Chapter 3: Rejection

Cartman was pacing around his room that night. He was fuming over how Ryuk had let him down.

"I'm disappointed with you, Ryuk. I thought that this book could kill Kyle and the hippies, but instead you did not explain how to use the book properly, and took advantage of me for some cheap laughs. You made me look a fool, so I have decided to take drastic measures. I am going to sell the Death Note for money to buy the new Okawa Gamesphere model."

"I don't care. I got what I came for." Ryuk said, biting into an apple from a large carrier bag.

"If I give the book to someone else, you'll be at their command. They won't pay for the book just to get rid of it." Cartman said.

Ryuk narrowed his eyes slightly.

"Remind me to put pressure on the next Kira to kill you."

00000

Cartman stood at the corner of the playground the next day, trying to offer the Death Note to anyone who happened to be passing.

"Hey, Butters! Get your ass over here!"

"Hi, Eric!" Butters went to speak to Cartman. "What is it?"

"I've got something really cool to show you." Cartman showed Butters the notebook.

"If you write someone's name in this book, they die." Cartman explained.

"Wow, I… I mean Professor Chaos could cause so much evil with this book!" Butters cackled menacingly.

"So you want it? It only costs $1000." Cartman said.

"Sorry Eric, I better not. If my parents found out I had a supernatural instrument of death, I'd be grounded for sure." Butters turned down the book and walked away. Cartman was not to be stopped, as someone far richer than Butters was next.

"Token, look at this."

"What is it now, Cartman?" Token sighed.

"Have you ever felt like killing someone, Token?" Cartman asked.

"No, I can't say I have." Cartman ignored Token and went on with his sales pitch regardless.

"Well now you can! With this Death Note, you can murder people, and not worry about racial profiling cutting your life of crime short!"

"No. Your casual racism makes me want to have nothing to do with you." Token turned to leave.

"I'm not looking at the Death Note, Token." Cartman said. "If you wanted to, you could steal it right now. It would make good practice for your new life as a serial criminal." Cartman was rewarded for his remarks with a sharply aimed kick to the groin from a very angry Token.

00000

Once Cartman had stopped crying, it was back to selling the Death Note.

"Tweek!"

"Gah!"

"Do I have a once in a lifetime opportunity for you, my caffeine addicted acquaintance! This Death Note can be yours, yes, YOURS, for ten weekly payments of $100! Don't miss your chance to own this item!"

Cartman tossed Tweek the Death Note.

"This is way too much pressure!" Tweek screeched while he was occupied with catching the Death Note. When he looked up, a horrific looking demon that had not been visible a few moments ago had materialised.

"Hi there." Ryuk waved.

"Jesus Christ!" Tweek leapt several feet into the air, threw the Death Note to the ground, and ran for his life.

"I guess nobody else here has any interest in a notebook that can kill." Ryuk said. "Perhaps you should tell your next customer it's something else."

"Great idea, Ryuk!" Cartman exclaimed. "I know just how to get rid of it. Kenny!"

"hm?"

"Are you sick of eating pop tarts?"

"Yeah."

"I found this old World War II ration book in Pip's locker from Show and Tell last week. I'll trade it to you for the deed to your house." Cartman offered.

"hm hm mrrrrph crbr bfr." Kenny said, causing Cartman to burst out in laughter.

"Cardboard box fort? You're so funny, Kenny!"

Kenny punched Cartman in the face, took the Death Note, and left, with Ryuk following from a distance.