Chapter 7: Revenge

The Legion of Doom's South Park branch was all but empty nowadays. The only two villains remaining were Professor Chaos and General Disarray.

"Well, General Disarray, we are the only villains left. It's awfully lonely here." Professor Chaos lamented.

"Look on the bright side. We can rule over everything with no competition from other villains." General Disarray pointed out.

"Well, yes, but all the superheroes would fight us. We can't beat Mysterion or the Coon as it is, so perhaps we should give up. If we ask nicely, we might even get to join the Coon and Friends!"

"You know, Butters, I don't want to play supervillain any more if you're just going to give up. I have to go home now for dinner anyway." General Disarray took off his foil costume and left.

"That's a shame about General Disarray leaving me. Perhaps I'll get a new…"

Professor Chaos was interrupted when the doorbell rang.

"Are you Professor Chaos?" Sergeant Yates asked.

"Yes, but you are too late to arrest me, officer, for I have given up my life of crime."

"That's not why I'm here, professor. South Park's criminal underworld is being destroyed by a serial killer called Kira."

"Aha! My first act as a superhero will be to apprehend this despicable criminal! I will first seek the forgiveness and aid of Mysterion, for I shall now be known as Professor Chaos, Defender of Order! Wish me luck, Commissioner Gordon!"

Professor Chaos, Defender of Order left the Legion of Doom as Yates shouted after him, "The name's Sergeant Yates!"

00000

"Mysterion, I have tracked you down to your rooftop lair, where I will aid you in your quest to vanquish the evil that is Kira, for I am Professor Chaos, Defender of Order!"

Mysterion sighed.

"What is it? I have very important things to do, and I can't stay in one place when I'm working."

"Are you trying to stop Kira too? We could team up! He wouldn't stand a…"

"Mysterion! There you are!" Someone else cut across.

"Why, hi there, Coon! I was just telling Mysterion about how I have reformed and was offering…"

"Shut up, Butters!" Mysterion and the Coon shouted together.

"Mysterion, I want the Death Note. I know that you have it." The Coon said.

"I would never give it to you." Mysterion replied. "I have far grander plans for it than you could possibly comprehend. I'm far more ambitious than to just eliminate my pet hates."

"After you took over as Kira, I did some research into the previous Kira incident. I have now realised what I need to do. I must stop you so that I can become Kira myself, and do it properly this time. Injustice will not escape the claws of the Coon!" Cartman shouted before leaping towards Mysterion.

"Butters, fight him." Mysterion ordered.

"The Coon is a fellow superhero. I can't…"

"Fight him or I fight you."

Professor Chaos reluctantly fought the Coon as Mysterion watched. Hopefully these two hindrances will take each other out. Suddenly, Ryuk nudged Mysterion as if to get his attention.

"What are you waiting for? Use the Death Note!" Ryuk said.

Mysterion hastily wrote Cartman's name in the notebook. The Coon stood over Professor Chaos, ready to deal the final blow.

"Any last words before I send you back to prison where you belong, Chaos?"

"Oh geez, I surrender! I'm fighting for justice now!" Butters whimpered as a moist sensation darkened his trousers. Naturally, Cartman found this hilarious.

"Oh my God! Gross! Kenny, Butters just wet himself! Hahahahahaha!"

Cartman's laughing became more laboured, as he started clutching his chest. Cartman was struggling to balance, laughing as he was, and tumbled from the roof. His forty seconds were up. Butters got up in a stunned silence. Eventually, he spoke.

"I don't believe it. I WON! Chaos is triumphant! Bwahahaha! Soon the world will tremble in fear, for Professor Chaos has returned, more powerful than ever!"

"Who sent you?" Mysterion asked.

"I came here when the police asked me to help them find Kira."

"I will say this only once. Stay out of my way. The Kira Unit will die. You should too, but you helped me deal with Cartman, so I'm sparing you. If I hear from you again, I will not hesitate to kill you. I don't want to see you again, Chaos." Mysterion said.

"Why, that's awfully nice of you, Mysterion. If I were killed, my parents would be awfully sore. They'd ground me for getting myself killed. I'll be on my way now." Professor Chaos departed to plot some more harmless villainy.

"He's rather cheerful for a villain." Ryuk commented.

"You'd have to be to live here." Kenny replied. "Now for the taskforce."

00000

"Welcome back to Jesus and Pals. We are about to catch up with Officer Thomas O'Malley, who lost his family to the notorious serial killer, the Black Death. O'Malley renewed his faith in Dad and was able to capture the Black Death and send him to the chair. Here's the video link."

The TV show cut to Death Row, where the O'Malley was ready to pull the switch.

"I hope you burn in Hell, Black Death."

"The joke's on you, pal. I'm an atheist."

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

Jesus cut the feed and sat awkwardly for a few moments.

"That did not go according to plan. We were meant to interview O'Malley, but I guess now isn't the best time. What can I do to fill time?"

At this point, Jesus sat bolt upright and had a glazed look in his eyes. When he spoke, his voice had changed.

"Viewers of Jesus and Pals, I am Kira."

"Jesus Christ! Jesus Christ is Kira!" One of the audience members shouted.

"No, you idiot! I am speaking through Jesus. The Kira Unit is to meet in South Park's abandoned Genetic Research Facility in two days time. I will be there in person. I expect to see you there. Others are advised to stay away if they know what's good for them."

Kira's control over Jesus ended. Jesus was now massively weakened and near death. He beckoned to the studio audience.

"Quickly, my children. Find me a cave and a boulder."