Chapter 10 - Introductions All Around
I stood, frozen in place as the red eyed man strolled slowly around the couch towards me. He was tall and thin, with heavy sideburns and thick long hair. Everything about the man was dark, his hair, his suit, even the stone in the small ring he wore on his right hand. I found myself checking his nails, looking for black nail polish – it was ridiculous, but he reminded me of the Goth kids that hung around the bookstore on Saturday nights, overly pale and swathed in rich silks and dark clothing, although it was doubtful this man had anything to do with that scene.
A soft touch, no more than a whisper of pressure, ghosted across the small of my back. "I'm here," Edward whispered in my ear. "You're safe. I will not let him harm you."
The red eyed man smiled, his eyes shining with a childlike glee as he watched our interaction. It was clear he'd heard our exchange.
"And so it would seem that Bella is already aware of us." His observation was sickeningly sweet, almost cloying. He affected a paternal tone, which was pleasant enough on the surface−light and almost playful - but there was an edge, something manic that lurked underneath, reminding me of political fanatics, thumping the podium as they fired the crowd up with their zealous promises of what should be. "I'd not anticipated this. It is a most welcome turn of events."
Edward grasped my hand, pulling me to the side so that he could cross the threshold into the house, effectively creating a buffer between me and the stranger roaming my home. "You have no place here," he insisted vehemently. "You are breaking your promise to Carlisle to leave this town alone."
The man clapped his hands together in delight, his high, grating laugh echoing off the walls. The noise drew people from another room. A boy, maybe fourteen or fifteen, stood in the archway to the dining room; his chubby pale face was only missed the requisite rosy coloring to look cherubic. He wore dark, well tailored clothes that were almost military in fashion, a lovely wool coat with a high collar and frogged closures over a matching black shirt and pants. His hair was longer and shaggy, just a bit too much to be considered fashionable, and his red eyes were flat and bored as he surveyed the room, his gaze sweeping over me as if we'd crossed paths a hundred times. Behind the boy, a tall blonde woman, dressed in a similar fashion, glowered menacingly at us. Her face was classically beautiful, reminding me of Rosalie, but her physical appeal was marred by the same garnet red eyes, which were narrow slits of frustration as she glared at our clasped hands.
The red-eyed man stood in front of us now, hands outstretched, smile wide as if he were welcoming long lost friends. Outside, the rain had started up again, pattering gently against the large glass picture window, settling a gloomy pall over the room. It was oddly appropriate to the scene that was unfolding around me.
"You must be young Edward, Carlisle's beloved first born," the man said. "I recognize you from his letters. You no doubt know who I am?"
Edward inclined his head in acknowledgement. "You are Aro of the Volturi."
The man clapped his hands together in delight, and then, in a blur of action that was almost too fast to follow, he stood just inches from us, a hand extended to Edward, his smile wide. The speed at which the man moved was shocking, and I quickly glanced to the place where he'd stood before, trying to mentally calculate how fast he would have to move to cover the distance in a fraction of a second. The strength, the speed, it was all too much to take in, and I was quickly coming to realize just how dangerous this entire situation could be.
"Please, come forward and greet me, young Edward. I've heard much about you from your maker."
Edward hesitated for a moment before extending his hand, his teeth locked together in frustration. It forced his jaw forward, his chin jutting out in unspoken defiance as grasped Aro's short, stubby fingers. On contact, Aro clapped his other hand over the top of Edward's, securing him in place. Aro's eyes slipped out of focus, his lips slackening as if he'd fallen into a trance. Beside me, Edward's body was taut, a muscle in his jaw pulsing as he ground his teeth together. I could tell that he wanted to jerk away, to shake off the contact, but Aro's grasp on Edward's hand too firm to escape.
"Most interesting," Aro said, blinking his eyes rapidly, the pupils constricting into focus. "Most interesting indeed." He made no effort to release Edward's hand.
"Master?" a small voice whimpered from behind Aro. There was a woman, petite and wide eyed, hovering behind him, her small frame lost behind his broad black clothed form. She stood possessively close, her hand placed at the small of his back. The positioning was identical to the way Edward and I stood, but their polarity was reversed. Instead of drawing strength from their contact, she appeared to be terrified, her crimson eyes frantically shifting between the two men as she waited for her master to step away and ease her pain.
"Peace, my dear Renata," Aro soothed, patting Edward's hand before releasing it. "I merely wanted to greet our young friend."
The two observers in the doorway did not move, but they watched the entire scene with interest, their eyes darting from Edward to Aro in thinly masked curiosity. I found their presence just as unnerving, if not more so, than Aro's. They were an unknown entity, positioned easily for an attack that Edward might not be able to fend off, no matter how freakishly strong he might be.
"How curious," Aro murmured, his eyes shifting to me. In another blinding flash of motion, Aro reached out to wrap his cold fingers around my wrist, his vivid red eyes narrowing as he waited, although for what, I wasn't sure. After a long, awkward moment, he relaxed and let out a delighted chuckle of glee.
I jerked my arm free, and Edward moved to block me completely, his arms fanning out to create a barrier between the two of us. Aro found this infinitely amusing, letting loose another maniacal laugh, his evil cackle chilling me to the bone. It was identical to the one in my dreams, where a man with brilliant red eyes tormented me, driving me to the safety of Edward's arms. But unlike my dreams, this was not something I would wake up from.
"So they were fighting over who would change you, is that true?" Aro smiled down at me, his eyes burning with the fire of the zealous…or the insane. "They want you to be their rallying point, but they are already arguing over who would control you."
"Aro can read people's minds," Edward muttered. "He's aware of what transpired at the house, and-"
"And the great future that lies in wait for you, Bella," Aro said, smiling at me. "It would seem that there is a small faction intent on overthrowing the progress my brothers and I have made. They see you as a tool to do that, an ancient myth come true. You are the standard they will wave as they wage their war on us."
"Carlisle was there," Edward countered, his words clipped and cold. "He saw it all. He heard the prophecy first hand."
"Or so he claims," Aro shot back, the first sign he'd shown of irritation. It was a momentary blip, and Aro quickly composed himself, shifting his attention to me. "Carlisle misunderstood, and is leading all of you down a primrose path based on his own misconceptions and the misguided delusions of other, less stable minds."
Edward hissed and took one menacing step forward, spurred on by something I didn't quite understand. Aro smiled, amused by the reaction he'd managed to provoke. In the doorway, the boy and woman echoed Edwards hiss, their hands flying up, ready to launch an attack.
"Alec, Chelsea, please," Aro soothed, never looking away from Edward. "He means no harm. Please escort him outside so that I may speak to the lovely Bella in peace."
"I'm not going anywhere!" Edward spat. "Anything you can say to her, you'll say with me here."
"Young Edward, do you really think that I would do anything to cause Bella harm? The word is already spreading, people are talking. If I touched one delicate strand of hair on her all too human head, I would set off a war the likes of which you could never imagine." Aro pursed his lips, his eyes taking on a calmer, more knowing gleam. "Unless, that is what you desire…"
"It's okay," I said, applying gentle pressure to Edward's back. "Just don't go too far. Promise?" I needed his commitment, as much to complete the surreal execution of my dream as to reassure me. There needed to be a balance, a yin to the malevolent yang I would be left with.
"Are you sure?" he asked, not looking back at me. He was ready to spring into action at the first sign of danger.
"You rescued me once today. I'll be okay," I promised, pressing my hand a bit more firmly against his back, my fingers scratching gentle paths against his rock hard skin. I hoped it relayed the confidence I was willing myself to feel.
"She will be safer with me than she will be with you and your little band of miscreants," Aro said, his hand placed over his heart in mock solemnity. "I will not harm your precious little Bella."
Edward stared at Aro for a long moment, the air around us thick with distrust and something I couldn't quite understand. When he did turn to face me, Edward's features were composed into an unreadable mask. "I will be close by, and I will know if you so much as touch her. "
Aro tsk-tsked in irritation.
"Will you hear me if I shout?" I asked, my hand resting on his chest.
He smiled, and nodded his head.
"Then I'll shout if I need you. I promise."
Edward touched my cheek, "I will always come," he promised quietly before stepping back, his voice rising, clear and strong. "If you need me, I'll be here before he can lay a single finger on you." He turned to face Aro, his voice dropping to match his words. "Move back by the couch. I don't want you near her, and I don't want you touching her again."
Aro inclined his head, a placid smile on his face. "No harm will come to her in my presence. I promise you that."
Edward snorted, but didn't respond. I watched as he walked slowly towards the door, which was had been left open in the excitement of the moment. The boy and woman, the ones Aro had called Alec and Chelsea, followed Edward. The woman glared at me as she passed, her vibrant ruby eyes taking measure of me, as if she was frustrated or disturbed by my presence. Aro waited until the door clicked shut to sit down on the edge of the sofa, one arm draped dramatically over the side for effect.
"Wasn't that just lovely? A fit of genius, I would have to say," Aro said, smiling innocently. "He's part of their bait, you know. That silly little boy with his wide eyed awe and poorly disguised longing has sucked you right in. As if he could ever be worthy of your attention…no, someone like you would require so much more than a bumbling, inexperienced child who has spent his existence dreaming about or dreading your arrival."
He extended the fingers of his right hand, slowly twisting the heavy gold ring on his right pinky finger, the dark onyx stone a stark contrast to the elegant gold filigreed setting. The move was too calculated, too practiced. Aro was putting on a show, trying to lure me in with his over affected manners and manufactured charm.
"They are trying everything they can to win you over, even though the little one knows that you will rule by my side. There will be no revolution, no great uprising." He stopped toying with his ring and leaned forward to rest his elbows on his knees, all subterfuge falling away. "Let their band of insurgents plan all they'd like, they are nothing more than a simple itch, which I can easily scratch any time I want."
With his hands extended, I could see the translucent layers of his skin, deceptively fragile in the weak afternoon light. It almost tempered the dark, manic glint in his eye, the fervent gleam of a man on a mission. No, there were other things, clearly broken or not quite right with him, but fragility of body was not one of them.
"It's laughable," Aro said as he stood, looking around the room with clear disdain. "This is all quaint and comforting in a simple sort of way, but would it really be enough to keep you happy for an eternity?" He gestured at the bookshelf, full of books I'd so lovingly perused the week before. "The boy sees himself at your side, happy in a place like this, reading and living out a blissful life of peace. Why would you accept that when I could give you so much more?"
In another burst of mind boggling speed, he was in front of the small bookshelf, his index finger crooked to ease The Making of Forks from its place. I held my breath, waiting for him to open it and read the inscription inside, afraid of what those simple words might unleash. That book held the simplest facts of their assault on this town. It was also the action that put everything in motion, the introduction of my grandparents, the creation of the family lines that would ultimately result in me. I was a byproduct of this man's megalomania as much as I was any indiscretion my parents might have committed on a couch or in the back of a car. The book in his hands was a testament to his own manic obsession with power as much as it was my family's strength, our courage and spirit.
"These books would not even fill one row of stacks at my home in Italy," Aro said, delicately flipping through the pages with feigned interest. "I have everything you could ever want. Books, art, they are merely the beginning. And if there is something…or someone you desire, you may have it. Follow our ways and there will be no interference otherwise."
He continued to thumb through the book, not paying attention to the images or words that filled the pages. My history meant nothing to him, at least not any more than I did. Carlisle had alluded to this – that I would be but a mere chess piece in an epic battle between right and wrong. Take the queen, rule the board - wasn't that how it worked in the game of Chess? Was war really any different?
"Carlisle told me that you had some very clear laws about what is and is not acceptable," I said, trying to sound strong. All of these people believed that I would buckle under their platitudes and promises. I hadn't come all this way to fight their battles. I'd come to find myself.
"Laws, Bella, protect those incapable of protecting themselves," Aro said dismissively. He placed the book gently back on the shelf, running his flattened hand along the row, aligning the spines in neat, distributed order. "They shelter our kind and keep the world safe. We are not unreasonable. We merely keep the balance. A life without balance is one of chaos."
"And in doing so, you control everyone."
"Control creates order and keeps our ways secret," Aro hissed. It was the first crack in his artfully crafted façade, betraying the irritation that lurked underneath his carefully cultivated assault. "Without control, people will follow anyone who claims to have a better way. Just like they are lining up to follow you, isn't that right? Do you aspire to be the one that saves them all? Will you allow them to drain the old, under the plea of dignity? Will you allow them to push technology that extends human life, and in doing so, allows our kind unbridled free reign?"
In a blur of shiny black, he stood in front of me, my right hand clasped between his ivory white fingers. "You don't want anyone hurt, do you Bella?"
"You hurt people," I said. "You eat people."
His face split into a wide, amused grin. "Yes, I do eat people, Bella. I've eaten a great many people, and I will continue to do so for a long time. But I will not allow my kind to run rampant and out of control. That would be destruction worse than you could ever imagine. Under me, vampires are controlled and diligent. What is to stop this from turning humanity into an abattoir, a fertile feeding ground to appease their every whim?"
Even though he appeared incapable of reading me or my reactions, Aro was hitting the points to which I'd reacted most violently. In doing so, he was positioning himself as the great savior of mankind, ruling over a world that lived in the shadows, preying off humans in sporadic, yet civilized fashion. The justification was made to cast him as the benevolent ruler, one who sacrificed his desires for the good of the people he served. But if prodded, his reasoning did not hold. It was not about order or the preservation of the human race; it was about maintaining his order, his world. One that I was pretty sure I didn't want to live in. But did I want the alternative? Which was the lesser of the two evils?
"In the enigma year, purest gold embraces ruby red as the libertines suffer their fate. Regina Vampira, one woman to guide all," Aro recited. "You will convince the dissenters to step in line. You will be the one to reunite me with my old friends, Carlisle and Eleazar, while dissidents that feed off the sick and elderly, like Siobhan and Garrett, suffer their fate. You will bring everyone under a single rule, and you will return harmony to our world."
"And if I don't?" I demanded, refusing to be cowed by this megalomaniac with delusions of grandeur. "These people don't want your rule any longer. If I were to listen to them, you are a dictator, controlling their right to self-determination."
"What if the world knew of us, Bella? What would we have of self determination then?" Aro said, the sickeningly sweet simper falling away, revealing the malevolence and arrogance that lurked underneath. "We have everything that a human could ever covet. Eternal youth and beauty, endless life, access to great fortunes. What would keep us from becoming their science experiments, hunted and tortured into non-existence so that they could unlock our secrets and ruin the world with their arrogance? Your little band of rebels wants to share our knowledge with the world. They claim that they can help, but in reality, they will only cause more harm."
Aro elevated our joined hands, my fingers perilously close to his blood red lips. He breathed deeply, his eyes slipping closed as he let out a contented sigh. When he opened them, his pupils were dilated, his voice husky.
"Come with me, Bella. I can give you everything. Be our Queen, unite the world that-"
"Be your puppet is more like it," I snapped, trying to pull my hand away. "I may not have a strong grasp on who I am, but I sure as hell will never be someone's toy. I am my own person."
"Oh, you can be your own person, just with us," Aro pled, his eyes wide in mock innocence. "Come to Volterra and be my Queen." He let out another high pitched giggle as the horror registered on my face. "In name only, of course. I have a mate, one who I hold above all. You can have your little diversion with the boy who thinks he would be your champion. Let him try to keep you happy, for that is exactly what he aspires to do."
"And if I say no?"
Aro smile faded just a tiny bit, his eyebrows rising in mock sorrow. "Then we will unleash a fury on this town that will make the fire but a mere memory. Everything that has been built here, every person, will be erased," he paused, allowing his words to sink in. "You will bend to my bidding, Bella. The sapling can't withstand the shadow of the ancient oak. You cannot defeat me. There are only two choices, join me, or die."
Before I could respond, there was a whir of activity in the room. A mountain of a man with dark brown hair, bigger than Emmett, scooped me up like a parent would carry a child, my small form securely cradled in his mammoth arms. Another man, smaller with sandy brown hair, stood in the archway to the dining room, his handsome face marred by the same zealous glee that Aro had allowed to shine through.
"We have a car waiting, Master," he said, extending a hand towards the back door. "Just a few miles away. The boy left, and-"
The front door slammed open, the knob bouncing off the wall with force hard enough to knock pictures to the floor. The glass that protected old drawings shattered on contact, sending small shards scattering across the floor.
"Hi honey, I'm home!" Emmett crowed from the doorway, Jasper and Garrett standing directly behind him. The large man holding me growled, turning quicker than any human would ever move. The motion sending a violent ripple of vertigo through me, my pulse escalating as my body broke out in a cold sweat. Jasper cut the man off, appearing between us and the kitchen door, one hand extended towards the sandy haired man behind him.
"It's not very nice manners to bully a lady in her own home," Emmett drawled, his voice dripping with sarcasm. "Here in the twenty-first century, I believe the term is 'no means no,' wouldn't you say, G?"
"Yes, yes I would," Garrett replied, his voice low and even. "Then again, Aro has never been one for respecting people's wishes. At least not in my experience."
The man who'd scooped me up loosened his grip, no doubt preparing for an onslaught from both sides. It gave me just enough space to curl into myself, my body easily slipping between his outstretched arms. The man adjusted, trying to catch me, but the angle was awkward, and I hit the floor hard, my teeth slamming together painfully.
"Don't go there, bubba," Emmett said, his aw shucks attitude doing little to mask his irritation at the intrusion. "Leave the lady alone. She's with the locals."
The large man darted a glance at Aro, who did nothing to intervene or correct the situation. When I realized the large man wouldn't pursue me, I scrambled to the far corner, where the phonograph from the attic stood, the lid still propped open. The small room was filled with men, all poised and ready to strike, and I was caught in the middle with nowhere to hide.
I needed to take back my home, to show them that I was the one in control, and that I was not going to be manipulated by any of them. I searched the room frantically as I backed into the corner, bumping the small wooden table. An aerosol can clattered to the floor, a lone furniture polish can abandoned there during my phonograph restoration early in the week. I darted forward, retrieving the can and the oversized lighter from the mantle. With one click, the flame was lit; the nozzle of the aerosol can pointed in the direction of my would-be attacker.
"I think it's time for you to go now," I said, trying to modulate my words for maximum effect. I had no clue whether or not my actions could actually hurt any of them, but it was the only make shift weapon I could think of on such short notice. To my left, I caught Emmett nodding his head in approval, his eyes never leaving the giant man who had been ready to carry me off.
"Come, my dear friends. It would seem that we may have overstayed our welcome," Aro said with the same smooth, cloying tone he'd used to greet me earlier. "Let us seek a more hospitable retreat and leave Bella alone." He glanced at me, but there was no fear in his eyes, only amusement at how his visit had played out. "I believe she has some thinking to do."
He walked slowly towards the front door, trailed closely by the petite woman who'd stood quietly by the wall through our entire exchange. She'd been a silent observer, fading easily into the woodwork. I felt a strange, unsolicited empathy for her. I could remember all too well what it was like to be the one forgotten on the sidelines.
Aro stood at the door, waiting as his retinue filed out silently, the small woman hesitating on the stoop has he inclined his head to me. "Bella, I bid you good day."
I didn't lower the lighter or aerosol can until the door clicked shut behind them. When it did, my knees gave way, but I didn't drop to the ground. Edward appeared, scooping me up the same way the large man had, and quickly carried me to the couch. His cold hand pressed against my cheek was better than a compress, for it helped to calm me down and to regain some clarity as Aro's words rushed round and round in my head, the cold, calculating manner in which he twisted everything making me doubt everything I thought I knew.
"Are you okay?" he asked, searching my face. It gave me a chance to study him in return, to look for the tiniest shred of deception. I'd accepted everything that they'd told me, the existence of the prophecy, of vampires, even my role within this whole drama, with little to no argument. I had given my trust easily, and in return I'd been lied to and manipulated. Maybe not with malicious intent, but the lies were still there, and I was not sure who I should trust.
"You said that Aro could read your mind," I whispered, afraid that if I spoke any louder I would fall apart. "He said that you were my bait." Tears welled up in my eyes, for fear that speaking it aloud would make everything true, and with an undeniable terror that none of this growing bond between us had been real. "Our meeting in the woods was not an accident, was it? You planned that, you probably planned everything. This was all a set-up, wasn't it?"
The knot in my chest grew as Edward's face crumpled, the stoic look of resolve slipping into confusion and sadness. His brows puckered, and the corners of his mouth drooped, as if I'd dealt him a blow that he couldn't comprehend.
"Just tell me the truth," I said, swallowing back the bile that rose in my throat. "What was real?"
"Everything was real," he said, his voice low and steady. "Everything. What I've told you, what Aro said, what you are afraid of. It's all real and wrapped up together, and you don't have any more control over it than I do. Yes, I waited for you in the woods. Yes, I had Jasper take my jacket to Seattle in the hopes that you would wear it, and that it might make you feel comfortable around me. I want to save you - to protect you - even if that's not my right. But this," he hesitated, touching my cheek again, the back of his hand trailing down to outline my lower lip. "This is all real. I can't manufacture this anymore than you can deny it. We are incapable of stopping this, Bella. You know that."
I shot up off the couch, jerking away from his touch. "What I know is that everyone has been lying to me, twisting things so that I'll do what they want me to do. I am not a marionette, some little toy that dances for your enjoyment. I am my own person, not your queen."
Storming towards the door, I jerked it open to find Charlie and Carlisle standing on the threshold, Charlie's hand raised, ready to knock on the door.
"Bella, thank God, are you okay?" Charlie demanded, frantically scanning my face and body for any sign of injury. Physically, I was fine. The damage from my altercation with Aro had been purely emotional.
"Just ducky," I cracked, pushing past him. "Why don't you ask Edward all about it? I'm sure he'd be more than happy to fill you in. I need some time alone."
I forced my way past my father, who called after me, begging me not to go. I could hear Carlisle telling him to let me be, that I would be okay, but I didn't stop to hear more. The garage door was open, and I quickly backed the rental car out of the drive, whipping out onto the street. Edward's car, a large sleek black sedan, and Charlie's cruiser were all lined up in front of my house, just three of the litany of men who'd paraded through my life today, all claiming to know how it should play out. I'd been intellectually poked and prodded, stretched and laid emotionally bare, like the type of science experiment that Aro desperately wanted to avoid. In their struggle to control their own destiny, these people had destroyed my life, turning me into their first casualty of war.
That's when I realized that hiding would never be an option for me again. One way or another, someone would find me, and they would take everything away. My life was no longer my own. As if it ever had been.
I punched the accelerator, taking off down the street with no set direction or destination. I drove aimlessly, winding along roads that felt vaguely familiar, only to turn and find myself completely lost. I followed the coast until the road veered east to follow a river back inland. At the bend there was a small marina, the parking lot empty because of the rain that fell steadily, turning everything a dark, dull grey.
Paying no heed to the weather, I parked my car and walked down to the river, following it out to where it met the ocean. The air was pungent here, the salty ocean water clashing with the fresh water of mountain run off. Two different entities, so similar, clashing and melding, until there was only one single identity left, the cold water violent and churning as it formed a new existence.
To protect the marina, somewhere along the line, a break wall had been built, giant chunks of concrete and rock piled up to buffer the waves as they struck land. I worked my way out, past the beach, along the rocks, refusing to let the slippery surface or the rain, which had slowly eased into a drizzle, stop me as I balanced precariously on the jagged pieces of rock. My hair was wet, plastered to my face, and my shirt was drenched. I knew I was crying too, but with the rain, I accepted that they were mingling together, just like the river and the ocean. Let the one diminish the other, just for a bit, and wash away the evidence that I had not broken down. Everything was a weakness now, every emotion on display one to be preyed upon. I could not show this to anyone else.
At the end of the break wall, I stopped, squinting out into the quickly fading late evening light. There was a small island a few hundred feet off the end of the breaker, great chunks of rock and trees scattered across what was no more than a small sand bar. It was like a mini oasis in this turbulent sea of chaos, a place to run and hide, if only there was a way to reach it.
I was twenty-three years old. My whole life should have stretched out before me, a great adventure to be explored. A career, a family, maybe even children. Instead, I was faced with the fate of the world, which as melodramatic as it may sound, was more than I was prepared to bear. I wasn't much more than a kid, one who'd spent her life watching the world pass her by. How could I be expected to change the very place I'd hardly had a chance to live in?
"You ran away from me," he called out, his voice filled with hesitation and remorse.
I didn't have to look. I knew exactly who it was. Deep down, I knew that Edward would follow. I simply hadn't granted myself the time to think about it.
"No, I ran away from me," I said, staring out at the tiny little island. It was so close, and I wanted desperately to jump in the water and swim across. Once I was there, I would find the answers, maybe even figure out a way to control the chaos that swirled around me. Brackish water, the point where fresh and salt swirled together, would be dangerous, and I very well might drown trying to reach the island.
But that was what it really came down to. I would have to jump, for the way back was closed permanently. I'd spent my life on the outside, longing for inclusion. There had never been any thought to the consequences of inclusion, and now, faced with my own mortality and lack of control, I knew that I couldn't turn back. I had two choices, jump or stand my ground. There was no guarantee that I would live through this, but there was one thing I knew for certain.
I would not go down without a fight.