Disclaimer: Bioware owns all, except what I most humbly create. While, at times, I will take verbatim from the game, I mostly use the events of the Dragon Age games, expansions and universe as a loose structure around which to construct my re-imagined tale. If you are looking for a strict canon piece, I have no desire to offend, and so I warn you upfront!
When reading this tale, I hope you can easily imagine it being told by the very best of storytellers in Varric (from DA:2). In my version of events, Varric meets "The Hero" (my Elissa Cousland) in Kirkwall during the time period of DA:2. I mention this only so that readers can understand his connection along the way, and so I don't have to mention and rehash it again and again as I make my way through the tale.
A/N: Muse Music: Chemicals by Breathe Carolina
Thanks to my readers, followers and reviewers and to my wonderful betas artemiskat and Snarkoleptic.
Happy Reading!
-Frayed One
Chapter Twenty-Seven: Gaining Momentum
When Elissa finally surfaced from her quarters the next morning, she looked less than happy about having to do it. She stopped off at the bar, choosing to purchase several bottles of their strongest offering to fill her hip flask and store for later. If she couldn't laze about in bed all day sleeping off this hangover then she'd have to rely on a bit of Oghren's "hair of the dog" bravado to take care of it.
She knocked back what was left after topping off her flask straight out of the bottle, pressing her eyes closed briefly against the burn. She'd said… things… last night, to Alistair and then later to Nathaniel after she'd filled herself with the contents of enough mugs and little rust-colored vials to put down a dragon. While she wished she could blame them on anger or inebriation, she knew it was just one more example of her reflexive need to destroy anything and anyone of value. And she currently had neither the time nor the inclination to address anything beyond putting one foot in front of the other and moving them right out the door. Soul-searching introspection would simply have to wait.
She slid loose the vial she kept concealed in her sleeve, rolling it absently in her fingers for a moment in contemplation before popping the cap with the edge of her thumb. Another subtle motion had the mouth pressed against the pad of her forefinger just long enough to glaze a silky sheen across it before she made short work of tracing the bitter liquid against her tongue. It couldn't be more than a taste, not if she wanted to function, not if she wanted to keep this the latest of her mortal failings from finding the light of day.
"I can't imagine the king letting you drink that much, which means you were slumming it here with the masses last night." Anders voice startled her and she pinched the edge of her palm between the cap and the vial, biting back any acknowledgement of the sharp pain as she tucked her secret back where it belonged. "And, being that I haven't seen you look this awful since I had to drag you out of your room following the last big blow up, I hesitate to ask what's happened this time."
"Finding out the inevitable results of Fade sex apparently makes His Royal Highness a bit cranky and unwilling to share his bed." Elissa quipped, turning her mouth up into a smile, which melted away as soon as the pain of the hangover twinged back into effect with the motion.
His eyes did a slow, guilty pass down to her hand and found – as he'd feared – the gold band previously marking it was no longer present. He started to speak, but all he could manage was the squeaky rasp of the condemned. He braced himself and waited for the yelling to start.
"Breathe, Anders." She was trying to smile again, if only for his benefit, but it was met by an equally painful twinge from her head. "I gave it back. And, as far as your speaking to Alistair about what happened between Nathaniel and I in the Fade… that was never your burden to bear, so I cannot hold you responsible for relieving yourself of its weight."
"You're not angry?"
"Oh, I'm plenty angry. It's all directed in a more… internal… direction though, so you're safe." She laughed a little as she stood, and then groaned while pressing fingers hard against her temples.
"Here." Anders paused at her side, holding his hands a few inches beyond physical contact with her forehead and the base of her neck and pulsing a wave of rejuvenating magic into her. "I can't cure the hangover, but I can help with the pain. I suppose its wishful thinking that whatever you've got in that flask is actually water or some sort of non-alcoholic fruit juice cocktail?"
The eyebrow cocked in his direction was amused but unapologetic, and he sighed in response to it, knowing that an argument on the point would do nothing but prod her already active temper.
"I have to run some errands in the Market District, and Zevran is still in chambers with the king. Care to act as escort for my morning stroll?"
He hooked an elbow and waited for her to slide her hand into the crook of it, smiling as he held open the door and trying not to laugh when she cursed in response to the much brighter sunlight beyond it.
Several days later, as the first signs of the Keep came into view, Elissa let out the breath she'd been holding. With everything that had happened to connect her to this place, she hadn't thought that relief would ever be an emotion she could tie back to it again – yet, here she was grateful for the comfort the simple sight of it offered to her.
She steered her newly purchased horse toward the stables, thankful she'd stashed away enough gold in the Warden Cache to acquire four to replace those she'd believed to be lost in the Wending Wood. Behind her Nathaniel spoke to Nocturne as they passed his stall, more than a little pleased with himself for correctly predicting that the stallion would lead the stranded animals back here when their riders did not surface from the mines in a timely fashion.
"I don't think you can actually take the credit for that, Nathaniel." Elissa chuckled, easing herself down and reaching up to offer support to Jowan. It had taken most of the trip to finally relax him enough not to crush her ribs in fear of the ride. "Most likely you should be thanking the Maker for blessing you with such an intelligent and loyal creature."
"You're probably right." The Archer laughed himself as he dismounted and reached up to bring Sigrun down behind him. "But, as you're unlikely to give me credit for anything I actually want to be given the credit for anytime soon, I think I'll hang on to this victory if you don't mind."
"Oh, come now! We traveled for days and I don't recall blaming you for anything of significance even once." She winked at him as she strolled past, falling in pace beside Anders and making her way up the hill toward the main gate. "Anders, can you go find Varel? It's time you start learning the preparations for the Joining ritual, and I'd like to get this one done as soon as possible."
Anders squeezed her hand and then darted ahead of the group to seek out the Seneschal.
Elissa stood in the throne room, fighting to keep her nerves hidden deep beneath the surface of her Warden-Commander façade. The last time she'd been this anxious it had been Nathaniel standing in front of her - only then the fear had been tempered by her anger. Now the fear was all she could see, all she could hear.
The tremble in her hands was barely noticeable as she passed the goblet over to the man in front of her, reciting the words she had now said more times than she'd ever imagined. Jowan still looked so frail, in spite of the healthy color that had started to return to his skin – seeping in to replace the bruising that had now faded into sickly greens and browns.
For a moment Elissa could not imagine that someone so damaged could possibly survive the poison he now took into his mouth, grimacing at the bitter burn she could still remember just as if it was yesterday.
"He's stronger than you think."
Anders' voice was as certain as the press of his hand against hers when he wound their fingers together. She had almost forgotten he was there, but felt her confidence returning now that he had reminded her.
"You're right. I know you're right."
Jowan collapsed to the floor and Elissa waited while Varel checked him for a pulse.
"He's going to need several days of rest due to his previous conditions, but he'll survive." The Seneschal pressed a steady hand to her shoulder, and Elissa could breathe again.
In the days that followed Jowan's Joining, Elissa kept him restricted to his quarters so that he could recover fully from the stresses the ritual added on top of his already strained physical condition. Anders saw to his care, reporting in to her when her duties kept her confined to her study for hours on end.
She was digging through one of the stacks of correspondence that had accumulated when Nathaniel finally sought her out.
"Well, come along then."
Elissa nearly jumped out of her skin at the sound of his voice. She'd been so absorbed in the latest reports of unusual darkspawn activity she hadn't even noticed him come in, much less move to stand within arms reach.
"Come along where?" She recovered quickly, clearing her throat and looking up at him. "Do you not see all this paperwork I'm buried in? It isn't going to see to itself while I'm off wandering about with you."
"What I see is a woman determined to run herself into the ground playing catch-up rather than consider the notion of sharing some of the responsibility. But I'm willing to put that debate aside for now." He chuckled, and tilted his head at his still open hands waiting for her to simply give in to his demands. "Elissa, do you even remember the last few things you've read? You've been at this for days. Take a break and refocus for a moment, then come back to it."
"Refocus on what, exactly?" Elissa said, her eyes suspicious as she took his hands and allowed his momentum to help her stand.
"I thought perhaps we might give a pass or two at working out the intricacies of this bond of ours." He held a hand out in front of him and waited for her to lead them out the door of the master suite and down the hall toward the throne room. "I have an idea or two I'd like to test out, if you're willing."
"So long as you don't mind a public forum." She folded her arms across her chest and stood in the middle of the room. It was vacant, but heavily trafficked, so someone could walk in at any moment.
"If it makes you feel better." Nathaniel acquiesced; settling himself to the floor and waiting for her to mimic his motion and settle herself across from him. "Now, we'll start out simple. Close your eyes."
She sighed petulantly and pursed her lips at him, but did as he asked regardless. Minutes of silence ticked by and she began to feel annoyed at this his latest test of her patience, until she felt him prickling away inside her mind.
You've missed a button in your blouse right above the top of your corset. I can make out just enough skin to fill in the swell of your breasts with my imagination. It is exceptionally distracting.
Elissa's eyes snapped open and she reached up with her fingers to find he was exactly right. She glared up to find him watching her with poorly concealed amusement, and narrowed her eyes in response as she fumbled to correct her wardrobe malfunction.
I think you should undo the two above it instead.
"What! Why would I..?" He shook his head at her, clearly intending them to communicate without the use of spoken word. She rolled her eyes but did it anyway. Why on earth would I expose even more of myself to you after what you've just told me?
I've had your naked, writhing body pressed up against me, Elissa. I hardly think a slight flash of your décolletage is going to be the thing that pushes me over the edge. She could feel the laughter he wasn't voicing and it did nothing to soothe her temper. I'm not asking solely for my benefit. I'm testing a theory.
She hesitated for another moment, but there was a challenge in his eyes she couldn't ignore, and so she popped the other two buttons free and released the material of her blouse. The heavier cording weighted the edges of the shirt down, exposing her entire upper chest to an appreciative gaze he didn't even bother to disguise.
Ogling? Your theory is ogling? She took in a deep breath, intending to make the move back to her study where she could continue doing her actual work, but the wave of euphoric attraction coming out of Nathaniel hit her like a wall.
"Stop that!" Elissa said the words aloud, pressing her hands to her mouth when the crack in her voice betrayed the effect he'd already had on her.
Block it out. If you can block this out, you can block out anything, and we have to learn to open and close the conduit if we're going to function with this connection on any level.
He was right, of course. Blasted, arrogant, prick of a man was intentionally toying with her senses – but he was right. She had no idea how she was going to manage it, though. It was impossible to focus on anything but sensation when it peaked like this.
I can't… I can't get past it… She was reaching for her buttons again, intent on cutting off his visual so he could control himself and her by extension.
You aren't even trying, Elissa. He ignored the glare she leveled in his direction before she pressed her eyes closed and doubled her efforts to shut him out.
In her mind's eye she could see a pathway – a shimmering flux of energy that reached out from her and bridged in his direction. She focused on narrowing it and watched the aqueous mass collapsing inward until it pinched itself off and staunched the flow. It reached forward still, desiring nothing more than to reconnect to its other half, but for the moment she had staved it off and her mind was again her own.
When her eyes opened again she was smiling. "Could you see it?"
"I'm not sure what we see is exactly the same thing, but I got the idea of it – yes." Nathaniel smiled back at her, equally pleased with both the problem he had established and her ability to reach its solution. "I also felt it when you disconnected. It's an odd sort of… emptiness… for lack of a better word, but much preferable to the constant stream of emotions not my own that I was exposed to before."
"So you think this is possible? That we can learn to manage this to an extent that it would become useful in a strategic capacity?" Elissa seemed almost ecstatic at the possibility that something once no more than a nuisance could have applications of use not only to herself, but also to the Wardens in general.
"I think you're getting a bit ahead of yourself at the moment, but ultimately, I see no reason we can't use this at least to our advantage." He chuckled, relaxed a bit now that she had moved past her irritation and started to open her mind to the possibility that this could be more blessing than curse. "It's going to take practice beyond today, of course."
"I'm not daft, Nathaniel." Her frustration returned just as quickly as it had abated, tipping her focus and reopening the conduit she had successfully closed. She huffed as his interest reasserted itself in her blood stream. "You really have no self control."
"Ten years is a long time, Elissa." The wink he tossed at her as he stood and made his way to the rear door boiled her blood. She focused in on narrowing off the passage again as she watched him walk away and fought against the urge to follow.
Walking around in pants a size too small and having the nerve to call me out on a single missed button. Honestly, it's not like Wade hasn't had time to get proper measurements… I'm going to kill Zevran when I find him. I'd not be thinking like this if he hadn't been spying in the mines and opened his blasted mouth!
The words rattled off in her mind before she even considered the consequences, focused as she was on ending the flow of his attraction where it tumbled over into and amplified her own. It was only when her eyes caught him staggering to a stop just inside the archway of the rear door that she realized what must have happened, only by then it was much too late to do anything about it.
"You've just heard that, haven't you?"
He didn't answer, didn't even turn in her direction, but the low rumble of his laughter as he disappeared down the hall and the nearly doubled flow coming through the conduit made it clear that he had.
When Elissa finally rose to chart her course back to the unending piles of paper in need of either her signature or her attention, the halls were empty and silent. It was unusual enough at this hour that it should have screamed out to her in warning, but she was distracted by so many things that she simply pressed on through the passage lost to her own musings.
She didn't see the hulking figure lingering in the shadows behind her door until it had already sprung forth and pinned her hard against the stone wall between her study windows. Violet eyes peered at her through the gap in his helm, and for a moment Elissa found herself heartbroken at the idea that her once-dear friend had come to kill her. Another quick flicker of her eyes up revealed that this kossith had horns, and thus could not be Sten, but this knowledge did little to relieve her current predicament.
She struggled against his massive forearm, feeling the last bits of breath filtering out of her body as she pressed nails to flesh in an attempt to draw more air into lungs now burning with oxygen deprivation. It was useless. She'd been caught too far off guard and had no hope of prying herself loose when the last of her strength was fading, if she'd had it initially against such a foe.
The world was going dark, and the idea of reaching out to Nathaniel only occurred to her when her mind had gone beyond its capacity to lend its focus in that direction. She was lost this time, and she knew it – the laughing figment of an afterthought flittering through her mind, wondering whom it was she'd managed to piss off this time.
And then, the darkness receded. As her eyes refocused themselves with her collapse to the floor, she watched the kossith's body convulsing in a pattern all too familiar to her eyes. Paralysis! But no, paralysis didn't result in constriction that twisted flesh and audibly snapped bones with such violence Elissa was forced to turn her face away as her attacker collapsed to the ground a bloody and broken remnant of what he had once been.
"Are you alright?" Jowan crouched at her side, tilting her face up far enough that he could get a look at the already bruising flesh of nearly crushed windpipe.
"Thanks to you." Her voice came out in a rasp but the sentiment was sincere, and Jowan colored slightly in the face of it. "And you did all that without the use of blood magic. Truly, you are a force to be reckoned with, Jowan."
"We shall see I suppose." It was all he could manage as he helped her to her feet, keeping silently anchored to her side as she retrieved her swords and peered down the hallway for any sign of the other forces that would have been necessary to infiltrate and launch such a successful assault against her.
"Did you see anyone else on your way here?"
"No one." Jowan replied, falling in behind her as she made her way to the only other room on the hall she knew to be occupied at the moment.
She could hear the sounds of a struggle from the outside of the door, and hesitated only long enough to assure herself that Jowan was ready before kicking it open and charging inside. Unlike her, Nathaniel had succeeded in gaining the upper hand on his opponent, and now had the much slighter figure pinned against his desk.
"Nathaniel!" She called out to him to announce her presence, and also to draw his eye long enough that she could feel safe in tossing over one of her blades. It only took another moment for him to effectively end the man's struggles.
He cleaned the blade on the fallen man's nondescript armor before returning it to her open hand. "Were you hurt?"
"Jowan's timely arrival saved me from the worst of it. What you see is nothing Anders can't heal with minimal effort once we find him." She stepped away from his investigative touch, encouraging him to retrieve his blades and bow so that they could continue to rid the Keep of the invasive forces.
"Who would attack you like this?" Jowan muttered. He was actively working to keep himself calm but Elissa could hear the minute fluctuations in his voice. "You don't think this is to do with me?"
"I doubt the Chantry would stoop so low as to hire mercenaries even if word of my most recent insurrection had managed to reach their ears already." Elissa patted his shoulder in reassurance, feeling him start to relax with the knowledge that whoever these men were, they hadn't come searching for him. "It's far more likely this is the latest batch of marauders seeking to claim the bounty on my head. You all just managed to get yourselves caught in the crossfire."
"If we survive this, we are going to have to take a very serious look at revamping your personal security." The glare Nathaniel leveled in her direction left no room for argument.
"Fine. If we survive this, you can head the initiative yourself." Elissa sighed, waving the two men to silence when the sounds in the common area up ahead proved some of the others were locked in battle.
Nathaniel moved forward at her side, dipping in behind her to gauge what they were up against. Oghren and Sigrun had taken down at least three men already, and Anders had two others locked in the wrenching throws of a paralysis glyph – but they were winded and outnumbered still. Velanna was wounded in a rear corner of the room, watched over by a vigilant Justice who could do little more than fend off anything launched in their direction.
"I'm going to assume your shadow skills go beyond what you've shown me thus far." Elissa muttered, arching an eyebrow up at him.
"I am more than capable of remaining undetected for as long as necessary if that's what you need to know." Nathaniel replied, popping loose his daggers and getting ready for whatever orders she was going to give.
"As am I." Zevran's voice startled all of them as he materialized from just beyond Elissa's shoulder, though only Jowan showed it. "The rest of the Keep is now clear. All the mercenaries who remain living are inside that room."
"Then let us go and see an end to that." Elissa smiled as she let loose her own blades, spouting off a quick list of orders before she faded into shadow and slid into the room.
With their combined forces it took little time to put the few drawing breath down on the ground with their companions. In the aftermath, Elissa was relieved to discover that, aside from Velanna, no one had suffered anything more than minor bruises and scratches. Even the irritable Dalish woman's wounds were mostly superficial, but that didn't keep her from milking every last bit of sympathy she could pry out of Nathaniel. She eventually insisted that he escort her back to her quarters so she could rest.
Elissa allowed it, far more intent on searching the bodies for anything of significance than intervening in the elf's latest pass in his direction. She issued instructions that she required all of them to gather and address this latest intrusion in the throne room after their evening meal, then divided up all those uninjured and not required for escort duty to look for any sign of who could be behind all of this.