Disclaimer: Bioware owns all, except what I most humbly create. While, at times, I will take verbatim from the game, I mostly use the events of the Dragon Age games, expansions and universe as a loose structure around which to construct my re-imagined tale. If you are looking for a strict canon piece, I have no desire to offend, and so I warn you upfront!
When reading this tale, I hope you can easily imagine it being told by the very best of storytellers in Varric (from DA:2). In my version of events, Varric meets "The Hero" (my Elissa Cousland) in Kirkwall during the time period of DA:2. I mention this only so that readers can understand his connection along the way, and so I don't have to mention and rehash it again and again as I make my way through the tale.
A/N: My humble apologies for the delay in postings! I had a busy weekend and suffered a bit of writers block/anxiety! I was overwhelmed by the thoughtful encouragement I have received so far on this piece and it left me with a bit of performance anxiety when it came to getting this next chapter to come together. I hope that I haven't let you down :)
"Antivan" Translation: "If he touches you while I'm gone, I'll have his hands when I return."
Muse Music: Love This Pain by Lady Antebellum and Sorry by Assemblage 23.
Thanks to my readers, followers and reviewers. You're all amazing! And thank you to my Lady Beta artemiskat for helping me to trudge through the block this time!
Happy Reading!
-Frayed One
Chapter Six: One Night in Amaranthine
Elissa caught up with her Wardens in the common room the next morning, resolutely avoiding Nathaniel's eyes after the intense moment they'd shared in her room the night before. She explained that she had a fealty ceremony to attend to, but that they would be leaving for Amaranthine soon after. She left a list of things they should accomplish in preparation and instructions to meet her at the stables set for several days of travel by no later than noon.
It was clear to Nathaniel that she'd been instructed to wear something other than her armor, but – in typical Elissa fashion, had refused to wear a dress. Instead she wore a navy blue corset over a white blouse and a well fitting pair of brown pants that hemmed just above the heels of her boots. All of that was covered by a long, fitted deep blue jacket that trailed down to the floor – a silver pair of gryphons embroidered into the tail of it that screamed Grey Warden. Her hair was back in a simple braid, curls left out soft around her face. It was all he could do to keep from staring.
And then she was gone, disappearing as quickly as she had come and dragging Swiftrunner along behind to keep a watchful eye on the proceedings from the shadows.
Nathaniel could hear the arguing inside the stables even before he entered. He'd made it to the established meeting point slightly behind the others and now found himself standing behind Anders and Oghren as they watched the exchange between Elissa and Swiftrunner from a distance that was close enough to listen, but far enough away to stay clear of the crossfire.
"What's going on?" Nathaniel asked, wondering what had the normally friendly pair so angry as to be willing to air it in public.
"Apparently the Commander wants the Wolf to leave separately so he can look in on some things before meeting up with us in Amaranthine." Anders explained, assuming that Nathaniel knew certain things, which – from the look on his face – he did not.
"The Wolf?" Nathaniel asked, looking over at the pair again. "You mean, Swiftrunner?"
"You don't know the story then?" Anders asked, looking distinctly pleased that Elissa had shared something with him she'd yet to share with the archer.
"What story?" Nathaniel sighed, wishing he'd just hurry up and spit it out already instead of just lording it over his head like it was some big deal.
"He used to be a werewolf." Anders explained, tilting his head in Swiftrunner's general direction – watching Nathaniel look to Oghren who nodded to verify it was true. "She cured him, and he's been with her ever since."
"Seriously?" Nathaniel asked, still unable to wrap his mind around the idea that werewolves actually existed much less that one of them was standing a few feet away from him.
"Seriously." Anders replied with a smile.
The pair in question paced slightly closer to the trio of Wardens, continuing to argue as they moved.
"This is exceptionally juvenile, you know that right?" Elissa hissed in exasperation, pressing her hands against her face and mumbling through them. "Can't you just do as I ask?"
"I was given specific orders by The King not to let you out of my sight." Swiftrunner responded, watching her drop her hands down and glare at him. "You're asking me to not only let you out of my sight, but to allow you to travel with someone who has tried to kill you twice."
"He didn't actually try to kill me the first time, he just thought about it – and the second time may have been an accident." Elissa responded, and Nathaniel tried not to allow himself to be bothered by the fact that whatever they were arguing about seemed to be directly tied to him. "Besides, if we're laying all the cards out on the table here – you tried to kill me. Should I be worried about traveling with you?"
"Things were different then." Swiftrunner replied, looking distinctly annoyed that she'd drawn any sort of parallel between himself and Nathaniel.
"When did you suddenly become so loyal to Alistair anyway? I thought I was your favorite…" Elissa pouted, leaning forward and patting his chest in an attempt to persuade him to her way of thinking.
"You are my favorite. That should be obvious considering I don't want to leave you at the mercy of the son of a madman." Swiftrunner replied, not at all affected by her – at least not in the way that she wanted.
"Look, if this is going to be an issue I can simply stay behind at The Keep." Nathaniel offered as he strode forward, trying to manage his temper but knowing he wasn't doing a very good job of it. "After all I'd hate for my psychopathic bloodline to suddenly activate and force me to kill your precious Commander while you aren't here to monitor her every move."
Swiftrunner stepped forward and Nathaniel didn't even flinch, forcing Elissa to plant herself in between them in order to prevent an altercation.
"Nathaniel, you are not helping! Now go and wait with the others, please!" Elissa hissed, pointing over to where Anders and Oghren stood then sending him over to them with a forceful shove and turning back to deal with the exceptionally angry former werewolf. "Dastan, you are going to have to accept that Nathaniel is a Warden now – and as such, he is going to be traveling with me unsupervised at times."
"We'll see about that…" Swiftrunner muttered under his breath, swinging Nathaniel's furious eyes back in his direction – though Elissa stopped any further reaction between them with a wave of her hand.
"Threatening each other is not a solution I would advise…" Elissa hissed, eyes narrowed on the man as her temper flared. "I need you do to this for me, Dastan. I trust no one else – and only you understand the urgency of this request."
He nodded then, something in those words finally swaying him to her way of thinking.
"Se la tocca mentre sono andato porterò le sue mani quando ritorno." Swiftrunner growled, glaring angrily out of the corner of his eyes at Nathaniel who continued to pretend he didn't understand their coded dialogue.
"You worry too much." Elissa replied, softening visibly as she leaned forward to touch his face. "Tell Avernus I will be up to see him as soon as I can manage it. In the meantime, the vial I've sent with you will have to do. Travel safely, but quickly. The supplies I have left are dwindling and I've been unable to find enough elfroot to replenish them myself."
The man disappeared after that, moving out of the stables and into the daylight beyond, headed in whatever direction Elissa had sent him. That she'd seemed so urgent about her request, and that it had involved the medicinal arts, suddenly made the little bottles that Nathaniel had seen her tossing back when she believed no one was looking become all the more sinister. He wondered if there wasn't more to her near miss with the Archdemon than she was letting on.
"Alright, I'll assume all of you are packed and ready then?" Elissa said, striding back over to them and holding Nathaniel's eyes just long enough to ensure his temper was back under control. "If so, we'll just need to mount up. I had Swiftrunner help me to prepare the horses before he left."
"Horses?" Anders asked, a mix of fear and embarrassment crossing his face. "We aren't going to walk like we did before?"
"I hadn't planned on it, no. We're leaving later in the day than I'd have had us depart normally, so riding will get us there with much more daylight left to work in." Elissa replied, her eyes darting over to him as she trailed them along through the rows of stalls. "Wait… Oh, I'm sorry, Anders. It didn't even occur to me to ask. You have ridden before, haven't you?"
"Not so much." Anders replied, a slight tint of color coming into his cheeks. "As we aren't exactly permitted to leave the tower, mages aren't given much of an opportunity to learn things like horseback riding skills."
"Well, this leaves us with a bit of a quandary." Elissa said, tapping at her lower lip. "Oghren usually rides with me but…" She turned to Nathaniel, and he could see it coming – shaking his head and barely containing his irritated laughter even before she asked the question. "Nathaniel, it's your choice. You can ride with Oghren or Anders."
"I'll take the dwarf." Nathaniel replied, crossing his arms and glaring at the mage who'd tossed him a wink just to throw him off.
"Thank you." Elissa said, giving him a half smile. "If it makes you feel any better, Oghren will pass out after the first five minutes or so and sleep the rest of the way."
Nathaniel simply grunted at her, content to allow himself his irritation until he saw the horse she had stopped him in front of.
"It can't be." Nathaniel said, reaching out to touch him and sharing a look with Elissa who was already smiling at him as though she'd given him the best gift she could think of.
"I thought the same thing when he chewed my scabbard the moment after I got here." Elissa laughed, reaching out to stroke at the other side of the horse's face. "But here he is, a fragment of another time just like us."
She walked away then, getting herself and an exceptionally pleased though slightly nervous looking Anders settled up on her horse and leaving him to take care of Nocturne and the dwarf.
The trip to Amaranthine went smoothly and left Elissa encouraged that in time Anders would be comfortable enough to ride on his own. As much as she enjoyed the friendly banter of the quirky mage, the looks she would occasionally draw from Nathaniel made it clear that he was uncomfortable with the bond that was building between them – regardless of how platonic Elissa might intend it to be.
Nathaniel, thankfully as far as she was concerned, rode in silence – content to simply observe and reacquaint himself with the scattered pieces of his past. He woke a sleeping Oghren with an unceremonious dump into a large pile of hay as he stabled the horses for both himself, and Elissa.
"Ah, can you smell that?" Anders said, pulling in a long breath of air as they moved out of the stables and into the dirt path that would take them up through the gates and into Amaranthine. "That my lovely Warden-Commander is the smell of freedom!" He reached over and tossed an arm around her shoulder, squeezing briefly and ignoring the glare he earned from Nathaniel who came strolling up with Oghren from behind.
"I smell dogs, and dirt, and manure from the stables." Elissa chuckled, pulling out her journal and flipping through her list to try and focus their trip as best as possible. "There might be a bit of pie baking in there somewhere – but I'd hardly call any of that freedom."
"There are pies here!" Anders said, and Elissa simply smiled quizzically at him until she realized that he was actually serious. "Wow. Well… the fact that there are pies around to smell is a step up for me. I've led a pie-less existence up to this point, more or less."
"You've never had a pie?" Elissa asked, eyes wide with the thought that anyone could have been deprived of such a normality.
"A proper pie, fresh baked out of an oven, full of warm, delicious, fruity goodness? Sadly – no. Why, can you make me one?" Anders asked, hearing the choked back laughter of Nathaniel from behind them though it silenced soon after with a glare from Elissa.
"Pastries are not my strong suit I'm afraid." Elissa admitted nonetheless. "I am sorry to tell you that any pie I concocted would not be something you'd be happy to eat. I'm pretty good with the savory stuff though, in spite of what Nathaniel might tell you. I learned a great many things on my travels during The Blight. I'd be happy to make you a stew sometime if that would suffice."
"You know, all I really want out of life is a pretty girl, a decent meal, and the right to shoot lightning at fools." Anders replied, smiling broadly at her and squeezing her shoulder one more time before stepping away with a wink. "Maybe I'm closer to the dream than I imagined."
Elissa rolled her eyes, going back to her journal and Anders wandered away only to run into someone he had forgotten he'd ever made plans to see.
"About time you showed up!" the exceptionally cross elven woman hissed, eyes narrowed on the appropriately frightened looking Anders.
"Namaya? You're still here?" Anders said, honestly surprised she'd waited this long. It had been days since they'd agreed to meet up and he'd quickly forgotten the appointment in the turmoil of his new life.
"I keep my promises." the woman muttered, shoving a slip of paper into Anders' hand. "I don't know why, but I do. At any rate, it turns out you were right. The cache is here, in Amaranthine."
"It is? You found it?" Anders asked, looking at the tiny scrap of parchment as though it were made of pure gold.
"I did. What you do with that information is up to you. I, for one, am done dealing with mages! You get caught again – you're on your own." the woman said, shoving past Anders but stopping just long enough to offer a helpful word of advice to Elissa. "Don't let him sweet talk you, girly. He's good at that."
"My, but you do have a way with the ladies…" Elissa smirked, raising an inquisitive eyebrow at the man as he turned sheepishly in her direction.
"I… suppose that requires an explanation." Anders replied, toying with the frayed edges of the paper Namaya had given to him.
"No! Not at all!" Elissa said, shutting her journal and waving a hand at him as she continued along the path into the city. "Angry elven women are forever coming up to yell at me for one thing or another. It's perfectly normal."
"I am fluent in sarcasm, dear lady, you cannot fool me!" Anders laughed, rushing a little to catch up to her. "Namaya is… a friend. Last time I escaped from the tower, I asked her to look into some things for me."
"Asked or asked?" Elissa responded, trailing her fingers down Anders' back with the second repetition of the word to relay her message.
"There may have been some asking involved…" Anders admitted, smirking at her.
"Which explains the attitude she gave to me…" Elissa laughed, tucking a curl of hair behind her ear. "…continue."
"She's why I was originally in Amaranthine. The Templars that caught me thought I had come to take a ship, but I came to meet her… I just… after I got caught I simply forgot about it until - well, now actually." Anders said, feeling like quite a bit of an ass now that he really thought about it.
"She mentioned a cache? Does she mean the cache of phylacteries that they transferred out of the Circle Tower during the Blight?" Elissa asked, watching Anders face go from guilt to surprise in a matter of minutes.
"That's it exactly! How do you even know about that?" Anders inquired, wondering if a time would ever come when this woman did not manage to surprise him.
"I was in the tower when they moved it." Elissa explained, watching it sink in.
"You were there when Uldred overthrew the tower?" Anders asked, stopping her with a hand on her arm. "It was you then! You kept them from calling in the Right of Annulment!"
"Not me alone, but yes – I was a part of the group that worked to free the tower from Uldred's madness." Elissa responded, watching Anders look back to Oghren wondering if he had been there as well. "Oghren had not yet joined us. It was very early in our journey, and we only even happened to get there in time to offer our aid by pure coincidence."
"But you did! They would have killed us all. You saved many lives that day, mine included." Anders said, genuinely stricken by just how much this woman had done for him without even knowing it. "I don't know how to thank you."
"I've been thanked enough I think." Elissa laughed, smiling fondly at him but clearly uncomfortable in the limelight.
"I don't think that's possible." Anders answered, completely genuine in that sentiment.
"We shall have to agree to disagree then." Elissa shrugged, taking in a deep breath and changing the subject to something she was sure would redirect his focus. "So… I assume you wish to… liberate… your phylactery then?"
"I do, very much. As long as the Templars have my blood, they can find me." Anders explained, wondering if she would do it – hoping she would understand. "It has to be destroyed or I will never really be free."
"You're right. They shouldn't be allowed to control you now." Elissa replied, seeing the excitement spring into his face. "But, Anders, let me be clear on this. If there are guards, I want to speak with them first. I should be able to request it be held with us as you are now a Warden. If they will not cooperate, then I shall have to consider other options. Do I make myself clear?"
"Crystal." Anders replied, crossing his heart in promise.
"Right then. You run ahead and find out where this place is. I need to take care of some things here first. I'll meet you in front of the Chantry in half an hour. That should give you plenty of time to locate it." Elissa instructed, pretending to be irritated when Anders wrapped her in a bear hug though he could see the sparkle in her eyes. "Take Oghren with you and find the Herbalist in town. He's got a… rash… that should be seen to."
"I told you it's that Grey Warden stuff we had to drink." Oghren grumbled, giving Elissa a dirty look for calling him out in front of the rest of the group.
"I've never heard of it causing a rash, Oghren – besides – you're the only one who's got it!" Elissa replied, giving him an insistent but gentle shove in Anders' direction.
"So you've checked the others then?" Oghren replied, watching Elissa blush and beginning to chuckle.
"What? No!" Elissa replied, glaring at him before turning to Anders and then Nathaniel. "Do either of you have a rash you'd like to tell the group about?" They both shook their heads and insisted they had nothing to add. "See, now shoo! And bring back any elfroot they'll let you purchase."
She tossed a small coin purse to Anders and watched them move away while she checked off several things on her list. She didn't look up from her journal again until Nathaniel moved closer to her in an attempt to decipher what it was she had them doing for the day, and even then it was only to hold out another small coin purse in his direction.
"What's this?" Nathaniel asked, eying the purse warily.
"Coin." Elissa responded, the look in her eye when she did look up telling Nathaniel that she was in no mood for whatever it was he'd been thinking about. "Go buy yourself something pretty, or give it to beggars, or go to the tavern and spend it on ale and women. I don't care what you do with it, just go away and leave me be for awhile. I have things to accomplish that will be easier done without babysitting."
"Babysitting?" Nathaniel hissed, palming the small leather pouch and leaning in to glare at her. "I don't need a babysitter, none of us do – we're grown men, Elissa."
"Mmm. You'll eat those words when the other two get back from whatever nonsense I'm certain they've already gotten up to." Elissa chuckled, paying no mind to Nathaniel's venom as she went back to the pages of her beaten old journal. "Either way, off with you."
"I'm fairly certain your werewolf would never leave you to wander the city unescorted." Nathaniel replied, seeing immediately after he'd spoken them that he'd chosen the wrong words to sway her.
"I'm fairly certain my werewolf would never leave me to wander the city with you." Elissa responded, jaw tensing and untensing in irritation as she glared up at him finally. "And don't call him a werewolf. He hasn't been a beast in some time. He has a name. Dastan or Swiftrunner if you prefer, so if you must speak of him use one or the other. Regardless what you may think of him he is my friend and a good man and I won't have you treating him otherwise." She started at him a moment longer before snapping shut her journal again and rubbing wearily at her forehead. "Why must everything be a fight with you?"
"Because you speak to me as though everything is a directive to be obeyed." Nathaniel responded, equally frustrated to be having this discussion in the middle of a very public street.
"That was actually a simple request, but I can certainly make it an official order from your Commander if that's what it's going to take to get you off my back." Elissa sighed, looking up at him – already tired though the day had much more to come. "Look, just give me half an hour – same as the others, then meet me on the Chantry steps. I've no ulterior motives, Nathaniel. I just want a little time to myself."
He turned and disappeared into the crowd after that, though Elissa knew him far too well to think he'd ever go far enough to actually let her out of his sight.
Watching Elissa move through the throngs of people in Amaranthine was like getting another glimpse into an entirely different world – one where she was not simply the young girl dreaming of an escape from her dull future nor the woman who had destroyed his entire family line with the push of her blade. Here, among the battered streets of the once thriving hub of his father's arling, Elissa was the living, breathing embodiment of hope – and there seemed to be no one who didn't want a piece of her.
After stopping to speak to the hunters, Nathaniel watched as she made her way further into the city – speaking to any well wishers and scribbling down any requests in her journal to be researched and addressed later. She plastered on her most genuine noble smile, but by the time she finished her conversation with the Captain of the City Guard, he could see that the pressing need for social graces was beginning to wear on her.
She slid into a side alley, tugging out her cowl from the pack she'd dropped to the ground as she tucked her journal inside it – suddenly desperate for the anonymity it would give her. Nathaniel was so focused on her from his spot in the nearby shadows, he did not see the other man approaching until it was too late to do more than watch him cut off her pathway out of the corner she'd backed herself in to.
The man reached out for her shoulder, and Nathaniel thought to draw his bow – but Elissa had spun and pinned him to the opposite wall at the point of her dagger before either of their fingers had time to make purchase.
"Warden-Commander, it is a pleasure to meet you." the man chuckled, seeming unaffected by his precarious position.
"The Dark Wolf, I presume?" Elissa asked, a small half-smile turning up the corners of her full lips.
"In the flesh." the man replied, forming the words as though they were an invitation.
"You do know it's rude to use someone's hard earned title right to their face?" Elissa responded, a wolfish grin fully consuming her face as she tapped the end of her dagger against the dull metal of his helm.
"Y-you!" the man responded, green eyes gone wide as they latched on to her own.
"In. the. Flesh." Elissa whispered, mimicking his own words from seconds before.
"I thought perhaps the first Dark Wolf was killed or imprisoned!" the man gasped.
"I have been imprisoned, but not for that." Elissa chuckled, sheathing her dagger and leaning casually against the wall across from him. "And, as you can see, I am still very much alive."
"Still, you must admit, your current positions don't leave much time for shadow games." the man responded, pulling himself back to a proper stand. "In the depths of the city there is murmuring. Murmuring that much of the nobility here wants you dead."
"Let them come for me if they so crave their own demise." Elissa chuckled, folding her arms over her chest. "Better man than these petty fools have tried and failed to claim me."
"You should not be so cavalier with your life, my Lady," the man insisted, taking another step toward her. "I assure you, these whispers are not the idle threats of spoiled children."
"And you want to help me, what? Gather information?" Elissa asked, trying to get a read on this man who had been foolish enough to use her own moniker to draw her. "I am not so naive as to believe for a second that you would do such out of the goodness of your own heart."
"Regardless of the impression I may have given, I do have hopes that the Wardens will prove more fit to rule than the late Arl Rendon Howe." the man replied, beginning to pace slowly. "However – I am not completely above serving my own personal needs in the process." He stopped in front of her, ready to make his request. "Howe's confederates are your conspirators, I am certain of it – but to obtain solid proof of their identities will take time and resources."
"How much?" Elissa asked, not at all surprised that the man was requesting funds from her. They always did.
"Fifty sovereigns." the man responded, folding his arms across his own chest.
"Fifty! That seems a bit stiff considering you've taken and are using my name without permission." Elissa grumbled, leaning down to retrieve another coin purse regardless.
"I assure you, the information I can provide you will be well worth every bit of coin you provide me." The man insisted.
"It had damn well better be." Elissa said, tossing the purse over to him and shouldering her pack once again.
"You will not be disappointed." The man assured her, moving toward the open end of the alley. "I will contact you again when I have gathered the information you require."
"Take care with that name! I stole a great deal of shiny things to earn it!" Elissa called after him, lingering in the alleyway long after he had gone. "Come on out." She called, tapping her toe as she waited for Nathaniel to reveal himself.
"Do you enjoy letting me follow you about as though you don't know I'm there?" Nathaniel asked, unsurprised that she'd detected him but annoyed nonetheless.
"I don't know? Do you enjoy following me about thinking that I don't know you're there?" Elissa responded, smirking at him then moving off toward the mouth of the alley.
"Were you planning on telling anyone there is a plot to have you killed?" Nathaniel asked, reaching over and grabbing the inside of her upper arm to stop her.
"I did. Varel knows, as does Dastan. I simply didn't tell you." Elissa replied, tugging her arm free and continuing to move out of the alley and back into the milling throng of people.
"This is serious, Elissa. Someone out there is conspiring to take your life!" Nathaniel hissed, pushing through the crowd to make his way back to her side.
"Someone out there is always conspiring to take my life, Nathaniel." Elissa responded, laughing sadly. "Not too long ago, you were a part of that crowd."
"Elissa I…" Nathaniel started, frustrated that she was taking this so lightly and that she continued to force him to acknowledge that he'd wanted to kill her only a few days ago.
"Elissa! Elissa Cousland!" came a female voice from somewhere nearby them.
The use of her proper name sent both Elissa and Nathaniel into a panic, scrambling to find who had called for her and to arm themselves in case it was the very nobility of which they spoke intending to make good on their threats. Elissa turned then, eyes gone wide and body fully paralyzed as she lay eyes on yet another ghost from her past.
"D-Delilah?" Elissa stuttered, and then staggered when the woman flung her arms around her body and squeezed her hard.
"Maker! I'd heard you were killed!" Delilah gasped, pulling back to look at her face.
"I heard the same about you!" Elissa responded, reaching up to touch her old friend's face. She felt firmly planted in a dream, half expecting to be woken at any moment.
"Well, here I am… what are you doing in…" Delilah's words trailed off as she caught sight of Nathaniel standing in silent awe just beyond Elissa's shoulder. "Nathaniel! I-Is that you? I am doubly blessed!"
She waved him forward then, and Nathaniel obliged – wrapping his arms both around Elissa and his youngest sibling and allowing himself to find peace in this rare moment when the two women who mattered most to him in this world stood again, together, at arm's length.
"I had feared the worst." Delilah said, wiping the joyful tears from her eyes and backing slightly away to look over her brother and his love. "I had never thought to see either of you again, and now here you stand in front of me! If ever there was proof that love conquers all!"
"Oh, no… I-I…" Elissa sputtered, suddenly realizing that she stood within the protective curve of Nathaniel's arms and finding herself exceptionally anxious to get out of them. "Nathaniel and I are not together. At least, not like that."
"What do you mean?" Delilah said, watching the awkward way that Elissa held her body as though the very idea of Nathaniel's touch was the worst thing she could think of, and the ghost of pain that passed across her brother's face in reaction to it.
"Elissa is set to marry the King." Nathaniel responded, watching his sister's eyes go wide with wonder as she turned from him to Elissa who looked down at the ground. "We are only together in the sense that she is now my Commander."
"Your Commander? I don't understand." Delilah answered, turning her confused eyes from one to the other.
"I am Warden-Commander of Ferelden, Delilah." Elissa answered, the urge to get as far away from them both fast starting to outweigh her delight to see Delilah alive once again.
"You're the Hero of Ferelden!" Delilah gasped, suddenly understanding exactly how much now separated the two people she had once been so certain would always be together.
Elissa mistook that look for one of disgust, knowing that Delilah was equally as justified in being angered by her execution of their father as Nathaniel had been. She suddenly felt very old and very sad, and wanted nothing more than to go back to the time when she'd simply accepted she would never see either of them again.
"I'll give you two some time." Elissa said, reaching over to squeeze Delilah's shoulder. "It was incredibly good to see you again."
"No, you should stay!" Delilah said, reaching over to grab her hand before she could slip away.
"Perhaps another time." Elissa replied, smiling softly in her sadness as she nodded to Nathaniel. She had no place here, not any longer.
"I'll see you at the Chantry." Nathaniel said, watching her leave.
Nathaniel ducked inside his sister's ragged little home after that, anxious to spend some time in the company of someone who was actually happy to see him instead of the painful half-acceptance he seemed destined to receive from Elissa.
"Times must have been hard, Delilah. But you can do better than this." Nathaniel said, grimacing as he looked around at what was passing for her home. She'd done her best to make it comfortable, but it was far beneath any standards he'd set for where his sister should be living. "I don't have anything to offer you now, but I know that the Wardens receive a stipend and I can help you in time. Until then, come back to the estate. Elissa will surely put you up in one of the cottages there if she cannot allow you to stay within The Keep itself."
"What?" Delilah replied, brow furrowed as she looked up from her spot in the kitchen where she was busy making a small kettle of tea for them to share. "Oh, Nathaniel! I'm not here out of desperation! I've married a wonderful man, who I adore – and this is our home."
"Y-you're married?" Nathaniel gasped, watching the quick waggle of her fingers as she sat down at the table across from him reveal the dim flash of gold around her finger.
"I know you won't have time to meet him now, but I hope you'll return some time when you can. Albert is a good man. I think you'll like him." Delilah said, sipping gingerly at the steaming mug before her.
"Albert…" Nathaniel said, fingers wrapped around the mug as he stared down into it as though he could divine some sort of answers from the warm swirling liquid. "I'm sorry… it's just a lot to take in."
"For me as well." Delilah chuckled, sitting her mug down and reaching for his hand. "I'd given up hope of ever seeing you again. Elissa as well… and now, here you are – together, but not." The two shared a sigh, unsure how best to proceed from there. "I'm so sorry Nathaniel. I can't imagine how hard this must be for you."
"It isn't hard for you?" Nathaniel asked, noting with surprise that she didn't seem the least bit upset to discover that her childhood companion had mercilessly killed their father.
"What? Knowing that it was Elissa who killed father?" Delilah snorted, shaking her head at him. "That man deserved to die. After what he forced her to suffer, it seems only right that it was Elissa who finally landed the blow that claimed his life."
"Isn't that overstating things a little?" Nathaniel asked, still unable to reconcile the memories of his boyhood with the monster the man had become. "He got caught up in politics… perhaps he was warped by Loghain…"
"All this time and you still refuse to see…" Delilah said, rubbing at her forehead in disgust. "If you want the culprit that destroyed our family, it's him without question. Father always had a darkness within him – he simply hid it most of the time, but you weren't here at the end. You didn't see what he turned in to, what he did." She shivered then, and Nathaniel remembered her desperate letters, both to him and Elissa, as she'd watched their father's slow descent into madness. "I was lucky to escape his evil. Luckier still he was too busy hunting others to come in search of me. This life is so much better."
"I…. I had no idea…." Nathaniel replied, toying with the edge of her fingers and suddenly feeling as though he'd failed her and everyone who had once depended on him.
"Of course you did!" Delilah answered, squeezing his hand. "But you always worshiped Father, right from when you were a little boy. I still can't believe you let him send you away like he did… I kept thinking you'd come back, but you never did."
"I know… and I can't apologize enough." Nathaniel said, rubbing his face hard with his hands as though he could wipe away the shame of having turned away when the most important people in his life seemed to have needed him the most. "If I could turn back time, I'd never have gotten on that ship! At the time, I thought I was doing what I had to do – for our family, and for Elissa… but now… now I've lost it all."
"Oh, Nathaniel! Don't you see? You haven't lost anything!" Delilah said, leaning across the table and taking his face in her hands. "You've found me again, and Elissa too… despite the odds against it. These things happen for a reason, brother."
"She's going to marry the King of Ferelden, Delilah." Nathaniel insisted, painfully extracting himself from his sister's hands and standing up from the table to thread his fingers into his hair. "Whatever Elissa and I once had seems unlikely to be reclaimed at this point."
"Well, certainly not if you're going to have that attitude!" Delilah replied, drawing his eyes over to her. "I saw the way you looked at her, Nathaniel! You still love her every bit as much as you did back then. What you had, it was fate – it was destiny. A love like that does not simply cease to be. Somewhere inside her, Elissa feels it as well."
"It doesn't matter, Delilah." Nathaniel sighed, not wanting to discuss the matter any further. "She's going to marry another man and that's that. It's over. I've lost."
"You've not lost! You've just given up without even trying!" Delilah yelled, racing over to grab him and hold his eyes. "Do you still love her?"
"Yes! A million times yes! I love her with every ounce of my being!" Nathaniel retorted, shaking with the strength of that emotion, "I love her so much it hurts just to be near her and not to act on the impulse."
"Then fight! Fight for her, Nathaniel!" Delilah insisted, shaking him with her words – forcing him to see that she was right. "I am not wrong about this. Regardless of the time that's passed, and what's happened between you, the two of you are meant to be. I have never been more certain of anything in my life."
Nathaniel sat then, falling limp into the worn armchair near his sister's flickering hearth as he accepted what he was now resolved to do, regardless of the consequences.
When Nathaniel caught up to Elissa she was sitting out on the edge of the Chantry landing, feet dangling out over the wall as she read through the requests for aid she'd gathered from the Chantry Board behind them and the Merchant's Guild down below.
He felt like he was back in their youth again as he approached her, struggling to find something to say that would establish conversation without instigating an argument but desperate to make the connection. It was at that moment he noticed the statue of Andraste seated into the ground just behind where she sat.
"Well, that figures…" Nathaniel muttered, unintentionally drawing her attention before he'd actually meant to get it.
"What's that?" Elissa asked, shielding her eyes from the sun as she looked up to him.
"There used to be another statue here." Nathaniel answered, moving closer to her so that he could block the sun from her face with the shadow of his body. "It was of Byron Howe, my great-uncle. He died in the rebellion, helping Maric to reclaim the throne… but it's gone now, just like everything else. All because of what my father did."
"I can have them replace it if you want." Elissa offered, drawing him to look at her and see that she was sincere.
"Don't bother, no one here will want to see it." Nathaniel snorted, folding his arms over his chest.
"I'm certain there is a long list of people aiming their arrows at my head who would disagree with that sentiment." Elissa chuckled, watching the glare he tossed her in response to her continued need to laugh at the loss of her own life.
"Regardless, there is no point in putting it back up now." Nathaniel sighed, reaching down to offer his hands when he saw she was trying to stand. "There was a long line of heroes in my family, but that's all gone now."
"Then turn it around, Nathaniel." Elissa insisted, holding on to his hands longer than he'd imagined she would as she tried to impress her point upon him. "Stop complaining about what you've lost and do something to change it! The future is yours, it's what you make of it now. There's no one stopping you, but you."
"Right. No pressure there." Nathaniel smirked, chuckling to cover up his nerves when her words reminded him of what Delilah had set him to do. "Delilah wants me to come back, once all this is done. She's married, and due in the spring."
"That's wonderful news!" Elissa said, squeezing his hands then moving away – clearly uncomfortable at the mention of her name though she was genuinely happy to have seen her alive.
"She misses you, Elissa – and she holds no enmity toward you for Father's death." Nathaniel explained, watching the disbelief as it was replaced by a genuine feeling of joy on Elissa's face. "She says Father deserved to die, deserved to be stripped of everything…"
"But you don't believe her?" Elissa replied, reading it in his eyes even before he'd spoke it. "Your own sister and you don't believe her! You're impossible."
"I thought he had his reasons! It was a war, for Andraste's sake!" Nathaniel groused, pacing after her when she moved away from him in frustration. "Before I went to the Free Marches he was never…" he reached for the words, but found nothing. "How could he have changed so much?"
"Wait? This isn't about you not believing that your father was capable of it…" Elissa said, sudden realization coming into her as she turned back to Nathaniel – finally searching out what she'd been looking for in his eyes. "This is about you not forgiving yourself for being unable to prevent it. Nathaniel, this isn't your fault. None of this is your fault."
"What if I'd never left?" Nathaniel said, running his thumbs restlessly across the bare skin of her fingers where they weren't covered by her gloves and feeling the slight tremor that ran through her with his touch. "I didn't have much choice, but still… If I had known this sooner, I might have…"
"I've found it! I've found the cache!" Anders voice called out as he charged up the stairs with Oghren in tow. He caught the brief flicker of motion as Elissa snatched her hands away from Nathaniel's and tried to hide whatever she had been feeling back down behind her walls.
"Excellent. Let's go have a look, shall we?" Elissa said, clearing her throat as she shoved her journal and the various scraps of paper she had collected from the meeting boards throughout the city into her pack.
Nathaniel sighed as he watched her walk away, frustrated at the interruptions he seemed doomed to suffer any time he'd made any progress toward repairing the damaged landscape between them.
The main portion of the building Anders' contact had given him as the location of the Circle cache was completely empty, and though Anders himself was relieved, it left Elissa feeling distinctly unsettled.
"I can't believe they didn't leave a guard here!" Anders gloated, feeling particularly uplifted at the prospect of finally disposing of the one thing between him and complete freedom from Chantry oppression. "Your luck really is impressive, Commander."
"That's the thing, Anders… I'm not lucky." Elissa explained, eying every corner of the room carefully in her suspicion. "In fact, I'm distinctly unlucky… which means, this is very likely nothing more than a trap."
"For who? For me?" Anders asked, turning back to her and watching the raised eyebrow in response to what was apparently a silly question. "Why would they be trying to trap me now? You've already liberated me from the Circle. There'd be no reason to attempt to catch me now."
"I still think that…" Elissa began, growling in frustration when he darted into the room ahead of her in spite of her warning – forcing her to rush around the corner just to keep up and then stumbling to a stop against him and the group of angry Templars now standing in front of them.
"And here I almost believed the infamous Anders wouldn't take the bait." the woman holding Anders at sword point sneered, gleefully menacing the man.
"Ugh. I should have known it would be you, Rylock." Elissa huffed, rolling her eyes as she shifted slightly in front of him and leveled her own irritated glare at the woman.
She sensed the others filtering into the room behind her, giving them at least a minute advantage numbers wise when things inevitably fell apart. This particular Templar did not seem given to reason.
"You made a poor choice with this one, Commander." Rylock sneered, tapping the end of her sword against the top edge of Anders' robes and watching him swallow hard as he fought the resist to cast on her. "Anders will never submit. Not to us, and not to you."
"Anders has made a fine Warden so far." Elissa replied, continuing to subtly shift Anders behind her and pull the unbalanced Templar's focus in her direction. "Of course, that may be because I do not ask submission of him – simply the same respect I offer in return."
"Respect?" the woman snorted, rolling her eyes. "I heard rumor that you befriended a qunari during the Blight. Their idea of respect with regard to these monstrosities is the only one I'll ever acknowledge."
"You bitch…" Anders muttered, starting to step forward but stopped when Elissa wound her arm across his stomach and shoved him forcefully behind her – setting herself directly in the path of the woman's blade.
"Hand him over and I'll make sure this murderer is never a bother to anyone again." Rylock said, eyes cold as she stared at Anders just beyond Elissa's shoulder.
"You can't arrest me!" Anders yelled, hearing Elissa sigh that he could not simply relax instead of exacerbating an already explosive situation. "The King himself allowed my conscription!"
"The Chantry's authority supersedes the crown in this matter, regardless of what The Queen may have manipulated King Alistair to believe." Rylock hissed, daring to actually press the point of her blade against the upper edge of Elissa's armor. "You cannot hide within the Grey Warden ranks."
"I will tell you this one more time, Rylock… during which I suggest you drop your blade from my throat and consider the consequences of your actions…" Elissa said, voice pitched dangerously low and setting everyone in the room on edge. "Anders is a Grey Warden now. I will hand him over to no one willingly, least of all a stark raving lunatic like you. Now back off while you still can."
"I wish I could say this was surprising." Rylock chuckled, not only failing to move her sword but stepping even closer to Elissa as she spoke. "The Grey Wardens have always been a haven for criminals and maleficar – particularly during your time. It almost seems as though you seek them out."
"Choose your next words carefully." Elissa warned, fingers twitching in anticipation. "They may very well be your last."
"Turn the mage over to us now and I will consider the idea of neglecting to mention the way that you seem to have unnaturally bent the King to your will to the Divine when I'm done with him." Rylock threatened, menacing Elissa with the tip of her blade once more.
"That was not a wise choice." Elissa said, shoving Anders back far enough to draw her own blades without hitting him and hoping that he would understand to back out of the room and give them all space to fight.
He followed her unspoken command, moving out into the hall with Nathaniel as she and Oghren engaged the Templars directly. Oghren had the two men who had come along with her down in record time, but Rylock herself proved to be difficult to manage when fueled by her insanity.
Anders set himself to throw a paralysis spell at her but was thrown back as she leveled a massive smite in his direction, sending him scrambling to recover his senses and his footing. By the time he'd managed to stand again, it was over – the woman who had been a constant nightmare to him for years lying dead on the floor with her companions, one of Nathaniel's arrows protruding from her forehead.
"I-I…" Anders stuttered, really at a loss for words when he realized what Elissa had done for him – again. "Thank you. You stood by me when you didn't have to, I… I don't know what else to say. It sounds insufficient regardless."
"You're family now, Anders. I've told you that." Elissa replied, struggling to calm her breathing in the aftermath of the fight. "I'll not let them come after any of you without a fight. Family fights for each other even if they fight amongst each other as well."
They all shared in a laugh, even Nathaniel and Elissa tossing a hesitant smile across the room at the implications of that statement.
"Now, I need to head back to the Chantry and speak to someone about this mess." Elissa said, rubbing at her forehead wearily. "Anders, you and Oghren go ahead of us to the tavern. It's probably best that you aren't there when I tell them what I did and why."
"I'm not going to let you take the blame for this alone." Anders insisted, shaking his head.
"Yes, you are. I'm your Commander; it's what I do. Besides, I suspect it's actually Alistair that will take the blame in the end." Elissa sighed, dreading the idea of telling him but adding it to the rapidly gathering pile of things they'd argue over when he returned. "Ugh… that is not a conversation I'm looking forward to having."
"I'm sorry. I should have thought about it. It was selfish of me to ask you to do this." Anders said, feeling horrible about the whole mess.
"Don't worry about it. Obviously Rylock would have come back for you anyway." Elissa replied, shuffling them in the direction of the door. "You just forced us to address it now rather than later, and she did threaten me with a sword so… that will make Alistair distinctly less likely to stay angry about it for long."
Anders didn't like it, but he allowed himself to be corralled out the door and directed off with Oghren in the direction of the tavern.
"Do you want me to go with you?" Nathaniel offered, opting to give her the option of sending him away rather than forcing her to accept his company.
"No, it's not necessary. Go with the others, get something to eat." Elissa insisted, ushering him off as well. "Use that coin I gave you earlier which you seem resolutely set against spending."
He chuckled as he left, leaving her to deal with the fallout of the slaughtered Templars.
When Elissa finally found her way to the tavern, the last rays of sunlight were fading from the Amaranthine sky. She was exhausted, but distinctly more hopeful than when she'd started the day, having run into Wynne inside the Chantry walls.
The elder mage had reassured her that she was capable of doing anything she set her mind to, and that all she had to do was have faith in her companions' abilities to offer the support she would require.
They had spoken at length about her melancholy at the separation from Alistair, and Wynne had calmly reminded her that they'd survived such a divide before and would no doubt do it again. Elissa did not mention Nathaniel, knowing that the omission of his presence said more than an explanation ever would have.
She felt guilty and confused and more than anything she ached for Alistair to return to her. She knew that regardless of the arguments they would have about the things she had kept from him, she would feel infinitely more secure with his reassuring presence at her side. She felt adrift without him.
Inside the tavern, Oghren was already three sheets to the wind at a table in the far corner of the room while Anders was busy chatting up two of the establishment's pretty barmaids. She rolled her eyes at him as she passed by, intentionally avoiding making eye contact with Nathaniel though she'd seen enough to know he was tending to his bow by the fire to her left.
"Can I do something for you, friend?" the tavern keep asked, smiling at her as she leaned against the counter across from him.
"I certainly hope so." Elissa chuckled, ready to be done with her exceptionally long day. "Did a Grey Warden by the name of Kristoff happen to come through here?"
"Aye, he's been here. Not sure where he's gone though. Disappeared nearly a week ago, haven't heard from him since." the man replied, wiping at the counter with his rag.
"I suppose it's too much to hope that he might have mentioned what he was looking for here in the city?" Elissa asked, hopeful but ready to be let down. Wardens tended to be secretive, as she herself knew all too well.
"Didn't say much to me, but he chatted Sorcha up a bit when she brought him his dinner." The man explained, tilting his head in the direction of the barmaid he spoke of. "Might want to talk to her if it's information you're after."
"Was he keeping a room?" Elissa asked, hopeful that if he'd taken enough time to befriend one of the employees he'd also thought to take a base of operation there as well.
"He was." The tavern keep replied, eying her suspiciously. "Though you'll have to make a pretty good case for why I should allow you to invade the man's privacy."
"I'm the Warden-Commander of Ferelden, which would make me his superior officer." Elissa replied, watching it register on the man's face exactly who she was. "I'd imagine that gives me as much right as anyone to rifle through his belongings, especially since I only aim to try and discover where he's gone."
"That will suffice." the man replied, reaching into his pocket and drawing out the key she required. "It's the last room at the end of the hall, and he's paid up on it through the end of the month if you'd like to stay the night."
"Yes, actually. Though – I've three of my men along as well. I'll need to see to their lodging before I claim one for my own." Elissa replied, pulling out the coin she would need to pay for the night.
"I'm happy to offer you the space that I can, unfortunately there are only two other rooms free tonight aside from the one you're taking in the absence of your fellow Warden." the man explained, taking what he needed to book the rooms and returning what was left to her hands.
"Then I'll take what you have, and two of them will simply have to share." Elissa replied, claiming the other two keys and winking at him as she walked away. She beckoned Anders to join her over at Nathaniel's table by the fire – watching him reluctantly remove himself from the company of the barmaids.
"You tell me to find a lady friend and then interrupt my banter." Anders chastised, pouting as he found his way into a chair opposite Nathaniel's.
"I'll send you right back to it, I simply called you over to give you a room key and tell you I've booked rooms for the night." Elissa explained, chuckling lightly at him as she shoved the keys in each of their directions. "I'm staying in Kristoff's room, but there are two others. One of you will have to share with Oghren."
"Why can't one of us share with you?" Anders quipped, winking at her. "It seems far more appealing an option than sharing with a rash ridden dwarf."
"Perhaps to you." Elissa laughed, patting his shoulder. "Besides, I tend to hog the blankets whereas Oghren will probably sleep on the floor." She wandered off after that, giving a half nod of acknowledgement to Nathaniel as she made her way up the steps and down the long hall to Kristoff's room.
When Nathaniel finally managed the courage it took to make his way to her room, it was several hours later. He'd sat in front of the fire for some time oiling his bow and fletching some arrows, anything he could come up with to fight down the raging case of nerves welling up within him.
He finally remembered Fergus' advice from years before when it came to dealing with a potentially temperamental Elissa, and used what was left of his coin purse to order a large variety of food and a tankard of ale to take up to her room. Arms fully loaded, he made his way down the hall to knock at her door.
"Come in." she called from inside, and he pressed the door open – watching the slow pass of her eyes up to his from where she sat on the couch in front of the fire. "What's all that?" she laughed, letting the journal fall back into her lap as she eyed him suspiciously.
"You didn't eat anything. I thought you were probably hungry." Nathaniel replied, smiling back at her as he put his offerings down on the table in front of her and sat on the opposite end of the couch – watching her pull her feet back so that she wouldn't actually touch him.
"I am actually." she said, reaching out to grab a wedge of cheese off the plate and take a bite from it. "Thank you for thinking of me."
She was out of her armor and dressed in a simple linen shirt and pants, her hair down loose at her shoulders. He could smell the waves of lilac coming off of her and knew she'd taken a bath sometime between now and when she'd left them in the tavern below.
"Made any headway in figuring out where our missing Warden has gone?" Nathaniel asked, trying to fight through some of the tension with less serious conversation.
"Maybe. There are several notations in his journal about the Blackmarsh." Elissa said, munching on another hunk of cheese and watching the recognition of the name ring in Nathaniel's mind just as it had her own. "As he's also circled it several times on that map pinned to the wall, I'm fairly certain if he's to be found – it's going to be there."
"Father said that one day the Blackmarsh was thriving, and the next everyone was just...gone." Nathaniel said, standing to walk over and look at the map that Elissa had indicated. "Have you any idea what he went looking for?"
"According to his notes there are…" Elissa said, leaning forward to touch the pages of his journal where it lay on the table at her side and stretching her legs back across the couch in the process. "…scattered reports of talking darkspawn and a wormlike creature with legs that travels along with the darkspawn. He seemed as reluctant to believe such things as I would be had I not already seen some of it with my own eyes."
"So it's true?" Nathaniel asked, picking her legs up and laying them out across his lap without even realizing what he was doing. "The creatures have started to speak?"
"I have spoken to one thus far, but yes – it would seem that these darkspawn have been altered somehow from those we have encountered in the past." Elissa explained, fighting against the urge to flinch away from his touch as he settled back into the couch beside her and brought her legs to rest against his lap.
"What about the hunters?" Nathaniel asked, still not registering what he'd done as he reached over to pick up and thumb through the missing Warden's journal for himself. "Did they mention speaking darkspawn?"
"Speaking, no? Oddly behaving swarms that boiled out of the earth and paid them no mind, yes!" Elissa replied, leaning forward to grab another finger full of food off the plate. "Two men, injured no less, and a group of spawn pass them right by without even a second glance. It doesn't add up. None of it does."
"What does it mean?" Nathaniel asked, letting the book fall down against her shins as he reached up to absently rub at her foot while he read the next pages.
"I-I don't know…" Elissa replied, fighting the urge to groan as he pressed against a sore spot in her aching feet. She should really discourage him from touching her, and she knew it – but the pressure just felt so good. "It can't be good though."
She reached over for the bottle on her table then, anxious to silence the chatter in her head as she was hit again by the waves of confusion that just seemed to radiate between them whenever she and Nathaniel found themselves alone together.
"When did you start drinking so much?" Nathaniel chuckled, watching her take a long pull from the bottle and shifting the journal to the floor as he focused his attention on her other foot.
"Orzammar I guess, after the Provings." Elissa replied, tilting her head back and allowing herself to enjoy the tension being worked out of her muscles beneath Nathaniel's gentle but insistent fingers.
"You watched the Provings?" Nathaniel asked, genuinely surprised.
"I won the Provings." Elissa smirked, taking another drink from the bottle and allowing it to dangle from her fingertips just above the floor.
"You did not!" Nathaniel laughed, his fingers stilling as he smiled.
"Did too! Ask Oghren!" Elissa replied, kicking gently at him to get him to start again.
"I can't believe it, but you actually did go out and do it all – didn't you?" Nathaniel asked, unable to stop himself from beaming with pride at her.
"What?" Elissa asked, smiling back at him though she was confused by his point.
"All the things we used to dream about as teenagers. All the things we used to imagine we'd do together." Nathaniel said, the weight of her body against his own suddenly seeming incredibly arousing no matter how innocent he'd intended it to be.
"Actually, now that I think about it – I have checked off quite a few." Elissa laughed, starting to count things off on her fingers. "Won a battle royale, saw the highest mountains and the furthest reaches of the Waking Sea, slayed a dragon." His eyes went wide at that one, which only made her smile broader. "Did that one several times over, though I'm not sure if Flemeth or the Archdemon actually count…"
"Flemeth! As in the Witch of the Wilds!" Nathaniel gasped, reaching over to take the bottle from her hand after she'd drank from it again, aiming to take a drink for himself in an attempt to calm his raging hormones at being so near to her again when they were not at each others throats.
"The very same." Elissa replied, trying to stop him from taking the long drink she saw coming from the bottle with a half-hearted warning, "careful, that's…" she watched him flinch and cough as the liquid hit his throat. "…quite strong…"
"Holy Maker! What in the bloody hell is this?" Nathaniel asked, continuing to cough as he held the bottle out to inspect it.
"Something Oghren gave me." Elissa laughed, smirking at him. "Dragon's Piss I think he called it."
"Dragon's Piss indeed." Nathaniel chuckled, putting the bottle down on the table in front of them with a disgusted look on his face. "You could have warned me."
"What, and miss the look on your face right now?" Elissa laughed, settling back against the arm of the couch as he started to rub at her feet again. "Absolutely not."
They sat in companionable silence for a moment, simply enjoying the warmth of the body next to them and the idea that in time things between them might heal to a level that was at least bearable given some time.
"I have to find this Warden, Nathaniel." Elissa said, drawing his eyes to her where she stared into the fire. "I found these letters from his wife. She was on her way here from Jadar to join him at The Keep before he disappeared." She turned up to look at him then, and he could see the pain in her eyes. "I know it's entirely possible that he could be dead, and if he is then I'll deal with it. But the idea that she could go the rest of her life simply not knowing what's happened to him. I can't stomach it."
"That must have been quite a letter." Nathaniel said, wondering what the woman could have written to so affect the woman beside him.
"Letters can be powerful things when you've nothing else to go on." Elissa replied, watching the emotions flicker through the stormy grey of his eyes as she held them with her own.
"They can also be destructive when they're used to say goodbye." Nathaniel replied, tossing his own injurious comment out in response to her own. "Tell me, how does the King's uncle feel about watching his promised bride marry another man?"
"What? Are you talking about Teagan?" Elissa croaked, barely able to contain her laughter at the thought. "The man's a right flirt, that's for sure – but I was never set to marry him. Whatever gave you that idea?"
"You gave me that idea!" Nathaniel retorted, temper rising that she could forget writing the most horrific piece of post he'd ever received.
"I did no such thing!" Elissa hissed, folding her arms over her chest and watching him toss her legs out of his lap and stride over to the door. He returned a moment later from his room with a battered piece of parchment, which he tossed unceremoniously to the couch beside her, watching it flutter down to the spot where he'd just been sitting.
Nathaniel,
I can wait no longer. This burden has become too much for me to bear.
Mother has suggested a match with Teagan Guerrin, and though he is a few years my senior, he is an honorable man with a good heart and would tolerate my idiosyncrasies as well as can be expected.
The match will be beneficial to my family, and I find that I must do my duty and pursue it.
I wish you the best.
Elissa
"This… this is my handwriting, Nathaniel – but I never wrote this." Elissa insisted, eyes flickering up to his as it dawned on her what was happening.
"What do you mean you never wrote it?" Nathaniel grumbled, rubbing at his temples. "It's right there, plain as day."
"Wait, just wait." Elissa insisted, reaching for her journal and flipping through the pages to retrieve a battered page of her own. She held it out to him and waited for him to take it.
Elissa,
My time in the Free Marches has left me a changed man. I have found in this place, and in these people a home that I could never have in Ferelden.
I have held these words back from you for so long because I did not wish to cause you pain; but the more I thought on it - the more I realized that telling you the truth was the honorable thing to do, even though it will hurt you.
I do not plan to return from the Free Marches. I have met someone, and she has given me a reason to stay.
I am sorry to have allowed you to believe in the illusion of our relationship for so long. It was cruel, and I do not expect to be forgiven.
Nathaniel
"This isn't mine." Nathaniel said, completely confused as he ran his eyes over the words again – searching for some memory of writing them as the handwriting was identical to his own. "Where did you get this?"
"In the post, same as you I'd imagine." Elissa said, watching him fall back into the couch beside her as the realization that they'd been played like pawns yet again washed over them both.
"So you never accepted a marriage proposal from Teagan Guerrin?" Nathaniel asked, though he already knew the answer.
"Maker no! There wasn't even an offer as far as I know." Elissa said, shaking her head.
"Well I certainly never met anyone in the Free Marches, nor did I ever have any intention to stay." Nathaniel assured her, tossing the old letter onto the table where she'd already lain the one he'd brought to her. "I spent every day missing you. You were the only thing that kept me going through most of it… I was lost for quite some time after I thought you were gone."
"I know the feeling." Elissa replied, chuckling sadly and picking at the edge of her sleeve to avoid his eyes.
"Kiss me." Nathaniel said, leaning over to her suddenly and taking her face within his hands – forcing her to look up at him.
"What?" Elissa said, trying to pull away from him. "You've had too much to drink, Nathaniel."
"I've had one pull from your bottle and a single flask of ale in the tavern, that's hardly enough to put down someone with my tolerance." Nathaniel insisted, refusing to allow her to slip away. "I know exactly what I'm asking of you."
"I'm not kissing you!" Elissa insisted, finally managing to elude him and get to her feet – scrambling back against the map on the far wall. "I think you should go."
"I'm not letting this go, Elissa." Nathaniel insisted, coming to stand in front of her and trapping her against the wall with a hand on either side of her body. "Kiss me. Kiss me and prove it's over. If it is, if there's nothing left between us, then I'll walk away – I'll let you reassign me to the Anderfels if you want."
"I don't have to prove anything to you!" Elissa hissed, glaring up at him and fighting the trembling in her legs and arms. He was so close, and he smelled so good. It was a matter of inches and she could have him again – just a simple matter of inches. "Alistair is a good man, and I love him."
"A good man whose ring you aren't wearing." Nathaniel said, watching her glance down to her bare finger.
"I'm not wearing it because it makes swordplay difficult to manage." Elissa insisted, repeating the excuse she'd made for herself when she took off his ring and left it back in her room at The Keep.
"I don't care why you aren't wearing it. I don't care if you put it back on tomorrow." Nathaniel insisted, leaning in closer to her and brushing his nose against her own. "I just want to know if there is any reason to keep hoping that what we lost can be found again."
"It can't, Nathaniel." Elissa said, meeting his eyes and nearly being consumed by everything she could see burning there. "What we had was… it doesn't matter what it was. It's over, and we can never get it back."
"Then kiss me and put it to rest." Nathaniel said, dipping in further but not actually making contact with her lips though he could feel her breath mingling with his own.
"I won't do that to Alistair." Elissa said, shaking her head.
"But you'll allow your friend to see you nearly naked and paw at you? I don't see how my request is any different. It's quite tame in comparison." Nathaniel snorted, rolling his eyes.
"That's different and you know it." Elissa hissed, eyes narrowing as anger began to work its way in among the confusing swell of desire.
"It's very different, because you love me still… just like I love you." Nathaniel insisted, watching his words hit home and bloom into life within the shining depths of her emerald eyes.
"I don't…" Elissa swore, her voice shaking just like her body.
"Then kiss me. Kiss me and I'll know, we will both know. Then we can move on, forward, backward, sideways… I don't care. I'll go wherever you tell me to go. Wherever you want me to go." Nathaniel said, leaning in and tugging her hard against him – knowing she'd feel just how much he wanted her but not caring to hide it anymore.
"Get out." Elissa said, weakly at first, eyes pressed shut as she struggled to find the strength to say no to his demands. "Get out of my room!" she yelled it then, pulling free from his arms and shoving him away.
"As you wish." Nathaniel responded, infuriated that she had denied him when it was obvious that she still desired him every bit as much as he desired her.
He stalked out of the room after that, slamming her door behind him and missing the motion of her crumbling to the floor and giving herself over to the wracking force of her tears.