The Purple piano project.
'You know you're in love when you don't want to fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.'
Dr. Seuss
Dear Diary,
I awoke to Will's voice saying, 'Rise and Shine sleepy head. Guess who woke up right before I did?'
I felt his body move closer to mine as he kissed the side of my head. I love waking up next to him and I love that he finds me so….arousing. Why can't I feel that aroused by him? The therapist said people with OCD often have a low s - - drive and I shouldn't dwell on it. I should just work on getting over my fear of it. Diary, I blush at the thought of our foreplay but then I panic as things heat up or I feel a touch of sweat and my mind is gripped with irrational thoughts of contamination and I've had to pull back. Will is so patient and I'm ashamed to admit that intercourse still freaks me out. But back to this morning…
'I haven't brushed yet,' I responded and sprung out of bed. In the bathroom I paused brushing and stared at myself in the mirror. Apart from how good this yellow nightdress looks on me, I thought, why do I have this fear of body fluids? Will came into the bathroom and turned on the shower. He stood behind me and wrapped his arms around me, kissing my neck.'
Wanna have a shower with me?'
'I…I want to decide what to wear today.'
'Out of your Monday collection?'
I nodded.
He looked in the mirror at the two of us. 'Damn, we look good together.' He kissed me again, stripped himself of his boxers and got in the shower. I looked at his perfect butt disappearing behind the curtain and he turned and gave me a wink, I blushed. I decided that today I needed to wear a colour that would subdue Will's sexual feelings towards me.
I'm not sure my dusty pink attire quelled Will's passion. Over breakfast he looked like he wanted to devour me, instead of the toast I put into his mouth. We made each other's lunches and put them in our new lunch boxes. Our new lunchboxes are made of aluminium so there are no PBA's leaking from them – much healthier than plastic. It's a big step for me to eat food that someone else has prepared, but it has been our focus over the summer and now I don't even think twice about eating anything Will makes me and on a good day (which are becoming more frequent) I can even share a bite from the same sandwich. It's as if Will and I have lived together forever. We can anticipate each other's every move. We're like a synchronized swimming team.
Dear Diary,
Will and I sat in bed watching the late news when the entertainment segment came on. The guy who replaced Will in April Rhodes' musical won a Tony. I looked at Will.
Do you regret it?
He looked at me and hugged me tightly as he said, 'No. I am right where I'm supposed to be.'
Diary, is it possible to love him even more? Will is determined to stay focused and work harder this year. The Glee club is three members down. I told him how when I was out shopping I passed Motta's piano's and I commented on the purple piano they had in there. The salesman had asked me if I knew anyone who might be interested in it? They had a number of them that they wanted to get rid of. I told Will and he got all excited. Now he has a plan to attract kids to Glee Club.
Dear Diary,
Rachel and Kurt came to my office today. I wasn't surprised. They're the only dating combination that the Glee club hasn't tried. I gave them one of my pamphlets, 'Me and My Hag'. It's their final year of school and they want to go to Julliard. I had to tell them Julliard doesn't have a musical theatre department. I asked them if they'd thought about somewhere closer to home like Kent State. I told them it has a macabre back story too, so if they're having a bad day or they don't get the lead in the musical, they can say to themselves, things really could be worse. But they were determined. I like to see that kind of determination in kids. So I pulled out my pamphlet on NYADA. 'I think I have the perfect school for you,' I said. 'US News Ranked #1 school in America for the dramatic arts. Very competitive. Only takes 20 students a year. They do a regular mixer for prospective students and this year the Midwest's top talent is rubbing elbows down at the Dayton Doubletree on Thursday night.' They could go and check out the competish. Yay college!
Dear Diary,
Sue has not softened over the summer. If anything she has become even more combative. She walked around school today destroying Will's purple pianos.
On another note, Quinn has gone all punk: pink hair, a tattoo of Ryan Seacrest on the small of her back. I hope it's a henna tattoo, otherwise she's gonna regret that one. She should speak to Johnny Depp about ill-chosen tattoos – 'Winona forever'! On the other hand I could be certain about a tattoo stating 'Wemma forever', perhaps just below my hip bone, Will loves my hips, when he slides down my skirt, there it would be – a permanent declaration of my love, and he would look up at me in surprise then adoration and plant kisses all around it then…..what am I saying? This is another one of my fantasy scenes, there's no way I would ever get a tattoo – those parlours, strangers touching my skin, the germs, the diseases that needles carry. Arghhh! Breathe Emma, breathe, focus, use those relaxation techniques you've been taught…
Quinn's taken up smoking and she's joined 'The Skanks'. Mercifully, they never come near me. I doubt they see the inside of a shower more than once a week. Quinn's behaviour is clearly a result of her never having dealt with giving away her baby. Why didn't she come and see me? I had a couple of pamphlets made especially for her titled, 'It seemed like a good idea at the time' and 'A baby cramps your style; you made the right decision'. Babies. I know Will wants children. He talks about how he'd like to start a family. Of course I want to have children with him, I just have to get over my aversion to the reproduction process first. What if I never can? No, Emma, that's not a positive thought, send it away. I can. I'm making progress. I can look at Will's (I can even say the word!) penis now without that heart-stopping surge in anxiety you feel when you've lost a child at the shopping centre or the swimming pool. My anxiety about touching it or it touching me, on a scale of 1 to 10 with 10 being the highest, is about an 8…on a good day. Will would be a wonderful father. What kind of mother would I make? What if they inherit my disorder? Send that thought away too Emma. OCD is not necessarily hereditary and with Will's genes to counteract mine, there is a good chance a child we have won't be inflicted with this debilitating problem. But there's still a chance.
Last night Will and I were sitting up in bed. I had the late local news on – I have to do something to distract Will from trying to have s - - with me. He was whispering sweet nothings in my ear, or maybe he was just smelling my hair – he loves the smell of my hair, when congressional candidate Sue came on the local news. Son of a biscuit, she mentioned Will's name. I tapped Will's abs to get his attention – they're rock hard. I felt something stir inside me but it retreated as soon as I heard Sue say she wants to cut arts funding in all schools. Will and I were stunned. That put an end to any potential foreplay. I had to calm Will down.
'It's been proven that the arts help the kids do better in school,' he said vehemently.
'I know, I know. Breathe, Will.'
Dear Diary,
Today Will came in to use my pink rubber gloves and a bucket. I looked at him in alarm and asked if my OCD was rubbing off onto him. He smiled and said 'No, but I do enjoy the other parts of you that do. He makes me blush. He explained that the Glee kids had done a musical number 'You've Got the Beat' in the school cafeteria and their performance started a food fight. I went to look but quickly retreated. The mess! They'll need an industrial strength hose, a highly concentrated detergent and boiling water, mops…
Will had a new student try out for Glee club today. Her name is Sugar Motta. She can't sing. Poor Will. He doesn't have the heart to tell her, but I agree with Rachel, school is where you learn it is survival of the fittest and she may kill all of their chances. You can't shelter people from the truth. I mean I hid from the truth for a whole year and I never stop regretting it. I wasted a whole year of our lives. If Brittany had her time machine finished I'd gladly step into it and turn back twelve months of my life to that day in the corridor when Will said 'I love you and you love me.' I wouldn't have denied it and run away scared. Or would I? Everything that has happened has lead us to where we are now and I think Will and I are better for it.
Diary,
Today I felt something in my nether regions. We were in the lunch room and Will was talking about how Sue wants to declare war on the arts. Will said, 'General Schuester is about to launch a counter offensive.' The tone in his voice, Diary. The look of determination in his eyes. Mmm - a man of action. He stirred something in me. So this is what being turned on feels like I said to myself. I watched him walk out. The scent of his aftershave lingered. I could barely concentrate on my lunch let alone what Shannon was saying. Over dinner tonight, Will told me the plan.
Dear Diary,
Today Will and I ambushed Sue's Cheerios try outs. Not that she plans to let anyone join. She just likes to see them cry. Will glitter-bombed Sue and I filmed it. It was exhilarating. I've never been so daring. I thought at any moment Sue might jump up and wrestle Will to the ground or punch his chiselled features then chase me around the gym trying to get the camera but she didn't. Will and I grabbed each other's arms and ran out of there. Once we were safely back in his office and had downloaded the footage, we hi fived each other and giggled like kids at our success. I stood behind Will's chair, watching the footage, with my arms around his shoulders and my cheek pressing next to his. I ran my hands through his hair. His hair gel doesn't bother me at all now.
Aside from Will and I, Kurt must be the happiest person at school. Blaine has joined McKinley. He did a dance number for Kurt in the school yard – 'It's Not Unusual To Be Loved By Anyone' (I might add it feels so good to be loved by Will) which gave Santana the opportunity to set fire to a purple piano. Will and I talked about her behaviour. Undoubtedly she's been coerced by Sue but It can't go unpunished or all the other kids will think it's acceptable behaviour. Santana's showing no loyalty to her friends or the Glee Club. Will's decided to ban her from New Directions until she can be as loyal to the club as the others are. I don't know who's hurting more – Will or Santana.
Dear Diary,
The alarm went at 6am. We take it in turns to sleep on the alarm side of the bed. It's just another small step I've taken to exposing myself to the fear of sleeping on sheets someone else has slept on in an attempt to eradicate all boundaries between myself and WiIl. I rolled over to wake Will. I used to hate waking up because I knew the rituals would start, but now, I can't wait to open my eyes and see Will next to me. Like a child, he was trying to hide under his pillow. He didn't want to get up. 'Rise and shine sleepy head' I said, 'Come on.' I patted his biceps. It really is like sleeping with Michelangelo's David, every muscle in his body is sculptured to perfection. I made both of our lunches and as I shut the lid on his, Superman stared back up at me and I felt turned on again. Will said he didn't want to go to school today and I smiled. Will was saying that he knew it was for the greater good of the club. And it is. I told him so last night. He just can't keep his emotions out of the equation. He has so much empathy which is just one of the many reasons why I love him. He doesn't want to kill Sugar's dream and he doesn't want to ban Santana from the club. I felt an overwhelming desire to kiss him. 'Will, you glitter-bombed Sue; this week you stopped being a man of words and became a man of action and that was super hot.' I took his face in my hands and drew his lips to mine. Our tongues immediately collided. As we kissed I felt all his tension dissipate. Like air being let out of a balloon. He pulled me closer to him and we melted into each other. I felt quite light-headed when we finally drew apart; our eyes were locked and for a moment nothing else in the world existed. It took all of my self control to let go of him. I picked up our lunch boxes. Will seemed disoriented. 'Come on,' I said, 'we'll be late for school.'