Chapter Two: Ellie
As soon as she locked the stall door she heard Emma leave. She stood there for a moment holding the latch, trying to process what she had just witnessed. Emma was crying, and the look on her face said more than "I'm just having a bad day". That empty look said "I'm worthless, nothing". And...her arm. Emma had tried to hide it, but all Ellie needed was her reaction to know. The way Emma flinched when Ellie walked into the restroom and the way the blonde hid her arm was too familiar for Ellie to not understand. It was too similar to the time Paige caught her, in that same restroom even. Girls only used that one when they absolutely had to, so she assumed it was a safe bet. There was no way she expected someone like Paige to wander in.
She left the stall and headed to wash her hands in the same sink Emma was just using. She couldn't think of a reason for someone like Emma to resort to such extreme measures. They had only ever been acquaintances, really. They only hung out during mutual classes when Manny or Marco wasn't there to occupy either of them. They weren't really that close, but she had always seemed so cheerful, so happy. Ellie assumed that she had been so consumed in her own misery that she didn't even notice that someone she knew was going through hell, too. She should have noticed something like this, at least. It was something she struggled with as well. Why didn't she want to talk about this?
Emma has never really had trouble talking about her problems. Ellie already knew about her Eating Disorder. Most of the school knew because Emma talked about it during a school assembly on Eating Disorders. Of course, people expected that the sweet little activist Emma had something to say; but no one expected the words that flowed so truthfully from her lips that afternoon. Everyone expected the typical, "You're not alone" or "Lots of people go through this so it's okay to talk about it". No one expected her to say, "My name is Emma Nelson, and I have been diagnosed with Anorexia Nervosa. It is an Eating Disorder in which, a lot of the time, a person completely stops eating in order to gain control or..." So, people knew, but even through all of that she seemed so cheerful. It wasn't until the assembly that Ellie even knew anything was wrong.
On her way to Media Immersion, she saw Emma in the hall. She seemed fine on the surface, but her eyes told Ellie a completely different story. Emma wasn't there. Not really. It was like she had completely disappeared. How does no one else see this? I have to figure out what is causing her so much pain. I need to know more about her. The paper Ellie handed Emma earlier contained her number, and at that moment she wanted nothing more than to hear from her.
She couldn't focus in class. Flashes of Emma clutching her arm to her stomach, the tears that fell down her face, the fake smile, and the shell of a girl she saw in the hall kept running through her mind. She tried to distract herself from her phone by reading, drawing, going online, etc.; but everything failed. She needed to hear from Emma. She wanted the blonde to reach out to her. Whatever it was, she didn't want her to face it alone.
The last three minutes of class seemed to be the longest because she kept her eyes glued to the clock for every remaining second. The bell finally rang, and Ellie was the first out of the room. She never cared much for the opinion of others, one look at her and it was obvious, so she wasn't worried about whether or not she'd draw attention to herself for walking down the hall like a madwoman. However, she didn't want to approach Emma drenched in sweat or breathless. So she walked at a mostly normal pace because, for some reason, she seemed to suddenly care about Emma's opinion of her.
She reached the lunchroom and immediately started looking for Emma. She wanted to at least just sit with her in case she needed someone, but she also didn't want to wait too long for Emma to reach out to her. Her mom's drinking had reached its worst point the last time Ellie's father was shipped off. She had fallen into a very dark place. Cutting was her way of coping, and she didn't want to let anyone else in. Not even Marco, her best friend. She was comfortable in her darkness. If Paige hadn't stepped up when she saw what she did, Ellie may have never made it to senior year.
She found Emma sitting alone at a table near a wall. Why is she sitting alone? Doesn't Manny have the same lunch period? Shouldn't her best friend, at least, be paying more attention? She stopped herself for a moment. Okay...why am I getting so upset about this? She wasnt just upset, though. She was furious. I have to tell her that things will be okay. She needs to know that she isn't worthless, that she's wonderful. She needs to know how...important she is to me? I-