Goodbye
'Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being "in love" which any of us can convince ourselves we are. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. Your mother and I had it, we had roots that grew towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossom had fallen from our branches we found that we were one tree and not two.' from 'Captain Corelli's Mandolin'
Dear Diary,
Will is sitting on the couch practising 'Forever Young' on the guitar. The euphoria of victory has been sobered by having to say goodbye and we're both feeling a little mellow. While he's practising I'm in our bedroom, deciding what to wear to the Graduation Ceremony. It's not for a couple of days but I like to be organised. I've printed off all of the certificates and I'm ready to hand them out. I've replaced those single photos of Will and I beside our bed, with our Prom photo. It makes me smile, every time I look at it.
Dear Diary,
Graduation Day. I said to Will this morning, 'No Tears, ok?' He said he couldn't make any promises but a week of listening to the kids singing goodbye songs has been cathartic. He has also cleared his conscience by telling Finn about that day three years ago when he heard him singing in the locker room and planted pot in his locker and blackmailed him into joining Glee club. Finn's response was 'You are so much cooler than I ever thought you were.' I saw Will's magnificent chest visibly 'puff out' with pride when he told me.
Dear Diary,
We all stood waving Rachel goodbye. There were tears. Naturally. She had just discovered that Finn was refusing to marry her and was taking her to the train station instead of the church.
I looked at Rachel's face in the window, her lips were moving, she was probably still trying to sing through her tears. Finn stood before us, sad but resolute in his decision, separated by a solid glass window and a moving train. Metaphors, I thought, for dreams and life. Does one create the other? And what power they have to shape us, break us or make us. Rachel and I had been the 'small town girls living in a lonely world'. Now it was her turn to catch the 'midnight train' to pursue her dream. I felt Finn's pain but as Will had said to me at the end of Rocky Horror, 'If I really love you I have to let you go for now,' Finn must do the same for Rachel. With hindsight Rachel may look back on this day as the best day of her life, as I did this time last year when I moved in with Will; it's the day her dream life becomes her real life.
I wanted to tell Finn that pain makes you stronger, tears make you braver, heartbreak makes you wiser. And vodka makes you not remember any of that crap. But I didn't want to encourage underage drinking.
I watched the train moving away. A wave of utter contentment washed over me. I looked at my skirt and smiled. It was the skirt I was wearing the day I denied being in love with Will; my jacket was the one I wore the day I refused to admit my OCD was a problem; and why had I put on this shirt this morning? I hadn't worn ridiculously large bows for weeks now -I'm no longer afraid to open myself up emotionally or physically. Will hugged me closer and I tightened my grip on his waist. He had overcome all obstacles that stood in his way, reached inside me and set me free. I'd done the same for him. We are what Finchel could be in the future. They just have to grow first. Finn and Rachel are embarking on their separate journeys, destination: unknown. Will and I have arrived at our destination: each other.
I looked lovingly at Will. Dreams can come true; just 'Don't Stop Believing'.