This chapter is dedicated to Amanda J. Granger and her sister Android2Clove. I hope I got the usernames right. Sorry if I didn't…
Me: Prepare yourselves because this'll be a long one.
Finn: Chapter, I hope you mean.
Me: What else?
Finn: Um. Never mind.
Me: ANYWAY, I got 12 letters, so maybe Beck-Beck will get one this time (not)
Finn: Do you dislike him that much?
Me: No, I love Maybeck!
Finn: YOU LOVE HIM?
Me: Sure Finn. Whatever floats your boat.
Finn: Isn't the most recent Kingdom Keepers on a boat?
Me: NO SHH I HAVEN'T READ IT YET SHH
Finn: But-
Me: CHAPTER
Chapter Cabbage
Kat POV
I waved to Loki as I opened up my mailbox and grabbed a bunch of letters. Time to get rid of this useless paper choking my mailbox. When I pulled them out, the mailbox gasped for air and started coughing, blowing letters across the lawn.
"Stupid mailbox," I yelled at it, slapping it with an envelope and ran to retrieve all of the letters. Even when I finished, I knew I would be late.
"I blame you!" I slapped the mailbox again. I guess a girl slapping a mailbox isn't considered 'normal' in a society because all my neighbors were spectating me slapping a mailbox. I saw them out of the corner of my eye and turned to look at them.
I threw my arms down and disappeared in smoke. Before the smoke cleared, a flying TV grabbed me with a cable and carried me off. I went flying over a chimney, barely surviving, almost kicking out a window from Aslan's house, and a bird almost killed me. I decided halfway was good enough.
"HOCUS POCUS ABRAKADABRA ALAKAZAM, FINN'S HOUSE!" And then I was gone. Flying TVs aren't the brightest contraptions, even worse than Dumbledore the retarded owl, so he probably hovered there for an hour looking for me, even though he didn't move from his spot. I appeared in Finn's house on top of the refrigerator. Charlene was helping Maybeck with his homework at the table. They hadn't noticed me! Perfect. I crouched down and thought of exactly what I should say.
"You carry the five-" Charlene was saying.
"HEY YOU TWO SHOULD KISS!" I shrieked and they all jumped and turned around. Charlene screamed and Maybeck fell out of his chair.
"Hi guys," I beamed.
"OMG that was not cool!"
"Letter for Maybeck!" I tossed an envelope at him, which he failed at catching, hopped down, opened the fridge, took a Yoohoo and opened it.
"But that's the last one!"
"Good thing I got it!" and I left.
Maybeck POV
After nearly giving us a heart attack, screaming at us to kiss, she had the nerve to take the last Yoohoo.
"But that's the last one!" I protested.
"Good thing I got it!" she grinned. She took a sip and left. I growled at her.
"She's insane," I muttered, opening my letter.
Dear Maybeck,
I hear that you secretly like Willa. Is this true? OF COURSE IT'S TRUE! My sis has you in a box. I have Philby at a ...ummm. I think he is Willa's... darn. I was gonna keep him in a box. ANYWAY, WHY AM I TELLING YOU THIS!
MUFFINS,
Rue Lockhart
Um. I secretly like Willa? News to me. I'm in a box? Better than in a closet.
Dear Rue Lockhart,
I don't know who told you that I secretly like Willa, but it's not true and I'd like to smother that person with peanut butter who said so. I have no idea why you're telling me this.
Not-so-but-maybe Sincerely,
Maybeck
Next letter! Man, I was getting all the mail today! I bet all the girls were wanting to talk to me.
Dear Maybeck,
Are you and Jess dating? I totally think you should. Do you two flirt in the second book? I only read the first.
Love,
Sib
Girls only wanting to know if I was dating someone? I shook my head. Some people don't know good if it wrote them a letter.
Dear Sib,
I am not dating Jess. As of now, I'm dating no one. I flirt with every girl, so I might have. Don't take it too hard.
Not-so-but-maybe Sincerely,
Maybeck
Philby POV
I made sure to stay awake this time, because I heard Charlene and Maybeck scream. Finn, Amanda, and I were playing Go Fish in Amanda's room.
"Go fish," Finn told me. I frowned and drew a card. I found I wasn't very good at Go Fish.
The door swung open and Jess stepped in.
"Hi Jess," Amanda said cheerfully.
"Can I play?"
"Sure, grab some cards."
Jess sat down, and took a few cards.
"Finn, do you have a queen of hearts?" Finn looked at her, then gave her a queen of hearts reluctantly.
"Did you see Kat?" I asked.
"I heard Maybeck and Charlene."
"Yeah, she's probably lurking around the house. She's so creepy."
"I'M NOT CREEPY!" Jess yelled, jumping up and with a puff of smoke and the smell of burnt potatoes, Kat was standing there.
"Well, when you shapeshift into one of our friends…"
"Letters!" She tossed a few at Finn and then at me.
"Should it rain today? Do you have a lawnmower?"
"Um… I think we have a lawnmower, and I don't think it's going to rain today," Finn said.
"I wanted to turn your bushes into a sculpture, but maybe I'll just get Finn to do it."
"I don't want to do it."
"Not you… uh. Never mind."
"Does this have anything to do with-"
"SCREECH!" she yelled, like a bird, and a new owl came in, a brown one with gray spots. He ran into the wall a bunch of times, but he landed on my head.
"Get off!" I swatted at him and he hooted. A small ravioli pulled himself up through the window.
"This window sure is uphigh, I would've thought that you were trying to get away from me, Kat. Hey look it's Finn!" the ravioli rambled, no bigger than my pinky finger. The little ravioli landed on the floor and jumped on Finn's knee.
"AHHH!" Finn yelled.
"Where was I when you left…"
"What?"
"BYE MR. RAVIOLI!" Kat yelled, scooping up Mr. Ravioli and setting him into a catapult that had suddenly appeared in the room. Okay… She fired the catapult and the ravioli was sent off squealing, "Oh what fun!"
"Read your letters."
I rolled my eyes.
Dear Philby,
Yes. I know that I am epically awesome as well. ;D Glad to hear you HAVE, in fact, read Lord of the Rings. Aragorn's cool, I guess, but I simply adore Éowyn and Faramir.
Because I'm a geek, I must ask you this: Have you read the Narnia books?
Your kinda sane friend,
Kestrel
My almost sane friend! I enjoyed talking to her. I did like Eowyn and Faramir, but Strider aka Aragorn was my favorite.
Dear Kestrel,
Éowyn and Faramir are awesome as well. I have not read the Narnia books, but I probably should…
Sincerely,
Philby
I held up the letter and the retarded owl swooped in, running into the bed which was on the other side of the room, skid/crashing into the deck of cards before us before grabbing the letter in his beak, hooting "YOU SHALL NOT PASS!" and barely making it out the window.
"Gandalf?"
"NO YOU STUPID BIRD, YOU'RE DUMBLEDORE NOT GANDALF!" Kat yelled from downstairs.
I opened up the next one.
Dear Philby:
Are you, like, gonna be shirtless in the fifth one?
Because I kinda want you to.
Like... you're so weird LOL
From,
That Anon
What? I hadn't gone through the fifth one yet. Did I go shirtless? Ridley Pearson, what's wrong with you?
Dear That Anon,
I certainly hope that I'm not going to be. It's kind of embarrassing, don't you think?
Sincerely,
Philby
Kat POV
I went to the living room and sat down in my fluffy chair. Maybeck wasn't around to bully, so I decided to see if any letters were for me. I GOT LETTERS. I grinned and opened the first one.
Dear Kat,
Yay a Team Gale fan! All I ever see are Team Peeta fans. And, whose your favorite Kingdom Keeper?
Hunger Games and Team Gale fan,
Rockstar
"TEAM PEETA SUCKS!" I yelled.
"What?" Charlene asked.
"Um, Reaming Pitas Ducks."
"What?"
"GO AWAY."
"Fine fine…"
Dear Rockstar,
TEAM GALE! Team Peeta is everywhere. Hm… I would have to say Finn. Since I kidnapped him and all. But I love everyone of them.
Sincerely,
Kat Hawthorne
I held up the letter and a wind-up asparagus came walking through the closed window.
"Go away, Hephaestus!" I yelled. Hephaestus frowned, took his asparagus and walked away. A flying TV came in, making a huge hole in the wall and sending plaster everywhere. I facepalmed.
"NO! You do not deliver letters! Dumbledore and Bill Gates do!"
The flying TV whined and started away.
"Well now that you're here," I sighed, handing it the letter. Its cable grabbed it and flew out the hole squealing in happiness. Finn came running in.
"WHAT HAPPENED?"
"Just a flying TV," I shrugged. "Letters for you."
"I already got them, I haven't answered yet. But a flying TV? That seems much for you."
"Of all things not to believe me… Write back your letters," I commanded. I opened up the next letter.
Dear Kat,
Are you like, Katniss or something? I am Rue. I don't know how I am writing this. I am dead
May the bread be ever in your basket,
Rue
I wish I was Katniss. Fire arrows! Pew pew!
Dear Rue,
I am not Katniss, although that would be pretty awesome. I'm sorry you're dead That's not cool.
Sincerely,
Kat Hawthorne
Bill Gates came in and took the letter away. Next one!
Dear Kat,
Will you please get yourself Willa and Philby in the same room and make them confess their love for each other? I know you can!
Idk what to put here,
You don't need to know
Hm. Not a bad idea.
Dear You don't need to know,
That sounds like a good idea. I will do that!
Sincerely,
Kat Whitman
Finn POV
When Kat got up, chuckling evilly, I knew sometimes was up. I was afraid to ask what.
"HEY WILLA AND PHILBY, C'MERE!"
I opened my first letter in a determination to ignore Kat's plot.
Dear Finn,
I have you in my room. JK. It's just a clone. Ummm I think they sell them on ebay or something. That would explain why everyone has one. So was it fun to save Disney and to be a DHI? If they have an opening for a new DHI will you send me a letter. And I didn't know there was going to be. Any a kingdom keepers movie... did you guys even approve of that. Anyway... what do you think of all the fanfictions being written about you? How is *****? Ummmm. W...A...Y...N...E. Well you know who. Please send me a letter and an autograph.
Keyblades and keepers rule,
Keybladekeepers
Dear Keybladekeepers,
That would be kind of creepy if there was a clone to me on ebay. That would explain a lot of things though… anyway. It was fun, but it's also a near-death experience so that part isn't so great. A new DHI opening? First time I hear a word of it, I write to you. There's a Kingdom Keepers movie? Really? That's awesome! They better cast all of us properly. I did not approve of that, but as long as they don't mess it up. I think it's kinda nice having people write stories about me. Like I'm a celebrity or something. I haven't see in a while, but I'm sure he's fine. Letter? Done. Autograph? At the end of this page.
Sincerely,
Finnegan Whitman
I was a bit surprised by the autograph request. I never had been asked for an autograph. I found myself happy by it. Kat came back in smiling.
"What'd you do?"
"Nothing."
"You wanted-"
"Send the letter."
"Fine…" I said suspiciously. I held up the letter and Bill Gates took it away.
Dear Finn,
I advise that you go to Kat's house. There's someone there I think you should meet. Oh yeah. I went there. *fist pumps* Did you know that Charlene thinks you're cute! I read it with my own eyes as I *happened* to be flying past you guyses' house...es...! :D Also, what do you think of Kat? And you must tell the truth!
Please enjoy the glitter muffin I enclosed within this letter.
Natsuki-baka! (PS): The magical rainbow flying-lemur that lives in my sock drawer says Hola! (she's Canadian! :3)
"Hey Kat, who do you have in your house?"
"You."
"Ha ha, very funny. Who do you have in your house?"
"… I wasn't being funny. BUT THIS IS!" She leaned over and showed me a video feed of Philby banging on the door and Willa hitting the roof as she jumped up and down.
"What are they doing?"
"Trying to escape."
"WHAT?"
"Someone gave me the idea to put them in a room so they can confess their love for each other."
"SOMEONE GET THEM OUT OF THERE!" I yelled.
"They're fine."
"Where are they?"
"I'll tell you after you finish."
I rolled my eyes and sighed.
Dear Natsuki-baka
Tell the Canadian magical rainbow flying-lemur that lives in your sock drawer that Finn says hi. What's in Kat's house?
Wait. Charlene thinks I'm cute?
I was uh… unaware of Charlene's feelings… thank you. Were you flying on the lemur? Does the lemur have a name? Kat is an… interesting person. She can be a bit annoying at times, but it's hard to HATE her.
Sincerely,
Finn
I held up the letter and Bill Gates came back and took it. That was fast.
Charlene thought I was cute? What if she had a crush on me? I don't have a crush on her! I have a crush on… oh. My thoughts were being documented in a Fanfiction story. Nope, I ain't telling you.
"Alright, where are they?"
"Pantry."
I opened up the pantry door and Philby fell out.
"THANK YOU!" he gasped and Willa shrieked at the sight of an escape and ran out, stepping on Philby.
"OW…"
"I'M FREE!"
"OKAY EVERYONE GET IN HERE."
I helped Philby up and we both went into the living room.
Kat POV
Maybeck sat on the floor, Jess sat in the spinning chair, Finn, Willa and Philby were all on the couch, and Charlene was on the regular chair. Willa and Philby were glaring at me. What was their problem? They would've gotten out sooner if they just confessed their love to each other.
Dear all,
Does Kat freak you out a little? Sorry Kat. Uh and you do know that you are considered fictional characters to most people, (Minus me.) Alright... if you had any wish in the world what would it be? For me it would be... I want to be a DHI along with all of you (that and have a keyblade (you probably don't know what that is)) please write back. Peace!
Keyblades and keepers rule
Keybladekeepers
"Hm…" I said.
"Yes!" everyone chorused.
Dear Keybladekeepers,
Yes I freak them out a little. Totally normal.
"Are we fictional characters?" Philby asked.
I rolled my eyes.
"Are you real?"
"Uh, I think so."
"Then yes."
"Yes to what?"
It's weird that people think they aren't real. What losers. Not you. You said minus me.
"Wish in the world. Maybeck, you first."
"I wish to have a neverending supply of money."
Maybeck would wish for a neverending supply of money.
"Finn?"
"I wish I didn't have clones."
I raised an eyebrow but said nothing.
Finn wishes not to have clones.
"Lame wish. But Charlene?"
"I wish that I would look pretty without any makeup on."
"Katy Perry," I muttered.
"What?"
"Nothing."
Charlene wishes to look pretty without any makeup on. (Katy Perry)
"Willa?"
"End to world hunger."
Willa wishes the end of world hunger.
"THAT'S a good wish," I pointed out. Willa beamed. Everyone else rolled their eyes.
"MOO!" Jess yelled.
"Amanda?"
"I wish that I could make any guy I want to fall in love with me."
Amanda wishes to make any guy-
"No wait! Read minds!"
Um never mind, Amanda wants to read minds.
"Jess?"
"I want to own an island."
Jess wants an island.
"Philby?"
"I want to be super muscular."
I shot him a look.
"Okay…"
Philby wants to be buff. And I wish that I could have a laptop that never had to be charged.
Sincerely,
Kat, Jess, Amanda, Charlene, Willa, Philby, Maybeck, and Finn.
The flying TV came busting another hole in the wall, feet from the hole it made before. I facepalmed.
"At least go through that one!" I yelled.
"Is that a flying TV?" Maybeck asked.
"Here," I sighed. The cable grabbed it and it went back through the hole it made.
"You weren't lying," Finn said.
"Have I ever?"
"Yes!"
"Probably."
"Shut up. Next letter."
Dear All,
YES! I DID SEE IT AND IT WAS FUNNY AND MUSICAL-Y! I was in line to Dan, but I only got John Laroquette's autograph. Boohoo. but John was great in the play. SO WAS DAN! I still can't believe that I was 10 feet away from THE DAN RAD! *screams*
Mandy Finch
"AHH UNFAIR. She was ten feet away from Daniel Radcliffe!" Willa complained.
"One day," I said, patting her shoulder.
"Who's John Laroquette?" Maybeck asked.
Dear Mandy Finch,
Willa's jealous that you were breathing near Daniel Radcliffe. Maybeck has no idea who John Laroquette is.
Sincerely,
Kat, Finn, Amanda, Willa, Charlene, Maybeck, Amanda, Jess and Philby
Bill Gates took the letter before I even held it up and was gone.
"That's a good owl. Not like Dumbledore."
"Is that that bird's name?" Finn asked.
"Yeah. He's retarded."
"So I gathered."
"Next letter!"
Dear EVERYONE,
How do you not get into fights?
From your best friend,
CYERA
"I think we get into a lot of fights when Kat's not around," Maybeck said and everyone nodded.
"What? I'd like to see them," I frowned.
"Come around more and-" Maybeck started.
"NO!" everyone yelled. I glared at them.
Dear CYERA,
They do when I'm not around.
Sincerely,
Kat, Finn, Charlene, Amanda, Bill Gates, Willa, Jess, Philby, and Maybeck
"Is that it?" Charlene asked.
"No… but… BE PREPARED!" I yelled, throwing my arms down and disappearing in a puff of smoke, the smell of burnt potatoes, and all the sounds were drowned out by Scar and the Hyenas dancing on the coffee table and couches and singing 'Be Prepared'.
Me: YAY! Chapter Cabbage is done!
Finn: Now go post it. I'm hungry.
Me: You're always hungry.
Finn: So are you.
Me: Touché. OKAY BYE.
R&R? Jess is feeling lonely. MOO!