Hey sorry it's taken me so long to update, time flies and the days blur. :/ Anyway like to thank those who reviewed, alerted and/or favorited. This includes…

Moonwafflestoeat- you name makes me want waffles O,O desperately!

Alana Black Potter

Imadinorawr

Aiyami Sakura

Wouldyoufancymystory

I'm Plotting Something Evil-who is also an awesome beta, contrary to someone's belief XD

lime514

molly120- hahaha it's nothin , and no I didn't it sucked butt :P

Fire-alchemist1

christy86

tinkertot95-hahaa well I'm glad you do 'cause I certainly don't XD. And I still never got tater tots! :( will you bring me some?

VaMpIrEoBsEsSed280- your review literally made me laugh out loud XD I loved it.

Pedro-IS-Madi12

And also another thanks to my other awesome "illegal" beta Jelly Beane ;) lol.

Previously

I struggled to open my eyes; I wanted to see what was making the strange noise for some reason. Prying them open, I saw someone leaning over me, I couldn't see who, but I was too exhausted to even try. I wanted to know what they were saying though; why I wanted to hear, I don't know. But I couldn't tell what they were saying when my eyes closed again

I let go.

I wish I could tell you what death was like, so you'd know what to expect instead of waiting in suspense for your imminent demise. Only I don't really remember what it was like; it's difficult to explain. I remember darkness, but I was so exhausted or confused or just out of it that it was hard to connect the dots. It seemed that the simplest task of deciding whether I was dead or not had become the most complicated problem in the universe. There wasn't any bright light or dead family members or close friends that came to talk to me, at least none that I can remember.

The last clearest memory I can recall, and by clearest I mean very extremely foggy that had more holes that swiss cheese, consisted of green trees, smoke, and a fight, I think, a chainsaw noise then BANG then…it gets even worse.

Like I said I don't remember much.

Which makes me wonder if I'm dead, how could I be wondering about what I can and can't remember? How am I even questioning everything right now if I'm supposed to be dead? Am I dead? I feel dead, but if I've never been dead how can I determine if I'm dead or not? Since I'm questioning this, shouldn't that mean that my brain is still thinking? That I'm still alive?

"When's she-"

That's the first thing I heard, at first I'd thought I'd imagined it, still believing that I was dead. The words were so slurred and soft; so far away that I thought maybe it was just in my head, my nonexistent brain.

It was silent again; those two words being the only disturbance in my time spent pondering my current state.

I guess I lost consciousness, by now I just assumed that whatever God is in this world had stuck me in the back of the line to be judged, so I was stuck somewhere between this world and the next, because more mumbling roused me.

"…didn't…tell…" It took too much effort, much more than I had, to focus on trying to catch the words in between or even figure out who was talking or what they were talking about. I was too exhausted.

This little routine went on for God knows how long-still waiting in line by the way- just a few words here and there, the concept of time didn't exist wherever I was, neither did understanding, or pretty much anything. I wanted to ask the person what they were talking about, or even if I was dead or not, but if it took all I had just too mentally question something, then physically asking something was out of the question. I clung to the small phrases taking them as a fact that I was still living, but I remember not wanting to live, a long time ago? Or maybe recently? Almost desperately, I tried to remember if I wanted to live or die. That's kind of a big decision you know.

During my pondering, another phrase wormed its way through the thick, haze that made everything difficult.

"Please…wake up….wake….Rowan…"

Who's Rowan? Is that me? Oh yeah it was.

So who was saying my name?

I couldn't tell who, I really couldn't even tell if it was a guy or a girl, just another anonymous voice in the distant background. No, this voice was closer, clearer.

I guess I slipped away again because another voice woke me, this time even closer.

"What's going…happen Carlisle? Can't put…nut house!"

Can't put who in a nut house? Who's Carlisle?

I can't remember if I've mentioned it, but I'd decided long ago that I was alive, and the dull, slight pain in my stomach confirmed it.

Why did my stomach hurt? Wait does this mean I can wake up?

Let me tell you, it's not like movies, at all.

Immediately, I was choking, and I tried to reach my hands up to scratch out whatever it was, but was too weak to. Dimly I could hear a frantic beeping, and someone shouting, but I was trying to breath, even though it already felt like there was air in my lungs. Coughing my guts up wasn't doing jack. Something cold brushed my face, and then I felt whatever was choking me being pulled out of my throat. In the distance I heard someone gasp and realization dawned it was me, when cool air, tainted with that disinfectant smell rushed into me. Wait a second…disinfectant?

Opening my eyes, I quickly shut them, when it felt like I was staring straight at the sun. Rays of colors appeared in my vision; voices were arguing. Once the out of place rainbow had passed, I cautiously opened my eyes again, blinking against the harsh, blinding light. Maybe I was finally being judged? Maybe I was actually dead?

"Rowan?"

Oops. Guess not.

A hand, soft, but calloused at the same time, gently squeezed my hand; I wanted whoever it was to let go, but my arm was dead weight, and wasn't responding. White, white and more white was all I saw, of course I was only looking at a ceiling. That gagging disinfectant smell surrounded me, becoming a thick fog. Something soft, but also tight encased my wrists. The beeping became more pronounced, filling the silence; I was in a hospital.

A face appeared in my vision, black hair gently falling to cover tan skin, marred by three deep scars.

Emily.

She moved out of sight, and my eyes followed her to see her parked in a chair by the bed. A pain, now sharp, and twisting, radiated out from my stomach/chest area, god why does it hurt?

A small smile graced her face, "Hey."

I tried to give some response but for some reason couldn't or wouldn't maybe.

"How are you feelin'?"

"Like shit." I didn't realize I'd said that until Emily chuckled; I thought I'd just thought it. Was that even me? I sounded so scratchy, had I been eating sand or something?

"I think that's to be expected. Do you remember what happened?"

"Umm…a little I think. D-dad, he-he came back… You! You called him!" I snarled, remembering that.

Her face fell in confusion and hurt, but I didn't care. I tried to push myself up, but whatever was wrapped around my hands was attached to something else. I looked down, startled, but also in fear.

Restraints, padded, for my own safety (mental growl) encircled my wrists, and were attached to the cold, metal bed frame. Someone had put a stupid hospital gown on me, leaving my arms from the elbow down bare for everyone to see. Staring up at me, plain as black splatter on a white canvas, were the scars. I yanked against the restraints, trying to rip the extra strong Velcro. Fear, shame, anger, exhaustion, just every emotion in that family was swirling around in me. I was in a hospital; they'd seen the scars, they knew, everyone knew.

"What the hell?"

Desperately, I tried to cover my arms, all while trying to free my hands. I just wanted to disappear, to get away.

"Rowan, relax, calm down." Emily gently grabbed my arm, but I yanked out of her grasp. The door opened and I heard people saying my name, trying to get me to calm down, before out of no-where I relaxed, almost asleep. I fell back onto the bed, my heart in my ears, humiliation swarming around me.

Everyone knew; they were so visible. I don't think I've ever wanted to disappear so badly in my entire life. Right now, being dead didn't sound so bad.

"Rowan?"

I ignored her, staring at the opposite wall, pretending to be asleep. The monster laughed at me, but was also angered at being discovered, knowing they'd send him away. In response it scratched at me, stronger than ever, trying to get any last feeding. I'm pretty sure if it wasn't for the restraints, I would have cut; my will power sapped to nothing.

The stupid beeping was back to normal; on the other side of the door I could hear people shuffling by, the slight click of their shoes. All I wanted to do right now was vanish, simply become a ghost, drift away from here, well more like run I guess you could say. Right now more than ever I wanted to run, just run, forget everything, leave this place behind. An itch spread throughout my legs, an irritation that grew stronger with each passing minute, I wanted, needed to run. To where? Anywhere but here. For how long? Til I drop. Just let my legs take me far away, away from this world. I could picture myself: running for forever, well maybe not that long, but a pretty dang long time. Of course I knew that I couldn't run that far or that long, but just the thought seemed perfect. It'd be just me, and only me. Deep breath in and out. Steadily covering ground, not looking back or ahead. Only in the here and now, dodging roots and other earth traps.

It was like a big slap in the face. Anger bloomed in the pit of my stomach; in tangent with realization. I didn't need to run; I need to stop feeling sorry for myself. I've been saying this whole time I hated to run, rather stand and take it, but that's what I'd been doing my whole life. Running from the truth. Running here when I should have stood up for myself. Abandoning my friend when she had it worse than me. Assuming something when I didn't know anything, and taking it out Emily, who'd taken me in, and kept my secret, had given a crap about me. What had I done in return, lash out at her, probably scare her when I ran away, done everything I shouldn't have.

Turning to look at her, I hesitantly met her eyes, before dropping my gaze.

"I'm sorry," I whispered, staring at the cord running into my pale hand.

She seemed to know what I meant, because she just gave my hand another gentle reassuring squeeze, and I tried not to show my shiver.

I gave her a small, grateful smile.

The door creaked opened, and Sam cautiously stuck his head in; he seemed anxious his eyes locking on Emily. Asking me with her eyes, I nodded.

"It's okay Sam, you can come in."

I don't think I've ever seen someone move that fast in my life, in a split second he was by Emily, pulling her up, and glancing her up and down.

"I heard yelling," he whispered.

"It's nothing, just a…misunderstanding," she told, softly, a lighthearted grin towards me.

I looked away embarrassed, my face definitely standing out against the white sheets. "Sure, let's go with that," I mumbled jokingly, but at the same time, ignoring the voice that was screaming "fuckin' piece of shit" over and over. Fighting the urge, I glanced self-consciously at the sheets, feeling the larger man's momentary gaze on me.

It got really quiet before a nurse came in,

"I'm sorry but visiting hours are over; I know she just woke up…" the nurse trailed off helplessly shrugging, before disappearing back out the door. I was attempting to find out the time, all the window told me was that it was dark out, when there was scuffing on the other side of the door, and someone's voice began to rise.

"I'll see you in a bit," Sam kissed Emily again, but it wasn't quick, it was similar to scenes in movies where the character believes they're never going to see their loved one again. That's something I'd noticed between them, the love they had for each was almost unreal, not in the whole they didn't love each other nature, just that I'd never seen anyone love each other that much. Of course I'd never took notice of love or relationships in a long time, probably right after the "accident"

I cringed at the memory the false word brought up; it was no "accident."

He glanced at me once more, smiled a bit then was gone. As soon as the door shut, whoever was causing a disturbance was silenced. Smiling, almost sadly at the door, my cousin turned back to me.

"Is there anything I can bring you?"

Umm…how bout a redo button? So I can restart my behavior, my actions everything since I'd arrived on your doorstep?

"Umm…" I really hated asking after all the trouble I caused her, and it was extremely selfish. I guess she noticed the hesitation and guessed why; I never really understood how perceptive Emily was until now.

"Listen, I don't care about the past, whatever you need, I'll take care of it. Quit putting yourself before others," she stated sternly.

I shook my head, "I don't know what you've been smoking but that's lie," I muttered.

She snorted, rather ungracefully. "What?"

"Umm…a pair of shorts and some gum? It feels like I've been sleepin for forever, plus eatin' sand," I mumbled.

She chuckled, "See you tomorrow. Good night."

"Night."

I was focused on the tv, well attempting to focus, I've always had a short attention span, when the door opened.

"Good morning Rowan. How are you feeling today?" a musical voice asked.

"Shhh, its okay sweetie I'm gonna get you out of here. Then everything will be okay, okay?"

Jolted back to reality, I watched as a doctor, presumably mine, though he didn't look old enough to be one at all, came over, no correction, glided over to the bed. He smiled, appearing nice, and glanced up at one of the multitude of screens/machines surrounding me; did I really need all these? Similar to everyone else in Forks, or what I'd seen of it, he was pale, but this was taken to an extreme, he looked ghostly pale, but at the same time, like he'd just walked out off a movie set or some modeling agency or something like that. But it wasn't his…unnatural…attractiveness that stunned me into silence. His eyes were gold or maybe some color in that family, it wasn't human.

"NO! Mommy!" I screamed, trying to get out of the strangers hands. More hands reached for me, bad people, strangers.

Something cold wrapped around my hand, and the first stranger leaned over me, a bright light showed up. I stopped for a second; he had funny color eyes. Then he was gone.