Disclaimer: Bioware owns all, except what I most humbly create. While, at times, I will take verbatim from the game, I mostly use the events of the Dragon Age games, expansions and universe as a loose structure around which to construct my re-imagined tale. If you are looking for a strict canon piece, I have no desire to offend, and so I warn you upfront!
When reading this tale, I hope you can easily imagine it being told by the very best of storytellers in Varric (from DA:2). In my version of events, Varric meets "The Hero" (my Elissa Cousland) in Kirkwall during the time period of DA:2. I mention this only so that readers can understand his connection along the way, and so I don't have to mention and rehash it again and again as I make my way through the tale.
A/N: For those of you anxiously awaiting it, here - we finally have, Nathaniel! :)
Muse Music: Already Over, Part 2 by Red
Thanks to my readers, followers and reviewers and to those who take the time to thoughtfully critique. I appreciate every bit of it :) Thanks to my Lady Beta, artemiskat, for the continued support!
Happy Reading!
Chapter Two: The King and The Prisoner
Elissa stood at the back of the group as they made their way to greet the King's party, which waited just inside the gates to the exterior courtyard. She caught Alistair's eyes through the crowd – crossing her arms over her chest and raising an accusatory eyebrow that assured him both that she remembered he was supposed to be well on his way to the Bannorn, and that he'd hear about it later.
"It looks like I arrived a bit late…" Alistair muttered, not even attempting to hide the smile on his face at seeing her standing there unharmed. "Too bad. I rather miss the whole darkspawn-killing thing."
"King Alistair." Mhairi said, dropping to her knee in front of him, though everyone else around her either didn't know enough to offer such respect to him or simply knew Alistair well enough to know how uncomfortable it made him when people did.
"Ah, y-you again… there…" Alistair stuttered, flustered all over again and listening to Elissa begin to chuckle in the background at the sight of it. Mhairi scrambled back to her feet and backed away to a more appropriate distance before he cleared his throat and continued. "Yes… well… I-I rearranged my travel schedule because I wanted to come and give the Wardens here a proper welcome to their new home. I certainly didn't expect to find this. What's the situation? The man who found us on the road was screeching something about talking darkspawn, but that can't be right."
"What darkspawn remained have fled, Your Majesty." The Seneschal explained when Elissa remained silent in the background, sharing a passing glance here and there with Alistair who tried to stay focused on the main conversation. "The Wardens who had arrived from Orlais appear to be either dead or… missing."
"Missing? As in taken by the darkspawn?" Alistair gasped, eyes wide as he looked to Elissa who nodded in verification. "I didn't know they even did that, unless… they weren't all women… were they?" He shared a disgusted look with Elissa and then Oghren who he finally noticed with a smile.
"No, Your Majesty…" the Seneschal replied, looking to him in confusion.
"Well… that's something at least…" Alistair said with a sigh, offering no further explanation as he locked eyes with Elissa and smiled fully - quite ready to move past the pleasantries and greet her properly. "And what about you, my love? Not your blood I'd imagine?" He looked down at her armor and the smudges left on her face with a wink.
"Nothing can take me down…" Elissa chuckled, stepping through the group to stand in front of Alistair at last – comforted by the easily detected pull of his blood and warmth of his hands. "You of all people should know that by now."
"That's right! I'm going to marry an indestructible goddess." Alistair laughed, pulling her in close enough to pop a quick kiss against her lips before blushing appropriately and releasing her again. "I am an incredibly lucky man."
"Holy Maker she is the Queen!" Anders gaped, listening to Elissa break into laughter as she fell forward against Alistair's shoulder for a moment.
"I told you that!" Mhairi hissed, glaring at him again.
"And, Oghren, my stinky dwarven friend…" Alistair said, shifting Elissa to his side so that he could greet the rest of them properly. "What brings you here?"
"I came here to join your Grey Wardens, and now that I've seen this operation, it's clear that you're gonna need me!" Oghren replied with a grin, reaching forward to shake his hand companionably. "Now, where's that giant cup you two were always talkin' about? I'll gargle and spit!"
"I'm fairly certain they don't let you spit it out…" Alistair said, slightly concerned the dwarf might actually do it. "You probably shouldn't gargle it either… it tends to burn a bit…"
"You'd be welcome amongst us, Oghren." Elissa insisted, elbowing him into silence when his nervous chatter revealed more to their non-Wardens than she thought was proper. She'd already managed to rack up quite the list of reasons why the First Warden should relieve her of her post, and she doubted it was a good idea to add more.
"Joining the Grey Wardens, hey?" Anders piped up, drawing Alistair's eye when he gazed longingly at Elissa – knowing now that their proposed discussion of later would not go as he'd planned. "Good luck with that."
"King Alistair, Warden-Commander! Your Majesties, beware!" came a woman's bellow from the rear of Alistair's main company, the clink of plate metal drawing everyone's eye as she pushed her way through the crowd at the sound of Anders' voice. "This man is a dangerous criminal!"
"Oh, the dwarf is a bit of an arse, but I wouldn't go that far…" Alistair started, sharing a confused look with Elissa who responded with a shrug and a shake of her head that said she didn't know what the problem was either.
"She means me…" Anders sighed, rubbing at his forehead in frustration.
"This mage is an apostate we were in the process of bringing back to the Circle to face justice!" the Templar explained, beady eyes narrowed angrily on the man.
"Who's your friend?" Elissa whispered into Alistair's ear, eying the belligerent woman with disdain as she continued to berate Anders.
"Oh, please! The things you people know about justice would fit in a thimble!" Anders retorted, glaring back at her as he crossed his arms. "I'll just escape again anyway."
"Her name is Rylock. She's a bit…" Alistair began, trailing off when the Templar raised her voice even louder in response to Anders' baiting comment.
"Never!" Rylock yelled, stepping forward in anger. "I'll see you hanged for what you've done here, murderer!"
"Wonky? Soft in the head? Off?" Elissa offered, watching Alistair affect his best stern glare just for her though she could see the laughter in his eyes.
"I was going to say adamant in her beliefs… but those will work too…" Alistair replied, squeezing lightly at her side with his hand.
"You haven't even been inside to see anything! Murderer…" Anders shook his head. "I mean, yes, the guard you sent with me is… no longer living… but, those Templars were… I didn't kill… oh, what's the use?" he sighed, finally giving up and resolving himself to his fate. "You'll never believe me anyway."
"Well, yes…" Alistair said, clearing his throat loudly to pull focus back to where he stood. "It seems there isn't much more to say then. This mage has run amok from the tower and disposed of his protective guard, so… he should probably be returned to the Circle… unless you have something to add my lovely Warden-Commander?"
"Yes, actually." Elissa replied, loving Alistair all the more for providing her with a proper solution so beautifully and pulling herself to a full and more authoritative standing position. "This man has provided an invaluable service already in reclaiming the Keep from the darkspawn incursion. His potential in healing magic alone is phenomenal, not to mention he seems to have a wealth of knowledge on at the very least glyphs and ice spells that would be beneficial to myself in general and the Wardens as a whole." She watched one emotion after another stream across Anders' face, finally seeming to settle on confusion as she finished up her speech. "It would be an absolute tragedy to sacrifice him so needlessly when he could be so much more good to Ferelden should he stay here. As such, I hereby conscript this man into the ranks of the Grey Wardens."
"What? Never!" Rylock hissed, actually taking several steps forward to attempt to menace Elissa before backing down when she realized that the future Queen would not be intimidated. "Your Majesty, I know this… woman… is to be the Queen, but please – I encourage you not to be cuckolded by a pretty face. This mage belongs to the Circle. You once counted yourself amongst the Templar ranks, so you know the threat they pose. Do your duty to Ferelden and do not allow this to happen!"
"Wow!" Elissa muttered, barely able to contain her bemused laughter at the gall of this woman. To speak to her in such a way, and to use the arguments she had chosen to sway Alistair's favor were certain to do the exact opposite of what she'd intended. "You should really do a bit more research before trying to coerce the King…"
"She's right, actually." Alistair said, un-amused by Elissa's choice to further taunt the clearly unstable woman but set on his course nonetheless. "If you'd hoped to have any chance at convincing me to consider your point of view, referring to my future wife as the woman who intends to cuckold me wasn't the direction to go." Rylock looked slightly cowed, but kept her shoulders stiff and her head high to feign her indifference. "All that aside, Elissa is the Warden-Commander of Ferelden, and the Wardens retain the Right of Conscription…"
"The Right of Conscription only applies during a Blight, Your Majesty!" Rylock insisted, refusing to give up on her pursuit of the mage. "The Blight is now over, this wo… the Warden-Commander ended it herself. That means the Right no longer applies!"
"I will allow it." Alistair finished, his temper flaring that this woman continued to question his authority long after he'd made up his mind. "Now, stand down, Templar. This man is no longer your charge."
"If… if Your Majesty feels it is best…" Rylock replied, fading into the background though she continued to glare angrily in Elissa's direction.
"Ha! Way to go, kid!" Oghren snorted, slapping the mage hard on the back of his lower thigh – which made his knee buckle as he hadn't been suspecting it, forcing him to grab Mhairi in an attempt to remain standing. "Welcome to the club!"
"Me? A Grey Warden?" Anders gasped, eyes wide with wonder and surprise as he finally looked back up to meet Elissa's eyes for the first time since the whole dialogue with the Templar began. "I… I guess that will work…"
"Congratulations, ser mage." Mhairi said, carefully helping Anders to right himself and making sure that he was standing securely before letting him go. "I look forward to fighting at your side."
Elissa was surprised to see that the knight was actually genuine about it, and thought that perhaps the woman wasn't beyond tolerance after all. Looking across at her new companions and Oghren's familiar face, and feeling the warm pull of Alistair's blood beside her, she suddenly felt confident in the face of the new dangers ahead.
"Well… now that that's all settled, can we go inside now?" Alistair sighed, pulling Elissa into his side again. "It's still raining and my hair is getting wet."
"I believe the estate has now been secured." the Seneschal said, joining in the companionable laughter at Alistair's expense.
"Shall we?" Elissa smiled, gesturing forward so that the group would get moving toward the gates to the Keep proper, before turning back to Rylock with a vicious grin. "Not you. You and your company may take one of the cottages on the courtyard boundaries. This woman doesn't want you in her Keep at the moment."
Rylock's eyes narrowed, but she wisely said nothing – waving her men in behind her with the quick snap of her wrist and stomping off angrily in the direction of the nearest available housing.
"Going to be hearing about that one from the Revered Mother…" Alistair sighed, wrinkling his brow at Elissa.
"I'm sorry, Alistair, but I think I tolerated quite a bit from that woman." Elissa chuckled, using her own term of insult so that Alistair would understand how she felt. "Putting her in the doghouse for the night was the nicest thing I could think of."
"Oh, I suspect I don't want to hear the list of other options you'd come up with for her punishment…" Alistair replied, trailing off when Oghren started to toss out a few suggestions of his own that sent them all into laughter.
"I- I… don't know what I can say to thank you…" Anders began, falling in beside Elissa and looking at her in wonder from the corner of his eye.
"You shouldn't thank me… not yet, at least." Elissa responded, honestly believing the words and sharing a dark look with Alistair at what was to come. "There is much about the life of a Warden that you don't yet know. The time may come when you will resent me for trading in your old cage for the one I have forced upon you."
Anders found it hard to believe he could ever resent this woman for releasing him from the prison that had held him for as long as he could remember. If the worst he had to face was darkspawn in exchange for his freedom, then the Wardens were most certainly not a cage to him.
"I'm sorry, Commander, I know that you are anxious to retire for the evening…" the Seneschal said, bringing them to a stop just as they reached the hall division that would lead them either to the throne room, or the sleeping quarters. "…but, I currently only know of two living Wardens assigned to all of Ferelden, and I think it is urgent that we remedy that situation."
"Ugh…" Elissa replied, covering her face with her hands. "Are you certain we can't do this after I've had a bath and a decent night's sleep?"
"He's right, Elissa." Alistair gently encouraged, not wanting to delay their journey to the bedroom any more than she did but knowing the man was right to press the issue. "These new recruits will be of great aid to you in the coming days. The sooner you put them through the Joining, the sooner they will recover."
"I know, I know! You're right…" Elissa sighed, pulling away from Alistair after laying a soft kiss against his cheek. "Quickly then, I'm tired and not looking forward to this…"
"Um, sorry love, but where exactly is our room?" Alistair interrupted, turning them back to him once more before they headed off to prepare.
"You know, that's a good question. I never actually made it to the part where I picked one out…" Elissa replied, chuckling when she realized how singularly focused she could become.
"I took the liberty of setting you up in the Master Suite, Commander," the Seneschal replied, and Alistair couldn't miss the look of horror in Elissa's eyes as she snapped her attention to him.
"You've put me in Howe's old room?" Elissa gasped, feeling slightly sick at the thought of touching anything that had once belonged to the man.
"It was the largest suite and clearly intended to be used by someone with tactical and defensive capabilities…" the Seneschal said cryptically, and Alistair grimaced at the possibilities of what that could mean in light of what they'd discovered about his Denerim Estate additions. "I had all of the furniture within the room removed and replaced, with the exception of the desk. It was rather securely bolted to the floor."
"I see…" Elissa replied, sighing heavily and resigning herself to her fate as it seemed the cruel irony of the Maker's sense of humor knew no bounds. "Howe's room it is then… I'll see you there!"
She nodded curtly to Alistair, who swung himself and the two guards who carried his and Elissa's things, in the direction of the master suite – while she headed into the throne room to prepare and distribute the Joining ritual.
An hour later and Elissa had two new Wardens and one more body to dispose of. She'd lost two of her fellow recruits during her own Joining, and watching Mhairi lose her battle to the taint had been no easier than watching Daveth years before. She felt especially guilty over Mhairi's loss knowing how poorly she'd treated and thought of the woman during the brief time she'd known her.
"I'm sorry, Mhairi…" Elissa said, sadly closing the woman's eyes for the last time before handing her over to the two guardsmen for disposal. "You didn't deserve this."
As guilty as she felt over Mhairi's death, she was equally relieved that both Oghren and Anders had survived, and that neither of them had been given to second guesses that made them want to run at the last moment. Elissa was capable of a lot of things, more and more of them on the darker side as the days passed, but she was unsure if she'd have been able to go all Duncan on the mage had he chosen to run from her as he had the Circle.
Thankfully he'd simply resolved himself to his new fate, firing off some quip about waking up in Rivain in his small clothes with a tattoo on his forehead – then tossing back the concoction and collapsing onto the floor. She'd held her breath anxiously until the Seneschal assured her that he would live.
Oghren had finished off the last of the cup as though the ritual were nothing more than some drinking contest back at Tapster's Tavern. Elissa briefly wondered if the extra blood would have a more potent effect on his tiny body – but was quickly relieved when Oghren simply belched and shook the whole thing off, walking himself to his new quarters and mocking the skirt-wearing sissy boy for passing out.
"Poor Mhairi." the Seneschal said shaking his head, and gesturing for the guards to open the doors to the throne room.
"Joining deaths are never pleasant…" Elissa muttered, rubbing at her forehead in sadness and exhaustion. "I can't tell you how relieved I am to have two of the three survive. I was terrified I'd lose them all."
"Well, you didn't." the man chuckled, smiling softly at her as the weight of the day dropped down again.
"I've just realized I don't even know your name, unless – you simply wish to be called the Seneschal?" Elissa chuckled, perfectly fine if that was the case as she was fond of the anonymity of titles over names herself, most of the time.
"I'm sorry, Commander, it never occurred to me what with all the impending doom…" the man laughed, holding out his hand with a fatherly smile. "It's Varel, just, Varel."
"Well, Varel, just Varel, I am pleased to meet you." Elissa replied, shaking his hand and bowing lightly. "And you may call me, Elissa. Just, Elissa."
"I will try." Varel said, continuing to laugh. "There is one more thing I must suggest that you see to before you retire for the night…"
"No! Please, please tell me it can wait until morning." Elissa begged, tugging at the man's arm but seeing the look on his face remain unchanging. "Fine… what is it?"
"Several days ago the Orlesian Wardens caught a… thief… wandering about the Vigil." Varel explained, watching Elissa's forehead wrinkle in response.
"You want me to delay my well deserved rest to see to a thief?" Elissa asked, crossing her arms in frustration.
"Well, that's the thing… it took four Wardens to capture and subdue the man." Varel explained, watching her face shift from annoyed to interested. "He gave one of the Wardens a black-eye, left another with a concussion, and yet another unconscious at the end of it. Half-joking they said he might make a good recruit… but in light of the losses we've suffered and your decision with the mage, I thought maybe you might want to speak with him."
"Where is he now?" Elissa asked, more than a little curious to see what manner of man would have taken on four Wardens with those results.
"They're holding him in the lower prison." Varel answered, knowing better than to explain where she needed to go. He knew enough of the Commander's history to know she was likely more familiar than he with the grounds of Vigil's Keep.
The rain was pouring down again as she made her way across the upper courtyard and down the long stairs into the lower prison, which did nothing to improve her mood. The feeling of impending doom she'd had all day seemed to grow heavier as she neared the bottom of the stairs – and she found herself hesitating as she reached for the doorknob.
"Silly girl! What's wrong with you?" Elissa chastised herself, rubbing at her shaking fingers and pushing aside the sudden urge she had to run back up the stairs and leave the prisoner to his punishment. "How could whatever's in there be any worse than the nonsense you've already faced today?" She took in a deep breath then, steeling herself against the instinctual need to run that continued to rise within her, and pressing open the door.
"C-Commander!" the guard yelped, jumping to attention from his chair as she caught him unaware and likely sleeping from the state of his hair. "I-I didn't know you were coming."
"Nor did I." Elissa replied, glancing beyond the guard's shoulder down to the lone cell at the end of the chamber where a dark haired man sat curled in a corner. "What can you tell me about him?"
"Not much." The guard replied with a shrug. "He's been locked in here more than three days now. Made it through the siege unscathed while good men died."
"Well that's hardly his fault is it? You're the ones who locked him in here. Should have given him a blade and had him fight if you ask me." Elissa quipped, tossing a passing glare at the man and seeing it had him appropriately sorry for his remarks. "He hasn't said who he was?" She watched him closer, the dim light at the back of the room making it hard to make discern any detail in the dwindling torchlight, though she could see that the more she talked the more attentive he seemed to become.
"He won't give his name. Won't say much at all." The guard explained, moving to her side and looking down into the cell himself. "They caught him poking around the estate in the middle of the night. Thought he was a common thief until he took three of the four wrangling him down on the way to the cell." She started to drift closer to the back of the room, something about the way the prisoner moved vaguely familiar to her as he shifted again, peering out from between the fallen locks of his dark hair up to where she stood. "I'd be careful, Commander. Whoever he is, he's no ordinary burglar, that's for sure."
"If he's so dangerous, why not simply execute him?" Elissa asked, walking directly into the torchlight and catching the man's eyes for the first time – the tint of them sending a stabbing bolt of fear and pain directly into her heart as she recognized him with certainty.
"The Seneschal said it was your call…" the guard began, drifting forward to stand beside her again until she reached out her hand and pointed to the door, silencing him.
"Leave me to speak with him." Elissa instructed, struggling to control her breathing and the shaking of her body.
"I'm not sure that's such a good…" the guard started, staggered when she turned to glare at him.
"I said leave me!" Elissa yelled, watching the man scramble for the exit, slamming the door in his wake.
"It can't be…" the man in the cell muttered, the gravelly tone of his voice proving that she'd been right to recognize him. "It's not you… I'm hallucinating. It's impossible…"
"The longer I live, the more I realize that the things we consider to be impossible, are rarely that way at all…" Elissa said, tugging her gloves off one after another and tossing them to the wooden table beneath the torch with a wet slap, then shaking off her pack and her blades. "I assure you, I am exactly who you believe me to be… despite the odds of it… just as I know you are exactly who I believe you to be, Nathaniel."
"How? How can it be you?" Nathaniel said, pushing to his feet and pulling himself forward to the bars to get a better look at her. "I saw your grave, Elissa!"
"You… you've been to Highever?" Elissa asked, eyes wide as she pulled loose and tossed her cowl onto the table with the rest of her things – giving Nathaniel the first clear look at her face that he'd had in years. "Well, that's… surprising… though I guess I can tell Fergus that my ruse worked. If it fooled you, it's bound to fool others."
"So you wanted me to think you were dead?" Nathaniel asked, equal parts hurt and infuriated that she would be so callous in her treatment of him.
"You specifically? No… I honestly never thought you'd see it." Elissa answered, pacing closer to his cell and allowing herself to really look at him for the first time. He was heavier than last she'd seen him, thick with muscle, which she could easily see through the worn material of the raggedy clothing they'd given him when they confiscated his armor. His face was the same, though older, but his eyes – his eyes were hard. "I never thought I'd see you if you want the truth – especially here, locked in one of your father's numerous prison cells, of all places."
As she reached the bars, she stopped – green eyes meeting grey – her breath slowing and pacing itself with his as they accepted the very idea that they stood inches away from one another again after all these years.
"Shouldn't you be ten feet tall with lightning shooting out of your eyes?" Nathaniel asked, his tone neutral.
"The darkspawn probably think so." Elissa replied, trying to keep her own voice much the same. It would have been funny had she not been able to feel the anger radiating off his body, all directed at her.
"All those titles… the Hero of Ferelden, the Warden-Commander, Conqueror of the Blight and Vanquisher of all Evil…" Nathaniel rattled them off, one after another – his eyes never leaving hers even for a second. "I guess I simply expected my father's murderer to be more… impressive." He smiled joylessly when he watched his barb hit its mark, the flame of fury blooming to life in Elissa's emerald eyes.
"Your father slaughtered my entire family!" Elissa spat, grabbing the bars and pulling her face to within inches of his own as her eyes narrowed dangerously at him. "He deserved everything he got and more!"
"Your family was going to sell us out to the Orlesians!" Nathaniel hissed, grabbing the bars himself and leaning in to face off against her, attempting not to flinch when he felt the skin of his bare hand brush against her own.
"I suppose your father told you that?" Elissa snorted, rolling her eyes that he could continue to be so blind where Rendon Howe was concerned even after all these years.
"How could he? You snuck into his estate and slaughtered him before he ever had the chance!" Nathaniel yelled, slamming his fists hard against the bars and watching her flinch, allowing himself some modicum of satisfaction at that before he pulled away and started to pace the length of his cell. "I came here… I intended to lay a trap for you. I intended to kill you." He heard her draw in a quick breath, unable to stop herself when she realized the depth of his enmity toward her. "But the more I thought about it, the more I realized I simply wanted to reclaim some of my family's things. It's all I have left."
"I am sorry, Nathaniel." Elissa said, listening to his hard laughter in response to those words. "I know you don't believe it… but I am. I never wanted things to happen this way. The way this all worked out is… unfortunate…" She scrambled for another word, seeing that one had been poorly chosen with the renewed ire on Nathaniel's face, but coming up with nothing else to offer.
"Unfortunate?" Nathaniel sneered, shaking his head. "Yes, I guess it was unfortunate for all of us, wasn't it?"
"You don't think I've suffered as well?" Elissa asked, surprised that he couldn't find it within himself to at least see how hard things had been for her.
"I don't know, Elissa? Did you?" Nathaniel asked, striding back up to the bars and glaring at her through them. "I don't hear your family name muttered as though it was a curse. I don't see you cowering filthy in the prison of your own home. Do you feel as though you're suffering appropriately?"
"Your father dragged my name through the muck plenty before I ended him! And don't get me started on what he did to my home!" Elissa yelled, her voice shaking in her fury. "I have suffered more than you will ever know, and continue to even now!"
"Yes, I can see how difficult it must be for you to share the King's bed…" Nathaniel spat, knowing it was a low blow even as he said it but unable to stop himself as he watched her fidget with the Theirin signet on her finger, the one he'd briefly mistaken for his own at first glance. "Does he know his perfect little Queen once promised herself to the son of a traitor?"
"He knows." Elissa replied, tilting her chin up and refusing to be ashamed for moving past him. "Alistair and I have no secrets."
"Really? I find that hard to believe…" Nathaniel laughed, pacing away from the bars again and running his fingers through his hair. "Look, I honestly don't know the whole story of what happened to your family. From what I've heard, it was horrible."
"Horrible doesn't even begin to describe it…" Elissa hissed, silencing when his grey eyes flicked up to hers in anger.
"The entire war was horrible, Elissa… the entire Blight was." Nathaniel continued, trying to get the last of this out. The more he talked to her, the more he just wanted the nightmare to end. "Whatever my father did… or didn't do… I think you can at least agree it shouldn't harm my entire family. The Howes are pariahs now… those of us left, which, I suppose… would just be me."
"I know you've no reason to believe me, Nathaniel…" Elissa started, watching him look at her again. "…but the idea to strip your lands and titles and strike the name Howe from the history books was not mine."
"Ah, so it all comes back to your King then, does it?" Nathaniel asked, coming to a stop in front of her once again. "Did you do anything to stop him?"
"I- I…" Elissa started, holding his eyes briefly then looking away when she realized he was right.
"That's what I thought." Nathaniel said, sighing sadly and leaning his forehead against the bars next to her. "This is all thanks to you… and now you get to decide my fate as well… ironic, isn't it?"
"Do you really hate me so much?" Elissa said sadly, her words almost a whisper as she tilted her face from its spot against the bars to look in his direction.
When he met her eyes and saw the pain there, he wanted to tell her no. He wanted to say that he forgave her, that he forgave everything. But he could not.
"The darkspawn are a menace. If it weren't for the Blight, maybe my father would never have done… whatever he did…" Nathaniel replied, backing away from her and refusing to directly answer her question. "I can't undo it, any of it. I'm stuck here – living in this hell – and there's only you and your Grey Wardens, here, in my home."
"Nathaniel, this is your father's fault… not mine." Elissa pleaded, praying to the Maker that he would see reason just this once. "The blame for these troubles should be laid at his feet."
"The Howes served Ferelden for twelve generations! My ancestors served under King Calenhad! You know the history as well as I do, Elissa!" Nathaniel yelled, his anger spiking again at her refusal to take any of the responsibility for what had happened. She'd always been content to blame his father or his brother for everything. "Now it's all lost! So go ahead and do whatever it is you're going to do with me. I'm done."
"What will you do if I let you go?" Elissa asked softly, stopping him mid stride and turning him back to her in surprise.
"If you let me go? I-I don't know. I only came back to Ferelden a month ago…" Nathaniel lied, having no idea that his father had revealed his presence to her the day that she killed him. "If you let me go, I'll probably come back here. You might not catch me next time."
"You aren't making the best case for yourself." Elissa replied, attempting to be just as cold as he was – to pretend that the casual mention of her death at his hands did not affect her as much as it did, and that she did not notice his lie.
"I could lie, if you'd prefer." Nathaniel hissed, eyes narrow… daring her to make the next move.
"Alright." Elissa said, chewing at her bottom lip and nodding to herself as she stalked back over to the table, working open the clasps of her breastplate and tossing it to the table with the rest of her things. "You want to kill me so badly?" she snatched up the keys off the table, stomped over to the cell door and shoved them roughly into the lock. She popped it open and slammed it to the side, stepping toward Nathaniel where he had pressed himself against the back wall in fearful surprise. "Well, have at it then! Here I am."
She held her arms out, glaring at him. He could feel the heat radiating off her body, and found it hard not to glance down at her breasts. The hard rain had run down the inside of her armor and drenched her chemise and the breast band beneath it, plastering the material to her skin. He swallowed hard, tamping down on his body's natural reaction to her and forcing himself to ignore the overwhelming urge to grab her and shove his tongue into her mouth.
"Here, let me make it easier for you…" Elissa continued, bending down to pop her dagger loose from her thigh – the motion giving Nathaniel an even better view of her cleavage and causing her breasts to jiggle slightly which made him curse under his breath before she stood back up and shoved the hilt of her blade into his hands, pressing the point to the soft flesh of her chest right over her heart. "If you want to kill me so badly, Nathaniel then do it!"
He couldn't move, emotions whirling within him as he debated pushing the blade home and following through on his father's dying wish or tossing it on the floor to pull her into his arms with equal measure.
"Come on then, I'm right here!" Elissa yelled, reaching her hands up to press forward against the knife, watching Nathaniel's' eyes go wide when it pierced her skin and sent a stream of blood running down between her breasts and spreading out into the wet material of her chemise. "Do it!"
"Stop…" Nathaniel said weakly, his voice breaking though he worked hard to keep it calm.
"What? Isn't this what you wanted?" Elissa asked, refusing to back down now that she'd gained the upper hand. "Don't you want to kill me and take back your family's precious honor? To do your duty?" He didn't answer her, turning his eyes away and allowing his hands to fall limp at his sides. "That's what I thought…"
She walked out of the cell then, sheathing her dagger and beginning to refasten her breast plate as she bellowed out the door to where she could hear Varel speaking with the guard.
"I see you've… spoken with our guest…" Varel said, noting her quick fingers at the buckles of her breast plate and the way the prisoner lingered at the back of the now open cell with his eyes glued to the stone floor. Their behavior left him wondering just what had transpired between them. "Have you decided what's to be done with him?"
"Did you know this was Nathaniel Howe?" Elissa asked him, watching the expression on his face shift quickly showing that he did not.
"I-I did not…" Varel replied, suddenly feeling as though the tension in the air made more sense. "Though, it figures that they would turn up again. The Howes, as you know, are implacable enemies, Commander."
"Indeed they are." Elissa replied, shoving her cowl and her gloves into her pack and anchoring it and her swords to her back once again.
"Will it be the hangman's noose or the executioner's blade?" Varel asked, watching the look that passed between the two of them with curiosity.
"Neither." Elissa replied. "Give him his things, and anything he took that belonged to the Howes, and let him go."
"What?" Nathaniel gasped, taking several steps out of his cell before he was stopped by the guard.
"Commander… that's… I must object!" Varel insisted, looking very much like her own father in that moment which only made things harder on Elissa. "This man's father tried to kill you, he himself admitted to intending as much, you can't simply let him go."
"I can and I will." Elissa replied, holding Varel's eyes long enough to make it clear she would not change her mind. "Nathaniel is not his father, no matter how hard he is pretending to be. Now give him his belongings and let him go."
"You heard the verdict…" Varel said, motioning to the man as Elissa drifted over to the door looking distinctly worse for the wear. "Come with me so that you can collect your things."
"Oh, one more thing." Elissa said, turning back to him one more time. "No harm is to come to him. I mean it, Varel. If I hear that one hair on his head was damaged due to my overzealous protectors, I'll take it out on their hide. Am I understood?"
"Yes, Commander." Varel replied, nodding tersely and watching her disappear out the door.
Elissa should have made her way back to her room, back to Alistair, and she knew it – but somehow she found herself standing on the ramparts in the dwindling rain and watching as Nathaniel was escorted from the property.
She could feel Alistair approaching even before he arrived, the demanding pull of his blood less of a comfort to her now than it should have been. She wanted to be left alone to her sorrows, to bear the burden of this final goodbye in silence. Still, she allowed him to fold her into his arms and settled back against his chest when he lay a kiss against her hair.
"Did you plan on coming to bed tonight?" Alistair asked, following her gaze to the small group of men by the gate.
"I'm sorry, Varel had me deal with some prisoner he felt had potential as a recruit." Elissa replied, unable to pull her eyes away from the scene in front of her.
"Is that him?" Alistair asked, looking over the wall and down to the man in question – having no idea who he was actually seeing.
"It is." Elissa replied with a sigh.
"Unremarkable I take it?" Alistair asked, interpreting the sigh to be disappointment.
"Just a common thief." Elissa replied, fighting against the urge to flinch when Nathaniel looked up at her in that exact moment, hesitating at the gate with the sight. "Come on then…" she said, turning to Alistair and affecting her most convincing smile before she ushered him back into the Keep for the night. "Take your Queen to bed!"