Disclaimer: Bioware owns all, except what I most humbly create. While, at times, I will take verbatim from the game, I mostly use the events of the Dragon Age games, expansions and universe as a loose structure around which to construct my re-imagined tale. If you are looking for a strict canon piece, I have no desire to offend, and so I warn you upfront!

When reading this tale, I hope you can easily imagine it being told by the very best of storytellers in Varric (from DA:2). In my version of events, Varric meets "The Hero" (my Elissa Cousland) in Kirkwall during the time period of DA:2. I mention this only so that readers can understand his connection along the way, and so I don't have to mention and rehash it again and again as I make my way through the tale.

A/N: A shorter chapter here, but I needed to break it apart from the stuff to come so that it read logically. This is mostly a transition chapter, setting some things in motion and hinting at things to come. I hope it isn't too dull!

Muse Music: Start Again by Red

Antivan Translation: My vengeful goddess.

Thanks to my readers, reviewers and followers - and to my Lady Beta artemiskat.

Happy Reading!

-Frayed One

Chapter Thirteen: Starting Again

When Nathaniel finally managed to drag himself out of bed the next morning it was to the steady throb of the first hangover he'd had in years. He'd stayed up drinking and sharing companionable, though sexually charged, silence and conversation with Elissa until just before sunrise.

During those hours he'd learned many things, the first being he was no match for Elissa's capacity to consume and tolerate alcohol. You wouldn't think it to look at the two of them, Nathaniel easily outweighing her with his height and muscle mass, but she could put it away as though it was water and seemed no worse for the wear in the process.

He'd also discovered that no matter how much he might wish to follow Sigrun's advice to reestablish a friendship with Elissa before pressing her for the more intimate connection he believed they were destined to share, his physical desires seemed to work instinctively against it. Between the attraction they'd simply always shared, this new bond they'd formed in The Fade, and something Elissa explained was likely the much stronger taint in her blood calling out to him – it was a constant struggle not to act on his urges to kiss her or touch her in ways that were far outside the bounds of friendship.

As he made his way downstairs to the common room to try and grab some breakfast before Elissa set them to task for whatever she had planned for the day, he offered a prayer to the Maker that he would be able to stay true to his word and not press her before she was ready. He altered that prayer to include a request for additional patience and control over his temper as he grabbed a plate and made his way over to the seat Sigrun had saved for him at the front table.

"Are they always like that?" Anders was asking, chewing a mouthful of something and staring over at the table near the fire where Elissa lay on her side with the skin of her lower back and hip exposed.

"One step short of needing to get a room? Aye." Oghren snorted, shaking his head. "Used to drive the old piker up the wall."

"How exactly did his highness manage to tolerate it?" Nathaniel grumbled, watching the elf work intently on her tattoo, with the thumb of his bracing hand lingering a little too long on her bare skin for his tastes.

"Well, she always came back to his bed at the end of the day, so I imagine that made it a lot easier." Oghren replied, smirking at Nathaniel when he narrowed his eyes in response. "Heh... I'd suggest takin Sig up on 'er offer or makin a heavy investment in self lubrication if we're talkin about you though."

"How far does that tattoo go, exactly?" Anders asked, tilting his head and trying to get a better look – along with Sigrun once she stopped winking at Nathaniel.

"A lot farther than you can see from there sparky. Yeh want any more of an answer than that, go ask The Commander." Oghren replied, finishing off his mug of ale. "She's in a remarkably good mood this mornin, all things considered. Might actually show yeh."

"Reeeeally?" Anders smirked, waggling his eyebrows as he stood to saunter over to the table.

"Of course, she's just as likely to twist off yer man parts fer even askin…" Oghren mumbled into his mug, sending the table into laughter as Anders continued to walk over to where Elissa and Zevran were seated.

"So… I've seen the bit on your shoulder and this bit on your hip…" Anders began, watching her eyes flick up to him with a mix of annoyance and amusement. "And I saw some on your back that day I made you wash off the stench of sadness… though I was trying very hard not to look."

"And, what? You thought you'd come over and ask to see the rest?" Elissa replied, watching Anders look down to Zevran as he started to chuckle beside her.

"I don't know whether to think you brave or crazy, friend." Zevran said, looking up at him with a grin. "But I certainly admire your panache."

"I'm not stripping in the common room for you, Anders." Elissa answered, pursing her lips at him. "And if Oghren sent you over here believing I ever would, then you're an idiot for listening to him."

Anders turned to glare back at the front table just in time to see the dwarf salute him with a grin, setting the rest of their companions into peals of laughter once again.

"Oi. If you've time to laugh over there you're obviously done with breakfast so come on over." Elissa yelled, setting Nathaniel, Justice and the dwarves into motion.

Oghren stopped by Zevran for a moment, bumping his fist against the elf's in congratulations for pulling such an easy ruse over on the mage.

"Nice to have yeh back, wee pretty pansy." Oghren grumbled, punctuating the sentence with a belch.

"Nice to be back my foul smelling friend." Zevran replied, wiping off the ink and blood from his last mark and filling the needle again.

"That's enough for now, Zev. We can finish the rest later sans the audience." Elissa said, stilling his hands and righting her clothing, wincing a little as the linen brushed sensitive skin.

"What's that one for?" Sigrun asked, settling into her spot next to Nathaniel. "I recognize the two on your face, one is Legion the other is Crow. But I don't know those."

"That's because they are an original creation, my adorable morsel." Zevran smirked, cleaning his needles in a pot of hot water. "Both flame and feather, and worn only by your lovely Commander."

"Flame and…" Anders said, shaking his head – clearly not understanding.

"Ugh, fine. I can see we aren't going to get any further today until I do this so here you go." Elissa said, standing up and turning her back to the group before flipping her tunic up over her head.

In the center of her back, where it wasn't obscured by the cloth of her breast band, was a black and gray phoenix. Cycling out from it in a sunlit bronze so subtle it only showed clearly when lit just so, were wreaths of feathers that danced like flame when light moved across them. They reached out in tendrils over her shoulders and down the backs of her arms – and again down her back and around over the front of her hips.

"It's beautiful…" Nathaniel said, watching her color lightly when she met his eyes for a moment as she settled her tunic back into place.

"All the credit for that goes to Zevran." Elissa replied, clearing her throat. "For me, it's simply a reminder."

"A reminder of what?" Anders asked, listening to Oghren snort behind him.

"Does this one ever shut up?" Zevran asked, leaning in to whisper quite audibly.

"Not that I've seen." Oghren chuckled, earning a glare from Anders.

"Boys!" Elissa warned, silencing the duo with a look. "They remind me of many things, Anders. But the short version is each feather represents a life taken by my hand or lost as a result of my decisions."

"But there have to be…" Anders started, earning a hard kick to the shin from the elf. "Ouch!"

"Hundreds, yes. I'm aware." Elissa replied, holding his eyes for a moment and effectively ending the discussion. "Now, are we done playing invade Elissa's privacy for the day?"

"It isn't really invading your privacy when you've got your pants half off in the common room." Nathaniel said, watching Sigrun drop her head to the table beside him with a half hearted mumble.

"My pants were hardly half off, Nathaniel." Elissa replied with a sigh, and though he could see and feel the flare of her temper – he also saw her stifle it just as quickly. "I thought we'd agreed to try and play nice…"

"You're right." Nathaniel admitted, clearing his throat and folding his hands on the table in front of him – ignoring the curious looks from everyone around them. "Please continue."

"Thank you." Elissa nodded, a short smile of approval before she turned her attention back to the group. "First things first, the riot. Orchestrated distraction or not, the conditions of the Amaranthine Arling are… more dire than I'd imagined. Relations were strained in the area even before Alistair decided it would be a good idea to listen to Fergus and give the property over to The Wardens as an engagement gift…"

"That was your brother's idea?" Nathaniel snorted, rolling his eyes and trying to show the same control Elissa had earlier though the thought of it ate at him.

"Neither he nor Alistair have ever directly admitted it, but as we already had control of Soldier's Peak by the time The Blight was ended – there was no need to acquire further property on which to rebuild the order." Elissa explained, trying to soothe him as best she could. "I can't imagine the idea would have ever occurred to Alistair on his own, and we both know Fergus has never been… subtle in making his feelings known."

"That he has not…" Nathaniel replied, saying nothing more as he didn't trust his ability to neutralize his phrasing.

"Now, if we add to that the fact that a good portion of our land is either blighted or crawling with these altered darkspawn, and what we've got is a recipe for disaster." Elissa continued, sighing as she fidgeted with the curls of her hair in frustration. "That speech I gave to the angry mob, it was as much for us as it was for them. The coming year won't be easy, and The Wardens will not be exempt to the restrictions I have placed on those under the care of the Arling."

"Meaning what, exactly?" Anders asked, the inner workings of nobility completely lost on someone who had spent the majority of his life locked away inside a tower.

"Meaning we ration our food. We stockpile and share. We hunt, clean and cook as much as we can. That means all of us. Myself included." Elissa explained, passing her eyes around the room. "Well… perhaps no cooking for Oghren."

"I'm a better cook than the piker!" Oghren yelped, his brow furrowing in frustration. "My food never turned gray…"

"Ugh… yes, it's true. I will gladly go the rest of my days never having to eat Alistair's cooking again." Elissa chuckled, sharing a grimace with Zevran as they thought back on their traveling days with a fond sadness.

"What if we have no idea how to do any of those things?" Anders asked, feeling sheepish as even the walking corpse didn't seem the least bit daunted at her instructions.

"Then there are plenty here who can show you. If you don't know how to do something you need to know, or want to know… just ask. More than likely someone here has the knowledge to share." Elissa replied, squeezing his shoulder with a grin. "I keep telling you, we're family now. I get a little… wound up sometimes, but I do mean that." She turned her attention to Nathaniel, who raised an eyebrow at the hesitancy on her face. "I've spoken to Varel and Garavel already, but I… I would appreciate your help in evaluating the wild game and granaries for proper rationing and hunting rotation, as well as setting up a proper schedule to offer skills training to those in need. You know this land and its people better than anyone, including me."

"Of course. I am always available to you in whatever capacity I am needed." Nathaniel replied, watching her shift nervously at his choice of words before clearing her throat and continuing.

"Which brings us to our next topic." Elissa said, rubbing at the bridge of her nose and pressing her eyes shut.

"That pause has a distinct ring of not good to it…" Anders grumbled, thumping his head softly against the table. "Is it less or more dire than famine, pestilence and civil unrest?"

"That all depends on your perspective, I suppose." Elissa answered with a snort, "It was my life and not any of yours the assassins came seeking last night, Nathaniel's idiotic decision to gallantly come to my rescue aside."

"Idiotic?" Nathaniel started, brow furrowed.

"Yes, Nathaniel… idiotic! You're an archer, and you took an arrow in the shoulder of your bow arm." Elissa responded, her voice calm though her eyes betrayed it.

"Touching though this is, my Warden, perhaps we should stick to the topic at hand…" Zevran interrupted, sensing the situation spiraling quickly.

"When did you become so diplomatic?" Elissa huffed, rolling her eyes at his wink. "But you're right. It's silly to fight about that now... especially when the topic at hand is cloudy at best. I know someone out there has a price on my head, unfortunately – I have no idea who that someone might be."

"You mean it wasn't Mistress of the Sucked Lemons?" Anders asked, waving his hand about and doing his best imitation of Bann Esmerelle.

"It would appear not." Elissa chuckled, listening to the laughter filter through the group around her. "Esmerelle was merely a figurehead. She told me as much herself, and Zevran has verified this based on the minor intelligence he managed to gather here and among the Crows in Antiva."

"So there isn't a contract out for her?" Nathaniel asked, looking to the assassin for an explanation.

"With the Crows? No. Ignacio still holds to his word and the other Master's are unwilling to cross Doamna Mortii." Zevran answered, winking at Elissa as he tossed out her moniker, earning a long suffering sigh in response.

"I don't speak assassin…" Anders whispered, quite loudly, leaning in toward Elissa. "What did he just say?"

"It's Antivan and it means…" Elissa started.

"Lady Death." Nathaniel interrupted, turning a room full of surprised eyes in his direction – save Elissa's. "And don't worry, Sigrun, she already knows I am fluent."

"Thank the ancestors! Though, there were plenty of other suggestions I made last night you could have chosen to listen to…" Sigrun replied with a wink that set color immediately in bloom and a chuckle through the room.

"Oh, I like her…" Zevran purred, leaning against Elissa's shoulder.

"I thought you might." Elissa snickered, sharing a smile with Nathaniel. "However, Sigrun seems to prefer the tall, dark and moody. She took a fancy to Dastan as well."

"I myself prefer curvy, deadly and prone to violent outbursts…." Zevran replied, winking at the dwarf. "That doesn't mean we can't exchange secrets at a more appropriate time."

"I shudder to think what you might come up with together…" Elissa muttered, laughing in spite of herself. "Really though, all joking aside – I don't have much information to give you. Someone is gathering assassins, anyone who will take a shot it would appear. Aside from that, I know little to nothing."

"If they're paying, it has to be someone with a fair amount of coin to spend. That has to at least narrow the possibilities." Nathaniel offered, uncomfortable that someone was still out there looking to kill her.

"One would think. But there are a great deal of people out there who suffered loss when your father and Loghain were ousted. Any of them could be responsible." Elissa sighed, rubbing her face before turning back to Zevran. "I hesitate to ask…"

"So far as I know, it is only your blood they're after." Zevran replied, not even needing her to complete the thought.

"Good." Elissa responded, letting out a relieved breath and patting her knees. "Still, I would appreciate it if you would send a missive to Dastan and encourage him to be hyper vigilant."

"Certainly, but would you not rather…" Zevran started, stopping when she shook her head and looked away.

"We did not part amicably." Elissa replied, her body tense as she remembered how she'd sent her friend away. "I am certain I am the last person he wants to hear from at the moment. But Alistair should not suffer because of my mistakes anymore than he already is, and Dastan will listen to you."

"Say no more, la mia dea vendicativa." Zevran answered, reaching over to stroke at her hand affectionately.

"What about that shady character you paid in Amaranthine?" Nathaniel asked, suddenly recalling the conversation he'd witnessed in the alleyway weeks ago.

"Ah, the Dark Wolf?" Elissa snorted, giving Zevran a look that said she'd explain later. "I have heard nothing from him since that day, which means he has either absconded with my money or been killed in his attempt to seek out the information. My guess would be the latter, but either way – I would not look for any answers he may have provided to be forthcoming."

Nathaniel started to interrupt with more questions on how they planned to deal with this situation, but was silenced as Elissa's assistant rushed into the room looking distinctly harassed.

"A-apologies Commander…" the timid woman said, hesitantly meeting Elissa's eyes.

"Yes, Cecile?" Elissa sighed, waiting for the woman to spit it out.

"There's a woman outside, claims she's Warden Kristoff's wife?" Cecile answered, fretting with her hands. "I-I… I assumed you'd want to speak with her, in light of… well, since the Warden's sort of… dead."

"Andraste's tits! If it isn't one thing…" Elissa hissed, sending the already frightened woman stumbling back against the door as she stood. "Tell her I'll be out momentarily."

"Y-yes Commander." Cecile replied, bowing low and scurrying out the door as fast as she could manage.

"What did you do to that poor creature?" Zevran chuckled, smirking at her.

"Nothing!" Elissa snipped, a little too quickly.

"You did something, she's terrified of you!" Anders snorted, sending Sigrun and Oghren into peals of laughter.

"Fine! She interrupted Alistair and I when we were…" Elissa started, flushing as she avoided Nathaniel's eyes though she knew she shouldn't have to. "I may have yelled at her… a bit, and I think she got an eyeful of Alistair half dressed and waving… ugh. She's been that way ever since."

"Ah, a woman after my own heart…" Zevran smirked, stroking at her shoulder. "Ever volatile when prevented from… climax."

"I hate you." Elissa hissed, turning to clutch his face in her hand.

"Liar." Zevran replied, brushing his nose against hers until she released him with a shove.

"Anders, there's a shipment of herbs and poultice supplies being delivered to the Infirmary. Can you oversee that?" Elissa asked, ignoring the amused smirks she was getting from everyone in the room.

"I'm on it." Anders replied, winking as he headed out of the room.

"Nathaniel, can you go and meet with Varel and Garavel while I see to this?" Elissa continued, reluctantly meeting his eyes though she relaxed when she saw only amusement within them. "I will catch up with you afterward."

"I assume they're in the throne room?" Nathaniel asked, standing quickly.

"Actually, they're in the library. I had all of your father's maps and archival documentation moved in there for safe keeping until I decide where to put them." Elissa replied, watching him move off with a nod. "And, Nathaniel." He stopped at the doorway and turned back. "Thank you."

He smiled and nodded again, chuckling when Sigrun shot him an approving wink.

The conversation with Kristoff's wife, Aura, had not gone well – and Elissa kicked herself for allowing Justice to convince her to allow his presence to be known before she could better gauge the situation. She did the best she could to settle the rattled Spirit back to as neutral as he seemed to get, forced to promise she'd make a further attempt to rectify things with his body's wife in order to get him to stay in his room quietly for the remainder of the evening.

She was caught by Wade and then Voldrik, each making requests for the supplies needed to arm and armor her men or rebuild the rapidly crumbling walls around and beneath Vigil's Keep, before she could dart back inside.

By the time she made it back to her room the day was gone and she was exhausted, falling into her desk chair and working her way through the latest batch of correspondence Cecile had delivered to her desk.

"Fix my house, till my fields, rescue my daughter. Oh no! Vials of poison have gone missing in the city and I seem to have misplaced my carpet samples in the Wending Woods!" Elissa muttered, scribbling down request after request into her journal in annoyance before coming to a dead stop as she recognized Alistair's familiar scrawl on the outside of the next envelope.

She hesitated to touch it, fingers curving out then curling back in again several times before she shoved herself up out of the chair and began to pace. She walked around the desk three times, staring at the thing as though it was a coiled serpent, before finally snatching it off and flopping back into her chair to read it. She was barely even paying attention when she replied to the knock at her door.

"Enter." Elissa muttered, chewing at her nail as she scanned over Alistair's words again.

Elissa,

Enclosed you will find an invitation for you and your Wardens to the unveiling of the memorial and new Warden Enclave here in Denerim.

I tried to have Eamon cancel or at the very least delay the whole thing until things between us are… resolved, but he insists it is too late to alter at this stage.

I hope that I can count on you to be there as Warden-Commander of Ferelden, if nothing else.

Sincerely,

Alistair

"Bad news?" Nathaniel asked, pulling her eyes up from the parchment where they finally focused in on him as he sat in the chair across from her.

"I'm not sure of the answer to that, honestly." Elissa replied, folding it and sliding it underneath the stack with a sigh. "How can I be of service?"

"Now? You can't… though I could have used you earlier when I was dying of boredom setting up the Arling's various training, rationing and hunting schedules with your Seneschal and Guard Captain." he answered, leaning back in his chair and stretching his long legs out toward the desk with a smirk.

"Oh bloody hell…." she groused, dropping her head down against the desk with a thud and looking back up at him through her fingers. "I'm sorry, Nathaniel. It was one thing after another and I just… I forgot. You should have sent for me! Was it awful?"

"I certainly won't be doing it again for recreation, but I think we got everything ironed out nicely." Nathaniel chuckled, watching her fingers slide down her face in relief that he wasn't angry with her for not showing. "I went through Father's records and maps and set up a basic skeleton. Once the scouts return with actual numbers, we'll have a better idea of what's out there and can alter them accordingly. Varel wants you to sign off before he institutes anything, of course."

"Thank you, Nathaniel." Elissa said, smiling as she reached across the desk to squeeze his hand. "You've no idea how nice it is to have someone else who understands the horrible bureaucracy of nobility to talk to again. I've been drowning in this mess. Fergus is busy rebuilding Highever and Alistair he…" she stopped herself then, realizing she was broaching a subject they might not yet be ready for.

"You can talk about him, Elissa. If we're to build any sort of new foundation between us we have to be able to speak freely to one another, and that means actually talking about Alistair." he insisted, covering her hand with his other and holding it against his where it rested on the desk. "I'm especially fine with hearing about how I am superior to him in any capacity."

"I didn't say you were superior!" Elissa huffed, pursing her lips at his chuckle though he could see she wasn't too irritated. "You were raised to do this, just like I was. Alistair was hidden away in a stable or a monastery for most of his life. It's hardly his fault he's struggling with this nonsense. I struggle with it and I've been doing it since I was seven years old." She sighed then, pulling her hand away from him and falling back into her chair. "At any rate, I really do appreciate your help today… and you're not being angry with me for forgetting to come and help you."

"I told you I was available to you in whatever capacity you needed, and I meant that." Nathaniel answered, his gray eyes intense as they held her green. "Speaking of which…"

"Not this again…" she sighed, threading her fingers into the curls of her hair.

"Not what again?" he chuckled, realizing that she was assuming he intended to broach the topic of their unrequited attraction yet again. "I was merely going to ask how you intended to deal with the price on your head… unless there's something else you'd rather talk about?"

"What? No… I-I…" Elissa replied, fumbling for words and blushing lightly for having brought it up – the sight of which combined with the steady pulse of energy that flowed between their bond and their blood and increased his heart rate to mimic hers. "I don't want to talk about that either, truth be told."

"We don't always get what we want, Elissa." Nathaniel smirked, watching her eyes narrow at him in irritation. "Someone is trying to kill you. I want to know how you plan to combat that intention."

"Someone is always trying to kill me, Nathaniel." she snipped, standing up to pace in frustration. "I'll deal with it the same way I always have. I'll go back to disguising myself in public, code our communications and travel agendas as best I can, and wait for them to make a mistake."

"And if they succeed?" he asked, his eyes following her.

"If they succeed, I'll be dead, and I suspect I won't care anymore." Elissa chuckled, stopping abruptly when Nathaniel grabbed her arm in his gentle but firm hand.

"I'm serious." Nathaniel retorted, his eyes swirling with concern as she held them.

"Don't worry too much. I'm very hard to kill." she replied, tugging lightly but not struggling when he didn't immediately release her.

"You're not immortal. I wish you would realize that." he said, his thumb stroking lightly at her arm as he stood, holding her eyes through the motion.

"We should go to bed." Elissa muttered, and he watched her throat move as she swallowed reflexively.

"Alright, but I'll warn you… I've slept nude since I was eleven." Nathaniel replied, watching her pupils dilate as he smirked at her.

"If you're trying to rattle me, it's going to take more than that. I've had Zevran and Dastan to contend with for years now." she whispered, leaning close enough that he could feel the heat from her skin and catch the smell of her lilac oil as she worked her arm free from his grasp and shuffled him off to her door with a smile of her own. "But, if you want to play this game... I've never worn anything to bed. Even when you and your siblings would come to stay with us in Highever... when Fergus and I would come here to Amaranthine... I'd strip down the moment the door was barred for the night."

"You're sure you don't want me to stay?" he rumbled, unable to let it go now that she had challenged him. "I'll even offer to keep my pants on for you."

"Oh, don't keep your pants on for my sake." Elissa laughed, winking at him. "Sigrun will be more than happy to help you take them off."

He stifled his groan against her door when she shut it after that, leaning against the frame and listening to her low laughter on the other side for a few minutes before finally turning away.