I know it's been ages since I added to this one, but I knew where I wanted it to go and couldn't quite work out how to get there. Finally, I got it sorted out in my head one evening in the shower. Funny how that can work out, isn't it?
It was a Hogsmeade weekend, but instead of being out with her friends, Sasha was stuck in the hospital wing. One of her classmates had made a mistake in Potions class, and Sasha had been unfortunate enough to bear the brunt of the splatter. Both Madam Pomfrey and Professor Slughorn assured her that the huge hideous open sores would be gone by Monday, at the latest, but in the meantime, she would need to stay here where she could be properly tended. Honestly, she wouldn't have left even if she'd been allowed to. She needed the regular doses of pain potion far too much to argue against her confinement.
Adrianne came to visit her before setting off for Hogsmeade, and promised to bring her back some chocolates from Honeydukes. Just before Adri left, Severus arrived with a bunch of flowers that Sasha knew had come from the forest. He could have gotten in trouble for having them, but Madam Pomfrey had simply given Sasha a knowing little smile and looked the other way.
"Ah, your Romeo comes bearing gifts" Adri teased.
"Don't say that. Things didn't go too well for Romeo, or Juliet, if you recall" Sasha whispered.
Adrianne smirked at Severus. "Well, I'm off. Try not to have too much fun while I'm gone, will you?"
"Oh I'll do my best. Behave yourself!" Sasha said, wincing when she foolishly lifted a hand to wave.
"You need to keep still" Severus scolded her. "You'll make the sores worse."
As happy as she was to see him, it was terribly embarrassing for him to be seeing her at the moment, oozing and blotchy as she was. She blushed.
"Yes, sometimes I forget" she sighed.
"From what I've heard Morgan Thompson is a menace anywhere near a cauldron" he grumbled. Suddenly though a sly smile appeared on his face. "Although, something tells me he'll be a bit more careful in the future."
Sasha knew what that look meant. "What did you do to him?" she asked, not quite sure whether to be proud or disgusted.
Severus shrugged, trying to look innocent and failing. "What makes you think I did anything?"
She didn't want to smile, but she couldn't help it. "I know you, that's what."
"Don't worry about it. I just want you to worry about getting better. My nights are going to be a lot less pleasant while you're stuck in here, and I want you back as soon as possible."
I love him so much she thought. I love him so much I could simply die of it.
"I'll do my best" she said. "They told me that I should be back to normal by Monday, anyway. I hope so. I feel like my skin's on fire."
Severus pulled a small metal container out of his robe pocket. "Try this" he said, handing it to her. "It's likely much better than anything they've got in here."
"What is it?" she asked.
"Just a salve I came up with. It'll help to ease the pain, and make the sores go away a bit faster. It works. I tested it."
"Who did you test it on?"
He looked a bit uncomfortable, but answered her anyway. "Me."
Sasha gave him a worried look. "How?"
He shrugged again. "I wasn't going to give it to you unless I could be sure of what it would do. I stuck my arm in a candle flame, and this healed the worst of the burn." Seeing her horrified look, he blushed. "It's not a big deal. I'm fine."
"Severus you shouldn't hurt yourself to test out healing concoctions!"
"Settle down. It was just a little burn. I didn't set myself ablaze, for Merlin's sake. You're far too emotional sometimes." He smirked at her, doing his best to hide the fact that her scolding made him feel like an idiot.
Sasha sighed. "Well, thank you, anyway. I know what you're capable of, and I'm sure it'll be a big help. You really should become a healer when you graduate. You're very good at it."
"I have loftier ambitions than that, although I thank you for the compliment" he said, feeling a bit better. "Anyway, how should we amuse ourselves this afternoon?"
She stared at him. "What are talking about? Aren't you going into Hogsmeade with the others?"
He shook his head slowly. "No. I've seen it, and not much changes. I'd rather be here. What do you want to do?"
Gazing at him with adoring eyes, she whispered "There's plenty I'd like to do, but Madam Pomfrey's lurking about, and these nasty blotches would take all the fun out of it I'm afraid."
He grinned.
"Would you read to me?" she asked him.
He raised his eyebrow, and she giggled. She loved it when he did that.
"All I have with me is my NEWT potions book."
It was her turn to shrug, even though it hurt to do it. "I don't care. It's fine."
Several hours later, Madam Pomfrey finally told Severus that he had to leave so that the patient could get some rest, and Sasha was again on her own. As much as she hated to see him go, she was grateful to have the time to lay there in silence and think. He had given up a day out in town to come and be with her, cooped up in the hospital wing. He had actually burned himself in order to test out a healing salve he made to soothe her wounds. He'd brought her beautiful flowers that could have earned him several detentions for having been out in the forest. How did he manage to keep getting more and more amazingly wonderful?
Suddenly her lovesick musings were interrupted by a bit of a ruckus from the doorway. When Sasha saw who was causing it her eyes widened in shock. James Potter and his friends, Black, Lupin, and Pettigrew were escorting a crying young witch into the room. It was Adrianne, and her face was bleeding.
"Adri!" Sasha called, horrified.
Madam Pomfrey descended on the group immediately, and Potter began quietly explaining to her what had happened because Adrianne was too upset to do so herself. Sasha couldn't hear what was being said, and she was tempted to jump out of bed to go and get some answers, sores or not.
Apparently Remus Lupin had noticed her concern, because he left his friends to come over to her bedside.
"She's all right now" he said gently. "She'll be ok."
"What happened?" Sasha asked, forgetting the fact that this was a Gryffindor, and one of her and Sev's sworn enemies.
Lupin looked nervous. "She was attacked on the way back from Hogsmeade."
"Attacked? By what?"
"You mean by who" corrected Sirius Black, who had come over to join Lupin. "He stunned her and was trying to pull her off the path when we came along. James took care of him."
Sasha's mouth hung open in her horror. "Who did that? Who would do that?"
"Avery" spat Sirius, the disgust evident on his face. "Filthy Slytherin git."
"He's up with the Headmaster right now" Remus said quickly, obviously trying to make up for his friend's roughness. "I imagine he'll be expelled."
"Only if James can talk that ridiculous girl into telling the truth" Sirius growled. "As of a few minutes ago, she was saying she didn't want to."
"What?" Sasha shook her head. "Why in the world not?"
Remus sighed. "She's afraid" he explained. "She thinks that his family will retaliate if he's sent away from school."
"Death eater scum…" Sirius mumbled.
Sasha groaned. It made sense. She knew that Adrianne was probably right. There were some wizarding families that it could be very dangerous to anger, and getting that particular boy kicked out of Hogwarts would certainly put her into a risky situation. Potentially a fatal one.
"Well, if he isn't expelled Severus will make him wish he'd never been born" she said, mostly to herself, but still loud enough for the Gryffindor boys to hear.
Sirius let out a derisive snort. "I wouldn't bet on that, if I were you."
Remus grabbed his friend's sleeve and gave it a little tug. When Black looked at him he shook his head, warning him to tread carefully.
Suddenly remembering past grudges, Sasha glared. "You don't know as much as you think you do" she said. "Severus Snape is not a wizard who'd stand by and let his friends be hurt without justice."
Black and Lupin exchanged another glance. "Well" Sirius said, more gently this time, "I suppose we'll see, won't we?"
Adrianne didn't come over to speak with Sasha. Madam Pomfrey tended the cut on her face, and then led her out of the room. Potter and Pettigrew walked over to where their friends were talking.
"Well?" asked Sirius. "Is she going to tell them?"
Potter shook his head. "I told Madam Pomfrey what happened, but she denied it. She said she tripped on a rock and hit her face, and that Avery was trying to help her up. She said that we had the wrong idea. I suppose we should at least be glad that she didn't try to blame it all on us."
Sasha felt sick, and suddenly her sores, which she had forgotten in her worry for Adri, burned more than ever. "Adri wouldn't ever do that" she said to him, looking him right in the eyes. "You helped her. She wouldn't do that."
Potter shrugged, and with a gesture to his gang, turned to leave. Black and Pettigrew followed immediately, but Lupin turned back to Sasha.
"Can't you talk to her?" he asked. "Persuade her to tell the Headmaster the truth?"
Sasha shook her head. "I don't think so. She's right. Starting a war with… those people… is a death sentence. Thank you for your help. I'll remember what you did, and I know that Adri will too. It's just… it's better if you all just let it go. Something will be done. Severus will think of something, I'm sure of it."
She could tell by the look on his face that he thought she was wrong, but there was something else there in his eyes as well. Pity?
"I hope you're right" he said, before turning to follow his friends.
Adrianne didn't come to visit Sasha on Sunday. It made her anxious, but she resigned herself to waiting to get her best friend's side of the story. This incident had to have shaken her up quite a bit, and Sasha thought she'd probably open up once she was ready.
When Severus came in before dinner she immediately brought up what had happened.
"Severus, Avery attacked…"
His hand shot out so fast to cover her mouth that she let out a little yelp of surprise. "Hush" he said. "I know what happened, and I don't want you to talk about it. Everything's fine. Let it go."
Sasha stared at him in amazement. When he removed his hand she said "What?"
He sighed, and sat down on the bed next to her. "She tripped on a rock. That's what she said. Let it go."
"Severus! You know very well that…" she saw him stiffen, and stopped talking. She didn't think she could take it if he moved to silence her again. After a few seconds of awkwardness, she finally whispered "I can't believe that you're on his side."
He gave her an irritated look. "Don't be ridiculous." He was whispering too. "I don't approve, obviously. It's disgusting, and I am sorry for your friend, but I think you should respect her decision. You can't be so ignorant as to think she could have him expelled and get away with it."
"Get away with it? It's him who is getting away with something, not Adri, and he shouldn't be. I thought for sure you'd be able to come up with something we could do…"
"Me?" he asked. "What could I possibly do, other than ruin my chances at greatness, and likely get myself killed in the process? Is that what you want? I thought you cared for me more than that. Your friend has saved herself with her silence and there is nothing more for you to worry about."
"They were right" she said, feeling tears gather in her eyes. "They told me you wouldn't do anything, and I didn't believe them, but they were right."
Severus' eyes narrowed. "Who? Who were you talking to?"
"Black said it, and the others were thinking it, I could tell. They saved her, and put themselves at risk, only to be made to look like fools when she said they'd made a mistake. I said you'd do something, but they knew better. I've been so stupid."
The way his eyes bored into hers she felt like he could see right into her brain. He was fully glaring at her now, and she actually felt a little stab of fear. Fear of the one she loved. It made her shudder.
He stood up and stalked from the room without giving her even a backwards glance.
That night Sasha cried herself to sleep.
Monday morning she was released from the hospital wing at last, and she made her way to her first class still feeling hopelessly depressed. When she caught up to Adrianne in the hall she slipped her hand into her friend's without a word. Adri turned to look at her, and there was an unspoken understanding between them. They didn't need to talk about it, and it was better if they didn't.
That day when she passed Remus Lupin in the corridor she said "Thanks again. Tell your friends please, for us. You were right." The sympathetic look on his face told her that he knew what she was talking about.
Wednesday evening in the great hall Sasha was surprised when a piece of parchment folded into a small bird fluttered over and landed in the middle of her uneaten dinner. Adrianne looked over at it, and then at Sasha. She was silently asking a question. When Sasha picked up the bird her friend turned away from her and started talking to Clara. Sasha knew she had failed the test, and her chest tightened with guilt.
The note was, of course, from Severus.
Sasha, I'm sorry. Meet me in the common room at our usual time. We have to talk about this.
She looked down the table to see him watching her, and she nodded.
"Innes?" said a voice from behind her. She turned around and looked up to see James Potter. Adrianne went rigid as a board and stared down at her food to avoid looking at him.
"Potter" Sasha said coolly.
"Can I talk to you a moment at my table?"
Confused but intrigued, she nodded and followed him over to where the Gryffindors sat. Black, much to her surprise, scooted over so she could sit down. Evans was with them, of course, and Sasha suddenly regretted accepting the invitation.
Potter studied her face for a long moment before he spoke. "I uh… well, I just wanted to tell you… We understand. We know you don't like how things turned out any more than we do, and we know that you expected a different reaction from…" he looked at Lily and his girlfriend gave a slight nod. "From certain members of your house. I know in the past there's been some trouble between us, and we just wanted you to know that there won't be any more. Truce?"
Sasha wasn't sure what she should say. She looked at Lupin and he smiled. He's nice, that one she thought. I never thought I'd be having this sort of talk with this lot, but here I am.
Finally, she nodded. "Truce. Thank you."
When she stood to go back to her own table, she nearly died on the spot when Lily Evans stood up and grabbed her hand. "I know you wanted to believe better of him. I did too, but… people have to make their own choices, and he's made the wrong ones. We can't help him, either of us. Protect yourself."
Oh this is so horrible! Not knowing how to respond, Sasha simply nodded and fled the scene. Adrianne was no longer there when she got back, and when she made her way up the Slytherin girls' dormitory, Adri was in bed with the lights out. Sasha knew that she wasn't sleeping, but she didn't dare say anything.
Sitting in the dark in the Slytherin common room, waiting for Severus, Sasha couldn't get the odd meeting with the Gryffindors out of her head. It had been so completely unexpected that it felt like some sort of odd dream. Nightmare, she thought.
"How much did he offer you?" said a voice, cold as steel, from the doorway, as Severus stepped through.
"What?"
"Potter" he said. "How much did he offer to pay you for humiliating me?"
Sasha shook her head. "What in the hell are you talking about?"
"I felt like such a bastard for upsetting you the other day. All I could think about was making it right somehow. I would have risked my life to make it up to you. I was going to go after Avery to prove to you that I was sorry. Then I saw you over at the Gryffindor table. Talking to them."
"Severus, they just wanted to talk about what happened to Adrianne. That's all. I don't know why you would think…"
"Your roommate told me everything" he cut in, a cold rage seething in his voice, although he kept it quiet and calm. "Clara Fielding approached me in the corridor after dinner. She told me how Potter had hired you to… to get close to me so you could give them information. She said that when things got… intimate… with us Potter set up a plan for you to lead me on a while until the perfect time came for you to… to tell everyone how pathetic I was." His voice cracked, and Sasha felt her heart crack right along with it.
"Severus that's a lie! I never! I would never!"
"Did you tell them about my note? That I wanted to apologize? Did they laugh? Did Lily… did she know what you were up to?" He was shaking.
"No! None of this is true! Clara's lying! It has to be Avery. He must have somehow convinced her to say these things to you. I swear to you that I would never hurt you, Severus I love you!"
She did love him. She loved him still, even after he had let her down with the mess Avery had caused. She loved him, and couldn't stop. He said he had intended to risk himself after all in order to make amends with her, and now, because of a cruel lie, he was looking at her with hatred in his eyes.
"It's ok that you didn't stand up to Avery" she said, desperately. "I don't care. I wouldn't want you to risk yourself, honestly, and I didn't think about it properly before because I was so upset for Adrianne. I would die if anything happened to you and those people are dangerous…"
He laughed. "Yes. We are dangerous" he snarled. "You'd do well to remember that the next time you find yourself tempted to start scheming with our enemies."
It hurt her to hear him refer to himself as one of them, even though deep down she'd known for quite some time he was planning to join them. She'd known long before she had been able to admit it to herself.
"Severus don't make me your enemy. I'm telling you the truth. I would never want to hurt you. I would die before I would hurt you. I love you. I love you so much it feels like I could explode sometimes, and I don't want to lose you. Please believe me!"
In truth, he wanted to believe her. He wanted to believe everything she said. He wanted to let his heart finally open up enough so that maybe, just maybe, in time he could come to love her too. He wanted to love her like he loved Lily. He wanted to love her more than he loved Lily so that he could forget all of the pain and the torment and finally be happy. He wanted it more than anything.
Unfortunately, he couldn't. He couldn't take the risk. She had betrayed him, he was sure of it, and if he gave her the chance she would ruin him.
Taking a deep breath, and constructing a wall of hatred and iron will around his emotions, he said "Stay away from me. I want nothing further to do with you, and if you don't keep out of my way I will make you regret it. I will have no mercy for you… or your friends."
As she watched Severus exit through the door he had so recently entered Sasha began to sob. She sank to her knees and let her face hit the cold dungeon floor. She believed what he told her. There would be no repairing what had been destroyed. He was lost to her now forever, and she knew that her heart would never be completely whole again.