauntin' him fer the pure torture of it. Would be just her brand of funny, too.

Part of him hated these dreams with a vengeance. Jayne fought sleepin' all together to avoid 'em. But after, just after he woke, for those few minutes of confusion, he could smell her hair, and hear her sighin' in his ear, and swear to any that asked that he could still feel her hands on his skin. Those few minutes, well, they was all he had left of the girl. And for those few minutes, and those alone, he would smile.

Jayne returned to the here and now and quickly scanned the room ta' make sure no one was around. He roughly rubbed his face to scrub away the lingerin' effects of the dream and growled at hisself in frustration. He hadn't let himself think nothin' 'bout what happened back at St. Albans since she left. But apparently his sleepin' brain couldn't not think on their first night together.

He didn't like ta' think on that night 'cause he didn't wanna think 'bout how short a time they had. He'd meant it night when he said he wasn't gonna let her go. 'Course, when he said it, he thought they 'a had more time, a lot more time, maybe all the time he had left.

In fact, that's what grieved him the most now. The loss of all the together time he'd been plannin' with her. The laughin' together, the pullin' pranks together, the fightin' together, and 'course the sexin' together. Never would have thought it'd add up ta' less than six months all said and done . And the real kicker? Weren't even his damn fault.

Jayne scratched his chest and decided that was 'bout time fer a drink. No matter t'was the middle of night cycle. No matter his bottle was near empty. Now was a good 'a time as any to finish it off, he thought, 'fore walking ta' the kitchen, pullin' out his stash, and downing the whiskey straight from the bottle.

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Kaylee woke to an empty bed. Which wasn't exactly unusual. Simon was a morning person, where she liked to stay up late, alone in the black, just her and her Serenity. She knew Simon would have kissed her when he left their room, though she was so tired this morning she must not 'a budged.

After a quick shower, she headed to the kitchen. As she past the closet that served as the ship's armory, she heard a lot of swearing and rustling around from inside. A quick peek inside revealed the ship merc moving stuff around and laying some stuff on a blanket on the floor. Weren't no jobs in the near future. Hell, they were three days out from any sorta land.

"Hey, Jayne. Watcha doin'?"

"Nothin'.

"Don't look like nothin'." She ventured a step inside to look around. "Look's like yer' tearin' up the armory." She crossed her arms, hoping to look all captainy. "Now I don't reckon myself an expert or nothin' but ain't this here room supposed ta' be all organized and neat as a pin, in case ya' need to rush in. You know, like in one of those quick-and-save-our-asses-like emergencies we're so fond of havin' round here?"

"Just sortin' out my girls and puttin' 'em in my bunk with the others."

"Huh," Kaylee shrugged. "Can I ask why? Seems 'ta me havin' some 'a yer guns down here might not be the worst idea in the 'verse."

"Just wantin' 'em all in the same place is all," he muttered. "Make it that much easier when I pack up."

"Pack up? You can't be plannin' on leavin'!" She hadn't expected the tears but they were workin' their way up to her eyes anyhow. "Honest Jayne, we can't lose any more crew. I don't think any of us can handle any more loss right now."

"Nah. Not really," he grumbled. "Just thinkin' on it some."

She had an idea on what might be goin' on in that rock-block brain of his. She looked around quickly to make sure no one was listening. She knew what she was gonna say next was gonna make Jayne a might bit uncomfortable and, as his friend, she didn't want 'ta make it more embarrassing fer' him than it was bound 'ta be.

"Are ya' leavin' so you can go look for her?"

"Look for her? Look for who? What you babblin' 'bout? Just said I was thinkin' on it. Been here longer than I ever expected and a Cobb ain't been known to settle fer too long. And in any case ya' hadn't noticed, I ain't getting any younger here, Kaylee. Might got things I wanna do. Ever thought 'a that?"

Poor Jayne. He looked so sad but this was getting' old. Between him actin' like he didn't care she gone, then to him losin' his temper at anyone for any little thing, she'd had just 'bout enough from big bad Jayne. Most of the crew had been avoiding him and she couldn't blame them none. He'd been downright miserable to be around and that was sayin' a lot. With Simon and Capt'n being all mopey about River leaving, and Zoe still grieving the loss of Wash, and Inara stressed over leaving the guild, weren't like no one was a pleasure to be around these past few months. But no one was reaching out to Jayne and Kaylee couldn't bear to watch him suffering alone no more.

"Oh, please! I know I ain't the smartest girl in the 'verse but give me credit enough to know what's been going on aboard my own ship, Jayne. Look for you? That's funny. I'm talkin' 'bout River. You know, the girl who done ripped yer heart out and smashed it ta' bits the day she left Serenity. The girl, who by some miracle, was the perfect match fer you, and you know it, ya stupid hun dan!"

"Don't you talk 'bout her. Don't even say her name," he screamed.

She thought for a moment he might carry on, venting more of the anger they'd all gotten' used to from him. But his shoulders suddenly sagged, almost as if in defeat, and it occurred to her that she'd never seen Jayne so tired before. She couldn't bear to push him into talkin' if'n he didn't wanna to, especially lookin' so beat down. But she couldn't have him thinkin' on leavin' neither.

"Please, Jayne. Don't leave." She dared to gently place her hand on his arm. "Capt'n said he's got everyone on the lookout and you yourself said if River wanted to stay hid that she'd stay hid. Ain't no sense you lookin' fer her. We need you here, Jayne."

Kaylee was surprised when Jayne put his hand over hers. "Well, I guess our big secret wasn't so much a secret, huh?"

She smiled up at him, hoping to bring him back from such a sorrowful state. "Can't speak for the rest of them but I knew somethin' was going on the night you and Riv cooked up them potatoes fer' our chicken dinner. Always felt I was interruptin' somethin' good."

Kaylee thought for a moment that Jayne might smile at the memory but the moment was gone in a flash.

"That was the night I first kissed her," Jayne mumbled. He looked up and patted her hand gently. "Anyways, I wasn't thinkin' on findin' her. No sense in that. She'll stay hid 'til she's ready ta' not be hid." He seemed to hesitate. "Was just thinkin' that maybe, well, maybe if I left, she'd could come back, be part 'a the crew again. Be with her family."

Kaylee couldn't take the hurt in his voice or the sufferin' carved in the lines of his face. She couldn't stop herself from reachin' her arms around the big merc' and holdin' him like a child. She didn't say nothin', just held on 'til she felt his arms reach around her and hug her back, more gentle than she woulda' guessed him capable of.

After a moment, she pulled back and held him away so she could look at him straight on. "Jayne. That's just the sweetest and stupidest thing I ever did hear ya' say," she sighed. "I know ya' must be feelin' like she left you but, really, River left all of us."

"What are you sayin', Kaylee? She left 'cause of me!"

Kaylee watched as the temper flared to life in his eyes. He pushed her arms away suddenly and took a few large steps back. She'd leave him be in a minute but he had ta' hear what she had ta' say. It might help him with his hurtin'.

"Jayne Cobb! Ya' don't think a genius like River Tam could have figured a way to stay on this ship and not be with you if'n that's what she wanted?"

"I don't know." She saw him thinkin' on it now. "I suppose she could 'a call it off, or slowed it down. Hell, we weren't really even sure what we were doin' yet, you know? We was takin' it slow. Well, kinda slow."

"Exactly." Kaylee took one slow step toward Jayne. "The way I figure it, River found herself on a ship she didn't walk on under her own power. In fact, if I recall correctly she crawled naked out of a box. She spent a good chunk a time crazier than a loon. When she was clear on things, she had to deal with the fact her parents sent her away to a place that cut up on her brain and turned her into a psychic assassin. Then, she revealed the worse kind 'a secret to the entire universe and nearly caused another war. Not ta' mention being up-close-and-personal with a room full of Reavers. Oh, and she lost two of her family in the process tryin' to get sane again." Kaylee paused long enough to catch her breath. "Ya' ever stop to think that maybe River's got some sortin' out to do for herself? That maybe she's a bit young for that amount of go se? That it might not be all 'bout you?"

"Gorram it, Kaylee. I know what she been through," he tensed. "I'm on this boat the whole time too, you know. But, fact is, she didn't leave until after."

"After what? Did ya'll have a fight?"

"No," he turned his back. "She didn't leave until after I told I loved her."

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A/N: Section in italics, an excerpt from "St. Albans" (2008) used with permission by Green Owl.