The remainder of the year was agonizing for Sasha. She confronted Clara about her betrayal, and found out that Avery had given her a choice. She could either do as he asked, telling Severus the story he gave her, and in return be under his protection, or she could refuse, and suffer "severe consequences."
"I didn't want to do it" Clara insisted, unwilling to meet Sasha's eyes. "I had to though, didn't I? Besides, it's only Snape. I told you that it was no good, you seeing him. He's leaving at the end of the year anyway. You'll find someone else. It's really not a big deal."
Sasha had been so filled with rage she hadn't been able to see clearly. Her hand had actually gone to her wand without her even thinking of it. Every instinct she had was screaming for vengeance, and if Adrianne hadn't grabbed her arm, she would've done something terrible.
The touch of her best friend's hand snapped her out of her blind furor, and she sank to her knees, wracked with uncontrollable sobs. Her grief was immense. She hadn't known she could hurt so much without physical injury.
Adrianne glared at Clara. "Not a big deal? That's shite and you know it. You did what you had to do, but don't try and pretend it was nothing. For fuck's sake Clara, her heart's broken. How about a little sensitivity, at least?"
Sasha didn't blame Clara. Not really. She didn't blame her any more than she could blame Adri for not telling the truth about her attack. Getting on the wrong side of the death eaters was dangerous business, and they were living in uncertain times. The ones to blame were the death eaters themselves, and their evil master. Sasha hated herself for not speaking up sooner against Severus' involvement with them. It hurt her heart to think of him doing the sorts of things they did, and she was convinced that if she hadn't been too timid to confront him sooner, and too afraid to tell him how she really felt about him, maybe she could have made a difference. Maybe he would have seen that he was making a mistake.
Severus stayed true to his word, and he didn't speak to Sasha again. He graduated from Hogwarts, along with the rest of his class, and went off, no doubt, to officially join up with his twisted dark brethren and their murderous leader. She tried to send him an owl, a week into the summer. Once again she tried to explain to him that she had never betrayed him. She never received a response.
She did however manage to stay in touch with a few of his classmates. When Adrianne swallowed poison to avoid being forced into an arranged pure-blood marriage, Lily Evans and Remus Lupin both sent cards of condolence to Sasha. Lily even offered to accompany her to the funeral, but Sasha declined, not wanting Lily's blood-status to put her at risk at an event that would be full of pure-bloods and likely some death eaters as well.
Sasha had thought that losing Severus was the worst thing that had ever happened to her. As it turned out, losing her best friend was much worse. She hated Adri's family for driving her to suicide. She hated all of the purist fools who would rather see their children dead than married to someone of the wrong lineage. She hated herself for not being able to help the girl who had been like a sister to her to escape before she took the worst way out. Life would never quite be the same now, and she knew it.
During the painful, sorrow-filled time after Adri's death Sasha was very thankful for the support that her former Gryffindor enemies offered her. It turned out that in spite of some despicable acts in the past, for the most part their hearts actually were in the right place. She still felt a bit guilty, associating with the people who had spent their school careers tormenting the love of her life. She supposed that was only natural. As long as she reminded herself that he had left her, and now thought no better of her than he did the rest of them, it was something she could live with. The fact that he had actually believed she would do the things she'd been accused of was proof that he had never really known her at all, and he was a member now of the most evil group of wizards that their world had possibly ever seen. Whether it hurt or not, he was no longer a part of her life, by his own choice, and there was nothing she could do about it.
Spending time with Lily Evans brought many mixed emotions. This was the girl she had envied and despised. This was the one person who Sasha was absolutely sure could have saved Severus if she'd been willing. This was the girl who had possessed the one thing that Sasha wanted most… Severus' love. She had possessed it completely, and she didn't even want it to begin with. In spite of this, the young witch was hard not to like. She was sweet, bright, and funny. She was bold and determined, and she wasn't intimidated by anyone. This was the sort of girl who would not be afraid to stand up to the death eaters.
James Potter had mellowed with age, and had taken an example from his girlfriend, so that he had become one of the kindest wizards that Sasha knew. He wasn't nearly as full of himself as he had been at school, and he refrained from making anti-Slytherin comments when Sasha was around. He was also decent enough to avoid ever mentioning anything to do with Severus in her presence as well. For that, Sasha was grateful.
Remus Lupin was a good friend, always seeming to understand just what a person needed from him at any given time. Sasha had never known when they attended school together that he was a werewolf, although when she'd finally been let in on the secret, she had to admit it explained a lot. He was, at this point in her life, the only one she would occasionally speak about Severus to. He told her the story of how once, Sirius had foolishly baited Severus into trying to enter the Shrieking Shack while he was inside, transformed into a werewolf. James, upon realizing what was happening, saved Severus' life.
"He never told me that" she said quietly.
Remus patted her back. "Well, he was, as I understand it, rather traumatized. He'd never want to admit that, I'm sure. When I think of what could have happened…" He shuddered. "I couldn't have forgiven myself."
"You wouldn't have known what you were doing."
He smiled sadly. "No, but that wouldn't change the fact that it happened."
Sirius Black could be so much fun at times that it was possible to ignore his more irritating qualities. Sasha confronted him about his stunt involving Snape and Lupin, and he had at least had the decency to seem ashamed of himself.
"I didn't really think that whole thing through very well" he said, avoiding her gaze. "I certainly didn't intend to…"
"To kill someone?"
He nodded. "I just wanted to scare him. That was all. It didn't occur to me until it was too late that if he did make it in there, he likely wouldn't make it back out. Thankfully, James stepped in." He smirked. "It sure did piss old Snivy right off, being rescued by his worst enemy. That in itself almost makes it worth it."
Sasha glared at him, and he sighed.
"Listen, I am sorry. I wouldn't do such a thing now, obviously. Even if he is a filthy death eater scum."
The only one of the "gang" that Sasha could never really feel any kinship with was Pettigrew. He made her uncomfortable; with his constant kissing up to James and the way he always seemed so nervous. It made her feel like he was hiding something, and she didn't like to be alone with him. Sasha was of the opinion that being a coward did not necessarily mean that someone was not a threat.
Not feeling like she could bear a return to Hogwarts after all that had transpired, Sasha convinced her parents to let her transfer to Beauxbatons in France to complete her final two years at school. The thought of facing Hogwarts without Adrianne, seeing all of the familiar places and reliving all of the memories, made her sick to her stomach. On top of that, it would be her first year at school without Severus. Even though she hadn't gotten to know him personally until her fourth year, he had been a huge part of her life at school ever since she'd first started there. Hogwarts without him, and without her best friend, sounded like utter hell. At least at Beauxbatons she could start over.
She kept in touch with Lily and Remus via owl, and by the time she was ready to graduate, she had qualified to join the French Auror training program. Her life was moving in a good direction, she knew, but the escalating conflict in her home country that she heard of from her friends weighed heavily on her mind. They were now all members of a secret group formed by Professor Dumbledore to fight against Voldemort and his evil followers. Sasha was sorely tempted to give up her training in France and return to Britain to join them. She had in fact decided to do just that when a nightmare changed her mind. She dreamed that she was dueling with a masked death eater, and after she'd killed him it was revealed to have been Severus all along. Sasha knew then that she would stay in France, and keep herself out of the conflict in her homeland.
When James and Lily married, Sasha did come home briefly to attend the ceremony. A few too many drinks at the reception had led to the beginning of a short but fiery fling with none other than Sirius Black. It hadn't been a romance as much as a collision of wills, but they managed, at least, to part again as friends when it was time for her to once more leave the country.
When the Potters celebrated the birth of their first child, a boy they called Harry, Sasha returned to Britain again to meet the baby. He was a handsome child, the spitting image of his father, but with Lily's eyes. Holding him in her arms, Sasha smirked, thinking to herself not for the first time how unexpected it was for her to be here with these people when there had been a time that she'd despised them with every ounce of her being.
Before she left again for France, she took advantage of a moment alone with Lily to ask a question that had been recently nagging at her mind. Part of her dreaded the answer.
"I hate to ask you this, but have you heard anything of him?" She didn't need to clarify to whom she was referring. Lily understood.
"I saw him once, in Diagon Alley, but we didn't speak. He's one of them, as you know. According to Order intelligence, he's a minor lackey, trying to claw his way up the ranks, as they all do." Lily shook her head, looking sad and frustrated. "It's a shame. A waste of his talent."
Sasha nodded, feeling her throat close up and her eyes begin to swim with unshed tears.
"You loved him, didn't you?" Lily asked gently.
Sasha smirked. I still do she thought to herself. She couldn't say that though, not to Lily. Not to anyone. "I did." She sighed. "Didn't do me much good though. I wasn't you."
Lily actually looked surprised. "Oh certainly not! I was nice to him. He didn't make friends easily. That's all. He was happy with you, I could tell. Well, as happy as I ever saw him, anyway."
Shaking her head in a mixture of shock and bitter amusement, Sasha stared her friend in the eyes. "You really didn't know? He was completely in love with you. When you… stopped talking… it tore him apart. When he saw that you were dating James I worried he'd kill himself. That's why he looked that way on the train that day. Do you remember?"
Lily nodded, her own eyes now watery as well. "I remember. I thought he was just upset that I'd taken up with the boy he hated the most. Are you sure?"
"Yes. Positive."
"That's a shame" Lily said sadly, barely speaking above a whisper. "He had a hard life."
"Now he's likely having a harder one" Sasha mumbled, wishing she hadn't brought it up in the first place.
"Such a shame" Lily said again. It was the last time that Sasha directly mentioned Severus to anyone for many years, and also the last time that she saw Lily Potter alive.
It was Remus who sent her the owl informing her of James and Lily's deaths. By the time he managed to send it, Sirius had been taken away to Azkaban, accused of being an accessory to their murders, and also of killing Peter Pettigrew and several muggles. Sasha refused to believe that Sirius Black would have ever in a million years betrayed the friends who were more like family to him than any of his own relatives had ever been, but there was nothing she could do, and she didn't want to exacerbate Remus' grief by arguing with him.
Her heart hurt for James and Lily, and for their orphaned son, the baby that she had held when he was new. It also ached for Sirius, who was now locked away in the hell that was Azkaban Prison; accused of something she was certain that he was incapable of doing. The one bright spot in the tragedy was that somehow, when Voldemort had attacked baby Harry, his spell had apparently rebounded against him. He was gone, seemingly destroyed. All of wizarding Britain was celebrating, and little Harry Potter was being called a hero.
Remus also told her that a certain old acquaintance of hers was now teaching at Hogwarts. The story went that Severus Snape had defected before Voldemort's fall and had been helping Albus Dumbledore and the Order of the Phoenix to plot against his former master. For this reason, he would not be sent to prison with the other death eaters. Sasha didn't tell Remus, but her heart leapt at the news. He left them!
She considered sending him an owl. She wondered how he was feeling since Lily's death. Was he as crushed as she would expect him to be? In the end, her fears won out, and she decided to leave him alone. She just couldn't stand the thought of him ignoring her again if she were to reach out.
At least it was over now. Voldemort was gone, and couldn't hurt anyone else. Severus was safe at Hogwarts, working for Professor Dumbledore. Baby Harry was going to be sent to Lily's family. Remus was… well, he was rather lost, actually, and that was sad. Sasha kept in touch. Once in a while he would venture to France to visit her, and that was nice. They didn't talk about Sirius, wasting away in Azkaban. Sasha tried hard not to think about that. If he'd done what they said, then he was where he belonged. If he hadn't… and she suspected strongly that he hadn't… then he was yet another victim of the whole bloody mess. If she thought about that too much, she got too depressed to get on with her days.
The years went by, as they will do, faster and faster as one gets older. Sasha made a name for herself as an Auror. She was good at the job, and she enjoyed it. Deep down she knew she was doing it for the ones she had seen living without justice, unable to protect themselves.
Sasha threw herself wholeheartedly into her work. There were a few relationships, of course, but there was still no wizard who could compare to her school days crush. Sasha was afraid that there never would be. Even after all the years that had passed, sometimes she would still dream that they were in the forest together, or down by the lake. Each time when she awoke alone her heart would break all over again.
When the rumors began to spread that Voldemort had returned, Sasha immediately contacted Remus. He confirmed to her that it was true, in spite of the ministry being in denial. Sasha wondered what would become of Severus. She knew that death eater defectors would not go unpunished by their vengeful former leader, now that he had returned to power. He was thirty-five now, and she wondered if he was still the same. She hadn't set eyes on him in seventeen years.
Remus couldn't tell her much. The Order of the Phoenix had been called together by Dumbledore once more, and they were operating in secrecy. Sirius, who had escaped from Azkaban, was in fact innocent as Sasha had always suspected, and he was once again a part of the resistance. Lily and James' son was growing up. He was learning at Hogwarts, and everyone was, although he didn't actually know it yet, putting their hopes into him. When Sirius died fighting, Remus sent Sasha a brief owl to let her know. She shed some tears, remembering his wickedly handsome smile.
When Albus Dumbledore was killed the following year, it wasn't Remus who gave Sasha the news. French agents stationed in Britain sent back the intelligence that one Severus Snape, former Hogwarts professor, now a fugitive, was believed to be the murderer. Sasha had to run to the loo and be sick when she heard it. Her superiors sent her home for the day, afraid she was ill or overworked. When she later heard he was out of hiding and had been made Headmaster, she cursed herself for ever loving him at all.
After the final battle at Hogwarts however, after Voldemort was destroyed for good by young Harry Potter, the word reached Sasha's office that Severus Snape had been declared innocent. It had been proven that he'd been working on Dumbledore's orders against the Dark Lord all along. He had, they said, nearly been killed by Voldemort's giant snake familiar, and only survived because he was rescued by a colleague. Sasha wished she could go and give that colleague a big hug, and she felt terribly guilty for having believed the worst. It seemed that Severus truly had redeemed himself once and for all. That news made her nearly as happy as the fact that Voldemort was finally truly dead.
Remus Lupin, along with his young Auror wife, was unfortunately among those who had been killed in the fight. He was the last of Sasha's old friends from Hogwarts that she'd had any contact with, and the knowledge that she'd never look into those kind eyes of his again was a hard fact to bear.
A little over a year later, one of the secretaries in the Auror office handed Sasha a copy of the Daily Prophet. "Did you say that you knew him?" She pointed to a picture of a newlywed couple and Sasha's jaw dropped. It was Severus, standing with a smiling young woman next to the lake at Hogwarts. According to the article, she was the one who had rescued him during the battle.
"He married her next to our lake" she said quietly, setting the paper back down on the secretary's desk. The French witch made a curious face, but said nothing, and Sasha excused herself.
It wasn't long after seeing the picture that Sasha finally relented to the pleading of her friend Remy to let him take her out on a date. She wasn't sure what made her do it, really. Remy Girard was a brilliant Auror, and one of the funniest wizards she knew. She had always enjoyed his company, and he'd been trying to take her out for years. Deep down Sasha knew that he would be good for her, if she gave him half a chance. If she were honest, that was what made her deny him. Occasionally going out with random wizards with whom she had nothing in common, or having that mad, long ago whirlwind fling with Sirius, who she knew had no intentions of actually committing to anyone, was one thing. Consenting to go out with a wizard who it actually made sense to have a real, lasting relationship with was something else entirely. It would mean that she would have to forget about him. The only one she had ever really loved.
Now, he was married. He was married to a witch ten years younger than himself, eight years younger than Sasha, who had managed to save his life. He had married her next to the lake, a few feet away from where he and Sasha had spent many a steamy night experimenting with each other. Had he forgotten? Was it on purpose? Was it another way of erasing all traces of her from his life? It was stupid to care, she knew. After all these years, why would he still think of her at all? There was no reason for him to bother, certainly. Just because he still haunted her dreams didn't mean that she had any part in his.
Perhaps it really was finally ok for her to move on. Perhaps it was for the best. Regardless, Sasha knew that she would never forget the happiest time of her life, when she had been at school.
Well, that's it... for this part of the story. Those of you who have grown fond of Sasha, I promise that you will very soon have the opportunity to see her again, because she isn't really going away just yet. If you've read my other story "Your Fight is My Fight" then you'll understand the ending and might get an idea of where Sasha will be popping up next. I know that this is not a very happy ending, and it is totally unfair... but as Severus said, "Life isn't fair!" He was right, it's not, sometimes not even in fanfiction. To find out where to look for Sasha in the near future, check my profile page within the next few days because I'll be telling everyone where to find her soon. Thank you so much for reading this story. It was a lot of fun to write (and sometimes very sad to write too!)