Somehow she found herself back at the Dharma stations after all. She was torn between loving and hating the man at this point. She told herself over and over again that it was just this place ... this particular island and the memories of those damn cages that made her feel so much for him.
How those cages taunted her every time she walked by them. Remembering how she could have ran but she wouldn't ... not without him. And the first night they had spend in each others arms. His 'I love you too' and the cruel morning awakening that had followed ... she wiped away a tear as she touched the metal bars of his cage. His cage ... the thought gave her Goosebumps all over. Nobody should have a cage associated with them. His and hers ... there should be no such thing as his and her cage.
But it wasn't just this place, because her feelings for him had started long before they had ever been brought to Hydra Island. She couldn't exactly pinpoint the moment when she knew she loved him, but she knew she had feelings for him not too long after the crash. She also remembered how she'd tried to fight it ... ooooohhhhh, how she'd fought it. But her mothers stupid, stupid words always came back to haunt her, "You can't help who you love, Katherine." She never thought those words would come back one day to bite her in the ass.
But she had had feelings for Jack too. And now with all this time to think about it she finally came to realize what it was that drew her to Jack in the first place.
Tom.
He was a doctor and he seemed like a genuine good person, just like Tom. But he wasn't Tom and puppy-love didn't stand a chance against the strong feelings she had for Sawyer. After leaving the island it became pretty clear to her that Jack wasn't the man she had thought he was. And that despite the feelings she had for him, it wasn't or would ever be the same as what she felt for Sawyer all along.
Sawyer still wasn't back yet, or at least so it seemed. She was a little curious as to what he was up too, but at the same time relieved to not having to face him right now. She felt too vulnerable, too emotional to deal with him at the moment. Distance was just what she needed right now. At least that's what she kept telling herself.
As she went on exploring the dharma buildings in more detail, she came across a door looking opening in the ground, similar to the one from the hatch or the round door of a submarine. Except that this one was inside a building, apparently leading to another level underneath, like a basement or some sort of bunker with a ladder to climb down.
As she stared down she couldn't see where the ladder was ending because it was too dark to see very far. Digging through her backpack, she got the flashlight out. She could see that the ladder didn't reach too far down. On a whim and the curiosity that always seems to eat at her she started climbing down the ladder into the darkness. Although she could only see with the help of the flashlight, something about this place seemed familiar.
She only had to walk a few feet when she came upon a big metal door with a red handle; she opened it and walked inside the dark room. The first thing she saw as she scanned the room with the flashlight were monitors right in front of her. Similar to the ones in the security station in Dharmaville. The room was dark and the monitors were off.
Kate started looking around the room and found what seemed to be the circuit breaker, flipped it on, and the entire room came to live, as well as the outside hallway lights.
One of the first things she noticed where the guns and the ammunition. She chose a handgun instead of a rifle and all the ammo she could find for it. Then her eyes fell back on the now fully functioning security monitors. Her heart skipped a beat when she saw Sawyer standing in the jungle somewhere.
She couldn't tear her eyes away from the screen. The way he stood there, swinging that axe. Violently, and jet there was something so vulnerable about him. No matter how mad he got and how evil he tried to portrait himself, she could always see right through him ... see that scared little boy that he was trying so hard to hide. She sighed as she stood there frozen in place staring at him on the screen.
Then the screen changed to another camera, and he was gone. She found herself messing with the buttons frantically because she wanted to keep watching him. But she couldn't figure out how to get the previous camera back on the monitor. The camera's were obviously alternating, so she sat down in one of the 2 chairs and watched the screens in anticipation of his reappearance.
She ate some food as she watched him reappear over and over again for a good 30 minutes. She thoroughly enjoyed watching him. Examining him in every detail, without being judged by him or anyone else for gazing at him like some love-drunk teenager. She just sat there unable to take her eyes off of him, even though he was doing the same thing over and over again. Chopping trees down and then chopping the trees into smaller pieces the entire time. Hadn't taken a break yet, not even to drink some water. Or maybe he had when the cameras weren't showing, but she hadn't seen him take a break.
She could never get over how good looking he was. Even in black and white and the very grainy picture quality ... she could just picture his tan skin right in front of her.
His muscular naked upper body was pure perfection. She was mesmerized by how his abs tightened every time he swung that axe. Not to mention his arms. He was so beautiful like this, when he wasn't showing off ... hell, he didn't even know there was a camera on him.
Why can't anything ever be simple between us? I love him and he loves me, and couldn't that be good enough?
Couldn't that be more important than stupid pride, and cancer and islands and everything else that had gotten in their way in the past? Can't their love for each other just once be enough? Good enough to not run anymore? And good enough for him and her to forgive each other and go home together? Have a baby together and raise it together?
That's all she really wants out of life at this point - a family of her own. But not with just anybody, only him and their baby. Theirs to keep and nobody could take that away from them. But if he was determined to stay here, could she be so cruel and not even tell him? Could she really leave here and not tell him? She buried her face in her hands and sobbed again ... it seemed like she's been crying all day.
It took her several minutes to regain her composure again, but she finally wiped the last tear away. Finally able to break away from the spell of the monitors, she studied the room some more. Rifling through the shelves and drawers of things. When she came upon video tapes. Recordings, most of them labeled ... but some of them not.
Her eyes scanned the labels, until it fell upon one that read 'Austen/Ford SS/HI'. She could feel her heart beat faster at the thought of what that tape might show. She looked at the monitors wondering if there was some way to view it, when she got distracted by Sawyer on the screen again instead. As she walked closer to view, she saw him walk towards the building she was in. It looked like he was yelling something, but then she suddenly realized that he was calling out for her. He was looking for her. But then the camera changed again and he was gone.
She wondered if he would apologize to her. She even questioned her own sanity. Why the hell had she had this overwhelming urge to tell him the truth about everything in the first place? To tell him that she was sick but now better ... that made sense somehow. But to tell him that she had planned on running ... well, it really didn't help their relationship in any way to volunteer that information to him. She must have been out of her damn mind to tell him that.
She focused her attention on the shelf with the tapes again instead. She wondered on how many tapes she was on. She wondered also why they taped them in the first place.
His voice startled her out of her thoughts. "Kate", she heard him yell down the hallway. She peeked her head out the door, he wasn't coming down the ladder she'd used ... meaning there had to be another way into this maze of underground tunnels and rooms.
"KATE" His voice grew louder and echoed in the cold metallic surrounded hallway as she followed it.
"I'm here" She answered him right as he got out of a room.
He looked relieved when he said "Hi".
"Hi" she answered him back. Innocently smiling up at him.
Even with a few steps between them she could smell the mixture of the ocean, sweat and that distinctive smell of just him. And she loved it, graved it ... wanted to move in closer, bury her head in the crook of his neck and breath it in. It was intoxicating ... like his secret weapon. If he was a superhero of sorts, this must be his secret super power ... intoxicating smell that leaves every woman in his path incapable of resistance.
"Have you been down here this entire time?" He scanned her up and down, obviously noticing she had gotten fully dressed herself.
"You mean since you yelled at me out there?" she couldn't help it, hated when he acted as if nothing had transpired between them.
He looked away for a brief moment as if he was scanning the hallway behind her, then locked eyes with her again, "Well, about that. I probably could have handled that a bit better."
She didn't know what to say, but she also knew that that was the closest to an apology she was going to get on the matter. So she let it go.
"I got down here a little while ago."
Both of them started walking together, walking in the first room. When Kate saw the thick glass wall, she recognized the room immediately, "This is where they kept Jack. This is where they brought me to see him." Except that this time she was on the other side of the glass, actually touching the metal table in the middle of the room.
Sawyer scanned the room, curiously eyeing the chains hanging from the ceiling.
"They didn't put him in those chains, did they?" He exchanged a look with Kate.
She looked up then back at Sawyer, "He wasn't when I saw him." It had never even crossed her mind until now.
They looked around the eerie room in silence until Sawyer spoke up.
"Well, gotta say Freckles, I'm glad I wasn't stuck in here alone. This place makes me claustrophobic, that's for sure. I take the damn cages with you over this rat hole any damn day." Their eyes met for a brief moment and both of them exchanged a knowing look. A silent agreement that the doc had gotten the short end of the stick.
But Sawyer continued, "But hell, at least the doc didn't have to break rocks and haul them around ... guess you gotta take the good with the bad." Kate just nodded in agreement.
As they left the room, Sawyer noticed the gun sticking out of the back of Kates jeans. "Where'd you get the gun?"
She looked back and up at him, then pointed towards the open door down the hall, "In there, it's some kind of security room. There are more guns and ammo."
Sawyer headed for it now, and she quietly followed suit. She watched him as he inspected the guns now, just like she had earlier. "I took all the ammo for the 5 mil, so if you need any for your gun, we can share."
He turned around and smirked at her with his dimples flashing, "I'm good for now, but I keep that in mind." He winked at her as if sharing ammo was something to be flirty about. Which I guess between the two of them it was. She just couldn't help herself but smile back. He just knew how to get a smile out of her every time. Then he walked over to the security monitors watching.
A little embarrassed that he would probably realize she'd been watching him, she silently left him standing. She walked back out of the security room and walked back down the hallway again, inspecting some of the other rooms. But she found nothing, all of them just empty, eerie and similar to Jacks. Like prison cells of some sort.
She stopped in front of the one room she hadn't gone in yet. The door was different and it had a round door handle, the kind you had to turn like on a submarine. Similar to the one that lead down to this basement.
She contemplated in her mind whether or not to open it, but again ... that damn curiosity won the upper hand and she started turning that wheel on the door slowly. Before she knew what was happening the door busted open, hitting her shoulder hard in the process and water started gushing in around her.
Engulfed in waves of water, she couldn't tell which way was up or down. She was drowning. Then she realized there was still ground beneath her feet. She fought to stay upright and afloat, gasping for air unable to even scream.
Then she felt it, his hand. A tight grip on her arm that was sure to leave a bruise as he pulled her up and to him. It was a matter of a second or two when he yanked her with him.
He basically pulled her into a room with just one arm wrapped tightly around her waist ... like she didn't weigh a thing. Caring her like a child would carry a doll.
She came to her senses fast enough to help him close the door against the flooding waters gushing in and pulling the lever down to shut the apparent water proof door.
She was coughing hard, trying to regain her composure to finally take a normal breath again. He stood there watching her, with both his hands still on the door as if he wasn't sure it was going to hold. Breathing heavily himself when he said, "You alright Freckles?"
Kate was finally able to take a normal breath. The rim of her eyes fire red. It hurts to choke. She looked at him and nodded. They were in the security office, and for some odd reason the water that had made it into the room was slowly disappearing. Like there was a drain in the ground sucking the room dry again ... slowly.
Their breathing had normalized and so had their mindset. He let go of the door and said, "What the hell happened? Where did the damn tidal wave come from?"
She looked at him guilty, "I opened a door and ... " She choked on the words when she felt tears coming up again, "I'm so sorry Sawyer." The grasp of their situation dawning on her.
He sighed and said, "Ain't you fault babe." Trying to comfort her when he saw that look in her eyes. The look that said 'I know I fucked up but please don't hate me' ... that one he didn't get to see a whole lot coming from her. Usually she's on the receiving end of that look.
She wiped at her tears as he looked around the room with intensity in his eyes. "Somehow this room is completely waterproof, once the door's locked."
She just watched him as he walked closer to the monitors. He messed with the buttons and knobs, as if he knew what he was doing. Not frantic and clueless like her earlier. Then he muttered something under his breath. She hadn't actually heard it, but knew none the less what he'd said. So she went to investigate what was worth one of his infamous 'Son of a bitch' declarations.
She gasped when she saw what he saw. Apparently there was a camera in 'Jacks room' and some of the other rooms down here. There were no gushing waves anymore. Instead the entire room was filled with water. Top to bottom. But oddly enough the cameras still worked and the lights were still on as well. Waterproof. Everything was made for water.
She looked up at him, wondering what he was thinking. Trying to read his face.
Sawyer looked at her, "Guess we're gonna be stuck for a while."
The way he'd said it, it was supposed to be funny, but it wasn't. Not to her.
"There has to be a way out somehow." She stated, not wanting to give up that easily.
Both of them looked around the room, there was no way out.
The only other door in the room let to a bathroom. Nothing else. At least they had water to stay hydrated, she thought.
Then she looked up, scanning the ceiling. Sawyer did too. They both noticed the air vent at the same time.
"We might fit through there." She glanced up at him.
"It's worth a try." He agreed, but he knew there ain't no way in hell he would fit. She could though.
He stood on top of the chair, prying and eventually yanking the cover of the air vent. He got back down, folded his hands and held them down for her to step into. So that he could hoist her up high enough for her to climb into the vent.
She stepped into his hand, braced herself on his shoulders but before climbing up and in she asked, "How are you gonna get up?"
He looked up at her, "Ain't no way I'll fit through that vent sugar, gotta live of slimfast for a while before I'd fit through there."
She slid off of him back to the ground, devastated look on her face, "I'm not leaving you here Sawyer."
He grabbed her waist and basically picked her up in an attempt to get her up and towards the vent against her will, "Yes you are. You try to get the hell out of here." Before that damn door busts open, he thinks, but doesn't say it out loud.
She struggled against him enough to get back down, "Don't be like that. Don't do this. We find a way out together."
"This is the way out." Pointing up towards the vent. "You get out, and you wait for Ben and them to show up and they'll know what to do. They'll know how to drain the water, I'm sure. And they'll show up again eventually, at least in time for you to catch that sub."
"That's over 2 weeks from now. You can't be stuck here for that long. We have to get out of here now. And besides, what if you're wrong altogether?"
"Wrong about what?"
"Wrong about your whole theory. What if they didn't leave us here to make up? What if they left us here to take over the island again? Take out Hurley and then come back to finish us off too. You are the last candidate."
"First off, I ain't wrong. Ben's changed. He's different now. Hell, we're all different. And besides, I ain't the last candidate sweetheart. We both are. You ain't nobodies mama anymore, so like Jacob said, the job's yours if you want it." He looked at her with his head held sideways.
"Yeah, I guess." She agreed, but then unconsciously touched her stomach, wondering if she might be somebody's mama after all.
Sawyer forced her back to reality with his words, "It'd be really stupid for you to not even try to get out. At least that way you could get me some food and stuff, so I can survive down here." He met her eyes, wondering if she'd see it his way.
She walked back to the door, "What if we just open it, and swim out together. There's a ladder right over here that leads out. I'm sure we could make it."
Can't you see that I don't wanna leave you behind?
He sighed, then grabbed the handle from the door and lightly yanked on it, knowing it wouldn't budge. "We won't get it open. The pressure from the water outside jammed the lock. The vent's the only way out until the water's gone. You have to go Kate."
She folded her arms in front as if she was angry, and her words contradicted her posture, "Fine, I go. But I'll be back with food and some dry clothes for you."
He smiled, "Sounds great, I'm starving."
He helped her up and sure enough she managed to fit through the vent. But before she disappeared she yelled back at him, "Oh, and stop calling me that."
He looked up but unable to see her, "Stop calling you what?"
"Kate. Stop calling me Kate." Came back from a distance.
He smiled wide and said, "You got it Freckles."
She smiled and slowly crawled her way out.
As soon as he didn't hear her anymore, he went for the door handle again. Pushing down with all his weight. Pulling, tugging, ... he tried everything to get that damn door open while she was not here. But like he'd predicted, the pressure from the water outside of the door made it impossible. The lock was jammed and there was no way of opening this door anymore.
"Son of a bitch." He wanted to scream. He tried to stay cool and collected when she was around, but he couldn't stand to be locked in this place any more than she did.
He sighed when he finally gave up. The door won't budge ... it only pissed him off more with every failed attempt.
"FRECKLES"
He yelled, but didn't get an answer. He quickly decided for himself that it meant she got out and was on her way to bring him dry clothes and food and whatever else he'd need to survive down here.
Remembering the secret doorway into the temple wall, he decided to check wall for wall. Tapping and knocking, ... carefully investigating if there was some sort of secret way out. The room was on the smaller side, so it didn't take him long to figure out that there was no way out other than that damn door.
Trying to take his mind of the fact that he was trapped, he decided to search the room. He'd have more than enough time to do so, but he was too agitated to sit or stand still at the moment. He had to keep busy to keep himself from going insane. It felt like that time in the cage, when he was determined to figure out their little fish biscuit gadget, just to keep from going crazy ... Not knowing where she was, what they had done with her and not knowing how to get out.
History was repeating itself, as he looked up to the vent. Remembering how she'd managed to get out of her cage with ease. The same way she'd just climbed out of here. Tiny little thing that she is ... with more fight in her then anyone he'd ever known.
As he looked around a shelf, he noticed videotape after videotape. Some labeled, some not. His eyes scanned the labels for anything familiar. He stopped when he saw the name 'Shephard HI' ... he picked up the tape and looked around the monitors to see if there was any way to view it. And sure enough there was.
He walked over and put the tape in, and pushed play. The movie started playing. He saw Jack lying on the metal table in the room they'd found earlier. He fast forward after a few moments, cause nothing was happening. He walked back over to the shelf and his eyes caught the tape Kate had looked at earlier.
He grabbed it off the shelf and stared at it, wondering what Kate would think if he'd watch it. That moment when she kissed him ... and sure, it was the third kiss they'd shared by then, but it was the first initiated by her. And not to forget what followed that third kiss. He knew she didn't do it because he was a 'dead man'. He saw it in her eyes, the same way she'd seen it in his. It was love ... it is love.
He took the tape of Jack out and put their tape in instead. His hand was trembling as he pushed play, anticipating to see them both locked up in their cages again. Gotta take the good with the bad ... remembering his own words to her from earlier.
But he couldn't believe his eyes. Instead of the cages, he saw the swan hatch. Him in the bunk bed, Jack sitting by his side and Kate standing right there talking to Jack about why he's shaking.
Sawyers just mesmerized by it. It's a strange thing to see yourself in a state like that, not even remembering a thing about it. He sits down in one of the chairs and just watches as Jack tries to get him to swallow a pill. And then Kate. How she whispers to him. Her gentle caresses. The way she kissed his forehead ... and none of it strikes him as all that significant, the only thing he's mesmerized by is the fact that she does all of this right in front of Jack. The good old doc.
All this time he was jealous, never even realized how Jack must have felt. But to be honest, he didn't care. All is fair in love and war ... and he loved Kate. He'd do it all again for her ... no, he'd do it better. He'd tell her how he felt, he'd bite his tongue and not push her away every chance he got. If he'd get a 'do over', he'd do it right next time around. He'd love her right from the start. Jack wouldn't stand a chance if he could do it all again.
He watched on, as Jack left the room and she just held him for a little while longer. She didn't whisper anymore, just held him. Stroking his hair back. Gentle and softly caressing his face. Her fingertip following his eyebrow. Almost like a mother would hold her child. And now with Jack no longer there to distract him, he sees it. He can actually see that she already loved him right then and there. But how? He knew how he felt, but she? How could she love him, especially since one of their last interactions prior to this had been him exposing her as the criminal. Once again he wished for that damn do over. So much time wasted pretending not to care about one another. When all along they could've been together. Right in that moments he heard a noise coming from the vent.
He turned the tape off immediately and listened. Then he yelled out, "FRECKLES?"
A faint "Yeah" was audible and echoed a little in the metallic surrounding of the room and the vent itself.
He sighed in relief. Then her back pack dropped out of the vent, followed by a pair of pants, boxershorts and a shirt. He smiled picking up the clothes, then he looked up just in time to watch her poke her head through the vent. "I got more food and stuff, I'll be right back." She sounded out of breath ... as if she'd hurried to get back to him.
"Alright, no need to rush. I ain't goin' anywhere." He hears a faint "Funny" in the distance, which brings another smile to his face.
He sits down to untie his shoes when she reappears.
"Can you get that?" She asks as she holds down a big sack filled with god knows what, and he grabs it from her.
"What's all this?" he reaches up to help her get down. His hands on her thighs, as her knees lower onto his shoulders. Her body slowly sliding down along his, and by the smirk on his lips he enjoyed every second of it.
"It's food and stuff, like you asked for." She looks up at him innocently.
"Well, thanks" he peeks inside the sack to reveal all sorts of dharma boxes of food and toiletries, pillows and blankets too. Wait ... two pillows and two blankets.
"Why are there two pillows and blankets?" he tried to meet her eyes.
"Because I ain't leaving you down here alone." She said, crossing her arms in front of her again. Her battle stance, bracing herself for a verbal fight about to begin.
He just shook his head, let out an almost silent chuckle, then looked up and said, "Suit yourself."
The look on her face was priceless. She had expected him to at least throw a few arguments at her about how it would be stupid for her to stay down here too. But nothing of the sort, just a simple 'Suit yourself'! Huh, she didn't even know what to say to that.
"You hungry too?" his question brought her out of her thoughts. She looked up at him now, arms no longer crossed, just her thumbs casually in her pockets, she nodded.
So they went through the food she'd brought and started eating, sitting on the floor across from each other. He started talking about the raft he'd gotten started on. She listened carefully, as if she had no clue what he was talking about ... as if she hadn't watched him for half an hour chopping wood and working on it.
They laughed and talked, as if he wasn't trapped. As if he hadn't yelled at her and told her that there was no starting over. No tabula rasa. No clean slate. But now, here they were. Laughing with each other, still in wet clothes from the 'tidal wave' in the hallway.
When she looked at him, as she took another bite of the sandwich, she couldn't help but think of how much she loved him. How much she missed having this with him every day. How good they can be together.
And he? He was thinking about her holding him in that stupid long forgotten bunk bed. How she had held him, stroked his hair back and just loved him. Kinda like he'd held her after they'd made love for the first time in the cage. Holding her and stroking her hair.
When they were done eating, they just sat there. Looking at each other. He patted his flat stomach, "I think I'm full for now."
She laughed again and said, "Guess that should last at least an hour."
He smiled back at her, running his fingers through his hair, his eyebrows raised, "So I have a healthy appetite. So what? After all I did some serious ground work for that raft today. And fyi, you almost ate an entire jar of peanut butter on those sandwiches of yours."
She looked a little embarrassed that she had eaten that much peanut butter ... but it was true. No denying it. His big grin, the dimples and those adorable blue eyes looking at her. Somehow she forgot ... got caught up in the bliss of the moment when she said something really stupid again, "Yeah, well, I was hungry too. And you know what they say about the whole eating for two thing."
End Note: Please leave a review if you have a moment to spare, it's much appreciated. Thank you!