Author's Notes: Thank you everyone for sticking with me this far. I originally pegged this story at 22/23 chapters but it's likely to be a little bit more than that. Definitely under 30 though, for my own sanity!
TWDTWDTWD
The tugging on the sheets woke Carol first and the cold air hitting her chest had her yanking them back over herself. She quickly realised she was the only adult left in the room, Daryl's side of the bed had long gone cold. Katie started speaking before she'd even opened her eyes, bouncing at the foot of the bed and Carol remembered that she didn't have anything on under the blankets and she hunted out her fallen clothes, scrambling to put them on, all the while deflecting Katie's inquistion as to why she wasn't wearing her "jammies".
By the time she'd sorted them all out into clothes for the day and they trooped into the kitchen, Daryl, Rick and Glenn were almost ready to leave for their scavenge into town, eating breakfast before they went.
"Hey, so like, a highchair would be a really good idea, right?" Glenn asked her, watching her struggle to help Katie with her peanut butter covered crackers and spooning a fussing Joe the apple flavoured mush into his mouth.
She smiled at the good intention behind his question, but had to chuckle at the ridiculousness of it.
"No, we'll live without it, until we get to the Fort Robinson at least. Have you seen how bulky those things are, anyway? I doubt there will be room on the truck for it."
Rick looked a little incredulously at Glenn, possibly because he realised just how idiotic it would be to run into a horde of Walkers for a high chair. Daryl looked at him like he had two heads, most likely because he considered anything the children required, aside from food as utterly ridiculous, or so Carol thought. Maybe he just didn't know what a high chair was.
"We'll be back by dark, I expect. Maybe later if we can get more done. See T-Dog if anything is bothering you. Try to keep the kids indoors, so we can keep the noise to a minimum." Rick asked of her, giving her a quick pat on the shoulder before leaving the room to say goodbye to his wife.
She tried not to bristle at the order, but it was tricky. She was still tired and she knew that every little thing would niggle at her when normally it wouldn't cross her mind. But she wasn't an idiot, she knew the land wasn't safe and she wasn't about to let the children out at the risk of death of them all.
Glenn followed behind Rick but Daryl lingered, sitting opposite her at the table, hands fidgeting in front of him.
"Thanks for doing this." She murmured as she pushed another mouthful of puree into Joe's eager mouth.
"I ain't gonna let kids go without, Carol." He said it defensively, as if she were thinking him as inhuman.
"I know. I'm still thankful." She smiled down at the baby as he clumsily grabbed at the plastic spoon, trying to fit more in.
"You want cracker?" Daryl's gaze jerked down from Carol's face to Katie, who's face was smeared with peanut butter. She held out a half eaten cracker at him, fingers coated with the thick topping.
Carol tried to keep her head down, to not draw attention to the smile that played on her lips as he studied the little girl. She wasn't sure whether he would even answer her, because he usually tried to pretend she didn't exist.
"No." He eventually told her and she just shrugged, stuffing the thing into her mouth whole.
"Katie Marie! Don't push the whole cracker in your mouth, you'll choke on it!" She chastised the little girl, who gave her a peanut butter covered grin, bits of cracker crumbling out of her mouth.
Eventually Daryl pushed the chair back, standing up and walking past her.
"I'll see ya later." His fingers brushed her neck, squeezing lightly and she leant backwards into his touch.
"Be safe." She told him and he gave her a nod. And then he was gone.
TWDTWDTWD
The day dragged. Despite the relatively peaceful breakfast, the rest of the day did not follow suit. Joe fussed constantly and she was unable to pass him on to anyone else for respite. There was nothing wrong that she could see, he was just bored, she thought and crying gave him something to do.
Katie cried too, although her outbursts verged on tantrums, crying out that she missed her mother and father. It broke Carol's heart to hear her, knowing that nothing any of them could do would help. She managed to hunt out some paper and pens, giving her the tools to draw pictures with and that did quieten her down some. Until of course, she left them in the care of Carl and Beth for a few moments whilst she went to the bathroom. She'd finally managed to get Joe to go onto the carpet of the living room for awhile, giving him the chance to roll about freely and within moments she heard his little-heard sharp squeal. She ran in to see blue pen marking his face and arms and Katie with a satisfied expression of an artist who had created a masterpiece.
Lori was sick the entire day. She spent most of it in bed, leaving Carol responsible for Carl, who constantly battled with her to be let outside to help T-Dog, Maggie and Hershel patrol the area. She asked Beth to start preparations for dinner, which she promptly ruined and by 6pm, Carol had shed a bucketful of tears in the privacy of her room.
It didn't help that she constantly fretted over Daryl and the other men. Sure, they were getting fuel and food, a few more winter clothes and of course, medical supplies and ammo, but the bulk of their raid would be for formula and diapers, onesies and toys. It seemed so silly that she asked them for these things and she would rather have gone herself to get them, it only seemed fair.
She distracted herself by sorting through the Montez children's mother's handbag that evening, pulling precious family photos from her purse and slotting them into her own bag, along with passports and driver's licenses. If they made it to their teenage years, the children would have questions about their parents, most of which Carol probably couldn't answer, but she would give them everything she could. The bag was extra luggage they couldn't afford to carry, so once cleared of everything that could be of use, she would leave it behind when they moved on.
She crawled into bed with tears rolling down her cheeks and weariness in her heart. Neither child had fallen asleep until after ten and she had tried in vain to stay up past midnight, so she could be there when the men arrived back, but she hadn't wanted to cry in front of T-Dog, Maggie and Hershel, who were also waiting for their return so she retreated to bed and she slept fitfully until Joe woke her for his next feed.
She let him sleep beside her again, taking comfort from his little warm body and she woke up from a doze to hear the sound of low voices outside her door. She sat up, ready to jump from the bed when the door creaked open, causing the candle on the shelf above her to flicker.
She couldn't help but sigh with relief when she recognised the shadow in the doorway. He shut the door quietly, kicking off his boots and sliding off his weapons before he even looked at her. He went to drop the belt holding his knives to the floor and she saw his gaze flicker over to Katie, before drawing them back up and tucking them onto a shelf way above her reach. He was learning.
"Are you alright?" She whispered to him as he pulled off his jacket and vest and he nodded in response. "Rick and Glenn too?" He nodded again and she let out a breath she hadn't realised she'd been holding. He slid under the covers beside her, taking care not to shake the bed as he made himself comfortable.
"What's wrong?" He asked her, spotting a drying tear on her cheek and she lifted her hand to brush it away quickly.
"Nothing. I'm fine. Just a long, hard day, that's all." She murmured to him and he appraised her for a moment, before nodding.
She turned back on her side to face the baby and hummed with contentment when Daryl rolled over too, pressing his chest up against her back.
"You know Glenn nearly damn well dragged a high chair back here?" He whispered in her ear, mirth in his voice.
"He did not?" She asked, incredulously.
"Yep, hadta drag it outta his hands." He pressed his arm around her waist, pulling her closer so that his arm rested comfortably between her and Joe. The baby stirred, spitting his pacifier out and they both froze until he returned to his deep breathing.
"Boy woulda dragged the whole of Mothercare into the truck if it woulda fit." He
mumbled into her neck.
She smiled at that. She had a thousand questions to ask but Daryl seemed content to do nothing but sleep and she let him be, if only because she knew it would only be a couple of hours until Joe woke again.
TWDTWDTWD
They all woke later than usual that morning, the children included. Still, she tried to let Daryl sleep by shushing them and pulling them out of the room silently. It didn't work because before she even managed to boil some water for porridge and coffee, he was up behind her, stretching and yawning.
"Go back to bed." She told him but he just shrugged.
"Nah, I'm good. Gonna start draggin' the boxes in."
There was more than Carol thought there would be. Boxes and bags of food, the stuff would last them weeks, if they were careful. Two massive black bags of various coats and warm clothes. A bag of weapons, bullets that rattled and clinked as Daryl brought the bag in.
Then there was the children's things. Daryl was right, Glenn did have a field day. The boy couldn't do anything half-assed and Carol was grateful, although she wondered how they were going to fit all the stuff in the truck when Daryl put the bike back on.
It took her all morning to sort through it all. The others eventually trickled downstairs and they helped her sort through the last of it. Some stuff could be left behind, a few pieces of clothes that wouldn't fit either child. The toys were taken by Katie straight away, who plonked herself in the corner and stayed there for over an hour, the longest Carol had seen her amuse herself for.
Glenn rummaged through the boxes to produce what he called his jackpot, a a complicated contraption of strong cloth and metal rings, it looked like some sort of baby carrier.
She laughed at his enthusiasm and Lori helped her figure out how it worked. It was a clever thing, she thought and she would've wanted something like this when Sophia was a baby. It allowed Joe to fit across her back or her chest, or to form a sling if he wanted to sleep whilst being carried. It would mean her hands would be free to do so much more.
Of course, there were still things that they were missing. There wasn't many diapers in the right size, most were too big, although they would be useful eventually, she would need more to take them through to Nebraska without any big runs. They could do with some teething gel too, maybe some baby wipes.
She wrote the list as she went along and she tried to ignore Daryl's sigh every time she added something to it. It wouldn't do to pretend that it would be alright and then run out of something at a crucial moment. He'd be angrier with her about that. Truth was though, she'd like to go out. Be free of the children for just a few hours. She felt guilty thinking it, but it was all just so full on. She couldn't even get peace in her own mind anymore, because they dogged every thought she had.
When she finished, she handed the list to Rick and he scanned it wearily, before nodding that he understood.
"So I can go?" She asked hopefully. "I'll go by myself if I have to."
"No you fuckin' well ain't." Daryl took the list from Rick, reading it for himself.
"You sure ya actually need all this crap?" He asked her critically.
"Yes, I need this crap." She sighed, bending down to push Joe back onto the rug, where he fiddled with a small teddy bear. "Can you keep an eye on them whilst I start lunch please, Beth?"
Beth nodded reluctantly, sliding from the couch to the floor, to sit next to Joe.
TWDTWDTWD
"You don't need to go." Daryl followed her into the kitchen, arms folded across his chest in a defensive gesture.
"I want to go. It'll be easier." She told him quietly, rooting through boxes for somehing they could eat for lunch.
"I can't watch over you, get my own back and look for all that crap." He replied with a huff, pulling away from the door frame to stand next to her at the table.
"Then Glenn can go." She looked up in time to catch his reaction. One of surprise and disgust. She didn't know what to make of it.
"Yeah, over my dead body are you goin' into a town without me. Fuck. Why can't you just stay here with the kids an' let me and Glenn at it?"
Carol slammed the can in her hand down onto the table and whirled round to face him. "Because, I am going crazy here." She hissed out. "I need to get away from them, even if it's just a couple of hours. I cannot cope much longer, Daryl, I really can't. Especially if I don't have the stuff I need."
He took a step back, surprised at her little tirade. He knew the children were tiring, even he could see how much effort they took and he tried to spend as little time around them as possible. He didn't think she'd feel that way about them though. He figured it would be hard, caring for children after losing her daughter. She was just so damn good at it. He honestly expected them to be a whole lot worse and he knew that she was the reason that they weren't.
"Alright." He answered with a sigh of resignation. She nodded her thanks and he pressed his hand to her neck for a second before leaving her to make lunch in peace.
He headed straight upstairs, where he knew Lori would be. He never, ever approached her alone. Hell, he avoided talking to her at all. Everything about her drove him insane. He knocked the door and pushed it open when she called out and she sat up sharply from the bed when she saw it was him.
"What's wrong?" She asked, pushing the covers back.
"Nothin'. Look, I get ya sick, so I ain't askin' you..." He rubbed the back of his neck as he tried to think of how he was going to get his words out without pissing Lori off. Or getting so pissed off himself he'd lose his temper. "Can ya talk to the other women, 'bout helpin' Carol with the kids some?"
Lori's forehead wrinkled in confusion. "She's struggling?"
He nodded. "She ain't sleepin', baby's keepin' her awake...the girl is just a pain in the ass. Think it might be a bit much, it ain't long since..." He trailed off, not wanting to use the name of the little girl, not since she had died. Lori knew though, nodding with understanding.
"Okay. I'll talk to them. I didn't know it was that bad."
Daryl nodded at her retreating back out the door. "Thanks."
It wasn't as painful as he thought it would be.