I kissed a girl

Will left a note on my desk today:

'Figgins asked me to sub for a missing English teacher. They were studying Hamlet. This quote is for you.

"Doubt the stars are fire, Doubt the sun doth move, Doubt truth to be a liar but never doubt thy love."

Hamlet, Act II, Scene II

Will XX

Dear Diary,

Will came to my office to talk about Santana. There has to be some repercussion for hitting Finn. Violence is not the solution. If we let her off, it sets up a precedent and we can't have all the kids going around hitting each other. Shelby and Will and Finn and Santana went to Figgins to fight it out. Santana said her evil twin 'Snicks' hit Finn and she can't be held responsible for what she does. She and Brittany really are a pair. I think I know what she means. Sometimes we just don't think clearly as we're held hostage by our own fears or narcissism or some other side of us that rears its ugly head and when all is said and done, we can't quite believe it's us and our own doing. On top of that kids have a tendency to talk themselves into believing they didn't do it. Then Finn said that Santana didn't hit him. It was a stage slap! Will was flabbergasted.

Will said he admires Finn's maturity in handling Santana's barbs and endless verbal assaults. The Glee club is really trying to support Santana and help her embrace herself. Until she does face her anxiety, it will forever control her. I should know!

Dear Diary,

Shannon joined Will and I at the lunch table today. She was noisily devouring a turduckin. How one person can eat that much meat in one sitting is staggering and cave-man like at the same time. She said she's trying to keep her strength up. She looks llke she has plenty of strength to me due to her role as student election advisor and her dating Mr Menkin. Will offered her our assistance and of course we're happy to help her count the election ballots.

Then to my absolute discomfort Bieste began to tell us how her quadriceps have been trembling all day after last night with Cooter, I tried to steer the conversation to a more formal platform by calling him Mr Menkin but Will and I couldn't help but look at each other in embarrassment. When she said she did something she'd never imagine she'd do, I didn't know where to look, but it turned out it was all about weight lifting. Phew, what a relief. She said Cooter Menkin is the only one for her. I know that feeling. Will is the only one for me. She said they share a connection. Will and I are so connected, we just need to look at each other to know what the other is thinking.

Dear Diary,

Election Day. We arrived in the school gym to give Shannon our support. She looked miserable. Sue is back to her sneaky ways. Kissing Cooter in front of her. Oh I know how low Sue will go, it's all just a big campaign strategy to her. I don't really understand what happened between Shannon and Cooter. She really has to tell him how she feels. LOL, there is some irony in me telling Shannon to go tell Cooter how she feels …it took me two years to be able to tell Will how I feel. Thank God I did. I can't imagine living without him now.

Dear Diary,

It seems word has spread about Santana's sexuality. I noticed a boy attacking Santana in the corridor today and was about to intervene when the Glee girls intervened for me. It was so refreshing to see them all sticking up for each other rather than competing against each other. They all started singing 'I Kissed A Girl and I liked it'. I'm not sure they really bothered to interpret anymore of the lyrics than the chorus because the song is more about experimenting than being a lesbian but their intention was meant to be a show of sisterly solidarity. I really think Santana is going to be ok. Will said she's told her parents and they're totally fine with it. I can imagine what mine would have said, 'You're even more of a freak than you are already.' On the other hand maybe they wouldn't have minded if she'd been a redhead.

Dear Diary,

Victory for Santana followed by disaster for Rachel. She rigged the votes for Kurt. Stupid, stupid girl. Will and I were counting all of the votes and we had more votes than students in the school! She owned up to it this afternoon. She's been suspended for a week and has been banned from competing at sectionals. Can ND win without Rachel, Santana, Mercedes and Brittany? These kids give Will constant heartache.

I 'kissed' Quinn today with an idea. I was looking at her straight A academic results and thought even with all the emotional trauma she's been through, she's still managed to stay stop of the class. An Ivy League university is where she should apply. So I called her into my office and pulled out my Yale brochures (which doesn't happen very often), we had a chat and looked at their website for a course that she might possibly be interested in doing. She's keen. I've got my fingers crossed for her. It's not often I have a chance to pull out Yale's brochures for students.

Speaking of kissing a girl. Will asked me if I would make his favourite salmon dish for dinner tonight.

'Sure,' I said.

'Great, I'll organise dessert. I want to try an experiment. He had peeked my curiosity but he refused to explain any further.

As we consumed the last mouthful of the salmon that evening, he looked at me and smiled. 'You know that's the meal you made the day you fled this apartment after Terri's arrival and I arrived home to find a ghost had prepared me dinner. I couldn't eat salmon for a long time after that.'

'Why not?'

'I tried, but I discovered that every time I sat down to eat it, I was reminded of you not being there. I didn't smell the salmon, I smelled your perfume that lingered in my apartment that night. I smelled your perfume for a long time afterwards, or I imagined I did. Trying to capture the elusive you, I guess. That scent was like a metaphor – you had seeped into me but I couldn't touch you. Then the day you told me you'd married Carl…I went to the pub to drown my sorrows. After I don't know how many beers, I looked at the specials board and on it was written 'salmon' and what else I can't remember. I went to the toilet and threw up. I've never eaten salmon since.'

I looked at him and gave a slight shake of my head. 'Most likely it was the alcohol that made you sick.'

He then leant forward conspiratorially, 'But I have a theory, I think if we can replace enough pleasurable associations with the food to wipe out the bad then we can eat it again.'

'Is that so.' I replied with a smile.

Will went to the fridge and pulled out fresh strawberries for dessert. Then got some chocolate icecream out of the freezer and two spoons out of the drawer. He sat down beside me. 'Do you want to help me test my theory?'

'Will, I've only just got used to seeing dairy in the fridge without having heart palpitations.'

'You can take it the next step Emma, I have complete faith in you. Remember what Dr Shane told you, it's your mind playing tricks on you, don't let it bully you.'

'There's no nutritional value in icecream.'

'You don't have to eat it. Let's try and give you pleasurable memories associated with dairy products to wipe out the traumatic one your brother gave you.'

'Will lots of people don't eat dairy.'

'I know. But make it your choice, not your fear's choice.

He gently took my finger and dipped it into the tub. I involuntarily cringed and shut my eyes for a second but opened them again to his steady hazel-eyed gaze.

'Ten seconds.' He said. Then he put his mouth around my finger and sucked the ice cream off. I watched him repeat the process. I was mesmerised by his mouth. I traced my finger across his lips.

'Another new world record?'

I nodded and leant towards him. A kiss has never tasted so good.