Out of the Frying Pan and Into the Fire Chapter 6, a twilight fanfic

Hey, sorry it took me longer than expected to update, I really was planning on finishing this then getting up like the next day. But…life just happened. School, life, sorta went into a mini depression, I didn't type for a little over a week. Though that's not excuse, so again soo sorry! :( I'll try and get the next chapter up soon.

Just wanna give a shout out to all the people who reviewed, alerted or favorite the story. This includes…

CaseyMichelle91

clo123456

VaMpIrEoBsEsSed280

Thanks! :)

And not that I'm grateful for the reviews and alerts and favorites. Believe me I am, it's the only thing keeping this story going. :) But I get all these hits and visitors, and only a few responses. It makes me think that the story's not good or something, and if y'all think it is, then just let me know and I'll work on it.

Also I'm looking for a beta for the story. It'd be amazing if someone did, so if anyone would like to just send me a PM. :)

Now on with the story.

Previously

"How was your walk?"

"Good," I mumbled, hurrying up the stairs. Closing the door behind me, I locked it and sank to the floor, shirt in death grip. God I wanted to cut so bad; it hurt. I'd messed up, just like always 'cause I can't do anything right. I'm stupid and worthless.

And ain't no one gonna change that.

Loosening my grip on the shirt, I shakily got to my feet, and went and opened the window. Rain covered the panel, but I didn't notice, as I took deep breaths.

In, out. In, out. I chanted in my head, imagining the urge leaving me. Slowly-boy did it take it's time- it calmed down, enough for me to open my eyes. Voices floated upstairs, but I ignored them, focusing on not wanting to cut. Sliding down the wall, not trusting my legs at the moment, I stared out the window, though I didn't see anything. I'd over reacted plain and simple. Yes I didn't trust Embry, but still...

The odds of him being another abuser are pretty big

But with my luck he'd be like some crazy serial killer who beats his victims to death, I thought sarcastically. Finally noticing the rain pooling on the window seal, threatening to waterfall to the floor, I grabbed a shirt, shut the window, and quickly mopped the mess up. The familiar motion, made the quieted urge growl in protest.

"What the hell is this?" he jerked me again, his hand still wrapped around my upper arm.

Cuts, big, small, deep, light, littered my bare upper arm. Staring at the ground, his words flew right over my head. Numbness kept the shame that crept at me at bay.

"What the hell is this you shit?" he yelled again before he threw me against the wall. My brain registered the hit, but, just like usual, the pain didn't.

"So…you're one of them cutter freaks," he snarled, kicking me in the chest. "What I don't beat you enough. You gotta do it yourself?" Another kick, but this one caught me in the face, since he was so drunk. His words, no matter how slurred they were, still cut me deeper than anything I would have done. They were the only things that hurt me whenever they came out of his mouth every now and then. The rest- like bitch, and piece of shit to name a few-I'd gotten so used to that they just went right through me.

He kicked me again and again, but no pain was ever felt. Eventually he stumbled over to the couch, and passed out. Numb, I got to my feet and staggered to the bathroom. Not even bothering to shut the door, I reached under the sink and pulled out my own form of drug. Grabbing some paper-towels I sliced into my upper arm, letting the slowly emerging crimson brush away the burning words.

Letting out a deep breath, and sitting on the edge of the tub. I covered the new cut, and ran my finger over the blade, feeling the teeth gently bite my skin not enough to draw blood, but just enough.

Curled up on the bed, music blaring as loud as it would go, I tried to drown out the memories in my head. So not working. Linkin Park screamed in my head, fighting a losing battle.

Crawling in my skin
These wounds they will not heal
Fear is how I fall
Confusing what is real

There's something inside me
That pulls beneath the surface
Consuming, confusing
This lack of self control I fear
Is never ending, controlling

I can't seem to find myself again
My walls are closing in
(Without a sense of confidence)
(I'm convinced that there's)
(Just too much pressure to take)
I've felt this way before so insecure

Crawling in my skin
These wounds they will not heal
Fear is how I fall
Confusing what is real

Discomfort, endlessly has pulled
Itself upon me distracting, reacting
Against my will I stand beside my own reflection
It's haunting how I can't seem

To find myself again
My walls are closing in
(Without a sense of confidence)
(I'm convinced that there's)
(Just too much pressure to take)
I've felt this way before so insecure

Crawling in my skin
These wounds they will not heal
Fear is how I fall
Confusing what is real

Crawling in my skin
These wounds they will not heal
Fear is how I fall
Confusing, confusing what is real

There's something inside me
That pulls beneath the surface
Consuming
(Confusing what is real)
This lack of self control I fear
Is never ending, controlling
(Confusing what is real)

Now that Shinoda (A/N I think this is the guy who sings in background, sorry if it's not.) mentions it, the line 'confusing what is real' fit's moi perfectly right now 'cause right now every man I saw reminded me of my Dad. Traveled across the country and I still can't get rid of him. Everything I heard, everything I saw reminded me of him, was him. I couldn't get away; I don't think I'd ever get away actually.

Whiskey Lullaby began to roll, soothing the urge and me. Turning it down a bit, my eyes closed. I just wanted to sleep, to leave everything behind. Only when sleep came, could I leave this world behind. Yet the nightmares that plagued me wouldn't let me sleep sleep, they kept me on the brink of unconscious and the dreamless sleep everyone craves.

Please just let me sleep, I silently begged, before the soothing acoustic of Brad and Alison knocked me out.

Loud voices jerked me awake, ripping the earphones out as well.

Gasping, I shivered as the yelling got louder for a second.

"Please just let me see if she's okay," I thought it was Embry, and the thing on the beach came back.

Stupid. Your stupid, and worthless, and can't do anything.

My fingers itched to cut, to get rid of the hollow feeling that was slowly eating me into nothing.

Fading, soft, sunlight streamed in through the water droplets, creating little rainbows on the floor and walls. They held no happiness though, nothing good. They were just colors cast on the plaster and wood, just little spots that had nothing to them. Taking a deep breath, I shoved the earphones back in, just wanting to ignore the yelling, the urge, everything.

Getting up, I opened the window again. It was still raining outside, but what else is new here? My vision focused out into the woods, feeling little droplets hit my face every now and then. The song changed.

It was two weeks after the day she turned eighteen
All dressed in white
Going to the church that night
She had his box of letters in the passenger seat
Sixpence in a shoe, something borrowed, something blue
And when the church doors opened up wide
She put her veil down
Trying to hide the tears
Oh she just couldn't believe it
She heard trumpets from the military band
And the flowers fell out of her hand

Baby why'd you leave me
Why'd you have to go?
I was counting on forever, now I'll never know
I can't even breathe
It's like I'm looking from a distance
Standing in the background
Everybody's saying, he's not coming home now
This can't be happening to me
This is just a dream

The preacher man said let us bow our heads and pray
Lord please lift his soul, and heal this hurt
Then the congregation all stood up and sang the saddest song that she ever heard
Then they handed her a folded up flag
And she held on to all she had left of him
Oh, and what could have been
And then the guns rang one last shot
And it felt like a bullet in her heart

Oh,
Baby why'd you leave me
Why'd you have to go?
I was counting on forever, now I'll never know
Oh, now I'll never know
It's like I'm looking from a distance
Standing in the background
Everybody's saying, he's not coming home now
This can't be happening to me
This is just a dream

Oh, this is just a dream
Just a dream
Yeah, Yeah

Is that what this is? Just a dream that sooner or later I'd be ripped from and thrown back into the nightmare I'd grown to know as life.

Life's not passin' me by, it's trying to run me over, I thought, half-smiling sadly.

With a sigh, I shut the window. Might as well enjoy this, never know when it's gonna end. Yes when not if 'cause that's just the way life works.

Book in hand, I crept downstairs though I might as well have stomped down; the boys seemed to have super hearing. As usual they were all in the living room, though Jacob and Quil were missing. Don't these dudes have houses of their own? Embry, who'd been pacing, stopped and glanced up worry written on his face though it was replaced by a giant grin when he saw me. Though there was still worry in his eyes and pulling at the corners of his mouth, which caused me to look away uncomfortably. I waved a bit before going outside, sitting in one of the chairs on the porch. Pulling my knees up close, the spine protested as I flipped it open. Rain pounded over head, and a cool breeze blew through, but hey what else is new?

I was halfway through, give or take when the door creaked, causing me to jump. Turning, I saw Embry leaning out the door. His face asked if he could join me, and hesitantly I nodded. His face resembled a kid's on Christmas morning. Ummm…okay? I put my legs back down, dog-earring the page, as he dragged the other chair to the other side of the deck, before sitting in it.

What could he want?

Holding the book to my chest I stared at the ground, tracing the lines in the wood. Just like before, I was able to ignore the devil that clawed at me, while everything else was gone.

"Sorry, about earlier?" he blurted out.

I guess he could see the question on my face, because he continued.

"I mean- I didn't mean to scare you or anythin'" he rambled.

"Oh. 'S kay," I mumbled, looking at the ground.

Can you saw awkward silence with a capital 'A'.

"So…where do you live?" he asked.

No, he don't mean anything by it, I told myself, panic beginning to bubble in me.

"Umm…uhh…Virginia," I whispered.

"Oh."

We fell in silence the only noise being the rain and the occasional shout from inside.

"So…when are you going back?"

Uh-oh. Crap

"Ummm…probably Saturday, but my friend called the other day. Said there was a giant storm and if it hit right school'd' be out. So if it hits, I may stay longer," I mumbled, watching him to see if he caught the lie. Sadness crossed his face first, but was followed soon by relief.

Uhhh…okay? Was that a good thing?

"Oh well I hope you can stay longer," he told, before his face got red. "I mean-like it'd suck to go during summer, I know I hate it, but…" he trailed off as I scooted the chair farther away. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to…"

I glanced away and shrugged, though inside my mind was racing. What did he mean by that? Is he some creeper or something? Maybe he got a hold of Dad somehow, and he's on his way? What if he's like Dad? Is he gonna hit me?

He is bitch. You thought you'd get away. No one will ever want you you worthless piece of shit! You're nothing. Why would he be nice to someone like you?

"Sorry," I mumbled, before scurrying back inside. I let the door slam behind me, racing up the stairs. Locking the bathroom door, I slid down to the ground. God, I wanted-needed to cut; it hurt so much. The pressure was terrible; I was gonna explode any second. Leaving the goop that was me splattered on the floor and walls. My fingers itched to make their own marks; I twisted them into my jeans. Taking deep breaths, slowly I got up and splashed cold water on my face. After a few minutes my fingers started going numb and I leaned against the counter, water running down my neck. I splashed a few more handfuls of the icy water on my face before grabbing a towel and drying off. Taking another deep breath, I slid back down.

Its okay, you don't need it. Everything's fine, well…finer. I didn't slip up. I didn't slip up.

I was startled out of my thoughts by a knock.

"Rowan? You okay?" Emily asked.

"Yeah." Thank you steady voice.

"Can I come in?"

"Ummm," I checked myself in the mirror to see my check was back to normal and the black eye would probably be gone by tomorrow. My jaw was still pretty bad, but it was better than before. Wait…Emily knows so… With a deep breath, I unlocked the door and cautiously opened it. "Sorry, I just got a little freaked out," I mumbled, staring at the ground.

"Oh."

I glanced up and saw Emily hand fly to her mouth.

"Did he…?" she whispered.

I nodded, "It ain't that bad, it's gotten a lot better," I whispered.

"I'm sorry," she whispered, reaching out to give me a quick hug. Girl learns fast.

I shrugged, and muttered "Its fine,"

"Your stubborn just like your mom," she told pulling back, glancing once more at my jaw and eye, before turning to go back downstairs.

Clutching the towel like it was the only thing keeping me here; I crept back to the spare room, grabbing my bag and sneaking back. After mixing the make-up in, I went back to the room.

I hadn't cut. I'd wanted to, I usually would have, but I didn't.

Silent, half-hearted cheer.

Taking anything slightly positive I could get, I pulled my sleeves down a bit more, though they didn't need it, and went back to the staircase. With another deep breath, as quietly as I could I went back downstairs. Thankfully no one stared at me, when I slunk into the kitchen, though I could feel a certain someone's eyes on me. Emily was in the kitchen-shocker, no offense to her though- stirring a giant bowl of…well I don't know actually.

"You need any help?" I whispered, going up next to her.

"Nope," she said, popping the 'p'.

I nodded, though it didn't mean anything, before noticing an old radio in the corner by the fridge. "Does it work?" I whispered, nodding towards the device.

"Umm…I can't remember actually," she chuckled. "You can try."

Grabbing the radio, I went to the table, sitting down, and turning the on/off dial til it clicked. Static came on, so I fiddled with the little knob that changed stations. A few stations came in, some stronger than others. "Do you like country?" I asked.

She nodded, "Some. I think the station is 99.3, somewhere around there."

In a few seconds the slow, rhythmic tune of Tim McGraw's If Your Readin This floated through the room. Making sure it wasn't loud enough to disturb the guys in the other room, though I doubt they would have heard it at speaker bustin volume, them guys were loud as heck. I folded my arms on the table, listening to the music. Emily started humming along, and Sam came in, wrapping his arms around Emily's waist, giving her a quick kiss. I looked away, self-conscious of the private moment.

The phone ringing startled everyone, though I was the only one to jump a bit.

"Can you grab that?" Emily asked.

"Yeah." Turning the radio down, I grabbed the phone out of its charger thingy. "Hello?"

"Hey bitch."

Eh, sorta cliffy, but still a cliffy. *evil grin.* Also, the first song is Crawling by Linkin Park and the second one is Just A Dream by Carrie Underwood. You guys should listen to it, it's so sad. :( Even if you don't like country, just give it a chance.

So…oh yeah. Please review :) Would really, and I mean realllllly make my day right now. So please?