The sun was hot today and the waves were high. Both of them sat in the shade and ate quietly, staring out onto the ocean. Watching the waves crash almost violently onto the beach to then fizzle down to something that resembled a bubble bath.
Kate broke the silence first. "It's weird and sad, ain't it?" She said before she took another bite of the fish Sawyer and she had prepared together.
"What's that Sweetheart?" he asked, honestly not knowing what she was referring to, because a lot of things were weird and sad on this island.
She looked over at him and smiled sadly, "Us being here. Eating fish. On this beach at our old camp." She looked around the tattered and worn down make-shift-tents, "It's so sad that out of all the people from our plane crash, there're only seven of us left."
He remained quiet for a moment, thinking about what she'd just said. Then he sighed and answered, "Yeah, it's sad alright … but I guess if you count Walt and Vincent then there's still nine of us left."
"Walt … I haven't thought about him in a long time." She took a drink from her water bottle.
They sat in silence again for a little bit longer while they ate.
Kate got up and brushed the sand off of her clothing, Sawyer watched her curiously.
"I'm gonna go over to the graveyard." She said finally meeting his eyes.
He tried to refrain from frowning, knowing that he'd have to tell her before she'd get over there, "Wait up, I'm coming with you." He held out his hand to her, "Mind givin' me a hand Freckles?" He smiled up at her.
She smiled back at him and grabbed a hold of his hand, pulling him to a standing position.
"Thanks," he said smiling down at her, dangerously close … and it brings back an instant memory to the both of them. Back when nothing physical had actually happened between them … other than that kiss.
"No problem," she answered back, also smiling wide, then she added, "At your age it's only natural that you need help getting up."
He raised his eyebrows, mockingly offended and repeated, "At my age, huh?"
She grinned from ear to ear at his reaction, but then wondered for moment if she'd really wounded his fragile ego, "Yeah, lucky for you, I got a thing for older men."
He laughed out loud as she pulled him with her along the beach, "Well in that case I might need a cane to walk straight."
Then his face got serious as they were approaching the graves, "Freckles, there's something I gotta tell you." He pulled her hand to make her look at him.
She stopped walking and turned around to face him. When she saw the concerned look in his eyes she asked, "What's wrong?"
Sawyer sighed, and continued, "Hurley had them bury the Doc here." No point in beating around the bush anymore.
He could see her facial expression change the moment she'd registered what he'd just said. Then she let out an almost inaudible "Oh." Her eyes downcast towards the sand before she looked back at the direction of the row of wooden crosses sticking out of the sand. She folded her arms in front of herself, as if she was cold … but the sun was burning down on them mercilessly.
He took a step towards her, tilted her chin up with his left hand to make her look up at him, "You're alright?" he asked concerned.
She plastered a fake smile on her face and then nodded almost too enthusiastic. Trying to convince herself more than him.
He held out his hand for her to take, wondering if she would. She hesitated for a moment, looking down at his outstretched hand, but then took it and intertwined her fingers as they carried on walking.
Hand in hand they walked along the row of graves. Sawyer had been back once since he made it back to the island. Mainly to see the grave that was right next to Jack's. He just had to see it with his own eyes.
She stopped right in front of the grave that read 'Jack Shephard' carved into a wooden cross, but then her eyes fell to the grave right next to his and she blurted out in surprise, "Juliet?" Kate let go of his hand and craned her neck to look back and up at him. "Miles and you carried her all the way here to bury her?"
"No," he shook his head, "We didn't."
She looked up at him confused, "Then why is her grave here? I don't understand …"
He interrupted her, "Shortly after we left, Hurley had her dug up and brought out here to get buried." He swallowed hard, his eyes twitching nervously … he was obviously uneasy talking about the other woman he'd once loved.
"Oh." Was all Kate could muster at first as she looked back at Jack's grave and then back at Juliet's right beside his. Then she asked, "And how do you feel about that? I mean, aren't you mad that they dug her back up after you buried her?"
He had to swallow the lump in his throat before he could answer, "At first I was pretty hot about it. Hurley almost got his ass kicked the day I found out …" He sighed then added, "… but then he said that he did it because she belonged with the rest of the people we loved and lost. Said that she didn't belong out there by herself somewhere in the jungle." He paused again and was just about to say it, but Kate beat him to it.
"I guess that makes sense if he put it that way." She glanced back at him for a second, then looked back at the graves and to Sawyers surprise she reached for his hand again.
It seemed almost surreal to either one of them. Standing here hand in hand as husband and wife in front of Jack and Juliets graves.
The silence got too much for him to take. He pulled his hand out of hers and said, "You know, I can give you a minute … alone I mean."
She looked back at him unsure of what to say. Their eyes locked on one another, "It's alright Freckles. Trust me, I get it … I'll be right over there, trying to get my tent set up again for tonight."
She just nodded at him, and as he turned away to walk away she spoke up, "James?"
He turned back around again and without a warning she placed a fast and innocent kiss on his lips. Standing on her tiptoes, her palms flat on his chest, she whispered, "Thank you."
He just nodded now, glanced back at the two graves in his line of sight right behind her, then smiled slightly at her before he turned and walked away.
Kate settled into the sand at the foot of Jacks grave. She felt the sudden urge to get a million things off her chest, but at the same time she thought about what Sawyer had said. That he'd seen him and had actually talked to him, his ghost, spirit or whatever - meaning anything she would say right here right now she would just be saying to an empty shell buried in the sand. Frustrated with that notion she started to cry.
Sawyer watched her from further down the beach. Even with all the distance between them he could tell she was crying. The way she bowed her head and wiped at her face … yeah, she was definitely crying.
For the life of him he couldn't understand why that sight made him jealous.
How the hell can I be jealous of a dead man? And hasn't she cried more than enough tears for me as well?
He sunk down in the sand for a moment, disgusted with himself for feeling the way that he did. He just couldn't stand the thought that she was still in love with Jack. It bothered him more then he'd like to admit.
His thoughts went back to the day when he'd told Horace that he wasn't in love with Kate anymore. He had flat out lied about everything. He was good at lying. Had managed to lie his way right into the Head of Security position at their little Dharma compound. Lying came to him as easily as breathing, so why not use that trade for a good cause for once. So he had lied when he had said that he couldn't even remember her face anymore. The truth was that he remembered everything about her.
That goofy grin of hers. The famous eye-roll she seemed to only do for him or because of him. The way she bit her bottom lip sometimes when she was lost in her thoughts. The way she bit her nails when she was nervous and thought that no one was watching. And those freckles. Ohhh how he just loved those stupid little imperfections on her porcelain skin.
Never in a million years would he have thought that he would fall for a tomboy with god damn freckles. But he had, and he remembered her face all too well back then. He remembered because he saw her face in his dreams. Not every night, -that would be a flat out lie again- but more nights than not.
So he knew damn well that three years was not long enough to get over somebody.
He glanced back at Kate sitting by Jacks grave. Why the hell would he expect her to be completely over Jack when it hadn't even been 2 years yet?
He shook his head to himself and got up off the ground again to get started fixing up his shelter for the night. It was a scorching hot day, which usually meant it would probably rain before too long. His eyes wandered upwards, scanning the sky. There wasn't a cloud in sight … at least not yet. But that's how it always seemed to happen on this damn island. The hottest days turned into rain before nightfall.
"Need a hand with that?"
Surprised by her voice he turned his head to find her standing right behind him with her arms crossed in front of her. He nodded at her and said, "You can tie the rope to the tree while I try to get the tarp reattached all around."
They worked in silence for a few moments, until Sawyer decided to break the awkwardness and lighten the mood again. What better way to do just that then ask her the obvious.
"Since we're only fixing up my little condo by the beach I take it you're stayin' the night Freckles?"
She looked over at him, now helping him with the tarp and said, "Technically speaking we're fixing up my condo for the night."
He raised his eyebrows and with a confused, yet clearly amused look in his eyes as he questioned what she'd just said, "Oh really? How do you figure that?"
"My husband was so generous to leave me everything in his will." She grinned up at him. She couldn't believe that she was actually able to joke about what he had done to her less than two month ago.
"Funny." He smirked with relief at the lightheartedness in her words. "Well, technically I'm still as hot blooded as ever sassafras. Alive and well, so …"
She interrupted him before he could go on, "So if you're still alive and well then I guess it's still my tent too. Because what's yours is mine then, right?" Smiling green eyes met his blue ones once again.
He chucked focusing his attention to the task at hand again, then smirked and said, "You got it Sweetheart, but just remember those were your words not mine when I want some of yours later on tonight!"
She rolled her eyes, "You're just incapable of carrying on a conversation with me that doesn't somehow end up being an invitation for sex."
"What can I say Lollipop? You just manage to bring out the best in me." He glanced down at her and she chuckled, even though she'd tried not to.
(Continuation of last chapters) Flashback
"Don't move, hon'. I'll get that." He still panted as he kneeled between her still spread out legs and she found herself thankful for the darkness of his tent. The moonlight at least was somewhat flattering, she thought.
He leaned over her, placing one hand flat beside her head, pinning some of her curls to the ground in the process. With his other hand he rifled through a bag or suitcase behind her.
Mesmerized she watched his muscular chest move along with the movement of his arm and as if he was sensing her eyes on him he looked down at her smirking but he didn't say anything else.
I should just say it. I should just tell him. It might not be the most romantic moment but it seems so right to tell him now.
I love you James, the words echoing in her head. But she just can't bring herself to tell him out loud. Can't tell him that he misunderstood about the other night. Can't tell him that that night wasn't just about her using him. Can't tell him tonight wasn't just about her using him either. Can't tell him so many things. But she wishes she could.
She'd never thought twice about putting her life on the line whenever she signed up for some mission into the jungle. If she could only be brave enough to put her heart on the line … just this once.
He finally found what he had been looking for. A blue cotton t-shirt. He sat back on his haunches as he reached for the water bottle next to them on the sandy ground.
The moonlight putting his washboard abs on full display as it was shining through the window of the fuselage piece that served as the side of his tent.
And he wasn't the least bit shy. He knew that he looked good naked. And from the look in her eyes he knew that she thought so too.
He unscrewed the cap of the water bottle and poured some of the liquid onto the blue t-shirt.
Before he replaced the cap he looked up and held the open container out to her. "Thirsty?"
She nodded, bracing herself up on one arm she took the water with her other hand and drank. He watched her with the most adorable expression on his face. Silently she handed the bottle back to him, he took a drink now too, replaced the lid and tossed it aside.
She flinched for a second when the wet fabric first grazed her delicate skin. "Cold?" He asked surprised after she'd flinched.
Kate just nodded and watched him proceed to clean the whitish creamy substance off her abdomen. Then he gently wiped over her inner thighs, grazing her delicate folds along the way which 'caused an involuntary movement of her hips.
He smirked at that, "Still pretty sensitive!" he wasn't voicing it as a question, so she didn't bother to answer as she watched him now wipe the rest off of himself.
Casually he tossed the shirt aside into the corner of his normally well kept tent. He reached for the water bottle, took a large swig out of it and threw it back onto the sand once again.
Then he proceeded making himself comfortable next to her in all his glorious nakedness. There was no need for words right now. This dance somehow spoke volumes, as if they'd done this a million times before. How she lifted her head so that he could slide his arm underneath her. Her resting her head on his shoulder and him kissing her temple softly.
This moment in complete silence struck her as so much more intimate then what they had just done a few moments ago. She wondered if Sawyer felt the same.
But it didn't take long before lying here naked next to him left her feeling more exposed then she felt during the act itself. It wasn't being naked with him that bothered her, just the thought that somebody could burst through that tarp door at any moment that left her feeling vulnerable. And as if he knew that. As if he remembered that from the cages and from two nights ago, he reached to the side with his free hand and pulled up an airline blanket that he proceeded to drape across her and him.
The gesture seemed so sweet, she thought. She craned her neck to place a gentle kiss on his lips, as a thank you of sorts. As she pulled away from the kiss and their eyes locked on one another, they both saw it.
This is more than just post coital cuddling. This is more than just sex … this is so much more!
They must have dozed off in each others arms for a little while, but Sawyer woke up when his stomach growled out of hunger. He gently pulled his arm out from under her, pulled the blanket aside and started to pull his jeans back on … not bothering with his boxers.
She rubbed her eyes sleepily, then watched him pull his boots on and said, "Are you going somewhere?"
He turned to look at her, "You made me miss dinner."
She braced herself up on her arms and chuckled, "Sorry."
He grinned back at her again, "Anyway … I'm gettin' some grub. You hungry?"
"Yes." She sat up holding the blanket up to her chest with one hand as she was trying to gather her clothes with her other hand.
"No need to get dressed, I get you something."
She looked up at him as she thought about it. That expectant look in his eyes was still something she'd have to get used to, and the way it made her heart ache … but in a good way. So she let her clothes fall back to the ground, "'kay."
He smiled clearly satisfied with her surrendering gesture and as he buttoned up his shirt he said, "May I take your order, Ma'am?" His adorable dimples on display … barely visible in the dark tent.
She smiled back at him, "I'll have whatever you're having?"
He crawled on top of her and kissed her, then withdrew and grinned, "Comin' right up."
She positioned two of the tiny airline pillows under her head as she tried to make herself comfortable again. But it was only a second or two before she pulled on her panty and tank top. She didn't bother with the bra. Left it lying there in the sand on full display, hoping that he'd see it when he walked back in and see it as a sign of meeting somewhere in the middle. The middle meaning she got dressed, but only halfway.
Sawyer peeked into the pot that was sitting on top of their bamboo island kitchen counter. Whatever it was, it sure smelled good and brought back memories of his childhood. That's when he realized that it was Oatmeal.
"Yes, you may." Roses voice startled him and he spun around and looked at her. Pointing towards the pot she said, "I made that oatmeal and yes, you may have some."
He smiled back politely at her, "Thanks."
Rose just nodded smiling back at him. Then she disappeared again as quickly and quietly as she had appeared.
Sawyer started looking for two bowls, placing them next to the pot of Oatmeal when seemingly out of nowhere Jack appeared. Apparently he was also looking for something to eat.
"Sawyer." He nodded his head greeting him.
Sawyer nodded back, "Doc."
Sawyer started filling up the first bowl and noticed that Jack was watching him now.
Aaahaaa, the doc had noticed the second bowl. It's about god damn fucking time.
Sawyer filled up the second bowl now, pretending he hadn't noticed Jacks obvious stare. But then he put the bowl down again, turned towards him and said, "Let's have it."
Jack was startled, he was now the one pretending, "What?"
"From the looks of it you've got something on your mind Doc, so let's have it."
Jack chuckled annoyed, grabbed a box of something dharma and turned to walk away, "Good night Sawyer."
Sawyer grinned back at him clearly satisfied that he was able to mess with Jack this easily. Then he dug two spoons out of a bin, dropped one into each bowl before picking them up.
That's when Jack couldn't hold back anymore, he turned back towards Sawyer and looking really pissed off he huffed, "There's no rescue in sight, Locke blew up the submarine and ... " Jack paused clearly flustered and frustrated. He didn't want to talk. What he'd really like to do was beat the crap out of the smug southern bastard standing in front of him.
Sawyer smiled at the fact that Jack was losing his cool so easily. But then again, what else was new!
"Go on Doc, I'm all ears." Holding both bowls strategically in his hands so that Jack could not miss them.
Jack had calmed himself enough to continue speaking, in a hushed voice because he didn't want the entire camp to know about this, "Two nights ago I saw her come out of your tent in the middle of the night."
Trying to refrain from jumping up and down in triumph he just grinned and said, "Ahhh, so that's what this is really about. Kate and me. And now what? You're gonna step into the protective big brother role and tell me if I break her heart you'll kick my ass? That pretty much it, Jackass?" Sawyer tried to walk past him, but Jack stepped in his way.
"Are you using protection?" Jack spoke up again quietly.
Sawyer started to laugh, "I don't see how that's any of you fucking business Doc. But I tell you what. You find yourself a nice flat rock, chisel down a prescription for some birth control pills and I'll be sure to pick 'em up for her at the bedrock pharmacy. You know the one right next to the rock quarry where Fred, Freckles and I haul rocks away on big fat fucking dinosaurs."
His right arm waved in the direction of Juliet's tent, a bowl still clutched between his fingers. "Your girlfriend over there knows where it is."
Sawyer didn't even give Jack time to respond and just stepped around him to walk on, that's when Jack grabbed his arm and spun him back around to face him, "Sawyer I've dug through your stash enough times to know you have condoms in there too. All I'm saying is use them."
He grinned, acting mockingly coy and even looked around to see if anyone could be listening in before he answered Jack, "She just doesn't like the feel of it, you know. Doesn't like the feel of anything coming between us." Salt in the open wound … Kate would be ashamed of him if she could hear this.
And he could just see it. That look of disgust and fury in Jack's eyes. The lit fuse had just about reached its end and Jack was mere seconds away from blowing up.
But then Sawyer thought to better let it go. Why ruin such a perfect night with Freckles? "We'll have to continue this some other time Doc." Shoving both bowls into Jacks face so he'd have to look at them again he said, "Girl's gotta eat to regain her strength, and frankly so do I." For onlookers – if there had been any – the big fat smile on Sawyers face looked almost cute. But to Jack it looked pure evil.
So again he started to walk away, when Jack called after him.
"Did she tell you?"
Sawyer groaned in annoyance and turned around again, "Did she tell me what?"
Jack stepped towards him to narrow the gap between him and Sawyer, because he didn't want the entire camp to hear what he was going to say next, "Did she tell you what happens to pregnant women on this island? Did she tell you that they die?"
Sawyer froze in place. And just like that he'd lost the upper hand in this conversation. His eyes avoiding Jacks when his smile faded. The smug expression had disappeared as he simply nodded, suggesting that she had in fact told him.
Jack continued in a hushed voice yet strangely he still managed to sound accusatory towards Sawyer, "So you don't care about her dying? Because that's what what's going to happen Sawyer, if she ends up pregnant."
He thought about that for a moment. Of course he didn't want her to die and for Jack to even suggest that he didn't care about Kate infuriated him. So instead of acknowledging it he decided to turn this argument around. Spin the wheel and pick a new topic, one that he could keep the upper hand and beat the self-righteous Jackass at his own game.
With a smug smile he looked back up to met Jacks eyes once again, "You know what I think Jack?"
Jack just stared back at him, almost looking eager to hear what Sawyer was about to say next.
"I think you're just pissed off that she picked me. How dare she pick the dumb hick over the doctor after everything you've done to help her? That's it, ain't it Doc?"
Jack shook his head in an 'I can't believe you're going there'-kind of way and now he turned and wanted to walk away, but Sawyer went after him. Throwing the bowls full of oatmeal back onto the kitchen counter, then grabbed Jack's arm and spun him back around, "We ain't done here Doc."
Jack jerked his arm out of Sawyers grip and said, "Yes, we are."
"The hell we are." Sawyer spat back at him, and continued with his speech. "She was your little pet project, wasn't she? Rehabilitating the pretty girl fugitive, ain't that right? But then it all went to hell when you realized she had a fucking mind of her own. She doesn't wanna move to the damn caves with you. That was your first breakup, wasn't it? And then to add oil to the flame she dared to give a damn about me. That is why you yelled at her that time she wanted to come with us to find Michael, ain't it? She had spent a little too much time with me so you dropped her like a bad habit."
Jacks face grimaced in pain, but he was standing there as if he was glued to the ground beneath him. Unable to move as Sawyer rambled on. "But lucky for you along came Ana-Lucia. The newest outcast in need of your help after she shot Shannon. When Ana-Lucia was around you didn't give Kate the time of day. But then she died."
Sawyer picked up the bowls of food once again then glanced back at Jack. A smile formed on Sawyers lips again as he nodded towards Juliets tent, "The whole camps pretty shook up that you brought her here. Looks like you found yourself another girl to rehabilitate. And who knows, maybe this one will stick with you for a change. So how about I worry about my girl and you worry about yours."
Now Sawyer turned and walked away again, leaving Jack standing in the kitchen. Then he turned around and said, "Oh, and about those rubbers. You can have'em if you like, I got no use for them. They don't fit. Too small for me, but I'm sure they fit you just fine."
After eating dinner together and more lovemaking Kate and him went back to sleep again. But when he woke up the next morning she'd already left … again!
"Morning sunshine." He blurted out when he found her sitting down in the sand near the ocean, further down the beach.
She craned her neck and held her hand above her eyes as she tried to look up at him, "Morning."
Waiting for an invitation from her to sit, he hesitated for a second. When he realized that she wasn't going to ask he just sat down uninvited.
"Darndest thing happened to me?" he picked up a shell he saw halfway buried in the sand.
She looked over at him expecting him to go on with his story, and he did, "Had this hot chick with me last night but then she was gone when the sun came up this morning."
Kate tried not to chuckle too amused, but Sawyer wasn't even done just yet. "She just ravished me last night and then just up and leaves while it's still dark out and I'm asleep. No note on the pillow. No number so I can reach her. Just used me and left. Hell, I'd even brought her dinner." He looked over at her and grinned, "Now who would do such a thing?"
She looked back at him and simply stated, "You! I can just picture you doing such a thing?"
He had to laugh at this, because he knew damn well she was speaking the truth. He'd done exactly that countless times.
Silence again as they both looked out onto the waves that fizzled out right before they made it to their feet.
Then she nudged him with her elbow, locked eyes with him and said sincerely, "Thank you for last night James."
His heart was beating so fast he wondered for a second if this is what a heart attack feels like. He'd just lost all his cool … didn't know what to say to something like that. Not with her looking at him like that.
And when he said nothing, she spoke up again, her voice sounding stern and serious. The lightheartedness from just moments ago completely vanished when she changed the subject, "I don't trust her James. She shouldn't be here. She …"
Sawyer interrupted her catching on quickly that she was talking about Juliet, "Of course you don't. And neither do I."
She stammered on the words, "W-why is that, James? Why … why do you feel the same way I do about her and Jack doesn't? He acts like he hadn't been held captive with us. I just don't get it."
He sighed having to talk about Jack again, but at least they were on the same page for once, "He doesn't get it Freckles because he wasn't there when she had a god damn gun to your head." He threw the shell in the water and continued, "I get it because I know she would've shot you."
"More and more people are losing their trust in him. Sun was even worried just because he asked her how she's doing with her pregnancy. And he just doesn't get it or he just doesn't care anymore."
Sawyer could've rubbed it in, could've said he deserves that people are suspicious when he chooses to protect one of them, but he didn't. He didn't because for once Kate had enough doubt in the Doc and his reasons to protect Juliet without him butting in. He could be the honest to god bigger and better man for once by not saying the obvious thing out loud.
He was thoroughly pleased with himself and this conversation with his girl … anything he'd add to it now could only be to his disadvantage. So for once Sawyer did the total opposite of what came natural to him. For once he quit while he was ahead and kept his big fat mouth shut.
Shortly after that Kate got up to go on about her day. She was going to gather some fruit further down the beach. Sawyer had first declined to help her out with that until he noticed Jack watching them from further down the beach.
"Fine, I'll go." He held his hand out again for her to pull him up.
She did and he leaned in for a kiss, but she diverted. And Jack saw it all.
"Don't do that, James." She spoke up before he could.
"What?" he seemed annoyed, "Last night my lips were allowed everywhere and now I can't even kiss ya'."
She took a step back, "I'm not that kind of girl."
He looked at her suspiciously, "You're not what kind of girl?"
"I don't do the kissing in public thing. It's not …" She paused looking to the ground like a child explaining what bad thing she'd been caught doing, "It's just not what I do."
This was ridiculous considering she'd kissed him for the inhalers in public. She'd kissed him back surrounded by the others in the damn rock quarry.
But he had to way his options here. He could argue about this and possibly let Jack witness her storming away, or he could try to be cool about this and be what she wants him to be. He chose the latter.
So he smiled, "You really are like a guy, ain't ya' honey?"
The lightheartedness in his voice threw her eyes upward again to meet his, "What?"
He grinned, "Ain't it usually the guy that doesn't like the whole public display of affection?"
She laughed at that as they started walking to gather the fruit. Then she grabbed a hold of his arm and said, "Well, if I'm the guy, then what does that make you?"
Their nightly ritual continued that night. Sex – Dinner – Sex – Sleep. Then she left again before the sun came up.
But the following night was different. Kate awoke with a sharp pain in her stomach. But she ignored it and remained lying there for a while with her arms wrapped around Sawyer. It wasn't her usual time to get up and leave him. Sunrise was still hours away and she'd come to like being next to him.
But then she could feel the moisture between her legs and realized that she had started her period. Naturally she was relieved because it meant she wasn't pregnant. But now she needed to get up and clean herself up before Sawyer would want to go for 'round 3'!
Carefully she got up and started to pull on her pants when Sawyer stirred in his sleep.
When he saw her, he said with a husky sleepy voice, "Hey, where you going?"
"I can't sleep if I'm not in my own tent."
Sawyer wondered why she'd never said that before but still too tired to argue about it he just sighed a little annoyed, "Fine, let's go to your tent." He grabbed his shirt and started to put it on.
Kate paused, unsure of what to say to him without hurting his feelings. She'd let him get so close. Closer than any man in her past, but she had to draw the line somewhere. She could just see him cracking some stupid pms-joke at her expense if she told him. So for the moment she just said, "Um... it's nothing personal, it's just... old habits, you know?" Hoping he'd take the hint and not pick a fight.
Sawyer looked at her suspiciously and also with a glimmer of disappointment. But then he just pushed her away in a joking manner and said, "Fine, scram."
She laughed in relief that he'd taken it so easily. No questions asked.
He smiled up at her, "You want me to walk you home?"
She grinned back, "It's five tents, I think I'll make it."
"Sure? I gotta pee anyway."
She smiled, "That is so romantic."
Kate leaned in and Sawyer chuckled before they kissed. Then she left his tent for the rest of the night.
The following morning …
Kate had been looking for Sawyer all day, but he was nowhere to be found. She was feeling better, but now there were other things on her mind. Like the possible rescue thanks to the woman named Naomi that had been hiding in Hurley's tent.
She didn't regret telling Jack, even though Sayid had asked her not to, but who she really wanted to tell was Sawyer.
Finally she'd found Sawyer with Sayid standing outside Juliet's tent,
"What are you doing?"
Sayid and Sawyer both turned to look at her and Sayid answered, "Looking for Juliet."
"Well, you're not gonna find her in there. She left with Jack."
Sayid questioned, "Juliet left with Jack?"
"He took off right after I told him about Naomi."
Now Sawyer chimed in, "Who's Naomi?"
Sayid seemed clearly disappointed with Kate, "And why would you do that, Kate?"
"Because she's hurt, because he's a doctor, and because he has a right to know."
Sawyer watched on as Sayid questioned Kate further, "Where is he now?"
"I dunno, Sayid."
"Of course you don't."
He begins to walk away, when Kate calls after him. "You know, it might be time for you to tell everybody else about Naomi, too."
Sayid turned back around again while walking away and looked at Saywer, "Play her the tape!"
Kate turned towards Sawyer with a questioning look in her eyes, "What tape?"
Kate locked eyes with Sawyer and he looked away uncomfortably and sighed, "Let's go to my tent, we can talk there."
Sawyer told her about Locke giving him the tape and played it for her. Kate finally revealed to him that Juliet had taken Sun to the medical station and had examined her there. She also told him everything she knew about Naomi and about the plane that had been found on the bottom of the ocean. Full with bodies.
Sawyer didn't mention the part about killing Locke's father. How that son of a bitch had ripped his old wound wide open again. He'd thought that killing him would give him some sort of peace, but it hadn't. In fact it had done the opposite. His emotions were running high. He was disgusted with himself for what he'd done … although that had always been his plan. But in the end revenge had only managed to add to his suffering, not lessen it. And Kate had tried several times to get more information out of him about what exactly what had happened when he was with Locke but Sawyer wasn't given her any detail at all, avoiding it all with stupid responses like, 'Doesn't matter' or 'That's not important'. So eventually Kate got the hint that he didn't want to talk about it and so she stopped asking him.
As for herself, seeing the change in Sawyers demeanor towards her she'd decided to not lay all her cards on the table either. So Kate had seemingly no intentions of letting Sawyer know that she wasn't pregnant. She wasn't about to discuss this with him, when he was clearly keeping things from her. She had been bleeding heavily all day. More than any other time. She knew something wasn't quite right, but in her mind this was a private matter. Bad enough that her name was mentioned on the tape … everyone would wonder why out of all the female survivors she was the only one – besides Sun – who had been mentioned by name.
She knew that once everyone heard the tape it wouldn't be a far stretch for them all to realize that she'd been sleeping with Sawyer. So for her Sawyer's feelings weren't her priority at the moment. She didn't want everyone talking about her, but also knew in order to convince people that Juliet was in fact a mole, they would have to play the tape for the group.
For the first time ever both of them just sat there across from one another in Sawyers tent. Neither of them knew what else to say that they hadn't already discussed over and over again. They'd argued about her telling Jack about Naomi. Sawyer was siding with Sayid in the matter; in his eyes Jack was not to be trusted anymore. Kate disagreed, defending her decision to tell Jack about Naomi. They both knew this was the wrong time to turn on each other, so they just sat there not talking until a voice outside of the tent interrupted the awkward silence.
It was Sayid, "Sawyer, may I come in?"
Sawyer looked at Kate for confirmation before he answered, "Yeah, come on in."
When Sayid pushed the tarp aside and saw Kate sitting there he immediately asked, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt …"
Kate interrupted him before he could finish his sentence, "You're not interrupting anything. He played me the tape and we were just talking."
Sawyer seemed unaffected by Kates words.
Sayid sat down on the ground, looking back and forth between Sawyer and Kate when he said, "Jack and Juliet are still nowhere to be found. It's already dark and I think we should not wait any longer. We need to inform everyone about Naomi and what we have discovered about Juliet before they come back. Do both of you agree?"
Sawyer and Kate looked at each other and then both nodded in unison, then Sawyer simply said, "Guess it's time to call a townhall meeting."
Several hours later ...
Sawyer was slowly walking towards his tent when Kate caught up with him.
"Hey." She spoke up trying to get his attention.
He stopped and turned to look at her. She stopped right in front of him, then she looked around as some of the other survivors were passing by to go to their tents. She waited for them to be out of earshot before she spoke up, "Jack said he wants to show us what his plan is in the morning."
He just replied dryly, "I attended the same meeting. I heard what he said Kate."
She was a little taken back by his hostile attitude towards her, but then again that made what she was about to say a little easier on her part. "We gotta get up early for that hike, so … well, just thought I'd let you know I'm gonna stay at my tent tonight. So you wouldn't wait up for nothing."
Sawyer sighed sounding annoyed, "Had no intentions of waiting up anyways."
And with that he just turned and walked away, leaving Kate completely dumbfounded why he was acting this way towards her. But she couldn't worry about that now; she had other things on her mind as she headed towards her tent.
Sawyer was just about to head inside, when Jack caught up with him, "Hey."
Sawyer turned around displaying exaggerated annoyance, "What now?"
Jack looked around to see if anyone was listening in, similar to what Kate had done just moments ago. Sawyer noticed ironically, as he waited for the Doc to finally speak up.
Seeing that the coast was clear, Jack finally spoke in a hushed voice, "You've heard what they said on that tape. You've heard what Ben said."
Sawyer nodded, "Yeah, I heard. So now you came to say 'I told you so'?"
Rendering Jack temporary speechless, because that was exactly why he'd come to talk to Sawyer. Quickly remembering what he'd planned to say he spoke up, "They want her because they think she might be pregnant. And you did that. So the fact that they are after her is because of you. Them wanting her back is on you Sawyer."
Sawyer didn't reply, just gave Jack a look that spoke volumes. Jacks gaze on him had the same intensity, neither of them budging. If looks alone could kill they'd both be dead instantly.
He wanted to hit him. Pictured in his head how nice it would be to get all this build up anger in him out by beating the crap out of the hero. But he just couldn't do it. He was at the point of giving up altogether. Jack was right … and it ate him up inside. If anything happened to Kate. If the others got a hold of her again, especially now that rescue seemed imminent, he didn't know what he'd do.
As the camp had finally settled down for the night, she'd decided to take a dip in the ocean to clean up. She was still bleeding so much more than any other month, and the cramps hadn't stopped either. But she wasn't the whining type, no way she'd be complaining about menstrual cramps when Claire had delivered a baby without any pain medicine at all.
But then as she found herself standing waist deep in freezing temperature water in the darkness of the night, she'd come to her senses. Maybe washing up in the shark infested ocean while bleeding profusely wasn't the smartest thing to do. So she quickly cleaned up, dried up and returned to her tent. Trying to get warmed up again and to get some sleep … but that was easier said than done as she found herself holding her stomach in pain for most of the night. But stubborn as she was she didn't tell anyone or even made a sound. Instead she suffered through it all alone and in silence, unwilling to acknowledge to herself what this meant.
She wasn't just having her period. She was losing Sawyers baby.
End Note: Please leave a review if you have a moment to spare, it's much appreciated. Thank you!