Disclaimer: Bioware owns all, except what I most humbly create. While, at times, I will take verbatim from the game, I mostly use the events of the Dragon Age games, expansions and universe as a loose structure around which to construct my re-imagined tale. If you are looking for a strict canon piece, I have no desire to offend, and so I warn you upfront!
When reading this tale, I hope you can easily imagine it being told by the very best of storytellers in Varric (from DA:2). In my version of events, Varric meets "The Hero" (my Elissa Cousland) in Kirkwall during the time period of DA:2. I mention this only so that readers can understand his connection along the way, and so I don't have to mention and rehash it again and again as I make my way through the tale.
A/N: Another chapter on the shorter side, but I think the need for a break here should be apparent :)
Muse Music: The Kill (Bury Me) - by 30 Seconds to Mars
Thanks to my readers, followers and reviewers and to my ladies beta artemiskat and Snarkoleptic. :)
Happy Reading!
-Frayed One
Chapter Twenty-Three: Desperately Seeking Jowan
"When we crossed this lake back during the Blight, Morrigan wouldn't even sit in the boat." Elissa noted, pressing the soft leather covered curve of her shoulder into Anders' arm as she leaned in toward his ear to whisper. He was shaking, she could feel it, and so she grasped for anything she could think of to distract him. "Most intimidating woman I've ever met, and she wouldn't get in the damn boat. Sten wasn't happy about it either."
"Sten was your Qunari?" Anders asked, clearing his throat several times when his voice cracked with anxiety, thankful that Elissa called no attention to it.
"Not my Qunari, no, but he was a Qunari. Though I've since learned he was a kossith. Qunari is more like a religion than a race." His attention was drifting back to the tower, and so she cleared her own throat and refocused. "But I'm sure that you don't want a history lesson from me on the populace of Par Vollen. My point is this… Sten and Morrigan are the two most fearsome and fearless people I have ever known, and yet both of them were afraid to even get in the boat and cross the water. You have already proven yourself braver in that respect."
"You think I'm brave?" He looked at her finally, drawing his focus away from the rapidly approaching tower and over to her green eyes as they peered at him through her lashes.
"I think you're a great many things you seem to have a difficult time believing, but brave is among them." She smiled then, holding her hand open for him and giving it a squeeze when he took it and threaded his fingers into hers.
They'd taken two boats as Kester seemed hesitant to take all seven of them across at once and Elissa did not want to sacrifice the time it would take to break into two trips. Plus, she doubted that Anders was capable of just standing about on either dock and waiting for anything. She rode with Oghren and Anders in the boat Kester manned – needing to focus all of her energy on keeping the nervous mage distracted. Zevran guided the other boat with Sigrun, Velanna and Nathaniel.
"You believe that your ancestors used to be immortal." Nathaniel started up a conversation with the Dalish woman. He needed something to distract him from the smiles and whispers passing back and forth between Elissa and The Mage in the other boat.
"I don't believe it. It's true." Velanna snorted, tilting her chin up in arrogance.
"How do you know it's true?" this time it was him instigating an argument, and he knew that, but it was better than attempting to manage his temper when Anders took the hand Elissa offered him.
"Why would the elders lie?" the elf huffed, annoyed at the chosen topic and then more annoyed when the man beside her couldn't even manage to focus on her for the time it took to speak of it.
"Why indeed..?" He was lost in thought, pressing at the edges of the conduit, just enough to try to get a read without alerting Elissa to his efforts.
"So you don't believe the elves were immortal?" Velanna was truly angry now. Nathaniel could hear it in her tone of voice and it snapped him right out of what he was doing.
"When did I say that?" The reply was quick as he turned his head back in her direction, watching the way her eyes followed his movements and knowing it was not his choice of topic that had gotten under her skin.
"You asked me if I believed that my ancestors were once immortal." Her irritation was rising as she folded her arms across her chest and glared at him.
"And where in that question was it implied that I believed otherwise?" Nathaniel asked, quirking up an eyebrow and scrambling for the words necessary to diffuse the situation before it spiraled any further out of control.
"Then you do believe the elves were immortal?" Velanna's brow furrowed as she tried to decipher what exactly it was he was saying.
"I didn't say that either." Nathaniel shook his head with a sigh. He knew that acquiescing to her beliefs would be certain to disarm her, but couldn't bring himself to spout off an outright lie.
"You...are...exasperating!" Velanna snipped, covering her face with her hands and muttering in Dalish for several minutes.
Nathaniel turned his attention back toward the tower as they'd now drifted within range of the dock. Elissa was already clambering out of her boat and helping Anders up behind her.
"When you were talking about the pretty brush, the other day…" Velanna was speaking again, and this time he turned to her immediately, having no desire to further incur her wrath should he remain focused on Elissa. "Did you mean... me?"
It was an unavoidably direct question, and Nathaniel found himself unable to lie in response to it, though he knew how dangerous it was to press their light flirtation any further. "It can't be the first time someone's said you're pretty."
He'd addressed it, but as indirectly as possible. The flash in her eyes told him she would accept it, if only for the moment.
"And if it is?" she huffed, tucking a loose strand of hair behind her pointed ear as she reached up to take the hand he offered her up to the dock.
"Velanna… you are a beautiful woman. You know this." Nathaniel sighed, holding her eyes to press his point and noting that she did not pull her hands away from his even when she stood on the relative safety of the dock. "If you've never been told this before, it is likely because you are too busy berating someone for one thing or another to allow them to appreciate you properly."
The smile she gave in response to that was nothing short of ravenous, and Nathaniel found himself swallowing hard when she put some extra sway in her hips as she moved off ahead of him.
The templar in charge of entry to the tower had no problem allowing Elissa access. And though they kept a wary eye on her companions, they made no efforts to hinder any of them as they meandered through the library shelves while Elissa awaited her appointment with the men in charge.
Most of them spread out through the library. Sigrun in particular seemed content to immerse herself in several volumes to pass the time. Anders remained close to Elissa's side, eyes resolutely pinned to the floor as he tried to ignore the barely hushed whispers from those he'd left behind.
"Have you found what you were looking for?" He was so close to her shoulder now that it gave them the appearance of impropriety and Elissa couldn't help but chuckle at the thought that to an outsider it must appear that she was merely the latest sucker to fall victim to The Mage's many charms.
"One of them." She replied, turning in toward him so that the subtle motion as she tucked one of the volumes away in her pack was obscured by his body. "The margins of which are filled with crude drawings of templars being eaten by what appears to be a giant cat named Ser Pounce-a-lot. You wouldn't know anything about that would you?"
His laughter came out more breathy than he'd intended, aware as he was of their intimate proximity and the brush of her chest against his when she'd been forced to arch her spine slightly in the process of her thievery.
She slid out from beneath the shadow his body cast, reaching back to take his hand and tug him along behind her – chuckling low and husky in her chest when every single set of eyes, mage and templar alike, remained glued to them as they moved.
Elissa tossed a wink out at one of them, setting both she and her table mate straight to whispers as she settled Anders in close at her back to provide the cover she needed to retrieve the second volume.
"You are exceptionally good at making people see just what you want them to see…" Anders kept his voice a whisper, taking the volume she slid back to him and tucking it into her pack before reaching up to press her to him and feed the illusion. "There isn't a person in here that isn't wondering if we're together, our traveling companions aside, and even some of them are probably questioning it at this point."
"If I can make them believe that you are mine in every possible way, then they are far less likely to make any sort of attempt at reclaiming you." Elissa explained, turning in toward him and placing a palm out on his chest as she stroked a thumb along his cheek. The motion forced him to notice she'd removed Alistair's signet so there would be no reason to doubt her sincerity should anyone think to question it. "It also seems to be keeping you from getting overly anxious at the moment." Her lips curved into a smile as he reached to cover her hand with his own, breath catching in his chest as she leaned her mouth in closer. "Two birds… one stone…"
She was going to kiss him, he braced himself for it – repeating the mantra in his mind that it was only for show, it was a part she needed him to play for his own safety and so she could retrieve the items she required without attracting attention to it. But their lips never connected, and with the wink she tossed him at the brusque sound of a cleared throat from at his back, he knew she'd never intended them to.
"Begging your pardon, Warden-Commander." The templar's glare was poorly managed as his eyes shifted from Elissa, to Anders, then back again. "The Knight-Commander and First Enchanter will see you now."
"Why thank you, Carroll. It is nice to see you've managed to learn some manners over the years." Elissa snorted, tossing the man a smirk as she settled Anders in at her side with a quick tuck of her arm around his waist. "What was it you called me when last we met… I can't quite remember..?" she tapped at her chin thoughtfully for a moment pretending to struggle in her search for it. "Ah! I've got it now… blighted termagant! Lovely, that one."
She made a subtle gesture to Zevran, issuing instructions that he was to send Nathaniel to her and remain in the library with the others until they returned. The Archer looked distinctly displeased as he made his way over to her side, eyes resolutely focused on the casual manner with which she and Anders stood wrapped around one another.
Carroll started to escort them to their destination, muscles in his jaw flicking hard with his irritation when Elissa turned back and dismissed him with a flippant wave of her hand.
"An escort won't be necessary." She gave him her sweetest smile and then turned away, finishing her words without even bothering to look at the man. "I've been here more than enough times to know my way around, and really, if you can't trust the Hero of Ferelden, who can you trust?"
The arrogant trill of her laughter trailed behind her as she moved back down the hall, and Anders turned back long enough to watch Carroll's face go through four shades of red before he stomped off in a fury.
"I think that man's head might just explode…" Anders noted, smiling at Elissa when her laughter turned sincere in response to his jest. "Honestly, I think I saw smoke coming out of his ears."
"I think my head might explode if I'm forced to watch the two of you paw at one another any longer…" Nathaniel snorted, drawing both their attention in his direction. "Is my presence here really necessary?"
"Yes, Nathaniel." Her reply was simple and followed with another saccharine sweet smile as they passed by a room full of circle mages and the templar who guarded them. "You above all my other companions are able to intimidate simply by standing there. You're also exceptionally bright and I am hoping, if it comes down to it, that I can use our link to communicate with you should things go awry."
"If you expect me to be useful in combat, it might have been smart not to have me leave grandfather's bow back at the tavern." Nathaniel grumbled, slightly pacified by her admission but not enough to overlook the way that Anders' hand lingered at the small of her back.
"You and I both know you are far better with those daggers that you seem willing to let on. Don't worry… I have no desire to discuss the reasons behind that deception now as they currently work to my advantage." She said, waving him to silence when he bristled at her remark. "And have you not noticed I came without my swords?" Elissa watched something bloom to life behind his eyes and knew he was finally following along. "I need them to believe they see weakness, that we aren't a threat. We must seem the lamb unless we are forced to reveal the wolves we are."
"And your need to fondle Anders?" His glare intensified when The Mage laughed at that, and tugged her a bit closer to his side – mostly because he found himself to be a bit anxious for that explanation.
"I have a reputation for being more than a bit on the… mad… side when it comes to protecting those with whom I choose to share my affections. If I can make them believe that Anders and I are together in that way, he becomes untouchable. I've got more than enough blood on my hands to make even the dimmest templar certain that I would gut them without so much as a blink should they threaten anyone I'd taken to my bed." She didn't even flinch as she offered up her explanation.
It all seemed perfectly reasonable in her mind, and certainly the threat of battle put them in the realm of wartime logic, which meant all things were fair game on the path to their ultimate goal. She didn't notice the slight disappointment pass over The Mage's face as they found themselves in front of the door to the First Enchanter's office, and the quick flux of emotion from Nathaniel told her only that he'd managed acceptance not whether he actually believed her.
"Here we go then." Elissa took in a long slow breath, tugging her arm free of Anders and stretching. She winked at him one last time before shoving down any hint of emotion behind the crystalline facade of the Warden-Commander and striding purposely through the doors.
"Hero! It is so very good to see you again." Irving's smile was genuine as he took Elissa's hand in his own and gave it a light squeeze, sparing only a passing glance over her companions. "I trust you made use of our library while you waited. I know how fond you are of our old dusty tomes."
"I do adore a good book!" Elissa chuckled, sharing a curt nod with the Knight-Commander before settling into the chair across from the First Enchanter's desk. It was lost on no one that Greagoir did not offer to shake her hand, nor did his eyes stray far from the mage at her side. "And it's Elissa, or Warden-Commander if titles better suit you."
Her eyebrow arched up with those words, and she smiled at the Knight-Commander when his shift in focus proved he'd felt that barb strike home. She crossed her legs casually at the ankles, leaning back and reaching over to tug playfully on Anders' fingers until he obliged her by unfolding his hand. She was as brazen as a Pearl madam about it, tugging hard enough to sit him down against her armrest and leaning in languidly at his side. She allowed herself a small smirk of victory when Greagoir was forced to clear his throat at the sight of it.
Settle down, Nathaniel. Elissa pressed her thoughts into his mind when the flare of his temper made her fearful that her ruse would be broken. Play the role of menacing bodyguard for the moment. Yell at me later if need be. The anger abated as quickly as it'd come, allowing her to take in a quick breath and wish – again – for Sten's presence. No one did menacing bodyguard better than the kossith had, and there were no lingering feelings of adoration to prevent him from doing so in whatever fashion she required.
"As you wish." Irving smiled, settling himself into his own chair and attempting not to find the humor in Elissa's intentional baiting of the Knight-Commander, regardless of how entertaining he might have found it. "What is it that brings you back to the tower then? It can't have been a simple need for research. A courier could have handled that."
"Why First Enchanter, one could almost believe you weren't pleased to have us visit." Her smile was back, lids lowered to give her face the appearance of perfect innocence – though the words she chose belied it immediately. "Surely the air of cooperation we fostered during the Blight extends beyond those most dire of circumstances."
"But of course." The First Enchanter's smile faltered only for a moment as he scrambled to meet the observation with an appropriate ruse of his own. "I only wondered what it was that would bring you to our doors unannounced and accompanied by so many of your companions. It gives the impression that you foresee the possibility of a… battle… in your future."
"Does it?" She asked, tongue in cheek for a moment then a quick pop of her teeth as she pulled loose her hand the mage and leaned forward – ruse all but abandoned. "Old habits die hard, I suppose… In answer to your questions, we were in the area on Warden business and I decided to pop in and see about recruitment options." That had their attention, and Elissa felt the tension return to Anders' body where it pressed into her arm when both the First Enchanter and the Knight-Commander seemed to bristle in response. "Currently, the Wardens of Ferelden have only two mages, only one of whom is a proper healer. With Wynne busy navigating the waters of Circle politics, I had hoped to trouble you for at least one more to add to my roster… for the time being."
"I wasn't aware that the time in between Blights required quite so much… effort… from the Grey Wardens. Shouldn't the death of the Archdemon have provided you a break at the very least?" Irving asked, recovering quickly from his surprise and launching himself immediately back into his exceptionally un-subtle search for information.
"If only that were true." Elissa sighed, elbows on her knees as she leaned forward and laced her fingers together. "I cannot go into detail… Warden business, you understand… but the darkspawn are not retreating as we should like them to – and, even were that not the case, the Wardens in Ferelden were decimated during the betrayal and subsequent slaughter at Ostagar. When, exactly, would you have me replenish my forces if not before another Blight would make them necessary?"
"Point taken." Irving cleared his throat, unable to broach any kind of argument in reply and knowing better than to discuss what had happened at Ostagar with the woman in front of him in any fashion. "In that case, I'm certain that Knight-Commander Greagoir can provide you with a list of the Harrowed mages whom we feel would be…"
"That won't be necessary…" Elissa interrupted, waving him to silence with a flick of her hand. "I've come for one mage in particular. I think we all know which one."
"Collecting criminals again, Warden-Commander?" Greagoir's voice finally rumbled forth, breaking the silence he had stood in since they'd entered the room.
"I'm sure I have… no… idea what you're talking about." Elissa leaned back in the chair again, reaching over to wrap her long fingers around Anders' arm with a slow positively venomous smile in the Knight-Commander's direction. "Because, if I did I might be forced to find the insinuation insulting and surely we haven't gone that far off course… yet."
"Now, now…" Irving raised his hands in placation. "I am certain that all the Knight-Commander meant was that in light of your most recent… acquisitions…" the man made no effort to conceal the pass of his eyes over to Anders, though he did not stay there for long. "Perhaps there are less… volatile… elements we can release into your charge."
Elissa's laughter was bitter as she wrapped her mind around that choice of wording. "Release… Now that's the first honest word that's been said since I got here… and Jowan, I doubt he's much more than a trembling waif by now. He hardly anything but a pawn when I met him, and your idea of punishment isn't likely to have changed his nature." She'd said the name now, and no one could deny what it was she'd come for any longer. "No, volatile isn't a word I would ever use to describe Jowan. Now myself, on the other hand…"
"Is that a threat?" Greagoir took a step forward then, reaching for his sword and setting Nathaniel into motion until Elissa raised a hand to stop him.
"Don't be silly." She smiled again, no more sincere than the last. "My threats are far more direct, Knight-Commander. We've known each other long enough now that you must be fully aware of that."
"Warden-Commander…" Irving's voice diffused them long enough to turn Elissa's eyes back in his direction. "You should know that we are only looking out for your personal safety, and that of the general populace, when we discourage you from choosing to recruit apostates over properly trained mages."
"I am quite capable, as you are both aware, of looking out for my own safety – and I do a pretty damn good job of doing that for the general populace as well. So you'll have to forgive me that I find it comical for you to even suggest you're doing this on my behalf." Elissa retorted, temper rising though she did her best to rein it in. "Though, while we're skirting around the issue and making up stories, perhaps you'd care to explain to me exactly how torture, rape and a general disregard for basic human needs are in any way justifiable in the eyes of the Chantry."
"Did your spy feed you that rubbish?" Greagoir snorted, dismissing the very idea of it.
"Cullen is my friend, not my spy, and you'd know that if you'd taken more than a second to speak to the man before shipping him off to Kirkwall when he refused to turn a blind eye to those depravities!" Elissa was dangerously close to losing her temper; forcing Anders to step into a more dominant role and ignore what was obviously a strong connection to the templar in order to rein her back in. He pressed his thumbs into her shoulders, relaxing the tension in her muscles until she shifted back into his touch and diffused. "Greagoir… you are a good man somewhere inside there. I helped you during the Blight largely because I believed that, and I'm asking you now to remember that man who didn't want to sacrifice his friend, the First Enchanter, to the Rite."
Anders was stunned to see the Knight-Commander struggling to find his answer, clearly moved by the sincerity of Elissa's carefully chosen words. His righteous indignation was faltering, and the mage could only imagine Elissa was sensing the same and now pounced on that weakness like an animal following the scent of blood.
"I cannot find it within myself to believe that you would knowingly allow this, and I am a cynical bitch…" Elissa sighed, standing up and walking over to him. "You know me. I cut down Uldred and a great number of blood mages to protect what was right. I will not hesitate to do what must be done should it come down to it. But I will not leave this tower without him, Greagoir. I will conscript him if I have to, but I would prefer to handle this as allies and not as enemies."
"If he so much as…" Greagoir started, trailing off when Elissa's furrowed brow made it obvious those words were unnecessary. "Very well. I will go and retrieve…"
"I'll be coming along." Elissa interrupted. There was no room for an argument, and it was obvious to everyone that she would not bend.
The Knight-Commander nodded, and Elissa fell in at his side, leaving Nathaniel and Anders to trail along behind them with the First Enchanter.
The descent into the bowels of the Hold was like a descent into the Black City itself for Anders. The only thing that kept him going, the one thing that anchored him to this moment and stopped him from plummeting back into the darkness that had held him for so long, was her hold on his hand. Elissa's skin was warm and smooth and amazingly soft in spite of years of swordplay.
"Every last fucking piece of it," she whispered, the simple repetition of those words giving him all the reassurance he needed.
She squeezed his hand as they came out of the last dark length of tunnel and into the small spray of cells where the templars held their prisoners, and it took him a moment to realize that the trembling in his arm was no longer coming solely from his body – but also from her barely managed fury as she finally laid her eyes upon the nightmare that had been his entire world for year upon year.
She pulled loose from him for a moment after the Knight-Commander opened the cell, dropping to her knees on the filthy floor and tugging Jowan's near motionless body into her lap long enough that she could verify he was indeed still alive.
Her eyes were liquid fire when she looked up again, motioning Nathaniel forward with a gesture.
"I wouldn't ask you if I didn't have to…" Her voice was shaking as she passed the man over into Nathaniel's much stronger arms.
"You don't have to now." The fury behind the silver of his own eyes was almost entirely his own, and that surprised her, though it shouldn't have.
When she was free to stand and certain that all of her people were present and accounted for, she stopped in front of the Knight-Commander one last time.
"This. Ends. Now." It was a directive, an order. There was no room for hedging around it and no way it could be misinterpreted. "So help me, Greagoir, if I get so much as a hint that this… this… utter depravity is allowed to continue I will come back here and put every last templar in the fucking ground."
The Knight-Commander bristled at her attitude and started to speak, but Elissa was having none of it.
"That was not a threat, it was a promise. An absolute certainty. I am very good at what I do. I have been killing for far too long not to be. Fix this." Elissa turned on her heels then, sliding her hand back into Anders' as they followed Nathaniel's back up the dark stairs and into the light.