A few hours later

"You're sure you don't want to have lunch with me before you head out?" She's trying to stall.

She doesn't want him to leave. Last night and this morning had been nothing short of incredible. Some nights it was just a rush, an urge, an itch to scratch … hot and bothered, that's what he calls it. But even those times were amazing to say the least.

But last night? Last night had been different. He's been different. Thought after all this time he wouldn't be able to surprise her anymore. He knew what she liked, and she knew how he ticked. If their entire relationship would be determined on how well their sex life was, … hell, they'll live happily ever after!

"I'm sorry, hon', but I really have to hit the road. They liked my rough draft of that first chapter after all, so I have to get busy now." He had to do this now – get it over with before he changed his mind again. Everything was planned out. Everything was set up. It was now or never.

They walked out to the garage together, he put his suitcase in the trunk of his car, and put his laptop-bag on the backseat. She watched him with sad eyes, she'd never thought she'd miss him leaving for just a few days. Even when they were at their worst, she still wanted his company … and nowadays, they've been so good together.

Sure, she'd bit her tongue more than once … but she knew so had he. Both of them putting their best foot forward, giving this marriage their best try. As nice as it was, something had to change again.

He'd changed over the last 3 weeks. A change for the better? Maybe? He was so attentive to her. Reading her mind, … almost surreal. She knew he was trying to be perfect for her. And sure, it was nice … sometimes, but she didn't want perfect, she wanted Sawyer. Her Sawyer … pain in the ass and all.

Maybe I'll have a talk with him when he gets back from his little trip, she thought. As she watched him, she realized that he seemed kinda sad too that he had to leave. He's an idiot, she thought … this was his idea. Just stay!

"You know, you can still change your mind. I'll even unpack your suitcase for you." She gave him her most charming smile, her own dimples showing. Leaning against the doorframe that leads out to the garage, her arms crossed in front of her. Just stay … 3 years was long enough. Don't want to spend a day without you.

He sighed as he took in the smile on her face. "As tempting as that sounds, freckles, no can do."

The car was loaded, he shut the trunk. Opened the door on the drivers side of his car.

She walked over to him, and he scooped her up. Wrapping her in his arms, breathing her in, kissing her neck, her feet not touching the ground.

"I love you Kate." His nose buried in her hair, smelling it one last time. It smelled like her shampoo.

"I love you too." Her hot breathe in the crook of his neck. He could feel his body responding to her.

She hugged him tight again.

"I'll be back before you know it." He'd slipped. He shouldn't have said that. Wished he could take it back.

He took in the sight of her. Those blue jeans, that blue shirt, her hair braided, still wet from showering together.

That smile, those eyes, the freckles. He took it all in one last time. He swallowed, frowned when she didn't see it. Then plastered on a fake smile, "And you have fun Thursday night with everyone here, alright freckles?"

"Alright. Having everybody over is going to be so much fun, you'll never hear the end of it and you'll regret havin' missed it for the rest of your life." She smirked at him.

"I probably will, sweetheart." And he wasn't even lying.

"And I'm making your favorite. Steak."

"Just don't burn it, sugar." He smirked, but then realized what he'd said and stopped himself. "But you know, I'll eat a burned steak from you any day, freckles. I'll eat it with a grin, even if it tastes just like a Goodyear tire."

"And how would you even know what a Goodyear tire taste like? Back in the good old days when the conning didn't go so well?"

He chuckled. "Funny. Anyway, I'll miss you."

"I'll miss you more."

He let her out of the hug, framed her face with both hands, kissed her passionately one more time, then got in his car and started backing out of the garage. She walked out after him, standing in her driveway watching him drive away. As he drove off, her heart ached just at the thought of not seeing him for a few days.

This was so stupid … I'm being so stupid. How did I ever manage 3 years without him?

Aaron, that's how.

If I had a baby to keep me busy, this wouldn't be so hard. Here I am, all grown up, no longer running from the law, married to the love of my life and upset because he's leaving for a few days. She rolled her eyes at herself. I'm being stupid.

I just don't want to waste another minute without him, take all that I can get.

She stood there a while longer, until she couldn't see his car anymore.

He saw her standing there when he glanced up in the rearview mirror. Fading from his life. She was right. He could still change his mind. He could stop this car right here, right now and turn it back around.

Walk up to her. Be a man. Take a stand. Tell her that I know everything. Tell her that I know the truth. Tell her and drag her in this car with me, drive across country with her. That road trip he'd promised her when they were on their honeymoon … run with her! But it wouldn't change anything. It wouldn't end any better. I know what I can't change. But I also know what I can.

This … he sighed, as he couldn't see her anymore in the mirror … this they couldn't run from.

She was gone. Her image had disappeared in the mirror. His face hardened as his heart broke. This was supposed to be happily ever after. He hit the steering wheel out of frustration. This wasn't supposed to end with him driving away. But I'll be damn if I start crying now like Karl did in the jungle. He furiously wiped that one stubborn single tear away that had managed to get past his determination not to cry. Cowboy up goddamnit! He hit the steering wheel again. His hand painful when he shook it, trying to shake the pain off again.

He started thinking about fate … destiny, all that nonsense Locke and then eventually Jack had been going on and on about. Maybe this was his destiny … Jacks words echoing in his ear as if it was yesterday 'If it's meant to be, it's meant to be' … if the last couple of weeks had shown him anything, guess Kate and I aren't meant to be! But then again … I don't speak destiny! With that thought, he reached behind him, pushing his hand down between the seat and his back, pulling the envelope from the back pocket of his jeans.

He looked at it for a second and then carefully put it on the empty passenger seat. A man does what he does, cause he wants something for himself! I know what I want, … he just wished he didn't have to break her heart and Clementines in the process. But there was no turning back now, everything was in motion.

Thursday night – Sawyer and Kate's house

She'd all her friends over. She'd decided not to cook. Everyone seemed fine with just ordering in. They'd ordered in, pizza.

Alcohol was being served, she even allowed Frank to smoke a big fat cigar in the house, but he had to sit by the back patio door, which was wide open. If Sawyer knew he'd be mad, she made him go outside to smoke.

Miles, Frank and Cassidy's fiancé Shawn were playing cards. Sawyer painfully absent! Can't play a good round of poker with just 3 guys, Frank had complained earlier.

Carole had agreed to keep Clementine and Aaron for the night, leaving Cassidy, Claire and Kate to talk amongst themselves in the living room.

Cassidy had officially taken over the bar, mixing fruity drinks, and everyone was starting to get a little tipsy by now.

"Him and Clementine are really getting along. She kinda adores him now. It's almost weird to witness. Who would have thought?" Cassidy explained her surprise over Sawyer bonding with his daughter over the last several months.

Claire rolled her eyes at Cass, "Of course she'd adore him, he's adorable, especially with kids."

Kate didn't say anything. That subject a little too touchy for her taste … she wanted to have babies with him more than anything. But by now, she pretty much knew that would never happen. She could never give him Babies, that and so many other things would never be in their cards.

She forced a smile on her face … not overly forced, thinking of him and Clementine together did bring a smile naturally. For someone that didn't see himself 'fit to be a father' he sure was doing an amazing job with Clem and even Aaron.

"Did you tell her?" Cassidy looked at Kate.

Kate startled out of her thoughts, asking confused, "Did I tell who what?"

"Did you tell Claire that Sawyer volunteered to coach Clementine in softball next spring? An all girls team, can you picture that?"

Claire laughed, "Oh my god, I'll have to see that. Maybe Aaron and I can tag along and watch, that should be hilarious. And you do realize that by the time the seasons over, all the girls will know how to cuss like a sailor. I can already hear them, 'Son of a bitch', 'what the hell'." Claire trying to mock little girl voices, but even after all this time living in the states, she couldn't shake her thick Australian accent.

Cassidy sighed, "Well, let's hope not. But it's always a possibility with Sawyer."

The topic changed and with that the mood got lighter for Kate. She started enjoying herself after a few more drinks mixed by Cassidy. She'd talked the girls into playing 'I never' with her … the stuff they'd discovered about each other after all this time, hilarious to say the least.

The music was playin', everyone was enjoying themselves. Sometime during the evening she'd tried to call Sawyer but his phone had gone straight to voicemail. She hadn't talked to him today. Last night she had, but just briefly, he said he was busy writing, so she let him go. In her tipsy state, she left a somewhat dirty voicemail for him. She laughed after hanging up the phone, imagining his face when he'd hear that message. She pictured him listening to that message and immediately calling her back, … phonesex, now there's something they'd never done! Oh, what a night. She did miss him already.

It was about midnight when the door bell rang. Cassidy said, "I got it, you relax freckles." She did like that nickname Sawyer had chosen for her best friend.

Claire and Kate were laughing about something funny Miles had said earlier, when Cassidy walked back in. Her face pale, all the blood drained from her face, … she looked at Kate, and immediately her and Claire knew something bad had happened. Their thoughts went to Aaron and Clementine, both of them jumping up from the couch. She'd felt so tipsy earlier, but was snapped out of it when she saw that look on her friends face … she felt stone cold sober within a second.

"Are you alright Cass?" Kate walking towards her. Claire turned the music off. Behind her a man and a woman walked in, both in police uniform.

"Good evening ma'am, " the man said.

Frank, Miles and Shawn came in as well. Kate just nodded, didn't say hi.

The man introduced himself, "I'm Officer Jameson and this is Officer Hayes, we are looking for Mrs. Ford. Wife of James Ford."

Kate stepped towards them, "That's me, I'm Mrs. Ford."

The officer swallowed and turned for a split second to look at his partner. "Mrs. Ford, we have to talk to you. Your husbands car was found parked outside a cabin about 25 miles south of Carmel."

Kate nodded, "Yeah, he rented a cabin for a few days up there."

The officer continued, "Ma'am, there was a fire, the cabin caught on fire. We can't be sure yet, but we have reason to believe …" The man stopped then said, "I'm very sorry…" He hesitated again.

"I'm sorry to inform you but we have reason to believe your husband has passed away."

She could see the man still talking, but didn't hear another word he said after this. She could see everyones face grimacing, tears rolling down Claire's face.

She felt like she was dreaming … this was a bad dream, somebody wake her up right this minute … I don't want to hear this.

She shook her head. She kept on shaking her head and yelled at the man standing in front of her,

"NO. No, you're mistaken, I just left a voicemail for him, … he'll be back in a few days. You're wrong."

Cassidy rushed to her side, saying something … everyones voice is just mumbled, she can't make out the words. This can't be happening to us. This isn't real. This is just a dream.

She saw everything turn black and white in front of her eyes. Her knees gave away, Cassidy grabbed a hold of her and Frank rushed over too.

Like a tv channel, bad reception … black, white, grainy, then fuzzy … then it all went black!

JUST BLACK!

Kate had the newspaper from a few days ago in her hand, staring at the article in the left bottom corner.

'Badly burned body remains unidentified.

The victim of a fatal weekend fire in Monterey County was burned so badly that an autopsy could not positively identify the body. The man's body was found after the fire was extinguished at a cabin on the Big Sur Campground early Thursday morning.

Frank Martin, director of the Medical Examiner's Office, said that dental and medical records will be used in an attempt to try to identify the man. If that doesn't work, DNA testing will be used, he said.

The cause of the fire remains under investigation, said Lt. Kevin Brand of the state fire marshal's office.'

Claire ripped the newspaper out of her hands. "You shouldn't be reading that."

Kate looked up, teary eyes, "I know."

She didn't get to see his body. It was her choice, but everyone had convinced her it was better this way. Remember him the way he was.

Cassidy had agreed to a DNA sample from Clementine to determine if it was Sawyer. DNA results were in. Any hope she'd left got destroyed!

She was sitting on her couch, wrapped up in a blanket. Blank stare on her face once again. Lost in her thoughts, … lost in what ifs.

"You have to get dressed Kate." She sat down beside her. Kates eyes were swollen and red, she'd been crying nonstop.

"I picked out a black dress from your closet already, but if you don't like it, then you need to go pick something else. But we really need to get you ready, we can't be late for the funeral."

Kate looked over at Claire, "Okay." She got up, both of them walked upstairs. She walked into her bedroom. The dress Claire had picked out was the same one she'd worn for Aaron's funeral … how fitting she thought.

Claire helped her get ready. At first Kate was more then reluctant to participate, but then all of a sudden she snapped out of it and even decided to put on Make-up. Claire didn't ask why? What had changed her mind? Everybody grieves differently, sudden changes in her mood are to be expected.

Everyone seemed to be walking around eggshells around her right now. And that thought sometimes infuriated her, but then 5 minutes later she'd appreciated it. Emotions were running high.

The memorial service was over. Claire had given a speech. Kate couldn't have. Claire's speech was nice but laced with lies. She had to lie, had to continue the ongoing story of how she got stranded on an island with him for three years. Claire loved him too. She knew that. Not in that way, but in a big brother she'd had but never really had kinda way.

Sawyer was like her big brother … ironic thinking back to that conversation on the raft after they'd gotten out of the sinking ajira airplane. "You're my sister, Claire Shephard."

Kate sat there quietly during Claire's speech. Claire was fighting tears the entire time she spoke. Sam reached over and tried to hold Kates hand, but she pulled hers away. The more sympathy she got right now, the more likely she was to break down in front of everyone. She'd be strong, for him. She's not a girly girl, … he knew that, she wasn't going to be one today! Cowboy up goddamnit, Kate!

Before they left the church to drive over to the cemetery, Miles walked up to her.

"I'm taking Clementine and Aaron home now."

Kate looked shocked, "You're not coming."

"I can't Kate. I can't go to the cemetery with you." He shook his head. Kate's never seen him so emotional about anything. He was his best friend. "I'm really sorry Kate." And with that he just turned around and left her standing there.

Sam ushered his daughter out to the car. Of course there were reporters outside the church. She didn't even care anymore … she was burying her husband today.

They were all standing around the grave. The priest was saying whatever it is they say at funerals. Kate didn't hear a thing he said, her own thoughts and little voices in her head drowning everyone else out. She didn't cry since they'd gotten here. This is it. My life with him is over.

They began to slowly lower the casket into the ground, when Kate stood up and almost yelled,

"Stop." Everyone stared at her, but they stopped the casket from moving.

She stumbled at first on her words, "I-I … I have to say something to him."

Claire walked up to her, holding onto her arm, afraid her friend might pass out again, "Go ahead."

Kate's chin started to quiver, she bit her lip to make it stop. She took in a deep breath, let it out slowly then began to speak, her eyes staring at the casket in front of her.

"If I would've known the way that this would end. If I would've read the last page first. If I would've had the strength to walk away."

Cassidy was about to say something, wanted to stop her friend from saying something she would later regret.

Claire knew better and stopped Cassidy, "Let her finish."

Kate looked at Cass, then at Claire for understanding, and continued,

"If I'd known how this would hurt." Kate's tears started rolling now, she couldn't pretend anymore, couldn't deny how painful this is.

Her voice breaking with every word, but with everyone being quite, she was still audible.

"I would've loved you anyway. Even if I'd seen it comin', you'd still have seen me runnin'. Straight into your arms."

Tears started falling, Claire cried with her.

The end of Mr. and Mrs. James Ford!

Or was it?