October, November, December, January

"To love, honour and protect her in sickness and in health…"

Lindsay sat on the edge of the couch, jiggling her baby, Susanne, in her arms, glancing nervously at the clock, waiting, just waiting, like she did every goddamn night. The minutes passed so slowly. Susanne fell asleep. Lindsay got up, tears rolling down her cheeks as she realised, for the hundredth time, that her husband wouldn't be back until past midnight, sometimes he didn't come home at all, and when he did, he was invariably drunk.

She didn't sleep, of course she didn't. Tonight was one of those nights when Danny didn't come home at all.

In the morning Lindsay changed Susanne, gave her breakfast and called Danny's cell. No answer. Of course not. Marriage to Danny wasn't exactly what Lindsay had expected it to be. For god's sake he was the one who'd asked her to marry him! He seemed fine when she told him she was pregnant. But now, something had come over him. They hadn't slept together in months, since, when did they marry? Oh yes, 12th October 2008, almost a month before Susanne was born. He'd seemed fine then. Then things go worse and worse and now; 25th of January, they were the worst they could possibly be. When he did come home he argued about taking care of the baby, he wouldn't touch either her or Lindsay, he wasn't interested in anything, he was getting thin and tired. At the beginning Lindsay had said it was the shock of fatherhood and marriage, it was the late nights, the commitment, but now she had to accept that things just weren't right, and if Danny didn't try there wouldn't be any marriage. It hurt to think that. She loved him so much and he didn't seem to love her or Susanne at all anymore.

Lindsay stirred Susanne's food. She remembered the old Danny, before their relationship even, he was so carefree and young back then, now, although only thirty-five he looked about forty, and acted seventeen. She heard the key in the lock. She turned. There he was. She didn't say anything. What was there to say that hadn't already been said in the endless arguments? She looked away. Danny went into the bedroom. Lindsay tensed up. Susanne sensed it. Lindsay remembered Christmas, and Thanksgiving, the worst holidays she'd ever had. There had been no Christmas or Thanksgiving, only Danny getting drunk with his mates, and her sitting with Susanne, crying. Why did they put themselves through this? Danny came out of the bedroom, pulling a fresh shirt over his head. He stood still. There was an awkward pause. He left. She burst into tears.

Danny's hand hovered above the keyhole. Did he really want to go in? He heard Susanne gurgle. He entered. She gave him that accusing look again, the one that only made him angry because he knew he deserved it.

"Danny--" Shut up, shut up. He didn't want to hear her whiney voice anymore. "One of my friends asked if I wanted to go out tonight."

"So?" He got a beer from the fridge.

"Take care of Susanne for the night. Please." Pause. "Danny you don't do anything to hep me out with her. You don't do anything to help our marriage--"

"Yahdahyahdahyahdah" Danny replied brutally. "Same thing over and over." Lindsay was hurt.

"I wouldn't have to say it over and over if you'd take responsibility." Danny gave a terrifying laugh. Lindsay stood up, furious. "Take her!" Danny looked round at her holding out Susanne. "Just take her Danny please, so I can get out of here for at least one night!" Danny put down the beer and came over. He took Susanne from her. Susanne started to cry.

"She doesn't know who I am."

"Are you surprised?" Susanne cried harder. Danny gave her back to Lindsay.

"Danny--!"

"I'll call you a babysitter."

"Where are you going?!"

"Anywhere other than here."

"You asshole!!" Danny slammed the door shut. Lindsay screamed out of frustration.

The next morning Danny found himself crashed out in the lobby of their building. When he got upstairs, it was just another argument, and in the end he went into the bedroom.

"Danny! For god's sake!" Lindsay waited. What was he doing in there, sleeping? Danny came out with a bag slung across his shoulder. "What are you doing?"

"Kicking myself out."

"No--!" Danny turned.

"Stella and my mum will help you out." All of a sudden he was calm. "I'm sorry Lindsay, but I don't see the point of carrying on like this. We need a break. At least I need a break."

"I do too!"

"There you go then." He left. Again. That was how February began.

Yeeees? Do you like? I'm pretty sure that all the dates are out of sync with the actual series but meh, I need it like this, you'll see later on.;-) xxxxx