Her Secret Past Chapter 4: Her Secret Past, a card captor sakura fanfic

Disclaimer: I don't own Card captor Sakura

Chapter 4

The streets were quiet as the two best friends came out of the school gates. Tomoyo glanced at her best friend with a smile, Sakura seemed to be spacing out. She couldn't help but assume it was because of a boy, who had brown hair and chocolate colored eyes.

"Sakura?" Tomoyo called gently, not wanting to surprise her best friend out of her reverie.

"Yes?" Asked Sakura. She was smiling as she looked at Tomoyo, who walked by her side.

Tomoyo gave her a gentle smile, "Have I already mentioned how good it feels to have you back?"

Sakura managed a giggle as she nodded. "Yes, you have. As a matter of fact, almost everyone I encountered in the past weeks also said that." Sakura looked up at the clear blue sky. She smiled once again. "It actually feels good to smile again, to laugh again. I can't believe I've missed so much." She said softly.

"But." Tomoyo said, a frown forming on her delicate face.

"But?" Sakura looked at Tomoyo curiously.

Tomoyo briefly studied Sakura's face. Gauging the secrets beneath her eyes. She sighed once again. "You're covering all the pain now. Syaoran-san's here for you already. He's been a good friend. why don't you share your feelings to him if you can't share it with me?"

Sakura looked at her feet as she walked, "I'm sorry Tomoyo, it's not like I was deliberately trying to hide anything from you..." She looked at Tomoyo apologetically. "And... I. . .I can't. . .to Syaoran-kun. . ." Her earlier cheerful mood had obviously disappeared.

"Sakura," Tomoyo said gently, "He's becoming someone important to you, he's becoming your best friend."

"It's still different." Sakura insisted.

"Sakura," Tomoyo finally said with conviction. She stopped walking.

Sakura also stopped walking when Tomoyo did. She looked up at her friend's worried frown. "We can still tell that you are hurting inside despite the carefree side you're showing all of us..."

"It's not easy to just forget!"

Tomoyo sighed, shaking her head, "Why don't you just forget about him and try looking at Syaoran-san instead? I know it sounded harsh and wrong, but, everybody has to move on Sakura. Kai wouldn't wanted this..."

"Sorry Tomoyo, but I can't..." Sakura said, her voice detached.

Tomoyo had immediately detect the change in her best friend's voice. She instantly felt guilty about what she had just said. But these words needed to be said, if not, Sakura won't be able to free herself of the chains she created for herself upon Kai's death.

"I don't want hear anymore," Sakura said. "I don't want to fall for Syaoran-kun."

"That's not what I—"

"Then how could you have mean it? You want me to look at Syaoran-kun as an individual, but I've been trying to do that for a while now!" Sakura continued to stare at her best friend, tears involuntarily springing from her eyes, "But it's so hard! It's so hard because they're too similar to each other!"

This time Sakura ran towards the direction of her house. Not bothering to look back as her best friend called her name. She didn't want to talk to her at the moment. Her heart seemed to feel like it was ready to be ripped off. . .

Her chest was tightening. . .

It was getting harder to breath. . .

Sakura was inside her room now; her earlier conversation with Tomoyo sank in with her. Of course she and Syaoran had become close friends, but sometimes she distances herself from him when it gets to be too much. . .

Even though it's true Syaoran is a different person, she couldn't risk anything more. . .

She could never fall in love with anyone any more. . .

Losing Kai. . .

The way he suddenly disappeared from her life. . .

It had caused a trauma to her heart. . .

-Two years ago-

Running... He was running... His heart racing uncontrollably as he saw the golden haired angel from a distance...

"Hey Sakura!"

A younger looking, and more cheerful Sakura stopped from her tracks as she heard someone call her name. She turned around, a bright smile adorning her face as she saw a familiar brown haired gentleman running towards her, a goofy grin upon his boyish face. "Kai," She acknowledged, as soon as he paused to take a breath in front of her.

The said boy, who had finally started to catch his breath, looked up from his bent form and smiled brightly as he caught up with his angel. She looked back at him with her eyes shinning.

"Are you two going out already?"

Kai jumped as Sakura's ever-so-equally bright best friend, who seemed to be beside Sakura the whole time, disturbed their staring moment. Tomoyo giggled upon seeing the two look away from each other with slightly flushed faces.

But after a few seconds, Kai immediately stood beside Sakura, he cleared his throat. "What are you saying Tomoyo?" He asked ever-so-innocently.

Tomoyo giggled again, "Everyone knows a confession took place yesterday."

Sakura blushed at her best friend's statement and Kai suddenly choked on nothing as his ears turned red.

"You two look so cute together," Tomoyo observed. Finding their embarrassment slightly amusing. If only she had brought her video camera, this moment will be instantly be captured and treasured forever.

"Tomoyo!" Sakura said, blushing a deeper shade when Tomoyo had said it.

-After a few months-

"Sakura, let's hurry up." Tomoyo said, quickly packing up her things since school had just ended. "Mother's friend won't be able to wait for too long."

Sakura suppressed a smile at her friend's eagerness. A friend of Tomoyo's mother had seen her designs which she had been making especially for Sakura, and she had liked it. That friend being a successful designer and who, coincidentally, was searching for an apprentice.

Sakura was about to close her bag when she realized something was missing. "I forgot something." Sakura frowned, "I left it in the Music room."

Tomoyo looked like she was hit, "But the Music room's in the other building," She said, clearly disappointed.

"I'm sorry," Sakura said guiltily, "You should go on without me, it's an opportunity you can't miss, just call me about how things went." She smiled encouragingly.

Tomoyo nodded determinedly as she gathered her things, "Definitely."

As soon as Tomoyo left the room, Sakura sighed frustratedly. It wasn't like her to forget something, especially if it wasn't their homeroom classroom. She groaned, hating the fact that she had to walk back to the other building.

As Sakura reached the Music room, she paused by the door. It was because she heard someone playing a wonderful tune. A tune that seemed to express a lot of things all at once. Silently, Sakura peeked inside and her eyes widen. "Kai."

At the sudden mention of his name, Kai's finger slipped from the keys and pressed the wrong ones. Sakura cringed at the obvious mistake, she mouthed sorry as the pianist looked at her with surprise.

"I'm really, really sorry." Sakura said apologetically.

Kai just chuckled at Sakura's apology. He availed a small space on the bench and patted the space beside him. Sakura could feel her face heat up a little at his gesture, but she took the seat nonetheless.

"I didn't know you could play so well," Sakura said softly, laying her fingers on the highest octave.

"I guess you can say that it's a hobby of mine. I've been playing it for quite some time, but I'm nowhere as good as how you make it sound to be." He said, obviously embarrassed.

"You know I don't flatter people." Sakura joked as she playfully nudged his shoulder with hers. "But really, you were great." She looked at him with a smile so gentle.

Kai returned that gentle smile of hers, knowing that she was being honest. "Do you want to hear me play other pieces?" He asked softly.

Sakura could only nod. The softness of his voice seemed to be a prelude to his piano playing, she didn't want to ruin the delicate flow with her loud voice. As soon as Kai had placed his fingers properly on the keys, he immediately started playing a soft slow tune.

Sakura didn't watch his fingers moving across the keys, instead, she watched Kai's expression. His eyes were closed, only opening them from time to time when he had to switch octaves. She was fascinated. He was playing so passionately. . .

And just like that, she had fallen deeper for him. . .

His presence had already implanted such deep roots into her heart. . .

They were in love. . .

And she had believed that nothing could ever go wrong between them. . .

How wrong that thought was.

"Kai? Where's Kai?" Sakura asked, obviously panicked. She shook her best friend, who was sitting on one of the hospital's plastic chairs, tears endlessly falling from her eyes. "Tomoyo!"

"S- Sakura," Her best friend said, her eyes already red from crying too much.

"Where's Kai?" Sakura asked again. Her heart beating faster by the second.

Tomoyo nudged her head to a certain direction, Sakura immediately knew which room she was pertaining to. She let go of her best friend's shoulder and hurriedly ran to the room.

It couldn't be...

She just came back to the classroom from her cleaning duties, she saw a few of her classmates talking worriedly, like something bad had happened. And upon seeing her enter the classroom, they immediately became silent. Sakura could feel something wrong all of a sudden. She quickly scanned the room, her palms began to sweat when she couldn't find that one person...

Kai had been in the classroom, waiting for Sakura like any other normal day, but he suddenly felt his chest tightening... He had a seizure. Everyone knew that the ever so cheerful Kai had a weak heart, but they never knew that it was actually something severe... That a single seizure could quickly determine whether he lives or dies... And it seems fate had decided that he will have to take the latter.

"Kai!" Sakura called, upon seeing the boy lying on the bed, nurses and doctors all surrounding him. She felt someone pulling her away from the room, but for some reason, she suddenly had all the strength to go on.

Upon hearing the voice of his angel, Kai opened his eyes. He breathed deeply through his oxygen supporter as he slowly looked to the side. "S-Sakura…" He called out in a small muffled voice, he reached out his hand weakly towards her.

Sakura took four quick steps towards him and quickly grasped it, completely ignoring the nurse's warning tone. "Kai, you'll be fine." Sakura said, though she could hear that her voice didn't seem to belong to her... it felt... empty...

A tear suddenly fell from the corner of Kai's eye as he watched his angel choke back her tears. He managed out a short chuckle, his usual joking laughter, "Yeah, and after they're done with me, I'll be as fit as a horse."

"That's right," Sakura agreed, nodding quickly.

He shook his head slightly, squeezing Sakura's hand with all the strength he had left. "At least I got to see your face in my last moments."

"What nonsense are you saying?" Sakura asked, shaking her head in disbelief.

Suddenly Sakura felt herself being pushed away gently as the nurses began to wheel Kai's bed away, their hold on each other's hand was slipping. "Kai!" Sakura's eyes widen as she followed them. She tried to stay beside him as the nurses hurried him to their destination.

"Silly Sakura," He said, watching her panicked face, "I'm just trying to be happy. At least make me happy before I—" He winced as he felt his chest tighten to the point of suffocation.

"Hold on Kai!" Sakura said worriedly.

"Listen." He gasped.

"No! No! I won't! You could just tell me after you recover! You have—"

"I love you."

Whatever words Sakura was about to say, they froze on her lips. Kai reached out his hand weakly again towards her, this time he wasn't trying to reach her hand. Sakura instantly bent down as soon as she realized what he had wanted to do.

Kai stroked her cheek gently, "Remember to always take care of yourself," He started to pant, as his breaths came out shortly, "Sorry— Sorry that I won't be able to be with you forever, but always remember me in your heart and that I always love you," He said.

"Kai, what is this? What are you saying? It's as if you're really going to die,"

"Angel," He whispered.

That was the last word Sakura ever heard from him as he was wheeled into the emergency room. He never came out of the room. He never went to school. He never went in front of her doorsteps to pick her up anymore...

She didn't go to his funeral... She wasn't even sure if it was held in Japan since his family lived in Hong Kong... She wanted to keep that last memory of him. No matter how weak he had looked like... at least he was breathing, talking...

-A few weeks later-

"Sakura, let's go out and do something this Sunday," Tomoyo said gently, looking at her best friend, who had been staying in her seat motionlessly the whole break time.

Sakura only shook her head at her friend's offer, "I don't want to," She said, her voice hoarse, "Everywhere... Wherever we might be going... It might just remind me of Kai..."

Tomoyo frowned at Sakura's statement. She was about to say something again, when she noticed a classmate of hers waving for her to go near him. She looked at Sakura sadly one last time before she went to her classmate.

Yamazaki, a close friend of Kai, was frowning as he watched the exchange between Sakura and Tomoyo. "She's not holding it up well," Yamazaki said, as soon as Tomoyo had stood in front of him.

Tomoyo shook her head in dismay. She glanced at Sakura, "Kai's death is still a shock to her."

"I could just imagine how much pain she must be going through."

"No one can imagine..." Tomoyo said softly.

"Do you think..." Yamazaki began. "Do you think she would've gone to his funeral if it was held here..."

"I don't think so..." Tomoyo said, shaking her head.

Yamazaki sighed. "Still, we could've brought her there. We didn't even get to see him after he entered the emergency room... It was a surprise that his family had come here so fast and took his body back to Hong Kong..."

Tomoyo nodded in agreement, "We didn't get to say our proper goodbye... That might've been the best for Sakura..."

"I guess so... That would've been a closure..."

"Yes." Tomoyo looked at Sakura once again, she sighed.

"You never sighed before." Yamazaki immediately observed.

"I think... I might be sighing for quite a while..." Tomoyo answered.

Sakura gasped as she sat up from her bed, sweating hard. She looked around the room, immediately seeking for any comfort. She opened her bedside lamp and slowly calmed down, looking around her familiar surrounding...

"Why... why did I have that dream again? It had been so long since that dream haunted me... Kai's last moments..." Sakura looked at her hand, she could still remember Kai's hand slowly feeling cold as the nurses started to wheel him away.

She clenched her hand close, burying her face into a pillow as tears started to involuntarily fall from her eyes.

"Kai... Kai…" Sakura cried, "Kai... Why... Why did you have to leave me like that? I.. I need you so much..."

Sakura, as if remembering something, slowly stood up from her bed and went near her desk. She opened a drawer from her desk and took out a photo frame which was overturned. Slowly, she flipped the frame, and inside the frame was a photo of the two of them— Her and Kai.

More tears fell from Sakura's eyes as she saw how happy they were together... but what was tearing her heart up the most was that... For a split second, she had come to believe that the person beside her was Syaoran...

She immediately closed the drawer shut after she placed the frame inside again. She shook her head. "Kai. I love Kai... He's the only person I need..."

She clenched her eyes shut, hoping to remember the moments she had spent with Kai in the past... but instead... all she could remember were the recent moments she had shared with Syaoran...

"No..." Sakura cried. "Please, don't make me fall for Syaoran..."

I can't...

He'll only be Kai's replacement for me... deep inside my heart...

I don't want to fall in love with him...

Let me hurt by myself...

I don't need anyone else to hurt inside...

Kai...

K— Syaoran...

Syaoran...

Please don't get hurt because of me...

A/N: Review please! How was this chapter? Did I make any of you cry? *grins* A lot of you guys are starting to make speculations, but my old readers know me better. ^^

Aya-chan never fails to surprise her readers.

So, you guys might as well consider your guesses null. :P If you were able to guess right upon reading the next chapter, do let me know. :)