Hey guy's sorry it's taken me forever to get this loaded, extra long chapter for you patience, over 4,000 words. :) Just wanna thanks those to review, alerted, and favorited, this includes…

Indigo Violet Sapphire

lalagirly13

blondiesweetheart

tinkertot95-dude if you could ship those too me that'd be freakin awesome! XD lol

JellyBeane- who is my forever awesome illegal beta! :)

Thanks guys. XD

Previously

Jolted back to reality, I watched as a doctor, presumably mine, though he didn't look old enough to be one at all, came over, no correction, glided over to the bed. He smiled, appearing nice, and glanced up at one of the multitude of screens/machines surrounding me; did I really need all these? Similar to everyone else in Forks, or what I'd seen of it, he was pale, but this was taken to an extreme, he looked ghostly pale, but at the same time, like he'd just walked out off a movie set or some modeling agency or something like that. But it wasn't his…unnatural…attractiveness that stunned me into silence. His eyes were gold or maybe some color in that family, it wasn't human.

"NO! Mommy!" I screamed, trying to get out of the strangers hands. More hands reached for me, bad people, strangers.

Something cold wrapped around my hand, and the first stranger leaned over me, a bright light showed up. I stopped for a second; he had funny color eyes. Then he was gone.

Tears gently slid down the window, desperately grabbing at the glass trying to stop from sliding off into oblivion, where they would join the rest that hadn't been as lucky enough to get thrown against the glass by the fierce wind. But there was nothing they could do to stop the inevitable, some crashed into one another, sending them both tumbling to the dark green monster below. If you listened closely you could hear their cries as they frantically tried to stay away from the hell that lurked below.

It'd been three days since I'd been released and since then I've been trying to figure out the puzzle my doctor has created.

I stared at him, not even trying to hide it.

"How are you feeling? Any pain?" he asked causally.

I tried to find my voice, and managed to spit out "Okay, I guess."

He chuckled, "You guess."

I finally managed to stop staring at him and take notice of the fear that was growing in the pit of my stomach, only it wasn't the usual fear, it was something else, something more primal, telling me this guy was dangerous.

I nodded dumbly, before someone else took control of my mouth "Have we met before?"

He stared at me for a second, thoughtfully, then shook his head. "I don't think so."

"Oh. Okay."

He checked over everything else, asking the usual doctor questions, all the while I kept wondering how. After he left, all I could think about was how is it possible? His eyes…they were so similar, no exactly like the eyes of that man from so long ago. Seriously how many people have gold eyes?

Listening to the steady, gentle drum of the rain eased the monster, but did nothing to help solve the mystery. Not counting the first night back where I'd slept like a log, I'd been kept up by memories, creating even more confusion and frustration. Every possibility that I, and yahoo answers had come up with had been scratched off the forever growing "how" list. There was no way that the doctor now was the same doctor back then, he would have just been barely getting out of high school or going into college. Yet those two people were the only ones I'd ever met or seen to have golden eyes, and for that matter anyway last time I checked golden eyes weren't even possible. It seemed I had most of the pieces, but couldn't figure out how to put them together to see what I'm missing.

A soft knocking brought me back and I turned to see Embry standing uncertainly in the doorway. Since I'd gotten back Emily and Sam were still nervous about me since they found out about the whole cutting thing; part of the agreement was my door has to remain open. Just like always the urge retreated, disappearing like it never existed. Just another piece of the puzzle that had an unknown place in the crazy life.

I'd been on suicide watch for the past 3 days, the standard time, restrained and left to ponder many theories and thoughts. They'd left the TV, but it couldn't hold my attention, it just settled for being the normal, constant background noise. Each time I thought I could restart on a theory, a different one emerged, even more thought-provoking and creating even more questions. This is what my days consisted of, wake up, eat the hospital "food", think, get the occasional visit from the mystery doctor, think again, Emily and maybe someone else drops by for a while, then "dinner", and finally thinking again until I finally drift off to sleep.

I knew I'd be getting a visit from some Dr. Shrink soon; I was past the mandatory suicide watch time limit, so the only thing stopping me from getting out of this place was an all clear from Mr. Nut jobOnly when he came, he-she wasn't what I was expecting. It looked like Betty White had flown out here and decided to visit room 218. She didn't wear a white coat, just jeans and a sweater, the only thing marking her as a doctor was a clipboard and a clipped on badge.

"Hello, you must be Rowan Carter?" she asked.

Still slightly confused, I nodded.

"Well how are you doing dear? Oh what a stupid question, you've been locked up in this borin' old place for the past few days. Think I'd rather sit in a lecture about how grass grows then be stuck in here. Alright well let's get this over with, so we can get you out of here." The Betty White impersonator had shuffled over, quite quickly, and sat in the chair next to me.

"So…let's see," she put on a pair of glasses that had been hanging on a chair around her neck. "It seems Dr. Cullen thinks you're self-harming and statistically with your past that is "supposedly" almost "expected." She glanced up, assessing me.

I refused to speak or respond in anyway though, knowing that they can take a twitch of a finger and conclude some big long explanation and expression from that small movement.

"Well…who cares about statistics, they don't really mean anything, just a bunch of bored people playing with numbers. All I'm here for is too…well I'm pretty sure you know why I'm here, so you wanna start with the basic questions? And please don't lie, it would just make everything more difficult not only for you but also for me, and at my age any stress I can avoid I do. This old heart of mine isn't up to dealing with a bunch of paperwork like it used too," she chuckled.

Okay? This is weird.

"So…Rowan, can I call you that?"

I nodded.

"Okay, Rowan, how do you feel?" she asked, looking innocently at me, before bursting out laughing. "Sorry, I know that's very tv portrayed, but that's the role I'm apparently supposed to fill so what choice do I have? Anyway back to business."

Obviously I'd been deemed "safe" and was allowed out or was allowed to make a deal that led me to being out.

Another knock brought me back to reality, and the rather large teenager still hanging hesitantly in the doorway. He met my gaze for a few seconds before we both looked away, me out of habit and him, well… I'm not sure why.

"Can I come in?" he asked.

I waited a few more seconds, watching him, before nodding, and turning to lean against the corner of the wall. Cautiously, he shuffled over to the small chair at the even smaller desk, and sat down. It was quiet, only the rain disturbing the peace.

"How're you doin'?" he asked.

Really? "Fine," I mumbled.

"Umm…I…well…I found this when I was cleaning the other day, and thought you'd might like it."

I hadn't noticed he had a sweatshirt with him, until he unwrapped it to reveal an older looking camera. He held it out, and, watching him, I went over and gently picked it up, went back over to my corner and examined it. It was old-ish, that was all I knew, I wasn't a camera person, but it was…interesting none the less.

I looked up and gave a small smile, an actual one. It seemed like nothing, it was just an old camera, but I don't know how to explain it. This insignificant item just made my day

"Thanks."

The smile on his face resembled that of a kid on Christmas.

"It's nothing, I'm glad you like it."

I nodded a bit, "Yeah…"

We sat in silence, for once it was comfortable, before we heard Emily's call for lunch. I don't think I've ever seen someone move that fast at the mention of food.

Silently chuckling, after carefully placing the gift on the desk, I followed the hunger-driven, oversized teen down the stairs, where all the guys waited against the wall, eyeing the mountain of food that was piled high on the table. Claire, who was on the counter out of harm's way, already had a plate, and I fell in line behind Rachel to get food. With a look from Emily, once we were pressed against the counter, the group fell on mountain, reducing it to crumbs in a matter of seconds.

Tuning out the conversation, I watched the rain again, before being dragged back to reality by a something being tossed in my direction. Ducking, I glared for a second at the table, before sliding the fork into the sink. It was a typical lunch at this house.

As soon as my eyes opened, squinting at the small but still annoying sunlight that shone in through the window, I silently prayed for sleep to come back and snatch me away. Today was the day I had to go see the psychiatrist. I wasn't sure to be anxious, scared or angry or maybe a little of all three and then some. I tried to go back to sleep, but the nervousness turning my stomach into a giant ball of concrete, and monster that scratched desperately at me wouldn't allow it. I know it wouldn't be like TV, nothing ever was, but what would happen? My psyche evaluation wasn't exactly what I thought it would be, so what could my actually "therapy" be like. Would the person be fake or would they actually understand a bit? How long would I have to go? For the session and in general. Would they deem me "dangerous to myself", and send me back to the hospital, or what?

Knowing none of the answers, I settled on just staring out the window, hoping to at least drift; the sun was barely in, which if you consider where I am isn't much, but anyway long story short it was still early. I didn't even hear any of the guys down stairs.

Eventually though I heard the shower click on and off twice, far off in the distant, then the loud footsteps of Sam as he passed by, well he attempted to be quiet, but it didn't work well for a man of his size, and I thought I heard the softer footsteps of Emily, but I couldn't tell. My door creaked open, and I could feel her eyes on me, grateful she couldn't see my face clearly. The stairs squeaked as she follower her fiancé downstairs.

Pretty soon, I dragged myself, almost quite literally, out of the welcoming sheets, grabbing a pair of jeans, underclothes, black cami and sweatshirt, and headed to the bathroom. Avoiding the reflective wall, I jumped in the shower and quickly washed up. The hot water might as we have been freezing, it did little to ease any of the anxiety, there was no comfort in it. Getting out, I dried off, and pulled my clothes on, sighing at the scars, in the past two weeks more had faded a bit, but the more prominent ones, that would stay that way til the day I died, stood out even more now because of the water. It's hard to believe that it'd only been two weeks since I'd shown up on Emily's doorstep, of course I'd a day and a half or so out cold in the hospitable, but still it seemed everything couldn't have occurred in the past 14 days.

Running a brush through my hair, I pulled it into a low ponytail, before taking a deep breath, and opened the door. Dumping the dirty clothes back into the room, I headed downstairs, to meet the smell of bacon, eggs and rest of the barn that followed. Paul, Jared, Kim, Rachel and Embry were already there, the guys eating the food faster than Emily could make it. Stealing a piece of toast, I nibbled on it, watching the scene.

"Good morning," Emily greeted, rushing around like a chicken with her head cut off.

"Mornin'."

It wasn't more than half an hour, and the rest of the gang was crowded around the small table.

"Nervous?" Emily whispered, taking a break from her non-stop cooking job, leaning against the counter beside me.

"What do you think?" I smirked back gently.

She chuckled. "I know what you're thinkin', that it's pointless, a waste of time. That they'll just be a fake, and they won't understand anything."

"I don't get why I still have to go, its a stranger."

"You don't know them."

"And you?"

"Yes," she stated simply.

"Why?" I asked again after a few minutes.

"Because that was part of the deal," Emily reminded me.

Was it really this hard to get out of going to talk to some nut job, seriously I'm a qualified enough one that I should just talk to myself. Hmm…

She sighed, "I understand that talking to some stranger about everything isn't what you want, and I know it sounds cliché but talking does help you may not see or think it at first, but once you talk you'll feel…like a weights gone."

I started to shake my head, but she cut me off. "I know it sounds stupid, and like something out of a movie, but it does work."

"How do you know?"

"'Cause I've been there…" she whispered. Her posture remained towards me, but I caught the quick dart of her eyes towards Sam. She rolled up her sleeves, and I could make out the faint criss-crosses on her arms, some long some short, but all very deliberate looking.

Shocked, I looked up at her. "You're a cutter."

She nodded, rolling her sleeves back down. "I used too. Living up to my parents expectations, being someone I wasn't just became too much. It helped me get through the day."

Emily understood; she understood the pain but also the need to feel alive, to feel like you not spinning out of control.

"I know what it's like Rowan, and I understand where you're coming from when you say you don't want to talk about it. It took a lot to get me to go and actually talk to Dr. Clark, like my friends kidnapping me one day and dragging me there kicking and screaming the whole way."

I had to smile a bit at that, just imagining my cousin, as she is now being dragged, while clawing at the ground, and animatedly screaming "no" as loud as she could was hilarious in my book. Don't know about you guys.

"Yes I know that's funny to imagine, but if that's what I have to do to get you to Dr. Clark today don't think I won't. I'm pretty sure the guys would be more than happy to help."

Sam and Embry looked pointedly at me, confirming her threat. It was weird having Sam know about everything, though I noticed a realization in him now. I think he was still unsure of how to act around me.

Awkward silence descended over the kitchen, and I guess Kim could see the urge in my eyes, because she offered,

"Me, and Rachel were gonna take Claire to the beach in a little bit, do you wanna come Rowan?"

I nodded, smiling, "Yeah. Thanks."

Now when Kim said Rachel and Claire she forget to mention the tag along which included Jared, Quil, Paul and Embry. I should have known, I mean how long have I've been here, the couples were pretty much inseparable. The relationships were…unusual in a way, the way they looked at each other seemed…stronger than anyone else I'd seen, of course I haven't seen a lot of lovey dovey looks in a while. Also wherever one of the girls were, their other half it seemed, was always within ten feet of them.

Right now Claire was running ahead, laughing and acting like a little kid should, with Quil not far behind. Kim and Jared were ahead of us, with Rachel and Paul not far behind, leaving me alone with guess who.

Embry walked beside me, though he gave me space. Peaceful was how I would describe it, which wasn't a word I used often, but with the monster at bay, and the waves washing away all the worries and questions, the word suited the moment. Turning my face up to the rain, I stopped, watching the flimsy clouds skate quickly across the sky as if to escape the wrath of the bigger, more threatening clouds that hung steadily overhead. The cool rain felt nice despite the icy shiver it sent through me. Feeling someone's eyes trained on me, I looked back to Earth to catch Embry's gaze, and we both looked away. Wandering ahead, I sat on a fallen tree, near the edge of the woods; a scream erupted as Paul carried Rachel into the water, and promptly dropped her in. Rachel popped up, pure fury written clearly enough for a blind man to see on her face. She stormed the beach, pushing Paul back, shouting and yelling about how he's "immature" and "stupid", and pretty sure Kim joined in on the Paul-bashing. I'm pretty sure a few more choice words would have been thrown in if not for the young ears present that were watching the verbal abuse with interest.

The over-sized teen beside me was nearly rolling on the ground, laughing his keester off. I had to admit the sight of the two smaller girls chewing out the larger guy who could easily swat them away like flies who was hanging his head in shame was pretty funny.

Smirking a bit at the scene, which soon ended as Paul planted a kiss on Rachel, and she pouted before kissing him back. I had to look away at the affection; it seemed private almost, even though it was simple play guilt kiss.

"Ewww!" Claire shrieked, covering her eyes.

This elected another round of laughter from the La Push natives.

"What's wrong Claire?" Quil asked jokingly, picking the little kid up and tossing her in the air.

"Pwaul's gross!" she told definitely.

"Yes he is," Quil agreed.

A rock thumped loudly off of the teen's head, who growled in return, grabbing a handful of rocks and chucking them at his attacker. Before a rock war could break out, Kim diffused the situation, by pulling a hot pink Frisbee out of the bag she was carrying, gave it to Claire who immediately shouted with glee and ran to Quil.

"Look Qwil!" she yelled, holding the Frisbee up.

The situation calm again, he smiled down at her, taking the disc and tossing it gently. The little kid took off the pink circle, laughter drifting out behind her. Everything seemed surreal, Claire's laughter, the crashing waves, even the gentle bite of the wood against my palms. The world faded out, leaving me alone with my thoughts, especially with the thought of the rock that was slowly squeezing the air out of me. I don't know where it came from; it just appeared out of nowhere, full strength. I could feel it, desperately trying to crawl its way up my throat to freedom, but the scream was locked away, muted for eternity. I desperately wanted to fulfill the thought that was ruling my head, just a little nick, just enough to take away the pain. That's it, that's all I wanted. It wasn't going away, I didn't even know why it was back, the urge was usually driven away by Embry, but why?

Why was it back? Why did it go away even in the first place? Why was Dr. Cullen so confusing? Why am I so stupid? Why am I here? Why didn't I die? What was that monster? Why did Dad come and find me? Who was that man with him? Why do I have to see a shrink? Why did I come here? Why did I tell Emily about the abuse? Why can't I figure anything out? Why can't I just die?

Oh God, why can't you just let me die?

"Rowan?" someone whispered next to me, and my brain registered a slight touch on my shoulder.

I flinched, jerked back to harsh reality, my stomach knotting as the pressure increased. My eyes darted to meet Embry's dark brown gaze, and for a split instance breathing was easy, but I looked away, jumping up and moving away, trying to pull up a normal façade. Rocks, all around me, sharp, dull, stones that could easily slice open a simple, soft barrier and unleash the scarlet pain that was rising up in a rush. I was well aware of the audience I'd drawn, but unfortunately it only made the urge worse.

"Rowan?" a softer voice asked.

My eye's that had closed of their own accord, in a weak attempt to block out the world, the pain, I don't know, opened to be greeted by Kim, who was looking at me with concern.

"Do you wanna play?" she asked again, holding the Frisbee out.

A wave of gratefulness washed over me, and I tried to smile, but I think it came out like a grimace. Shakily, I reached out and took the toy, before tossing it to one of the guys; I wasn't sure which one right now. All the guys stared at me, which I tried to ignore, and with glares from the older girls, I assumed, the game continued.

Slowly, the pressure eased, it remained there, but breathing became slightly easier; well aware everyone, minus Claire, was watching me, waiting to see if I would freak out again.

My focus elsewhere I didn't notice the Frisbee until it whooshed over my head.

"I got it," I called quietly, jogging towards the woods, eyes trained for the neon pink disk; it seriously couldn't be that hard to spot against plain sand could it?

Where'd that thang-

I froze at the sight of the man in front of me; something turning my stomach inside out. His pale skin, almost as pale as the doctors stood out against the dark greens and browns of the forest, he lingered on the edge, almost testing to see if the sand would swallow him up if he stepped out of the safety of the trees. He smiled when he saw me, only it held no trace of warmth or friendliness, it remained cold, feral. One very similar to my Dads. Fear began to crawl through my veins, bring adrenaline along with it.

"I believe this is what you are looking for," I hadn't noticed that in his hand was the Frisbee, standing out in sharp contrast to his albino skin. An accent was traceable, but I couldn't figure out where.

I hesitated, years of experience and something else telling me this wasn't a man I wanted to be close too. He held it out, smiling still.

"I don't bite," he chuckled.

"Rowan!"

Not wanting to lose sight of the man, I turned my head for a split second. And in that split second I saw something I never would have dreamed of.

Embry exploded, quite literally, into a giant wolf.

Boy was I going to have something to tell Dr. Clark.

So what'd y'all think? I know it took FOREVER and a HALF to get to this point, but finally here XD Review please por favor, and however you say it in French, German, and a billion other languages. Actually if anyone knows how to say please in other languages that'd be pretty cool to know XD Thank yah.