She had gathered some wood and had started a fire a couple of hours ago, before it got dark. Sitting there, trying to keep warm by the fire. She wondered what James was up to. It would be so much easier if she didn't love him so damn much ... so much easier to hate him, that's for sure.

The sun had disappeared hours ago, and it seemed like the wind had picked up too. She was shivering despite the heat radiating from the fire in front of her. She was tired ... and hungry too. She'd eaten everything she'd packed. After all she hadn't really expected to be gone all day.

To keep her mind off of the hunger and cold, she started digging through her pack and got a folded piece of paper out. She unfolded it and moved closer to the fire so that she could read it again. It was the letter she'd found on Sawyer's Laptop. The one she knew was meant for her 'cause it started out with 'Freckles'. She'd printed it out and read it about a million times by now ... knew every word by now but still wanted the light of the fire so she could read it again instead of just reciting it.

'Freckles,

I had big plans for our future. Said I'd give you the whole world somehow. I tried making good on that promise. But I thought I'd be so much further by now.

Some people think I'm a loser, 'cause I seldom get things right. But you make me feel like a winner every time you wrap your arms around me. And that's all that really matters to me Freckles. The only thing that matters is YOU.

So please tell me you will remember that no matter how much I do wrong, that I had the best of intentions when I married you. I gave you a ring and I promised you things I always thought we'd do.

But my best-laid plans slipped right through my hands to show my love for you. But if you could read my heart, then you'd know without exception that it was all with the best of intentions.

So here I am asking forgiveness and praying that you'll understand. Don't think I take you for granted. Girl, I know just how lucky I am. And even though you deserve so much better you won't find devotion more true, 'cause I've had the best of intentions loving you.'

She sighed, wiped a tear away and folded the letter back up to stick it back in her back pack when his voice startled her as he yelled out "What the hell is wrong with you woman?"

She closed the zipper on her pack and looked up at him innocently "What?"

He stopped right in front of her, looking down at her as he rolled his eyes at her for a change and his face grew angry, "Don't 'what' me sugarpop. Get up?" Waving his hand in an upward motion to suggest her to get off the ground.

She frowned at him, "I don't wanna get up, I'm fine right here." Who is he to tell me to get up?

"Well, I don't give a damn what you're fine with 'cause I ain't fine with it, so get up now." With that he grabbed her by her upper arm and yanked her off the sandy beach.

Instinctively she pulled out of his grip, "Hey, I said I'm fine. What the hell is your problem anyways?"

"My problem is you sweet cheeks. How the hell am I supposed to get any sleep while you wander around this damn island in the dark by yourself, huh?" He looked at her as if he really expected an answer to that question.

She took a step back to put a few feet between them as she folded her arms in front of her. "I don't care if or how you sleep without me. You should have thought of that before you walked away."

"Well freckles, I care about my sleep ... I'm getting too old for this shit." He grabbed her by the arm again to yank her towards him.

She struggled against him, "Let go of me Sawyer. I don't wanna go with you."

He let go of her but seemed even more pissed then when he first arrived, "God damnit freckles, do you have to make everythin' so fuckin' difficult. It's freezin' out here, and it's obvious you're cold. Can't we just spare the whole drama about you pretendin' not wanting to come back and get on with it?"

She just looked at him for a moment, contemplating her options before she spoke, "I made me a fire, and I'm too tired to walk anywhere. I made camp here and I'm stayin' here." She stood her ground, with her eyes focused on him and her lips pushed out in a pout ... challenging him.

He sighed in annoyance, then just reached down and picked her back pack off the ground. Turned around, and was just about to grab the torch he'd brought when she tried to jump him, "Give me that."

He yanked the back pack up over his head out of her reach as she'd tried to snatch it out of his hands, holding her at arm length with his other hand, "Whoa, easy girl, wouldn't wanna exhaust yourself anymore now, would we? Since ya' too tired to walk another 15 minutes back to the dock and all." He growled back at her with an mischievous grin on his face.

God, he could be such an ass sometimes.

She thought about it for a minute but then just went for it. She tackled him, and just like she'd thought he hadn't anticipated that ... after all it had been 4 years since the last time. Straddling him, she reached over him to get the pack that was now lying on the ground right above his head. But right as she reached over him, he grabbed her wrists and turned them both over, giving him the not only the upper hand but the upper position as well.

His face hovering just inches above hers, he smiled and grinned as he looked down at her. She should 've been mad, but instead that's when she realized how good he smelled, like cologne and something else. That something else was just him ... his natural smell, intoxicating ... she imagined if testosterone had a smell to it, this must be it. Oh, and it smelled soooo inviting.

And then she noticed the clothes. He had clean clothes on. No longer wearing that ugly dharma jumpsuit that she hated so much. She hated it 'cause every time she saw him wear it it made her think of him with Juliet. She struggled against him just for show, but it had crossed her mind to just give up and kiss him already. She'd missed him. But then he opened his mouth and spoke and just like that the thought was erased from her mind ... for a moment anyway.

"Hell Freckles, didn't think you were still up to your old tricks. I'm waiting for a head butt to come my way right about now ... thought when we got married we were past the beaten each other up part."

"I ain't beaten you up Sawyer. I just want my pack. So let go of me." She hissed back at him. She wouldn't head butt him anymore ... hadn't even crossed her mind until he'd mentioned it to her. But she bucked her hips against him in an attempt to shrug him off of her ... or maybe she just wanted to buck her hips against him? It made her body tingle all over ... damnit, he's the only man that could make her think about sex while he was pinning her to the ground so helplessly.

He held both her hands down over her head with just his right hand, pressing his left hand now down on her hips in an attempt to stop her movement. She was completely helpless against his strength and his bodyweight pinning her to the sandy ground.

She looked helpless too, which seemed unlike her. In most helpless situations she'd still put on a brave face and save the self pity for later, but she was different now. They were all different now. But regardless how different she was, she'd still get his heart rate up every damn time they'd find themselves in this old but familiar position. Come to think of it, if they didn't have any clothes on this wouldn't seem as such an old position anymore ... nope, this was a very familiar position they'd find themselves naked in over and over again during their marriage and 3 years prior to it.

Staring in each others eyes he finally was able to manage a response despite the fact that his jeans were growing tighter by the millisecond. And due to their compromising position he knew she could feel it too.

"Look sweetheart. Just stop with the fussin' and come back with me." His voice soft and inviting, but still his breath on her was heavy and hot.

She could feel his grip around her wrists loosen a bit and in response she stopped her struggling against him. "Why? Why does it matter to you where I sleep? If I hadn't come back to the island you'd have no idea where I'd be right now either."

His eyes downcast on her breasts that were spilling out from under the tank top, then he looked back up to meet her eyes. "I know that, but you ain't in LA gorgeous, you're here with me. And while you're here I worry 'bout cha' ... and FYI I worry 'bout cha no matter where you are."

She wanted him, and she could tell and feel that he wanted her too. But where would that lead ... he wouldn't come back to LA with her and she couldn't stay. She had to stay alone at this beach tonight or she'd sleep with him. It was as sure as the sun coming up in the morning, she just knew it. And that would just make things even harder for her to leave in 3 weeks on that sub.

So she did what she felt she needed to do, with a sigh and a faux irritated undertone to her voice she said, "Just get the hell off of me Sawyer and leave me alone. I don't want to go back to the house with you. You're hurting me. I can't stand to be around you right now."

He was stunned for a moment. He hadn't seen that coming. He'd thought that after all this time he had her figured out enough to know when she wanted it too. And that's what he had thought when looking in her eyes just a moment ago. Disappointed he let go of her and got off of her too. He sat down and watched her sit up, reaching for her pack and move away from him, closer to the fire again.

He watched her as she was very obviously trying really hard not to look at him. She'd closed up again, her heart, her body, her entire demeanor towards him was cold ... he knew he'd fucked up in her eyes. He knew what she must be thinking of him ... hell, he can't even blame her. If the tables were turned he'd be furious with her too. But regardless, he'd saved her and he did still love her. It seemed with every day that passed he'd only love her more instead of less. But come to think of it, he had his share of reasons to be pissed at her too. He knew a thing or two after he had Gordy investigate his wife.

He was just about ready to give up, but then changed his mind again. "Freckles, come on. It's late, it's cold too. Aren't you hungry or thirsty? There's a cheeseburger and fries waiting for you at the kitchen. And not to forget about the warm bed with the soft pillow and blanket." His voice was soft and reassuring ... he was determined to get her back to the house, even if it meant he had to drag her. But he was willing to try it the nice way first.

She rolled her eyes at him, but everything he'd said sounded really good. She was cold and she was starving ... and the prospect of that nice warm bed was really testing her willpower. Not to forget his nice warm body right next to her in that bed.

"No, I don't want too. I told you to just leave me alone. Just leave. Go and have your burger and leave me alone so I can go to sleep." Her voice was anything but soft. It was cold and calculated ... every word spoken with clarity.

Alright, that was it. He'd had enough. He got up so fast that it startled her, but still left her unprepared for his assault. He yanked her up in one swift motion, and just swung her over his left shoulder. Her butt up in the air, he held onto her legs so she wouldn't fall.

She was kicking her legs against his tight grip and punching his backside with her fists, "You son of a bitch, let me down. What the hell do you think you're doing?"

"I'm takin' ya' home freckles." He gave her a hearty spank with his right hand and chuckled victoriously, "Tried reasonin' with you, but you're so god damn stubborn ... as always."

She stopped kicking her feet, when she found herself helpless due to the position she was in. "That ain't home, and this ain't how you treat a woman, let alone your own wife." She was yelling at him then started wiggling around on his shoulders again.

Her wiggling didn't even seem to face him as he kicked sand onto the fire to extinguish it. Then with ease he bend down and picked up the torch stuck in the ground with his right hand, so he could still see where he was going. "Ohhhh." He said mocking, "Now you're my wife again, huh?"

She was pleading with him now, "Please James, let me down."

He chuckled again, "Somethin' tells me you ain't gonna behave if I let you down now, so sorry sugarpops. No can't do." He started marching off, sand kicking up from his boots in her curly tresses hanging down behind him.

She bend her neck upward, trying to see behind them and yelled out, "Hey, you forgot my back pack. Stop."

"Nope I didn't." He said and kept on walking.

She got annoyed now, it was dark and she could barely see, but she knew what she saw before he'd kept on walking. "Ahhh, yeah, you did. I saw it lying over there in the sand."

"I left it, I didn't forget it though. Can't carry you, the torch and the pack ... something's gotta give, and since you ain't given in. I'm sure it will still be here in the morning."

She huffed in disgust and started hitting his back again. It had even occurred to her to reach between his legs and give little sawyer a good yank, but then she'd dismissed the idea again. Didn't really wanna hurt him there ... too big of an asset.

Then she realized something. How could she have missed the gun sticking out of his denims in the back. And just like that she'd reached for it, and had it. To her surprise, he didn't even flinch when he'd felt her take the gun off of him.

"I have your gun." She stated as if he hadn't noticed.

"So?" he kept on walking.

She was dumbfounded, "So I could shoot you with it." Not a shred of confidence in her voice, and she knew she sounded ridiculous.

He let out a loud laugh as if she had just said the funniest thing and said, "You ain't gonna shoot me, Belle Starr and we both know it. And besides, I'm doin' you a favor, you said you were too tired to walk back, so I'm carrying you."

She bit her lip trying her best not to smile, but it didn't work. At least he couldn't see it. She smiled but that didn't change the fact that she was mad ... hell, she should be mad, but he was right. She'd never shoot him ... ever!

"You know there are nicer ways to carry a lady!"

With a big grin on his face he said, "A lady, huh? Well, if you see one, let me know and I'll be sure to carry her in a nicer way bootylicious." He turned his head towards her ass on his shoulder and kissed her hip.

She had to come up with something else, and it had to be quick. Cause one she didn't wanna leave, and two she didn't wanna leave her pack with his letter and her fake passport by the beach.

She stopped hitting him and tried turning on the charm again, "James, please. That pack has my passport in it. If it comes up missing, then I'll have trouble getting back home without being caught."

That stopped him dead in his tracks, then he hissed, "Damn it freckles."

"What?" She asked as if she didn't know what he meant.

"If I let you down will you stop being such a drama queen, get your pack and then come back with me?"

"Fine." She huffed annoyed, but in reality she'd hoped he'd say that.

He bend down and stuck the torch back in the sand. Then pulled on her legs, grabbing her ass in the process and swinging her to the front of him, catching her in his arms in the process. She did not look happy. No, she looked pissed as she got out of his arms and both of them marched back towards where she'd made camp to retrieve her back pack.

He held the torch and watched her swing her pack over her shoulder, then she turned around to face him. And bam. She hit the sand.

He yelled "Freckles?" then ran to her, threw the torch in the sand quickly and rolled her to her back. "Freckles? Are you alright baby?" No answer. She was out cold. He brushed the sand and curls out of her face. Cupping her cheek gently.

He checked her pulse, it seemed fine. She was breathing fine too, but she was definitely unconscious.

"Freckles, wake up! Come on baby, open your eyes." Nothing.

She was breathing fine, but he cursed himself, thinking he'd probably caused this. After all he had just held her upside down over his shoulder, all that blood rushing to her head ... no wonder she'd gotten dizzy.

He took her back pack and put it on, then picked the gun up of the floor that she'd dropped and put it back in the back of his pants. He took the torch and threw it in the water, then scooped her up carefully in his arms. Her head resting against his shoulder, he carried her home. He could only see what the moonlight let him, but he knew he'd eventually end up at the dock as long as he followed the shoreline. And from the dock it wasn't far to the house which was well lit outside now that the power was back on.

After just a few moments walking with her in his arms she woke up. Her eyes blinking, then she met his blue eyes in the moonlight. "Hey." He said.

"What happened?" She asked as she wrapped her arms around his neck.

"I gotcha baby." He said responding to her tight grip around his neck. "You passed out again."

"Oh." She said nuzzling her face into the crook of his neck. He smelled so good.

He loved it, and was relieved that she seemed okay, "Didn't have to pull a stunt like that though. All you had to say was please."

She lifted her head and looked at him in confusion, "Please? Please what?" questioning him.

"All you had to say was 'Please James carry me like a lady.'" He grinned at her.

She rolled her eyes, rested her head against him again and said, "Yeah, right. Like that would have worked."

"Guess you'll never know." He replied quickly, still smiling.

She smiled too but was sure to hide her face in his embrace so he wouldn't see it.

"I think you can let me down now, I can walk." She looked at him again.

"I gotcha, we're almost there anyways."

She looked around surprised, "Was I really that close?"

"Yup, you were really that close ... this island ain't that big freckles." He stated as if she didn't know that herself.

"I know Sawyer, this isn't my first time over here. Just let me down, please."

He stopped and looked at her, "Are you gonna behave?" He asked with raised eyebrows.

"Sawyer." She huffed annoyed, and he just smiled and carefully let her down to stand on her own two feet.

"Thanks."

He grabbed her hand, intertwining his fingers with hers and led the way. The dock was already in sight, so he decided to walk straight for the jungle, knowing they'd eventually see the outside lights of the buildings.

Thanks to the moonlight they were able to see where they were going. At least for the most part.

Minutes after entering the jungle, James heard a noise behind them, stopped and spun his head around. And there he was, he could see him but he couldn't believe it.

It was Jack.

Maybe it was just instinct or maybe it was old feelings of not wanting to lose her that made him grip her hand even tighter the very second he saw Jack's eyes meet his.

Wondering why he'd stopped, Kate looked up at Sawyer and saw that look of confusion on his face, then turned around and looked behind her, then back at Sawyer. "What is it? What did you see?"

James' eyes fell on Kate's curious expression, then he looked back at Jack. Jack just stood there, watching them. And then he was gone just as quickly as he had appeared.

"Nuttin' hon', let's just keep movin', we're almost there." He was freaked out to say the least, and when Kate had turned around to look, he thought she'd make a run for the doc ... but she didn't even see him.

Hell, maybe he's just imagining things? Maybe it's just 'cause he's so god damn tired, and he has all these emotions starting to get to him. It was a hell of a lot easier to deal with losing her when she wasn't around.

Being mad at the world and putting the fear of god in those new recruits ... yup, that's what his days had consisted of after he'd come back, but now ... hell, she was here and he knew they'd never be the same again. He loved her so much, and yet she'd never feel that way again. She'd never know that he did all of this for her. That he loved her so much, even if it meant to let her go just to save her life.

Everything he'd done was like a metaphoric jump off the helicopter again ... just to save her.

He knew she didn't understand it. And he knew she probably had a million more questions as to why and how and reasons that can't be discussed. But she wasn't alone, there were questions he had too, and he knew he'd probably never get to ask her. Like why she didn't tell him about the cancer. Why'd she keep it all a secret from him, and apparently everyone. He couldn't imagine Claire or Miles not telling him if they'd known. Cassidy on the other hand, Kate and her were so close ... she wouldn't have said anything, she would've kept Kate's secret.

The more he thought about it, the angrier he got. And the angrier he got, his strides increased and he felt himself pulling her along, ... she had a hard time keeping up.

But he had to let it go. It's pointless, she did what she did, and he'd done what he'd done. What's done is done.

Ain't gonna get mad at her with Jack on our tails. I ain't givin' the good old doc that pleasure.

They finally made it to the building. Walking along the chain link fence and into the building, all the lights were still on. He slowed down and she caught up enough to walk shoulder to shoulder with him. She squeezed his hand, and he looked down at her as they headed for the kitchen. She smiled up at him, and he smiled back.

"I love you." He said looking down into her eyes.

Feelings overwhelmed her in seconds, and she said, "I love you too" quickly. But then let go of his hand, and walked ahead of him, wiping the tears away as quickly as they'd come so he wouldn't see them.

Nothin' else was said. She sat down at the kitchen table and he put the plate down in front of her, so she could eat. He also poured her a glass of soda, and sat down across from her, watching her eat.

He showed her the closet full of clothes for them, and even though she was very tired she felt the need to get cleaned up and change into something clean. She grabbed whatever she needed and both of them left and headed for the building with the showers instead.

Walking along the well worn path between the two buildings, he couldn't help the feeling that they were being watched. Or maybe that he was being watched by none other than Jack. Although that was just impossible, and he knew it. Hurley had told him that they'd buried Jack at their old beach camp with the others that had died. That was another reason why they'd convinced Kate to go camp out at Bernards and Roses old set up instead of the beach camp. She shouldn't find a cross by the beach that had the name Jack carved out of it. At least not while she's upset and alone.

They reached the locker room and Sawyer flipped all the lights on for her. He found himself a bench right by the lockers and sat down.

Grinning up at her he said, "Holler if you need me girl."

"I'm sure I can manage on my own." She said looking back at him as she headed for the showers.

He cocked his head to the side and grinned from ear to ear when he said, "There's lots of places that are hard to reach."

She ignored it and just marched on in, disappearing behind the wall. He heard the water turn on immediately. The only thing he could see was her head, as she pulled her shirt off and eventually all of her clothes were hanging over the wall that separated him from her.

He turned around frustrated, trying to take his mind of the fact that she was just a few feet away from him. Naked and soaking wet, probably covered in soapy bubbles by now. But also to keep an eye on the door for the remote possibility Jack would show up.

He knew one thing that would take his mind of this. Pulling the folded up envelope from his front shirt pocket, he unfolded it and started reading it.

"James,

Look at the two of you dancing that way. Lost in the moment and each others face. So much in love you're alone in this place, like there's nobody else in the world. I was enough for her not long ago.
I was her number one, she told me so herself and she still means the world to me just so you know. So be careful when you hold my girl. Time changes everything. Life must go on and I'm not gonna stand in your way. But I still wonder how that beautiful woman with you."

She startled him before he could finish the letter, "Oh god Sawyer." She sounded annoyed with him.

He folded the letter up fast and put it away, "What?" He didn't know what he'd done wrong this time.

She just stood there with nothing but a towel wrapped around her, hands in her hair, trying to put her wet curls up in a bun and she said, "Please tell that is not the same letter."

"What same letter?" he stood up. Wondering if that towel might fall.

"That paper you just put away so fast, tell me that ain't the letter you wrote to the real Sawyer. Tell me you're not still carrying that around with you everywhere."

He pulled the letter back out of his pocket, "This?" She nodded.

He chuckled a little and put it back in the pocket, "No Lollipop, it ain't that letter to Sawyer. That letter's long gone."

She looked relieved but then asked the obvious, "Well, what is it then?"

Shit, he didn't wanna show her that letter, "Nuttin', go put some clothes on so we can go to bed girl. I'd like to catch some zs before the sun comes up."

"Fine. But I told you at the kitchen you didn't have to come here with me." She grabbed her clean clothes.

"Yeah, but that would take the whole fun out of the torture." He said

"What torture?" She raised her eyebrows at him

"You naked and soapy right behind that wall. Wouldn't quite have the same torturous effect if I was all the way at the other building." He said grinning at her and licking his lips a little.

She just rolled her eyes at him, and walked around the corner so he wouldn't see her get dressed.

After a few minutes of silence he heard her say, "It's a love letter isn't it?"

He stood there shaking his head, "How could it be, you never wrote me one freckles."

She poked her head around the corner to meet his eyes and with a big smile on her face she said, "Not from me, from one of those new recruits."

He chuckled again, "Yeah, you got me, that's what it is."

"I saw the way they look at you, you know?"

"Honey, ain't nobody looking at me. I'm forty years old, they're all in their twenties ... I could be their dad for god's sake ... young and attractive father." He added the last part after he heard no response from her from around the corner.

Then he heard her giggle, "You would have had to get started pretty young to be their dad, and regardless, you're still hot, even with forty ... or maybe it's because you're forty."

"Who said I didn't start young?"

She came around the corner, fully dressed with the towel wrapped around her hair now, "How young?"

"Too young. You ready freckles?" he quickly changed the subject as he looked her up and down, undressing her again with his eyes.

"Yeah, I'm ready."

He reached for her hand and she gave it to him, walking out of the building and ready to cuddle up and call it a night.

End Note: Reviews are always appreciated! Thank you for reading!