Disclaimer: I don't own Card captor Sakura
Chapter 5
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He turned.
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Sighed.
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And turned again.
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He groaned.
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Syaoran was having a nightmare. He wanted to open his eyes, to break the spell of the nightmare haunting him, but he couldn't. Someone or something was holding him into the world of nightmares.
He had been running through nothingness the whole time. It was all a blur and nothing was clear. It was like he was looking through a frosted glass.
It was like his vision wasn't able to focus on anything. He didn't know where or what he was seeing.
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But what had made this a nightmare for him? What had made this dream something he wanted to escape so badly?
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His dream shifted...
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After running for so long, Syaoran was finally able to see a blurred figure in front of him.
It was the first sign of life he had seen in this nightmare.
As soon as he was able to touch the shoulder of the person, the face of that person seemed to have cleared. He was able to focus. When he looked at the face of the person whom he assumed to be a girl, he immediately withdrew his hand from her shoulder.
He was looking straight into the familiar emerald colored eyes of the girl.
"Sakura?" Was the first thing that came out from his mouth. Then he shook his head, "Sorry, wrong person." He immediately added. It couldn't be the Sakura he knew, this girl was much too young and he only met her recently.
The young girl looked at him curiously and then she giggled. "What's wrong with you today? Come on, we have to go!" She said, immediately grabbing his hand.
Syaoran was shocked into immobility, he didn't know what to do as he let the young girl pull him towards wherever she was headed.
Do I know her?
He tried hard to remember if he ever met her, but he only came up with a blank. He has never met this person, especially someone who was so strikingly similar to Sakura. He would immediately remember if that were the case. Because seeing Sakura the first time had left an impact on him.
An impact he couldn't fully understand himself.
"We're going to be late!" The girl said as she started to run.
"Where are we going?" Syaoran finally asked, deciding to just go with her in case he might know who she is along the way.
The girl looked back at him with a pout, then she continued to run forward. Syaoran saw Tomoeda Gakuen right ahead of them. They were headed to the school, but then, they passed by the high school division and entered the elementary.
"What are we doing here?" Syaoran asked when the girl finally let go of him in front of the school's entrance. She was bending her knee as she took a deep breath from the run.
Upon Syaoran's question, the girl turned to face him, she still had that pout on her face. "Moe, what's wrong with you today?" She asked. "Alright, stop pretending not to know anything, I apologize."
"Apologize?"
"Come on!" The girl whined, "I'm really sorry I woke up late. I'm really really sorry. I promise not to make you wait that long. We've made it to school with ten minutes to spare!"
"I—"
"Forgive me please, please, please!" She pleaded cutely.
For some reason, Syaoran couldn't help but chuckle at the girl's cute action. "Alright, I forgive you." He reflexively answered.
The girl immediately broke into a huge smile, her smile made Syaoran lose his breath. "Thank you!" She said happily, "I knew you'd forgive me."
Then she ran towards the entrance of the school, when Syaoran stayed still, she looked back with a funny look on her face, "What are you waiting for?" She called.
Syaoran shook his head, "What's happening?" He murmured to himself.
The girl was suddenly in front of him again, she pulled him hard, "Come on Kai!"
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Syaoran woke up with cold sweat.
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He didn't realize it but he was panting.
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Kai...that girl called me Kai...
He reached for his blanket and realized that it had fallen onto the floor while he slept restlessly. Syaoran bent to get it when his hand met something hard. He opened his bedside lamp and saw what he was holding onto.
A folder.
Syaoran dropped it to the floor as if he was burned.
He closed his eyes and took a deep breath as he took the thick folder again from the floor. He carefully placed it in his lap and held the cover on its edge as he stared at it. He realized it too late that he was actually gripping the edge upon seeing the folder being folded.
He took another deep breath as he slowly let go.
Syaoran opened it.
Syaoran chuckled, his chuckle sounded like he was getting hysterical. He shook his head as he ran his fingers through his hair. "What kind of a sick joke is this?" He asked aloud, to no one in particular.
Inside the folder was a detailed data of Kai.
Syaoran had asked his butler to give him a complete research of Kai's bio data. He had wondered why his butler was hesitant to give him the folder in the first place, but now it was clear to him.
When he first opened the folder, he thought that a joke was being played on him.
Because...
The face he saw was his own.
He only realized that it wasn't him when he saw the name in the profile. Kai Atsuki.
He had read through Kai's profile over and over again. There was something tugging his heart, but he couldn't understand what it was all about. Just that there was something about Kai that he had to know aside from the fact that they looked quite alike.
Despite looking through his profile over and over again, he came up with none.
Syaoran pulled out a page from the stack of papers and stared at it.
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It was Kai's death certificate.
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It had clearly stated Kai's time of death and the cause.
He's dead.
He's dead for good.
It's impossible for the dead to rise again.
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But...
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Syaoran suddenly remembered his dream.
The girl had called him Kai.
Even if he didn't want to acknowledge it in his mind, his heart already knew the truth... that girl in his dream was Sakura. A younger version of Sakura. But what did that mean? That he is Kai?
It's impossible.
It's almost funny that the thought even came across his mind.
He had his own parents.
He had his own birth place.
He was born in—
Syaoran clutched his head. There it was again. The sudden headache he'd receive when he tries to remember his past...
He had never bothered to remember the lost fragments in his past... not like this...
He took a deep breath.
His memories...
Yes, he had lost them...
The start of his new memories was when he opened his eyes to a bright light.
He had woken up in a hospital in Hong Kong, with his parents by his side. His parents are both doctors. They had immediately asked how he was feeling as soon as he opened his eyes, they had asked whether he remembered what happened to him.
Syaoran could still remember shaking his head. Everything had been so unfamiliar to him. The faces of his parents who stood by his side weren't familiar to him at all...
He had lost his memories...
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His parents told him that he had a car accident...
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But, even though he lost his memories, somehow his body could remember things he used to do.
In no time at all, it was as if he had found his old routine... though something felt wrong... something felt missing... or rather out of place...
His parents had told him that he had lived in Japan for quite some time, so that might've been the reason why he felt that things seemed to be out of place for him...
Syaoran had asked for their permission to go back to Japan. At first they were hesitant to let him go, but Syaoran insisted that he had to fill up the hole that seemed to be constantly in his heart. He had to find the missing piece. He promised to return upon finding that missing piece.
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Then he met her.
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Upon seeing Sakura, he could instantly feel the gap being filled. Could she be the missing piece? He had asked himself that. Maybe she was someone important to him in the past?
But he had learned that it wasn't the case because she already had someone dear to her.
Still...
He couldn't let go.
He had never felt so complete until he had met her. He didn't care whether he had to force his way into her heart. He just had to be by her side...
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Now this.
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He was so curious about this Kai person whom Sakura had held so dear. He didn't mean to pry into Kai's personal life, but something had been bothering him.
He had overheard Sakura's conversation with Tomoyo the other day when the two girls were heading home...
He felt grateful when he overheard Tomoyo taking his side, telling Sakura how much things had changed and that he had become someone important in her life...
But it had really bothered him when Sakura had pressed the fact that he and Kai were strikingly similar...
He had already known that. Tomoyo had already told him that his personality was just like Kai's... but the way Sakura had answered Tomoyo... there seemed to be a lot more to just their similarities in personalities.
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And he got his answer.
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It was like opening the pandora box...
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Opening to locks to the forbidden...
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The reason why Sakura can never look at me is because I seem to be like the living replica of Kai. I remind her of every pain she'd ever felt upon his loss...
But that still doesn't explain the dream...
Was it a dream or a memory?
"Syaoran."
Syaoran looked up and cringed at the sudden light which flooded his room. As he tried to adjust his sight to the sudden light, he felt a light weight being added onto his bed. When his eyes adjusted, he saw his mother in front of him.
"Mother," He said in surprise, "I didn't know that you were coming here from Hong Kong." He tried to hide the files on his hands without his mother noticing, but his mother was faster.
She had seen the file and the name, she smiled at Syaoran softly. "Someone form the hospital informed me that a copy of Kai Atsuki's death certificate was made. You know that such information can't be easily given out unless someone of position asked for it. Who else could it be other than someone in our family?"
Syaoran looked down from his mother's knowing eyes, "I'm sorry...it's just that..."
"Your butler has filled me in on what has been happening."
Syaoran looked up in surprise, a sudden sense of betrayal filled him. His mother shook his head, "He was starting to worry about you. And it's his duty to tell me if something seems to be wrong with you."
"I'm fine." Syaoran half-snapped.
"Your eyes are clouded." She said softly.
Syaoran brought his hands to the side of his head, "I'm getting more and more confused..." He looked at his mother with eyes which seemed to be full of torture "Why won't you help fill in the gaps in my memories? My childhood? You never once told me how I was like when I was a child..."
"I told you that your memories have to come to you naturally..."
"How will I know if what I'm seeing is my memory or just a dream I've created for myself?"
"Syaoran..."
"What are you not telling me?" He looked at his mother with pleading eyes.
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Sakura's eyes slightly widen upon the teacher's sudden announcement to the class.
She didn't want to be the person to tell the news the her class, but she knew that she had to. "It's true," The teacher said sadly, "It seems that Syaoran-kun will be going back to Hong Kong."
"Sensei, do you know the reason why?"
"How come it's sudden?"
"Did something happen to him?"
Questions began pouring out of the students' mouth. This sudden news was a shock to them, but they were more worried about Sakura. Even though Sakura would never admit it, she had grown attach to Syaoran like how she was attached to Kai in the past.
This separation might cause Sakura to feel pain all over again.
The teacher frowned at the class' anxious questions, she's aware that they were worried for the well-being of their fellow classmate, but there was nothing she could do about it.
"Syaoran-kun's mother called a while ago. She said that Syaoran-kun seemed to be homesick." The teacher said.
"He could've finished the school year at least." Yamazaki, who had become a close friend to Syaoran, reasoned.
"That's what I've told Syaoran-kun's mother, but it seems that she is quite insistent of bringing Syaoran-kun back to Hong Kong, and he seems to want it that way too."
The class still continued to ask the teacher questions about Syaoran's sudden decision to transfer while Tomoyo silently glanced at her best friend who hasn't said a word.
"I'm fine." Sakura murmured, feeling her best friend's eyes on her.
"No, you're not." Tomoyo said in a soft voice, "Your eyes say otherwise."
Sakura brought her bangs lower to her eyes as Tomoyo pointed it out. She was sure that everyone noticed it, but just didn't say a word to make her feel better. She knew that her eyes were tired and swollen... It's because of the tears she had shed last night...
"I will be fine," Sakura insisted, "It won't happen again."
Tomoyo frowned. You say it won't happen again, but I can see that it will. It's already starting...
"Can we at least bid him goodbye? Go to his house and throw him a party?" Yamazaki suggested.
The teacher paused at Yamazaki's suggestion and smiled. "Yes, I'm sure he'd like that. You've all become good friends with him after all. Saying goodbye to him would also be proper." She said, even though she needn't say it, she said it for Sakura's benefit.
She never got to say goodbye to Kai after all...
"How about that?" Tomoyo said, gently rubbing Sakura's arm, "Syaoran-san is also a good friend of yours, isn't he? You should at least say goodbye to him."
"Mn," Was Sakura's answer.
But everyone was still relieved that Sakura had agree to it.
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"Where is everyone?" Sakura said softly, seeing the empty classroom. She thought that they were all going together to see Syaoran before he leaves tomorrow.
Tomoyo smiled gently at Sakura, "They said it was better if the two of us go to his house. They said they'd just say their goodbyes at the airport tomorrow."
"Then why can't we just do the same?"
"Sakura," Tomoyo said, "You should know the reason why. Maybe... maybe you'd be better once you get to say a proper goodbye and not let the past happen all over again."
Sakura just bit her lower lip and nodded.
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"Oh? Are you friends of Syaoran-sama?" Syaoran's butler asked upon opening the door and seeing two beautiful teenagers in front of him.
"Yes, is he home?" Tomoyo asked politely, seeing as Sakura had stiffened.
The butler shook his head in dismay, "I'm sorry, but Syaoran-sama has already left, he's currently staying in the hotel near the airport with his mother."
"Oh," Tomoyo said disappointingly.
"Would you two ladies like to come in? There are still a few of Syaoran-sama's things here, there's a chance that he might still drop by."
Tomoyo looked at her friend who had frowned when she heard that Syaoran wasn't home already, then she smiled at Syaoran's butler, "That would be great, I hope we're not imposing."
The butler chuckled, "It's fine. Any friends of Syaoran-sama is always welcome. He rarely has friends visit him, even in Hong Kong."
"Come on," Tomoyo gently pulled Sakura into the house and they both followed the butler into the living room.
"I'll be back with tea, please make yourselves comfortable." He said as he left the two ladies to admire the house's interior.
Tomoyo sat at the couch and pulled Sakura down with her. "What's wrong?" Tomoyo finally asked. She knew that Sakura would act upset if they come to Syaoran's place, but she didn't think Sakura would act weird.
"I...I'm just surprised." Sakura murmured.
Immediately understanding what Sakura had meant, Tomoyo looked at her with soft eyes, "Syaoran-san isn't Kai, it's not a surprise that Syaoran-san lives in a mansion, has a personal butler and stuff, which was quite opposite Kai's lifestyle."
"I know..." Sakura said in a small voice, "Maybe...if we had come here sooner... maybe I would've woken up."
Tomoyo stroked Sakura's hair, "No one's blaming you, Sakura."
"That's not what I was thinking... it's just that..."
"Could you be Sakura Kinomoto?"
The two girls looked up when Syaoran's butler placed a tray with a teapot and two teacups on the table. He looked at Sakura curiously when he spoke.
"Y-yes," Sakura said, a bit surprised.
The butler smiled gently, "Syaoran-sama has talked about you a lot of times already."
"Syaoran-san talks to you about his day?" Tomoyo asked curiously when Sakura became speechless again.
The butler chuckled, "Yes, I've served under Syaoran-sama's family for two years now and had been caring for him. He's like a son to me, you could say. That boy doesn't always have a lot of things to say, but ever since we moved here, he's been very talkative." He chuckled again. "I can't believe that he had changed in just half a month."
"Changed?" Tomoyo asked. He had changed. Sounds very familiar. Tomoyo glanced at Sakura who, though looks like she was spacing out, was surely listening.
"When I first came to serve him, he was just a quiet boy, he didn't have much friends. One or two, maybe. Most of the time, when he gets home, he seemed quite lost. The Master had explained that Syaoran-sama had lost his memories in an accident."
"His memories?"
The butler nodded sadly, "It's quite tragic seeing Syaoran-sama. He'd look at something, a spark would enter his eyes, and in a flash it'd disappear. He used to be frustrated about it. It's like he's close to remembering something then suddenly, he couldn't remember at all."
"The piano..." Sakura murmured. "When I asked him when he started playing the piano...he couldn't remember..."
"But he was playing so well!" Tomoyo said in surprise.
"It seems that his body remembers what his memories have lost." The butler said, "He thinks that he's doing something for the first time, but seeing that he was quite good at the first try, he realizes that he might've done it already in his past."
"Doesn't his parents help him with the memories he's lost?" Tomoyo asked gently.
The butler shook his head. "They can't."
"They can't?" Tomoyo said curiously.
"They can't help Syaoran-sama in that area because they don't know a thing about his childhood. Syaoran-sama was just adopted."
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"Syaoran, are you sure these are the only things you need when you go back home?" His mother murmured, standing beside Syaoran as the young teen stared out the french windows.
"I'm sure. The rest aren't so important." Syaoran answered monotonously.
His mother sighed seeing Syaoran so lifeless, it was like seeing him without his memories all over again. "Are you sure you don't want to stay here? Now that you know everything..."
Syaoran shook his head, "Now that I know everything, that's the reason why I want to go back to Hong Kong."
"Then," His mother said gently, "I'll go do some things. I'll leave you here for now." She said, leaving the room.
Syaoran just gave a small nod in reply.
As soon as he was sure that his mother was gone, he pounded his fist into the cold glass. "Everything's a lie..."
The sudden truth his mother had told him last night had made everything so much clearer. Everything started to make sense already. He was no longer the lost boy, wondering what he had been doing in the past... He didn't have to find himself anymore...
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"What are you not telling me?" Syaoran had looked at him mother with pleading eyes, hoping that she would tell him whatever secret there was that she was keeping from him.
His mother had sighed, "Syaoran..." She said softly, stroking her son's hair, "There's so much, I don't know where I should begin or how I should tell you..."
"Tell it to me straight out," Syaoran said determinedly. "I want to know if there's any possibility at all that I am connected to Kai Atsuki."
"Kai Atsuki was a patient of mine..." His mother started. "He and his parents were already informed of the unforeseeable event of his death, which could be easily triggered... they knew that Kai would die any time without warning. It was already a miracle that the boy had lived past the age of 15."
"He died of a heart attack." Syaoran remembered seeing in the file, "Then that means that he's dead."
His mother nodded. "I came to Japan to check his health and heard of the unfortunate news when I reached the hospital..." She swallowed, Syaoran could feel that it was hard for her to talk about it, "Kai was like a son to me, I've been watching over him ever since he was a baby. His visits in the hospital made it seem like I was watching him grow up..."
"Mother..."
"Kai's father died right there and then from a heart attack upon the proclamation that his son was dead." She choked, "It was heartbreaking for him...Kai was his only son..."
Syoaran's eyes widen.
"And his mother...losing both her child and husband at the same time... She currently in a mental hospital..." She whispered at last.
"Mother..."
She shook her head, "I might not have the right for you to call me by that title anymore..." She murmured.
"W-wh—"
"Kai didn't die."
Syaoran froze, his breath suddenly stilled.
"His body was still warm, but it was getting cold quickly... we were about to wheel his body into the morgue when a emergency room beside where we were suddenly burst open, a heart donor was made available at the last minute..." She trailed off, tears involuntarily falling from her eyes.
Syaoran could feel his heart clenching.
A heart was suddenly made available...
A heart donor...
A heart transplant...
"You're memory loss might've been because of the seizure or maybe because—" Syaoran's mother choked on her tears, "There was a slight trauma in your brain that's why you couldn't remember...and you've practically lost your family...that why...I—"
Syaoran clenched his hands to his side at his mother's—or rather, his doctor's sudden revelation...
There was only one conclusion that came into his mind.
Only one answer...
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"I am Kai."
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A/N: Review please!
Yes, I'm really sorry for the late update T.T My laptop's battery is broken... I think...so I'm using the PC in the office...
Boo...some of you had guessed right about Syaoran...you guys are no fun! Kekeke, please review! Last chapter will be up soon! :)
Btw! Did you guys see the cover of this story? ^^ I know it's Tsubasa Chronicles, but it seemed to fit this story. :D This new feature is cool, I promise that I'd put my own drawing instead in the near future!