Hey guys, I'm soooo freakin super sorry for the huge wait. I went totally brain dead for a bit, then my first AP test came up and it was over world history, why's the world so dang old? Anyway, there's really no excuse to not updating sooner, so I'm sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry! :(
I'd also like to give a giant "YOUR AMAZING" to JellyBeane for betaing my story, and for having the patience to wait for me to send you something. :)
Moving on, just like to give a GIANT thanks to all those who reviewed, alerted and/or favorited the story. This includes…
blueicefireNINJA4
Ingenuity15
Hanski
TeamPaul15
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xoembryloveox- YAY! You can review again XD
JellyBeane
Pavinet
Smithgirl24
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emoelmo13
THANKS! To all you guys. :) *happy dance*
Sticks and stones may scar my skin, but words slice my soul within (I got this off of someone's profile, can't remember who'-sorry- so I don't know who originally said this quote)
Previously
(Just remember this is Embry's POV)
I was about to shift when a disgusting smell made me freeze. Tensed, I listened for any signs, before quickly moving to keep pace with Rowan, all the while keeping an eye out for the leech. I had to get it away from Rowan before it tried to hurt her. Key word tried. There was no way that the leech was getting anyway near Rowan. The rain made it hard to keep track of her, but crossing a fresher scent, I rounded to see her on the other side of the road, grinning. Noticing that she was so close to Rowan, who was unaware of the danger she was in, made a growl rise up in me.
She smiled even bigger, and darted out til she was mere inches from Rowan.
Rowan's POV
I stiffened when a gust of air whispered in my ear, and spun around only to find nothing, except rain. Gripping my bag tighter, my eyes darted around, but the storm and the fact it was pitch black made it impossible to see. Pulling my hat lower, I started walking again. It was cold, the rain making it even worse, but I didn't notice it. I hadn't felt anything since I'd cut.
Yep, I'd cut. I'd tried so hard, and had gone so long, only to slip up after hearing his voice. I'd run away, that had taken a lot more guts, had made the urge a lot worse, and I hadn't cut. But when I heard his voice, all will power went right out the back freakin window. The failure made the urge stronger; it was a deadly cycle.
So now I was walking in the rain, in the middle of the night, on a dirt road with no way out of the small town. Maybe I should have thought this through a little more?
I shook my head. No, I had to leave. It doesn't matter if I have to walk all the way to Seattle. I have to disappear by morning. Involuntarily a shiver ran up my spine as a couple drops slid down my back, pausing for a second when a low rumble shook the air.
Another flash of lightning lit up the sky making it bright as day for a second, before throwing the world back into darkness. Just for a second, I thought I caught of glimpse of red out of the corner of my eye. Casually, as casually as a person in my…predicament could anyway, I turned around, waiting for the next lightning flash.
Nothing.
The hairs on the back of my neck stood up, and I spun around. Just to see a flash of red, dart away in a blur as a dark mass chased after it. A howl rose up from the trees. I didn't know there were wolves around here. *insert emotionless shrug again*
Moving off the road, I debated whether to stay put or keep walking. Uh…If I stay here 1) I could possibly find out whatever the red thingy was, and what the mass was, 2) I could possibly get attacked/eaten by said red and/or black mass, 3) I lose precious 'get as far away as possible' time. If I keep walking, all those things won't happen, so- wait hadn't I just said I had to leave…? As strange as it sounds the weird, ADD internal debate eased the giant rock that was crushing me.
"Rowan?"
I nearly jumped out of my skin at the question. Furiously, my brain tried to match the voice with a face, but the numbness that had taken over prevented any answer from coming up. Someone grabbed my shoulder, and for once I couldn't care less. Unless it was my dad, and something told me it wasn't, I just couldn't care. I know I should, someone following me in the middle of the night while it's raining cats and dogs, but I just couldn't.
Turning around, I found myself face to face with a two giant, hulking figures; not my dad. The hand fell away, as my gaze shifted to the ground, waiting for the expected punch. When it didn't come, well, like I said before, I didn't care. Nothing meant anything anymore; the only thing that mattered was getting away.
Lightning lit up the night sky, making it clear as day for a few seconds; Sam and Jared stared at me with confusion before everything went black again.
It felt like I was being ripped in half; that I was going to explode from too many thoughts, emotions, even feeling like I was going to explode made it worse. I couldn't care, the numbness having blocked out everything out, except the urge. That was raging like wild fire, hungry having already been fed once, it wanted more. I couldn't care because they weren't dad, yet they're strong enough to keep me here until he did get here. So I should be worried, yet like I've been sayin', I just freakin' couldn't care. And that just made it freakin' worse!
A silent scream rose up in my throat, forever trapped there. I needed to cut now! But I couldn't, Sam and Jared were here. Also I needed to stop, it'd only make things worse, or worse that they already were.
The pressure came back, making it hard to breath, making it harder to resist the urge. Stumbling back a bit, I clutched at my bag.
"Rowan? Are you okay?" Another voice laced with concern asked behind me, sending a shiver up my spine. In the self-induced fog, I tried to recognize the voice. Straining-don't hurt yourself idiot-the face appeared.
Embry.
Looking over my shoulder, I waited for another lightning flash. Yep, it was him. His face was set in concern, anxiously searching for something, though I couldn't figure out what. I only had a few seconds to see him.
"Are you okay?" he asked.
Staring at him, the words registered, but I couldn't respond.
"Come on; let's get back to Emily's." I felt his eyes on me, waiting for me to start heading back I guess. Have you ever jumped or fallen in the ocean or something and you can't figure out which way is up or down? That's what it felt like, I knew I needed to say no, to get away, but the fog that had me surrounded was making everything hard, even something as simple as shaking my head. Only thing was I may have been dead as all get out, but there was one thing I knew. That wasn't something that was gonna happen.
Shaking my head slowly, "No," I whispered.
"It's okay," Sam, whose voice I recognized now, obviously, told.
I shook my head again, trying to clear the haze, as well as ignore the urge as it rose up. I could feel my fingers twitch, wanting, needing the release. The fresh cut burned, mocking me, yet at the same time, whispering, egging me on to cut again.
I was grateful for the darkness as my lips moved into a silent plea for the pressure to stop, for everything to just stop. My stomach twisted as the urge got worse, if that was even possible. I'd already been broken though; it was harder to resist. Flashing back to that temporarily relief only made it worse.
I-I don't need
Yes you do, it whispered. You know you do, it's the only way to live. Come on, just a little one, it won't hurt.
Someone's hand gently resting on my shoulder dragged me back to Earth. Jerking away from them; everything came crashing down again.
Emily had called Dad, and he was on his way. I'd cut. I'm alone in the middle of nowhere with no way out. It was storming like no tomorrow, and it was dark as hell. Three guys were with me, three very big guys with very big muscles. I had no way out of either problem. I can't stop Dad from coming. I can't go back and stop myself from cutting. I can't grow wings and fly away. I can't-
That's right. You can't do anything bitch, your nothing but a worthless piece of trash. You can't ever do anything right; your good for nothing. Why don't you just slice your wrists open? Why don't you just die? The world would be better without you; Emily would be better without you. She wouldn't have her broken excuse as a cousin ruining her life by just barging in. Just go die you little shit!
Blow after blow rained down, never ending, never letting up; slowly slicing away. Mumbles slurred together pushed against the wall of abuse, but it couldn't stop the words as they continued to fall. Feeling yourself shatter is something no one should have to experience, trust me it's not recommended. Everything was being broken, shredded til there was nothing left. The rock was slowly crushing me into nothing.
Cause that's all you are!
Thunder boomed overhead, shaking the earth to its core, but after that it was silent. It seemed every drop of rain that smashed into the ground could be heard, that's all I heard anyway, pitter-pattering on the ground. Just like blood.
The need to get away, both mentally and physically was growing; soon it would swallow me up like a black hole. I willed the numbness to come back, for it had disappeared when Sam had shown up, but it only danced on the edge, taunting me. Silently, I begged for it, it was my replacement when I couldn't cut. It kept me going, it kept me alive.
"Rowan? What's wrong?"
Drugged like, I stumbled back only to have his hand gently wrap around my arm, right where I'd cut, to…catch me? It didn't matter; I jerked my arm out of his grip.
Turning, I ran into the woods, only it was like in a dream, as cliché as that is. I knew that I was running, I realized that I was getting away, just like I hoped, but I didn't feel the twigs grab at me, the wet leaves make me slip and slide, the tug in my stomach pulling me back.
Oh but I felt one thing alright. The monster lurking in the shadows, having become my shadow, was always right behind me. I could feel its presence, hear its voice whispering in my ear as it laughed and tormented me, and feel it scratch at me, egging me on.
My twisted, demented, psychotic side snickered, as something grabbed my ankle, sending me to the ground with a thud.
I don't remember much, just that I laid there for a while, but remember that tiny little voice/kid from before, when I was debating on whether or not to tell Emily about the abuse? Yeah now it was trying to shout above the memories, the pain, and it was shouting the dumbest thing. It was telling me to crawl under a tree, to get out of the rain. And for some unknown reason, I listened to it. Shakily, I stumbled to my feet before shuffling over to drop by a tree.
Nothing could have moved me from that spot, as again, everything came crashing down, but this time was worse than before, even some of the abuse from before running away came back. It was all too much; I just wanted to leave, even if it meant not coming back.
Through the, whatever you wanna call it, the flashbacks, the mental break down, the official sign that I've gone completely mental, I felt something's presence-not the urge-but an actual something. Not caring, I just laid there, wanting to…I don't even know, but through the dead feeling Since my ear was pressed against the ground I could it hear it move towards where I was; it was too heavy to big a human. Maybe it was a monster that lived in these mountains? Maybe it'd kill me? Maybe it's that thing from before, the thing that chased after the red hair thing.
God please let it kill me, please is that too much to ask? That's it.
It moved closer, stopped then came closer.
Please.
Hearing it settle down, not a foot from me, made it worse.
Why?
The rain, the one thing that had once been so peaceful, now just seemed like drops of blood that constantly ran down me, forever stained onto my skin.
Just like the scars, was the last thought I remember before exhaustion kidnapped me.
So? What'd y'all think? Don't care if it's good or bad, just drop me a review. Please? I know I don't deserve it after making you wait so long :( But please?