Disclaimer: Bioware owns all, except what I most humbly create. While, at times, I will take verbatim from the game, I mostly use the events of the Dragon Age games, expansions and universe as a loose structure around which to construct my re-imagined tale. If you are looking for a strict canon piece, I have no desire to offend, and so I warn you upfront!
When reading this tale, I hope you can easily imagine it being told by the very best of storytellers in Varric (from DA:2). In my version of events, Varric meets "The Hero" (my Elissa Cousland) in Kirkwall during the time period of DA:2. I mention this only so that readers can understand his connection along the way, and so I don't have to mention and rehash it again and again as I make my way through the tale.
A/N: A teensy bit of NSFW material wandering about in here so you have been warned!
Muse Music: The Change by Evanescence.
Translation for the two bits of "Antivan": 1. So this is your permanent scar? 2. The one and only.
Thanks to my readers, reviewers, and followers! Love you guys! And special kudos to my Lady Beta artemiskat for helping me work out some writers block on this one!
Happy Reading!
-Frayed One
Chapter Four: The Crow Departs and The Wolf Returns
Elissa slept restlessly, unable to shake Nathaniel even in the vast landscape of the Fade. When she woke the next morning, feeling as though she'd gotten no sleep at all, she half expected the warm body in the bed beside her to be his. She was both sad and relieved to roll over and find that it was not.
"Good morning, beautiful." Alistair said, beaming at her in the growing daylight.
"How long have you been awake?" Elissa asked, making herself more comfortable and reaching over to take his hand.
"Oh, a while…" he answered, pulling the hand up to his lips and kissing it, "don't worry, I like watching you sleep."
"I wasn't sleeping." she chuckled, sighing when he flipped her arm over and started trailing those kisses down the inside of her forearm.
"I like watching you lying there, naked, pretending to sleep…" Alistair said, sliding over to her and pulling the blankets down to reveal her upper body – taking his time as he trailed even more kisses down her chest and over the swells of both her breasts. "What's this then?"
"What's what?" Elissa asked, pushing up on her elbows to look down where he was lightly tapping his finger only to find it resting against the scabbing cut where she'd pressed her own dagger the night before when attempting to taunt Nathaniel into killing her. "Scratch. Guess something must have cut into me at some point." She shrugged, attempting to remain calm and to not think about Nathaniel. Instead tugging Alistair forward and trying to encourage him back to his earlier attentions.
He obliged easily, palming one of her breasts and sliding over her as he slid his tongue into the motions of their delightful dance within her mouth. He was just about to press forward when a sudden banging at the door followed by a bellowed "Commander!" brought them both grinding to a halt.
"What!" Elissa yelled, attempting not to moan or squeal or any number of things she wanted to do as Alistair went back to sucking at her neck, sliding his hand up the inside of her thigh and finding purchase in her wet center. "N-never mind, just go… go away! Come back later!"
She ran her fingers up into Alistair's hair, pulling his face up and mouthing, I hate you, though she meant not a word as she pressed her lips roughly to his own, wrapping her legs around him and attempting to seat him inside her.
"I'm s-sorry, C-Commander…" the woman's voice called out again, shaken but insistent. "The messenger who brought this missive said it was urgent."
"Ugh!" Elissa hissed, flopping back against the bed and waiting for Alistair to roll off her before tossing back the blankets. She threw on her thread-bare old sleep shirt and stomped to the door. "It had better be straight from the bloody Maker!" she snapped, snatching it unceremoniously from the terrified soldier's hand and slamming the door in her face as she blushed at a smirking wave from the shirtless King.
"Well, my work here is done…" Alistair said with a sigh, flopping back against the pillows and watching Elissa gnaw at her nail as she read the letter. "We scarred that poor woman for life."
"Mmm…" she replied, no longer paying him any attention as her eyes scanned the words before flicking up to his in irritation. "When were you going to tell me that Zevran left for Antiva?"
"Ah, yes, that…" he replied, chuckling nervously as he retrieved the parchment from her fingers and glanced at it himself. "I suppose I should have guessed he'd at least send you a letter… though you remain in my dreams, especially the naughty ones… he knows I read these, right?"
"I expect that's why he writes it." Elissa laughed, watching Alistair do the same.
"Naughty elf…" Alistair muttered, pulling her into his lap and laying the note down beside them. "Honestly though, I was going to tell you – I just wanted you to sleep first and then you distracted me with the nakedness…" he kissed her lips, "speaking of which…" and then her neck, his fingers sliding under her shirt and across the flat plane of her stomach, "I believe we were in the middle of something important before that soldier of yours so rudely interrupted us."
"Uh, uh, uh…" she said, pushing off of him and wagging a finger as she moved behind the dressing screen to prepare for her day. "You withhold things from me, I withhold things from you. That's how it works!"
"Elissa, you can't leave me like this! I'm all frustrated now!" he grumbled, looking down at the visible tenting of the blankets in his lap.
"I suggest you twirl your own pike then, darling." Elissa laughed, continuing to dress behind her screen, listening to Alistair flop back against the bed.
"No more hanging out with Oghren for you!" Alistair muttered, rolling over and waiting for his frustrations to abate so that he could dress himself.
Elissa spent two hours going over all of the things that needed to be done with Varel, a dwarven Stonemason named Voldrick (whose brother was the lunatic that threw the bomb in the entryway), Captain Garavel who led the Keep's guardsmen, and a Mistress Woolsey who had been sent from Weisshaupt to monitor the Keep's finances.
By the time she made her way back to Alistair with the handful of missives that the terrified soldier assigned as her personal assistant reluctantly handed over to her, she was already overwhelmed and the day had only just begun.
"Well, you look less than thrilled…" Alistair noted, putting down the stack of his own correspondence and standing up from behind her desk. "What did they have to say?"
"Well, a couple of days from now I have to host a ceremony where the nobles of Amaranthine will come to swear their fealty to me as their Arlessa," Elissa began, watching Alistair swallow and start to respond before she silenced him with a raised finger. "Oh no, there's more… Weisshaupt has sent a Mistress Woolsey to monitor my finances, and, I suspect, spy on me for the First Warden. My Guard Captain, Garavel his name is, has informed me that all of the Orlesian Wardens are missing and suspected dead save one Kristoff – and he is somewhere in Amaranthine City with my only lead on these talking darkspawn, which comes from two hunters who fell into a hole." She stopped for a moment, and Alistair thought she was done… but she wasn't. "Oh, and also, there's these…" she shook a handful of papers at him and tossed them on the desk where they scattered randomly, " a stack of requests from my new vassals. Oh and Wade and Herren are here, I need to keep them occupied and apparently Rendon let his estate waste away while he was off conquering the world so now I need to help my dwarves to find the quarry to fix the walls. How was your morning, darling?"
"Elissa, I'm sorry…" Alistair said, pulling her into his arms. "Can I do anything to help?"
"No. You've your own things to deal with. You really need to be leaving for the Bannorn." Elissa said, listening to him sigh at the thought. "Seriously, Alistair, this is my mess now… you've your own to clean up."
"I know, I just… I hate leaving you like this." Alistair sighed, standing and going to collect her missives and separate them from his own. "I hate leaving you at all."
"I know… and I hate the thought of it. But we knew this wasn't going to be easy." Elissa said, walking over to wrap her arms around him and feeling him settle against the top of her head as he leaned into her embrace. "We'll take it one day at a time and do the best we can. Hopefully I can get this mess cleaned up quickly and get back to Denerim."
"Any idea where you're going to start?" Alistair asked, pressing a kiss against her hair and feeling her pull away to pace and consider her options.
"Amaranthine, I guess. I'm a Warden so darkspawn have to be the priority – especially creepy, talking, hard to track ones." Elissa replied, running her fingers through her long hair and beginning to divide and braid it. "I'll round up Anders and Oghren and head into the city. Hopefully we find Kristoff and these hunters who fell in the hole."
An hour later they were on the road, and Elissa allowed herself to relax and even enjoy the leisurely trip – glad that she'd chosen to forgo the horses and walk through the sunny day. Just behind her, Anders and Oghren went through their latest round of insults – much to her amusement.
"So... mage, huh?" Oghren started, belching and offering his flask to Elissa who waved it off for the moment. "What's it like?"
"What? To have all this power at my fingertips?" Anders asked, smiling and shaking a crackle of electricity off the tip of his hand with a wink up to Elissa where she watched them from the corner of her eye.
"No. To always have to wear a skirt?" Oghren replied, laughing even harder than he would have when he noticed Elissa stifling a chuckle of her own.
"Oh, you don't know the story behind the robes?" Anders answered, not at all phased by the insult – or by Elissa's appreciation of it.
"Story?" Oghren asked, already confused when he didn't get a simple insult in reply.
"You know how strict things are in the Circle, right? Of course you do." Anders explained, smiling to himself. "Well, the robes make quick trysts in the corner easy. No laces or buttons. You're done before the Templars catch on."
"Really?" Oghren asked, glancing up to Elissa for verification but she only shrugged in response – though it did make a perverse kind of sense when she really thought about it.
"Just ask anyone." Anders assured the dwarf, jogging up a bit to catch Elissa. "Um… Commander… I don't know if you've noticed that we seem to be going in a rather large circle."
"I noticed." Elissa replied.
"Aaaaaand… now we seem to have come to a dead end in a creepy decrepit group of houses…" Anders continued, shivering a bit. "This isn't some kind of Warden hazing ritual, is it?"
"What? No!" Elissa snorted, pulling out her swords and setting herself ready for anything – watching her companions, though confused, prepare themselves as well. "You can come out now, whoever you are!"
"There's no one here…" Anders whispered, wondering if she'd finally gone off the deep end.
"Oh, there's someone here. They've been following us for awhile… since about twenty minutes outside The Keep…" Elissa explained, continuing to let her eyes search the area around her. "You may as well give it up. I know you're there. It's only a matter of time before I find you and I'll be much more cross if you make me look."
From the corner of her eye she saw a shadow flicker and fade, revealing a tall dark haired man. She shook her head with a mixture of disbelief and annoyance as she sheathed her blades, watching as Nathaniel came to a halt in front of her.
"It's alright…" Elissa said when the others were more hesitant to relax, gesturing to let them know it was okay to put away their weapons as Nathaniel had approached them unarmed. "Didn't I let you go?"
"Wait, this is the prisoner then?" Anders asked, taking a few steps forward and watching as the man leveled a glare in his direction.
"Careful, Commander…" Oghren warned, when Elissa had referred to the prisoner as Nathaniel in their earlier discussion, it had more meaning to him than it had to Anders. He'd traveled with Elissa for some time during the Blight and knew a good bit of her history. "I have an itch that tells me this one could go all Zevran on you."
"Are you sure that itch isn't some sort of rash?" Anders asked, grimacing at the thought. "And what's a Zevran?"
"A Zevran is a who actually… and this one already did…" Elissa explained, watching it dawn on Oghren that Nathaniel already made an attempt on her life before turning her attention back to the man himself. "I think I asked you a question? Are you planning to answer it at some point or are you just going to stand there staring at me?"
"You set me free…" Nathaniel started, listening to her sigh audibly and shove her fingers into her hair roughly. "Just let me go, even though I told you I'd come to kill you. I want to know why."
"Wait… did he just say he came to kill you?" Anders asked, feeling insane that they were even standing there talking to the man. "I'm sorry… why are we even having this conversation? Shouldn't he be dead or in prison at the very least?"
"I don't want to fight with you, Nathaniel…" Elissa sighed, glaring Anders into silence and watching him throw up his hands in irritation and stalk off to stand next to the dwarf. "I just want you to go away." She shook her head then, turning to walk away.
"Take me with you." Nathaniel called out, bringing her to an abrupt stop though she did not turn around – forcing him to jog forward and get in front of her so that she would meet his eyes and know he meant it. "Make me a Grey Warden."
"It's not that simple…" Elissa replied, trying to walk around him – stopped when he laid a gentle but demanding hand on her arm.
"Isn't it?" Nathaniel asked, his eyes a storm of emotions, none of which she wanted to see. "Elissa… I have nowhere else to go. I fully expected to die in that cell… maybe I even wanted to." He watched the pain flicker through her green eyes at that idea, but pressed on regardless. "But you let me go… there had to be some reason. Make me a Grey Warden. Let me try. Please."
"Given our history, why should I ever trust you?" Elissa asked, and Nathaniel could hear her voice shaking and knew, regardless of the impassive mask she wore – he was wearing her down.
"You probably shouldn't." Nathaniel shrugged, giving her the honesty he knew she would require. "But it's a two way street. I'd be trusting you as well… and, perhaps that's how it has to start."
"Why are you doing this?" Elissa asked, her emerald eyes searching his – looking for something specific – something he was keeping well hidden. "Is it for redemption? Do you think this is how you'll clear your family name now that you've failed to claim my head on your father's behalf?"
"I don't know…" Nathaniel answered, his jaw tensing at her casual mention of his failed attempt on her life. "Maybe that's not even important anymore. Maybe what is important is that I do my part to battle the darkspawn. It's what my father should have done."
They stood there staring at one another for what seemed like an eternity, both trying and failing to read what the other was thinking. The irony that it was the one thing that used to come as easily as breathing to them both was lost on neither. Finally, something in Elissa seemed to shift. Nathaniel saw it happen, though he was unable to say whether she'd seen something worth saving or simply gave in because she didn't have the strength to fight with him anymore.
"Very well." Elissa said, yanking her arm out of his grasp and turning to walk out of the dead end and back to The Keep as it appeared they would not accomplish anything of import on this day. "Let's get you back to The Keep and see if you take The Joining."
"So, we just let anyone in this outfit?" Anders said, jogging past Oghren and Nathaniel and falling in beside Elissa.
"Anders, trust me when I say you do not want to press this issue with me… there are… things… you don't know." Elissa replied, tossing him an exhausted but pointed glance from the corner of her eye.
"I'm sensing a knife in your back in the future, that's all I'm saying…" Anders said, holding up his hands in surrender when she glared at him again.
"I've had many of them already, and I suspect I'll have many more in my future." Elissa said with a calm resignation that pulled at Anders' heart. "But, to be honest, I don't think any of them will come from Nathaniel. If he truly wished to kill me, he had the opportunity." She sighed long and slow, lamenting the loss of her beautiful day and the semi-peaceful state she'd worked herself into with regard to her post-Archdemon existence. "No, Nathaniel's most potent weapon against me is not his bow or his blade, but his tongue."
Anders let her walk away then, sensing that she needed some time alone. He looked back over his shoulder to where the archer walked along looking just as melancholy as the Commander. He wondered just what these things were he didn't know about them, though it was easy to see whatever they were – they weren't good.
Oghren brought up the rear, his eyes plastered on Nathaniel and his fingers twitchy for his axe just in case the man should decide to make another attempt on Elissa after all.
When they got back to The Keep, Elissa spied Alistair standing in the courtyard armory speaking to Wade and Herren about something. She'd been so lost in her addled mind she almost didn't see him in time to turn and brush past Anders, dragging him along behind her by his sleeve as she shoved Nathaniel unceremoniously behind a line of bushes outside one of the cottages.
"What are you doing?" Anders hissed, pulling his arm away and rubbing at the skin where her nails had bitten into it. He noticed that neither the dwarf nor the archer seemed the least bit confused by her behavior.
"Keep it down!" Elissa whispered, leaning out far enough to see that neither Alistair nor the weapon-smiths had caught sight of them before she'd managed to put them behind the cottage. "Alistair is in the courtyard."
"Did you confine him to his quarters?" Anders replied, rolling his eyes. "He's the bloody King! I suspect he can go wherever he likes."
"I need a plan…" Elissa said, moving behind the cottage and starting to pace.
"A plan? I'm confused… is the plan not to take Grumpy the Failed Assassin here inside and give him a sip from the big cup?" Anders asked, watching as Elissa muttered to herself and worked further and further into a frenzy. He finally reached a hand out and stopped her. "What is going on?"
"She doesn't want to have to explain me to her King." Nathaniel answered, and Anders watched the subtle flicker of her eyes up to the archer's and knew the man was right.
"If you can't even tell him you're going to do it, perhaps this is actually a bad idea like I told you from the beginning!" Anders said, leaning down and trying to talk some sense into his Commander.
"I'm going to tell him… I'd just rather not do it right now…" Elissa answered, leaning forward suddenly and tousling her hair with her fingers enough so that curls fell free here and there making her look distinctly disheveled. She took in a deep breath when she stood, rolled her shoulders, and then looked directly at Anders. "Okay, I need you to hit me."
"You need me to what?" Anders yelled, earning another glare and a shush from Elissa.
"Hit me. Somewhere in the general chin, nose area I don't care which." Elissa repeated, closing her eyes and waiting for it.
"You've lost your mind! I am not going to hit you." Anders insisted, crossing his arms.
"Anders, I'm not crazy…" Elissa started.
"Oh, you're crazy alright…" Oghren muttered, his snort of laughter silencing almost immediately when Elissa glared at him.
"Fine then, I'm a bleeding loon. Regardless, I need you to punch me." Elissa stood there, waiting… but still the mage did nothing. "I have never wished Zevran was here more in my life. He'd just do it without asking."
"Well, from what I've heard Zevran tried to kill you as well so maybe you should ask Nathaniel to punch you." Anders groused, watching as Elissa's eyes flickered up to the archer again briefly considering the option.
"No, regardless of how much he might hate me at the moment, Nathaniel would never do it – and Oghren will break my jaw. You're my only option, Anders. Now please, just hit me." Elissa said, bracing herself again – but seeing that the mage was resolved not to do as she asked. "Okay… I didn't want to have to do this but you're leaving me no choice…"
Anders looked confused for a moment, and noted out of the corner of his eye that Oghren backed slightly away.
"Magic is dangerous. You are dangerous. The only reason I liberated you from those Templars was that woman pissed me off and I refused to see her win." Elissa said, watching the words starting to sink in. "At the end of the day you mages are really no better than an untrained mabari. The best I can do with you I'm afraid, is attempt to break you, glean what use I can from your mediocre talents, and put you down once you finally go wrong – which, is inevitable."
"You don't mean that…" Anders said, his voice and his body trembling with anger and hurt at her words. "You're just trying to upset me so I'll do what you want."
"You know, I traveled with a qunari during the Blight. He was a good friend of mine." Elissa said, taking a couple of steps closer to Anders and widening her most vicious smile. "I took a little trip with him to Par Vollen. They keep their mages in chains and collars there like proper beasts… perhaps I should contact him and get a set for you…"
That was all it took. Somewhere in Anders' mind a switch flipped and though he logically knew what Elissa was doing – the part of him that feared she believed her words took over and he swung hard at her face. She didn't dip, took the blow full force right on the edge of her mouth – crumbling forward to the ground and groaning as she clutched at her jaw. Nathaniel had to rush forward after that and physically restrain him before he could cast on her.
"See… was that so hard?" Elissa mumbled, standing slowly. "I swear, Anders, if I hadn't seen you cast I'd swear you were meant to be a swordsman with that build. I think you nearly knocked a tooth out."
Anders calmed after that, yanking himself free from Nathaniel's grasp and walking forward to take her face in his hands and inspect the damage he'd caused to it. He'd split her bottom lip and caused her to bite through the edge of her tongue, not to mention the fist sized bruise that was already blooming on her jaw.
"If you heal it, you'll only have to do it again and I'd rather not have to rile you up again if you don't mind." Elissa said, pulling her face away from him when she saw the healing magic flow into his fingers on impulse.
"I knew you were lying…" Anders muttered, holding her eyes for a moment before she turned away.
"Mmm. Okay… I need you to take Nathaniel into The Keep and find the Seneschal. Varel will likely be in the throne room. Once you've found him let him know he will need to prepare the Joining and that I will meet you there as soon as I've gotten Alistair settled." Elissa explained, starting to move out from behind the cottage and motioning that Oghren should follow her.
Anders waited with Nathaniel behind the cottage, watching as Alistair turned and immediately rushed forward to inspect the damage to Elissa's face, which she waved off as nothing.
Oghren tossed out some comment about having a shoddy healer when he asked why she hadn't had it taken care of, and Anders felt himself tensing in response though he knew it was simply part of the ruse. Eventually the trio moved in through the gates.
"It's unsettling how good she is at that…" Anders noted, waiting for the archer to get moving so he could play his part in Elissa's plan.
"Elissa reads people. She always has." Nathaniel replied, turning Anders' attention back to him briefly.
"What's the deal with you two anyway?" Anders asked, eyes narrowing on him when he revealed even more of his intimate knowledge of the woman.
"If she hasn't told you, I suspect she doesn't want you to know." Nathaniel replied with a shrug. "And I've already got enough targets on my back without adding that one."
Realizing he was unlikely to get any more from the man, Anders simply guided them inside and tracked down the Seneschal as Elissa had requested.
Elissa allowed Alistair to treat her injuries as she explained the sneak bandit attack that had resulted in her taking a clip to the jaw. She also explained how they'd had the timely addition of an archer who had kept her from taking further damage, and how she'd managed to recruit him shortly after.
Alistair seemed content to believe what she had told him, but Elissa knew she'd pay for it later when the truth came out… and it always did. She had bigger things to worry about at the moment, leaving Alistair to converse with several of his advisers as she headed to the throne room to put Nathaniel through his Joining.
As anxious as she had been about the others, this was infinitely worse. She could already see it in her mind's eye. Nathaniel would drink from the poisoned chalice she offered him, and die there on the lushly carpeted floor of his father's throne room. Varel had to assure her five times that he would live before she would believe it – and even then she couldn't bring herself to touch him.
She gave instructions that he be taken to a room to sleep it off, and disappeared back to her own quarters anxious to find something that would drive off this horrible day.
When Nathaniel woke hours later it was to a steady thumping sound and heavy breathing. He tried to sit up, but fell back again when his head throbbed painfully. It took a moment longer for his faculties to come back enough for him to recognize that what he was hearing were the distinct sounds of someone having sex in the next room.
He looked around then, trying to place himself within the walls of his childhood home. Eventually he recognized that he was in what had once been his brother's room, right next to the Master Suite, and that meant he was hearing the worst thing he could think of. Alistair's mumbled "Elissa" a few moments later proved he'd been right, and Nathaniel grabbed the pillow and shoved it down over his face suddenly thinking it had been a horrible idea to come back here.
"I'm in hell." he mumbled to no one, his fury mounting again when he thought about her deliberately placing him next door to her personal quarters and proceeding to bed the King. "I guess I know what my punishment is…"
Thankfully, they appeared to be done with that particular activity, having moved on to some sort of discussion. Nathaniel didn't want to listen, but found himself unable to stop doing it – sitting up in the bed and leaning his head against the wall to get a better idea of things. It was like peering in through a window at a world that should have belonged to him, and would have if things hadn't spun so wildly out of control.
As he listened to the pair discussing, then arguing about wedding plans – he couldn't help but envision a future where it was him sharing the Master Suite with Elissa, planning out their wedding after having taken over the arling for his father. He shook it off as quickly as it had come. That future would never be and it was best not to dwell on it.
He listened to the strain in Elissa's voice as she yelled at the King, stomping out of the room and slamming the door behind her. Inside the room the King responded with a long sigh, and Nathaniel could imagine that feeling more clearly than he'd like.
He sat up then, dressing quickly and preparing to go and find Elissa. There were questions that needed to be answered.
Elissa went back to her quarters after it was certain that Nathaniel would survive, anxious to put the day behind her – useless as it had been. Most of it was spent walking in circles, and in the end she'd only added to the stresses in her world rather than taking away.
As she lay there, attempting to bask in the afterglow of her most recent lovemaking session with Alistair, she couldn't keep her mind from going back to Nathaniel. Bringing him here was a mistake, she was certain of that. It was going to bring her nothing but pain, and yet – she couldn't have denied his request even if she'd wanted to. Years between them and she was still that lovesick little girl who couldn't say no to Nathaniel Howe.
She became angry then, thinking that he still held some modicum of control over her after all this time. It was in that moment that Alistair decided it would be a good idea to broach a particularly sensitive subject.
"So… Eamon wants to know if you've given any more thought to setting a date for the wedding?" Alistair said, flinching even before she'd responded as he knew what a dangerous topic this was to bring up.
"Eamon wants to know, or you want to know?" Elissa replied, folding her arms over her chest and inspecting him cautiously.
"It was Eamon's idea to ask, but… I am curious if you ever actually plan to go through with it?" Alistair answered, sitting up and reaching over to take the hand that wore his ring.
"Of course I plan to go through with it!" Elissa assured him with a sigh. "But I can't exactly plan a wedding when I'm dealing with all this mess, can I?"
"No, I suppose you're right…" Alistair admitted, still unable to shake the sensation that she would be delaying the ceremony regardless of the conditions she'd found upon arriving in Amaranthine.
"Eamon knows what it does to me when you pressure me about this." Elissa continued, her frustration with his uncle amplifying her temper as she was already at her breaking point from the other stresses of her day.
"Pressure you? I asked you a question, Elissa. I'd hardly call that pressuring you." Alistair replied, shaking his head when he realized what was coming.
"Regardless, Eamon sent you here with a bomb and he knew it. He instigates these fights between us, Alistair. I can't believe that you don't see it." Elissa continued, picking at the blankets in anxiety. "The man hates me. He always has."
"Eamon doesn't hate you, Elissa. You're being paranoid." Alistair replied, sighing and threading his fingers into his hair as they entered the circle of an argument they'd already had way too many times.
"I'm paranoid about a lot of things, but not this. Your uncle hates me. He pushes you to ask about the wedding because he knows it will frustrate me and then I'll yell at you and then you'll get all wounded and eventually he figures we'll just call the whole thing off." Elissa continued, pulling up onto her knees and waving her arms about. "Then he can find you a proper wife who sits about knitting and cranking out Theirin babies for you."
"Elissa… my uncle is not plotting against us." Alistair huffed, sitting up himself. "We argue because you have a bad day and then use any excuse you can find to vent it on me just like you've always done. It's alright, I understand, but I'm not going to let you turn it in to a witch hunt when it isn't."
"A bad day? You think I'm taking my frustration out on you because I've had a bad day?" Elissa snorted, shaking her head. "Unbelievable!" She jumped out of the bed then, tugging on her clothes in frustration. "You know what, Alistair. I did have a bad day. I've had a string of them since I left Denerim… and maybe I am frustrated and taking a bit of that out on you, but that doesn't change the fact that your uncle does not like me and sent you here with that question in your mind knowing full well what it would cause when you asked it."
"And now, what? You're going to go off in a huff to take it out on someone else?" Alistair asked, watching her yank on her boots and wrap a side scabbard for one of her longswords around her waist.
"No. Now I'm going to go try and diffuse myself so I don't bite your head off leaving you time to pack up your things and get on the road to your meeting at the Bannorn." Elissa replied, glaring at him.
"You're kicking me out?" Alistair snorted, not believing what was happening – she'd seemed fine when she came to bed.
"Yes. I'm kicking you out, but it's for your own good. This way I won't take anything else out on you while I'm so irrational from my bad day – and you can finally do what you were supposed to do in the Bannorn weeks ago." Elissa explained, walking past the bed and heading for the door.
"It's the middle of the night, Elissa!" Alistair said, pushing forward to grab her arm as she walked by, tugging her to a standstill. "And this is not the way I want to leave things."
"The sun will be up in an hour, Alistair. By the time you've packed and gathered your men it will be plenty light." Elissa replied, tugging her arm away and continuing on her path – though she did turn back to look at him one last time. "I'll see you when you get back."
Then she was gone, leaving Alistair to his thoughts in the silence of a room that suddenly felt very foreign to him.
Elissa wandered the halls for awhile, not sure where she was headed – wishing she could simply ride away from the entire place and everyone in it never to return. Eventually she ended up on the ramparts watching as Alistair moved his company out of the courtyard gates in the rising sun. He looked up just before he left, pulled by the call of her blood, but made no gesture of farewell to her – simply turning himself back to whatever conversation he'd been having with one of his knights.
When Nathaniel made it to the ramparts himself, he was not surprised to find her there. He hadn't had to look. There were only two places on the grounds of Vigil's Keep that Elissa would naturally go, and he assumed the other was just as off limits to her at the moment as it was to him.
He watched her standing there in the rising sun, long curls of red whipping about in the wind and catching the light in a way that made it appear as though she was wreathed in living flame. It was an accurate metaphor for the woman – just as likely to warm you, as she was to burn. She'd certainly burned the King when she'd tossed him from not just her bedchamber but the entire Keep.
"I'm certain if you asked the man, he'd probably stay…" Nathaniel said finally, watching her toying with a ring that was bound with a leather cord around her neck. She wasn't wearing a ring on her finger, and as she seemed intensely displeased to watch him leaving he assumed it to be the King's.
"Nathaniel…" Elissa gasped, dropping the trinket quickly beneath the fabric of her tunic. "I didn't hear you come up." She hadn't sensed him either, which she supposed made sense. The pull from Alistair's blood was quite strong and he was still newly made, the taint within him barely louder to her than that of the odd darkspawn.
"It's understandable. You're a bit distracted, what with the strain of planning a wedding and all…" he mumbled, leaning casually against the wall and knowing he was waking the dragon.
"I would have thought eavesdropping to be beneath you, Nathaniel." she muttered in reply, not turning to look at him though he could see the flick of the muscle in her jaw betray her mask of neutrality.
"It's hardly eavesdropping when you have me put in the room next door." Nathaniel retorted, and she turned her face to him then. "The walls are not so thick and you are not so quiet as to make it difficult to hear anything I did or didn't want to after that."
"They put you in Thomas' room? I-I'm sorry…" Elissa said, a flicker of something passing across her face as she realized how much he must have heard. "I'll have you moved to your old room as soon as possible. Or, you can take another somewhere else in the undamaged portion of The Keep if you'd like."
"He's right you know," he said, watching her body tense up though she made no other reaction. "You do tend to take things out on people that are not their fault."
"If you've actually come up here to discuss my relationship with Alistair than you're either more masochistic than I've given you credit for, or you've grown distinctly stupid over the years," she answered with a snort, folding her arms across her chest but still not looking at him. "Either way, that subject is off limits – particularly to you."
"I remember a time when there was nothing you wouldn't say to me." Nathaniel said, punctuating the thought with a short sad laugh.
"And I remember a time when you weren't trying to kill me…" Elissa said, turning to him and rubbing at her face in frustration. "Honestly, Nathaniel, what did you come up here for? If it was to bait me you've succeeded – but I've not the patience to fight with you right now so if you've accomplished your goal for the day then just leave me be, please."
"No, wait… I actually did come here with a purpose." he started, watching her drop her hands and wait for him to give it. "I had questions about the whole blood drinking thing… I mean, obviously there is a reason for it."
"Yes, there's a reason for it…" she said, chuckling a bit when she realized that Nathaniel had been the only one of the new recruits curious enough to actually ask about it. "Ugh… well, let's go round the rest of them up then." Elissa brushed past him, opening the door and not waiting for him to follow behind her, though he did.
"Round the rest of who up?" Nathaniel asked, happy he was tall enough not to have to take two steps at a time just to keep up with her.
"The other joinees." Elissa replied, pulling a length of cord from her belt and wrapping her hair into a messy braid. "I only want to go through this once."
The hallways of The Keep were still dim in the still growing light of the new day, and Nathaniel got the distinct feeling that something was watching him from the shadows. A moment later Elissa was shoving him roughly to the side and drawing her sword, bringing it up in an arc to block the incoming blow of the man who had suddenly materialized from the darkness.
"Just stay out of the way!" Elissa chastised, catching Nathaniel's eye in the brief moment he considered helping her though he had no weapons of his own.
She blocked another two blows from her attacker's long daggers and spun, bringing up a long leg to knock one of his blades clattering down the hall – making her feel a bit more comfortable now that they both had only one weapon to fight with.
The man took the upper hand for a moment, superior height giving him a longer reach as he swung out in her direction – a blow that she only just managed to avoid as she spun to the side and jammed an elbow into his spine. It sent him hard against the opposite wall, jarring his other dagger loose and leaving Elissa completely in charge as she pinned him roughly against the wall, pressing the point of her sword to his throat.
The man was completely covered in black leather armor, his head and face wrapped with a swath of black cloth that concealed everything except for a very distinct pair of yellow eyes that seemed to shine out of the shadows. Elissa was breathing heavily from the fight as she reached up her free hand to tug loose the cloth, revealing a handsome face and a mop of reddish-brown hair.
"I could have killed you, you lunatic." Elissa said, raising an eyebrow at the man.
It was then that Nathaniel noticed the way that she was leaning against him, pinned though he was at the tip of her blade. The casual way that her body leaned into his, and the distinctly familiar motion of his hands as he draped them a little too close to her rear – made it obvious that the pair had a history - a much more intimate history than Nathaniel cared to imagine.
"But you didn't." the man grumbled, his voice rough – almost more a growl than a tone.
"What are you doing lurking about my halls anyway?" Elissa asked him, returning the half smile he offered her. "Shouldn't you be looking after the King now that Zevran's gone to Antiva?"
"It was the King who sent me." the man replied, shifting his hands a bit lower and forcing Nathaniel to speak if only to keep him from reaching his destination.
"So I take it you know this man?" Nathaniel asked, watching the two look at him as though they had forgotten he was there.
"Sadly I know most of the people who try to kill me…" Elissa chuckled, pushing away from the wall and sheathing her blade as the man opposite her stood. "Nathaniel, this is Swiftrunner. Swiftrunner, Nathaniel."
"Swiftrunner?" Nathaniel asked, earning a shrug in response from the man as he shook his hand reluctantly.
"Così questa è la sua cicatrice permanente?" Swiftrunner asked, using another language to communicate with Elissa under the assumption that Nathaniel would not understand them.
"Il uno e solo." Elissa replied, tossing a passing glance in Nathaniel's direction that would have made it obvious they were speaking of him even if he didn't speak fluent Antivan.
He was content to allow them to believe he didn't know, for the moment – knowing it would be more trouble than it was worth to reveal that particular secret right now. Instead of participating in the conversation, he simply fell in behind them and observed the conversation attempting to figure out just what this man was to her.
"You almost got me a couple of times." Elissa chuckled, bouncing her hip against his companionably. "You've been practicing."
"What good am I to you if I don't improve my skills, My Lady." Swiftrunner replied, bouncing her back.
"How many times must I ask you not to call me that, Dastan?" Elissa huffed, rolling her eyes at the unnecessary formality.
"At least once more, I'm afraid…" Swiftrunner replied, smiling at the sound of his proper name on her lips. She was the only one who used it with any regularity now that he'd remembered it, and it made him feel more human every time she did. He took her hand then, kissing it softly and then letting it drop to her side with a squeeze.
"Unconscionable flirt…" Elissa chastised, turning back to Nathaniel and sending them both off in the direction of the chamber they were now using as a rec room of sorts, promising to join them as soon as she had rounded up the others.
When Elissa finally made her way back to the room, she was armed and armored and had pulled her hair back into the severe buns she wore at the base of her neck. She also had a distinctly sleepy looking mage and still drunken dwarf in tow behind her. She tossed a pile of armor and two daggers onto the table across from Nathaniel, watching as the group took their seats and waited for her to begin.
"What's this?" Nathaniel asked, looking at the pile then back to her.
"That is a suit of armor, and those shiny pointy things are daggers." Elissa deadpanned, setting the entire room to laughter at his expense, which only served to frustrate him more than he already was after waking up to the sounds of her having sex then having to watch another man paw at her for twenty minutes.
"I know what it is, Elissa." Nathaniel hissed, narrowing his eyes at her. "I meant why are you giving this to me? I have a suit of armor and daggers if you'd like to give them back to me."
"Yes, well that armor is drakescale which is distinctly better than what you were wearing – and those daggers are the Thorns of the Gods, which put yours to shame… so I suggest you come to terms with the loss of your old ones." Elissa replied, sighing and waiting for him to simply accept that she wasn't going to bend on this so she could move on. "I left your bow in your room for the time being as I've no other to replace it, but I've contacted my friends in the Dalish camps and commissioned a Silverbark piece to be made for you. It should be ready in a few weeks."
"I apologize that my accoutrements were not up to your high standards, Commander…" Nathaniel spat bitterly, sliding the entire stack of things to the side and slamming his feet up onto the bench.
"Oh, bloody hell, Nathaniel!" Elissa snapped, slamming her fists down on the table in frustration. "I'm not insulting you! It's my job to make sure you're wearing and armed with the best I can provide for you. Just take it and be grateful!"
"Well, today looks to be another barrel of laughs, doesn't it?" Anders quipped, trying to diffuse some of the tension already flowing freely between the two rogues.
"I apologize…" Elissa said, taking in a deep breath and standing. "I didn't call you all here to yell. I actually wanted to discuss some of what being a Grey Warden means. I know some of you have questions, but hold on to them if you will. I'm likely to explain everything anyhow and this isn't exactly pleasant so I just want to get through it."
Oghren burped, Anders nodded, and Nathaniel just rolled his eyes again – so Elissa sighed and continued.
"Well, some of you already know that partaking in the Joining grants you the ability to track the movements of the darkspawn, giving the Wardens a distinct advantage when it comes to fighting them off." Elissa began, watching Oghren pull out his flask and settle in for what seemed to be a rather lengthy discussion.
"Oh, so that's what you were doing when you'd go all intense and grope the walls!" Anders noted, remembering her fighting to get a read before they'd headed to the ramparts days before.
"I don't recall groping anything, but yes… that's what I was doing, or rather attempting to do. These darkspawn are… off… but we'll cover that later." Elissa continued, just wanting to press through. "The taint also allows us to kill the Archdemon."
"So, my father was wrong…" Nathaniel muttered, drawing Elissa's attention once again. "About the whole Warden thing, at any rate. They are necessary to end a Blight."
"Yes, they are necessary." Elissa replied, laughing bitterly when she realized that of course he wasn't admitting his father had been entirely wrong. "If anyone other than a Warden kills an Archdemon, it simply jumps into the next darkspawn body and starts again. If a Warden kills it, the taint within us draws the soul… but it ends both the Archdemon and the Warden in the process."
"Wait? How can that be true if you're alive?" Anders asked, hearing Oghren take a long pull from his flask and noting that even their newest addition seemed to shift uncomfortably in his spot by the fire.
"I'm not meant to be." Elissa replied, holding his eyes.
"What do you mean, you aren't meant to be?" Nathaniel asked, pulling her gaze to his own and not liking what he saw there.
"I mean exactly what I said. I should be dead. I should not be standing here explaining this to you." Elissa answered, shrugging her shoulders.
"Then why are you?" Anders asked, earning the attention of both Elissa and Nathaniel in response.
"The circumstances under which I killed the Archdemon were… unique." Elissa answered, pulling in a long breath. "I… would like to give you more information, but it is not entirely my story to tell, and so, I must simply ask you to leave it at that for now."
"So, it's to do with the King, then?" Nathaniel asked, watching a flicker of anger pass across Elissa's face when she turned back to him.
"I said leave it for now." Elissa retorted.
"Fine. I have my answer anyway." Nathaniel responded, folding his arms and smiling smugly back at her.
"Arrogant bastard…" Elissa muttered, watching a flash of anger in Nathaniel's steel grey eyes answer the flicker in the green of her own. "Okay, now the distinctly less pleasant bits about your newly acquired Warden powers."
"There's something less pleasant than having to die in order to kill the Archdemon?" Anders asked, looking to Oghren for some sort of support but he only shrugged.
"Maybe not? But there is more that isn't good. I warned you when I conscripted you that you might come to resent me for it." Elissa said, sighing and leaning against the table behind her as she began to rattle off the long list of negatives. "You'll have nightmares. They're usually worse during a proper Blight, but that doesn't mean you won't have them even though we aren't in one now. It's your connection to the hive mind of the horde, it's usually more active while you're sleeping. The taint also increases your appetites – you're going to be hungrier, thirstier, and likely a lot more horny."
"Well, that's not so bad." Anders snickered, listening to the answering chuckles from the other men in the room, even Nathaniel unable to stop himself from laughing in spite of his anger.
"Yeah, laugh it up. You won't think it's so funny when we're stuck on the road somewhere with only each other." Elissa grinned, listening to the laughter trail off though Anders winked at her.
"The Commander had the old pike-twirler to help her out with that last time," Oghren noted, drawing a glare from Elissa that was meant to silence though he continued to talk. "The things I heard coming from their room sometimes…"
"That will be enough of that, thank you Oghren…" Elissa hissed, at least having the decency to blush when she felt Nathaniel's eyes on her.
"What are you going to do about that now that you won't be traveling with the King?" Anders asked, knowing she wanted the subject dropped but unable to keep himself from pressing it a little further. "Inquisitive minds want to know."
"Curiosity killed the cat, Anders…" Elissa threatened, though he could see her trying not to smile. "But, I suppose I'll be taking care of myself if it comes to it – much the same as you lot."
"Keep talking like that, Commander, and the mage is likely to have to take care of himself right here." Oghren chuckled, burping afterward.
"Nice, Oghren. Very nice." Elissa said, rolling her eyes and leaning forward to pass a pointed and very serious look around the room. "The taint will leave you barren and progressively increase within your blood, eventually taking over your mind and sending you off in search of your own death… not so funny anymore, is it?"
"So, we're going to die?" Anders asked, sounding a bit more shaken than he'd been by any of the rest of the news she'd delivered.
"You were going to die anyway." Elissa answered, her voice distinctly emotionless. "This just narrows the possibilities for the how part and gives you a time frame."
"A time frame?" Anders asked, looking distinctly confused.
"How long?" Nathaniel asked, the anger radiating off him in waves at this point as he realized what she'd done in bringing him back here.
"Thirty years, give or take." Elissa replied, holding his gaze easily.
"How nice it must be for you to have killed me and ended the Howe bloodline in one fell swoop." Nathaniel spat bitterly, shaking his head in silent laughter.
"You came to me, Nathaniel – not the other way around. I tried to send you away, twice. I suggest you remember that before you accuse me of doing anything more than giving you exactly what you asked for." Elissa hissed, glaring at him before pulling herself back upright and pulling loose her blades. Though Nathaniel didn't so much as flinch at the motion, Anders was up immediately and trying to stop her from attacking anyone.
"Hey, hey… let's not be hasty…" Anders said, reaching toward her and laughing nervously. "Sure, the archer's got a smart mouth… but so do I and you haven't tried to kill me yet!"
"I'm not going to kill anyone, Anders." Elissa sighed, rubbing at her forehead wearily. "I'm just trying to illustrate a point, if you'd just sit back down." He did as he was told, watching as she laid first one blade, and then the other on the table between them. "When you look at these swords, what do you see?"
"Someone with a great deal of coin to spend." Nathaniel snipped, rolling his eyes and completely missing the point.
"These blades cost me nothing, actually." Elissa retorted, smirking at him. "They were gifts from friends of mine, though I did provide the materials."
"They're beautifully made… I can feel the hum of the lyrium in them from here." Anders said, reaching forward to run a finger across one of them and watching small bits of flame spring to life as his skin made contact with the runes worked into the metal.
"Yes, they're nice swords – but still, not my point." Elissa sighed, rubbing at her temples in frustration. "It's the hilts that are important, not the blades themselves."
Nathaniel instantly recognized one of them as what had once been the Cousland family sword, but said nothing, refusing to play her game any further than he already had.
"This one, is called Starfang. The hilt belonged to the former Warden-Commander, and the man who saved my life, Duncan." Elissa said, touching the first sword with the tips of her fingers. "This one, is called Vigilance. The hilt belonged to my father." She continued, touching the second blade before bringing her eyes up to the group once again. "Both of these men were exceptionally influential in my life, without them – I would not be standing here – and yet both of them were taken from me by the traitorous acts of one man."
"Is there an actual point to this nonsense, or are you simply trying to goad me into attacking you so you can kill me faster than your tainted blood already is?" Nathaniel hissed, running out of the small amount of patience he'd had left before she started speaking.
"My point is, we've all come into this new family with our own scars." Elissa explained, listening to Nathaniel's bitter laughter as she referred to this nightmare as a family. "Laugh if you like, Nathaniel – but we are family, you'll learn that in time. No one else will understand you the way another Warden can, no one else is capable. You are no longer a part of the regular world – and you never will be again." She earned a glare from him for that, but continued with her original point regardless. "Look, we've all got our own burdens to carry. I fight with my own demons every day, and I carry these with me to remind me of what brought me here."
"That seems overly dramatic even for you." Nathaniel snorted, rolling his eyes.
"Can you not drop the attitude for one second and listen to what I'm trying to tell you?" Elissa yelled, stomping angrily over to him and leaning down into his face so that her nose very nearly touched against his own. "I know you're angry, trust me, I know! I'm trying to tell you that it's okay to be angry!"
"I'm so glad I have my Commander's permission to feel emotions." Nathaniel hissed, glaring up at her now fully furious.
"Shut up and listen!" Elissa growled, reaching forward and wrapping her hand over his mouth – squeezing hard enough to make his jaw hurt beneath her hand. "I know you are angry. I know you are angry at the world, angry at yourself, angry at me…and that you feel totally righteous in that anger. I know these things better than you can imagine because I live with them every day and I have for years."
She could feel the muscles in his jaw flexing and the quick pace of his breathing against her hand and knew it was all he could do not to throttle her.
"Now, you can let it go – let it consume you, let it turn you into the monster you think that you are simply because you share the same bloodline as your horrific excuse for a father. Or, you can take it and shape it into something you can use."
She shoved his face as she stomped back to reclaim her blades, slamming them back into their sheaths at her back with a small flourish. "Fight it, don't fight it – I can't make those choices for you. I can't make them for any of you. You'll either conquer your demons in the end and be stronger for having done it, or you'll lose and they'll destroy you in the process. But these are your journeys to take, not mine."
"Did you conquer yours?" Nathaniel asked, turning her back to him as she made her way to the door – anxious to get as far from his company as she could manage.
"The fight is ongoing." Elissa replied, holding his eyes for only a moment – but just long enough to show him just how torn up she was inside over everything and make him feel slightly guilty for the part he'd played in it. "Gear up, eat, and meet me in the throne room in an hour. We have things to do."
After that, she was gone and Nathaniel snatched up his pile of stuff and disappeared shortly after her. Leaving the rest of the room in stunned silence wondering just how long it would be before one of them killed the other.