Prelude.

'When you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.' From the film, 'When Harry Met Sally' (Nora Ephron)

Dear Diary,

I'm sorry for the lapse in my attention towards you, but I've been distracted. So deliciously distracted. BY LOVE. This has been THE BEST SUMMER OF MY LIFE. I AM SO HAPPY that I've had to expand my yellow wardrobe. I want to shout it from the rooftops; I want to burst into song; I want to paint the words across the sky in a heart the size of the earth: 'I LOVE WILL'. Taking the medication is the best decision I've EVER made. Not that I'm one to condone drug taking but these drugs are really working. Not only can I eat my grapes without individually wiping them but more importantly, I'm not scared to be IN LOVE with Will anymore. I knew when he returned from New York that chances like this don't come twice. Just as The Seekers sang in 'I'll Never Find Another You', I know I could search the whole world over until my days are through but I'll never find another Will. He is my one and only and on that last day of school I had to somehow tell him.

So there he stood, leaning against my office door, arms folded, his head crocked, a smile on that handsome face of his and HIS EYES…caressing me! Can eyes caress Diary? His were. I felt my heart flutter and that ember in the pit of my stomach he set alight two years ago, which I denied giving air to all year could no longer be contained. It burst into flames and radiated its heat through my body. Diary, it took all of my self-control not to melt into his arms. Instead, I smiled.

'I told you it wouldn't be forever,' he said.

I thought to myself, I could look into your eyes forever. I cleared my throat and stood up, moving towards him. I took his hand and said, 'Come and see the banner.'

We stood in the corridor looking at it, but my mind wasn't on the banner, it was focused on his hand in mine. Keep control, keep control, I told myself.

'Are you upset?' I asked.

'No…Yes. And embarrassed. All of that work, a whole year. We were so cocky.'

'You'll get them next year.' I took a breath and I looked straight at him. 'I think mistakes make people grow. Sometimes people can make a big mistake, one that wastes a whole year of their lives. One that keeps them from the thing they want the most.'

Our eyes were locked as if by a magnetic force. Then in that gentle tone of his Will asked, 'And how do those people make up for those big mistakes? The ones that keep them from the thing that they want the most?'

'They have to work really hard to make up for it,' I replied. 'Spend at least the whole summer focused on nothing but making things right.'

'The whole summer?' He queried.

I straightened his tie and kept my hand over his heart. 'Maybe even longer.'

He placed one hand over mine and pulled me closer with the other. Just inches from my lips Will murmured, 'A whole lot longer.'

And there it was again: another pearly white sneak attack, and I didn't even care! Truth be told I'd hoped for exactly this response. When our lips reluctantly parted we looked into each other's eyes filled with certainty and love. He lifted me up and swung me around and neither of us could stop smiling. Then the bell rang and suddenly there was Rachel. Son of a biscuit, she has this uncanny knack of interrupting Will and I at the most inopportune moments. Will put me down. Don't stop, don't stop, don't interrupt this moment I repeated over and over in my head, willing Rachel to just keep moving. And she did! She glanced at the banner and hurried on. I don't think she even noticed us. We looked up at the banner, Will's arm went around my shoulder and pulling me close he said, 'Twelfth place has never felt so good!' I looked up at him, basking in this wondrous moment: I am enough for his love. My heart felt like it would explode but I didn't feel out of control. No longer overwhelmed by this immense love. No longer plagued by doubts. I feel secure and excited for the future. Our future. This is it. There is no turning back this time. No more fear, no more denial, no more mistakes (well, we are only human, there will undoubtedly be some), I know what I want and what I want is WILL AND EMMA FOREVER.

In a quiet moment in between classes on that last day, Will swooped into my office singing 'It's not the pale moon that excites me, that thrills and delights me…' and pulling me out of my chair for a slow dance he continued to sing '...it's just the Nearness of You.'

Swoon.

That evening I drove over to Will's place. The minute I walked in the door we were in each other's arms again. Then Will pulled away and took me by the hand and led me to the couch. We sat down and talked and talked. About us. About how he sang on the stage in New York and how it was a dream come true, but when he looked out into the empty theatre he said, 'That's how empty I felt without you.'

We talked about my OCD. I said, 'I'm working through my fears and gradually increasing my exposure to them and practising response prevention. It's terrifying and exhausting. I see this OCD as a schoolyard bully now. I've been bullied by it all of my life, and instead of standing up to it or ignoring the taunts, I've allowed it to control my mind.'

'It's like having Sue Sylvester to battle every day,' Will said.

'OCD makes Sue look rational!' I looked down at my hands in his. 'I…I have felt so ashamed and so inadequate for so long.' Diary, it was so hard for me to say that to him, but once I'd said it, I felt like I'd opened the floodgates. 'Part of me thought I didn't deserve you. How could I inflict this …this disease on someone I love so much? How could you understand when I don't even understand it myself? But you never let go, and I refuse to waste one more second without you.' Will took my face in his hands and kissed me again.

'Stay,' he murmured against my lips. 'Stay forever.'

'I want to…this night…every night… but I still can't…it's not that I don't want to…'

'Emma, it's OK. Gradual exposure, I get it. One step at a time. We're going to take this at your pace.

I looked into his eyes, so full of compassion and earnestness, I wanted to cry.

'I can move into your place if that makes it easier?'

I shook my head. 'No, my apartment is what therapists call 'the safe zone', it's uncontaminated and 'safe' for me. If I really want to get better, I need to break the safe zone. Besides, I don't have the closet space for your vest collection.

Will laughed.

'Will, if you hadn't inspired me to face my fears, I wouldn't be here.'

'And if you hadn't supported my dream two years ago, I wouldn't be here either, so I guess we're even!'

I smiled.

I promised not to let the doubts in my head override what I have in my heart for him.

Will said, 'I'm going to tell you what I once told Rachel and I want you to remember it when those doubts in your head try to tell you otherwise: 'There is a boy out here who loves you for everything you are, including those parts of you that even you don't like...those are the things he likes the most.'

I couldn't stop a tear from rolling down my cheek. Will wiped it away and I took his face in my hands and kissed him with all the longing I've held inside me for what seems like forever.

So I stayed. Not because I had packed my nightdress and tooth brush but because it felt physically impossible to tear myself from his side. The words I heard Rachel singing once, surfaced from a recess in my head, 'losing you is like living in a world with no air.' I suddenly felt so alive, like all my senses had been lying dormant and were suddenly reawakened. We sat on the sofa talking and giggling and revelling in each other's touch. We never run out of things to talk about. At 2am, with my head on Will's shoulder and his head resting on mine, our eyes closed. Will said, 'Come on, let's go to bed, we're exhausted'. He insisted I use the bathroom first, so I did, then he was sliding into bed next to me. NEXT TO ME. He smelled so good – of soap and toothpaste. Suddenly I felt all wide awake again. We lay there facing each other, hands entwined. Diary, I can't begin to explain how completely, completely content I felt. Is this what heaven feels like? As if my body and my mind have melted?

Will burst into song: …'The rest of the world can just disappear, as long as you're here.'

What are you singing?

'One of the songs a competing choir sang at Nationals, I thought of you when I heard it. He brushed my lips with a kiss. Do you know how many nights I've dreamt of you lying beside me?'

I smiled and looked at him, 'We shared the same dreams then.'

'Mine', he replied, 'were x-rated.'

I blushed.

The next morning my eyes opened to see Will's face resting only inches from mine, our foreheads touching, our hands still clasped between us. 'Rise and shine sleepy head,' I murmured.

He opened his eyes and smiled at me. 'I've been lying here thinking I wish I could stop time, so we could lie like this for ever.'

'And never move?'

'Never, from your side.' He rose on to an elbow and rested his other hand on my hip, pulling me towards him. 'In the words of Sting, you are "every breath I take, every move I make."' He kissed my forehead. I appreciated the fact he didn't try to kiss me on the lips…neither of us had brushed.

'Well, It's the first day of the holidays and I'm focused on making things right because in the words of Gloria Estefan, "there is nothing I can do, (and you know I've tried), to keep from loving you." Will you help me pack up my apartment?'

And so I moved in with Will and we spent the summer vacation together, not one minute apart. I had to do some cupboard rearranging because Will just doesn't have any idea – he had the cornflakes stored next to the peanut butter. Alphabetical ordering is so much easier.

The first time I opened his fridge, the milk, cheese and yoghurt just jumped into my vision like close ups on a movie screen with the screeching sound effects from Hitchcock's 'Pyscho' playing in my ears. I felt nauseous. So much so that I quickly closed the fridge again and ran to the bathroom. Will followed me and stared at me leaning over the basin.

'Honey, what's wrong?'

I felt so stupid, I didn't want to answer. I had to. 'Remember why I don't eat dairy?'

Will nodded.

'I…I saw the milk and…'

'Emma, I'll get rid of the milk, and the cheese, we don't have to have them in the house.' He turned me to face him. His look of concern touched my heart. It would be such an easy solution to rid the house of all dairy products, but it wasn't the solution.

'No. No. You denied yourself peanut butter for Terri, you're not doing the same for me. I need to get over this. Besides, we promised to make things right, not easy.'

He stared at me then said, 'What you're doing is really hard, but I have complete faith in you.'

My wardrobe only just fitted. I had to cull some of my weekend clothing. Will sat on the bed watching my every move, telling me which clothes he loved seeing me in. He said my pea green coat held a special place in his heart because it was what I was wearing the first time he kissed me. When I returned his grey woollen vest to his closet he pulled me to him and we just stood with our arms wrapped around each other. I felt his heart beating next to mine, the scent of his aftershave, his arms strong around me. Home.

And I had to do some cleaning…and have the carpet steam-cleaned. Will made me verbalize, for the first time, what was going on in my head. I felt foolish telling him, because I know it sounds irrational, but he said he can't help me if he doesn't understand completely. I love him more and more.

When we were out shopping, we came across some retro Superhero lunch boxes. Will stopped and picked up the box with Wonder Woman on it and said, 'I'm getting you this, because to me you are Wonder Woman.' I picked out Superman for him. I love a man of action and he saved me. We saved each other.