Arthur awoke slowly; squinting at the bright light streaming in the bedroom window, he hugged Merlin just a bit tighter before relaxing. It felt good to have this, and if he closed his eyes, he could pretend that his best friend was actually his. His partner, his lover, and possibly even his soul mate.
He wasn't though, and that weighed on Arthur quite heavily, almost as heavily as the way Merlin would randomly tense up before letting out a soft whining noise in his sleep. It was clear what he was dreaming about, and it was almost enough to make Arthur want to pay Valiant a visit and kick the shit out of him.
Sighing, Arthur forced himself to relax, pressing his head back against the pillow and enjoying the warmth of Merlin's body against his.
If it was anyone but Merlin, Arthur would have kissed him already or done something. But he couldn't; instead he found himself helping Merlin, trying to heal him.
Merlin stirred, his eyes opening and Arthur had to open his own just to look at him.
"Good morning," Merlin murmured, his cheeks a bit pink as he pulled away from Arthur. "Sorry," he said in a soft voice, eyes now lowered.
Arthur reached for him before he could move too far away, and gripped his shoulder gently. "It's nothing to apologize for, you know I'm here for you," he told him.
Merlin smiled and was back in his arms in a minute, hugging him. "Thank you, I know you are."
Resisting the urge to suck in a sharp breath of air, Arthur closed his eyes and hugged Merlin back a bit tight. "You're welcome, but really, it's no problem."
"It is though, you've been so kind, and I've been a bit of a basket case," Merlin laughed a bit, but it came out sounding harsh rather than amused.
Arthur shook his head, "You've been wonderful."
Merlin smiled a bit at him, biting his bottom lip. "I don't remember you being this nice," he confessed, then cleared his throat. "Sorry, I shouldn't have said that," he seemed to be hurrying to explain himself, and Arthur held his hand up to stop him.
"It's okay, say what you want," Arthur chuckled a bit, pushing himself into a sitting position; he leaned back against the headboard. "I wasn't this nice before, but right now I think you need to get through without someone making fun of you for the size of your ears."
Merlin laughed, and this time it didn't sound brittle or fake. "You're right, although I do miss a bit of that."
"Oh excellent, so do I. Go get changed, big ears," Arthur told him, the words sliding easily off his tongue, a smile on his face.
"Not your best, but I'll take it," Merlin responded with a smile, getting off the bed in a way that seemed reluctant. He stopped at the door, and looked over his shoulder at Arthur, "Thank you."
Arthur didn't say anything in reply, although he was tempted to toss a pillow at him for old time's sake. He climbed off the bed slowly, sighing as he made his way to the bathroom. He showered quickly, then dressed before he made his way downstairs, surprised to find Merlin making breakfast.
"I thought I would help out, since you've been taking such good care of me," Merlin explained, flipping the eggs in the pan. "Over easy right?"
Arthur observed him for a moment, concern creasing his brow. He wondered, was Merlin making his breakfast just because he could, or because Valiant's abuse had rendered him feeling obligated to do so?
"I like over easy, that's right," Arthur said softly. Grabbing the paper, he poured a cup of coffee then sat. "You don't have to make me breakfast you know," his voice was extra soft now, even if he didn't mean it to be. He watched Merlin, noticing the way Merlin's shoulders tensed, and guilt instantly flooded him. "I don't mind that you do, it's kind of nice. It's been awhile since anyone but me cooked my breakfast," he saw Merlin relax at the words.
Merlin served him a plate of food in minutes, sliding into the seat across from him with his own plate. His shoulders were hunched, and his arm curled around the plate as though he was guarding it, and Arthur's heart sank.
He fought with himself, watching Merlin every so often and trying to cover up the fact that he was getting more concerned by the second. "I was thinking," he started, and then stopped.
"You were?" Merlin asked, a curious look on his face. Arthur resisted the urge to cringe, remembering a time when Merlin's reply would've been, 'I thought I smelled something burning.' "What about?"
"I have to go out later today," Arthur explained, "would you like to come with me?" He didn't look at Merlin as he asked, not wanting to see any fear there, or any doubt. He just couldn't handle it right then.
"Where would we go?" Merlin asked, setting his fork down as he leaned with his elbows on the table.
"I was thinking we could go visit Gwen. She wanted me to look over something for her," Arthur explained; continuing to eat, he glanced up at Merlin just for a moment, resisting the urge to smile at the interest he saw there.
"She wants to see me?" Merlin sounded hopeful, and Arthur hurried to nod in reply.
"Of course," Arthur replied, swallowing. "Why wouldn't she want to see you?"
Merlin shrugged his shoulders, "I don't know, I guess…I don't know."
Arthur sighed; setting his fork and knife down as well; he reached over and grasped one of Merlin's wrists, gently pulling Merlin's arm down until he could slide his hand into Merlin's and squeeze. Warmth stirred in his stomach, which he ignored in favour of comforting a friend.
"There is no reason, that I know of, which would result in Gwen not wanting to see you," he told Merlin firmly, meeting his gaze easily for the first time since they'd sat down for breakfast. "There is no possible reason that any of our mutual friends, or even our non-mutual friends would not want to see you."
Merlin managed a bit of a smile, and squeezed Arthur's hand back as he nodded. "I wish I could believe you, but I do trust you."
Arthur smiled back at him, those words meaning quite a lot to him. "I'm glad, I want you to trust me, so please trust me when I say that you are going to be welcomed with open, warm, clinging arms, just as Gwen always does. She won't force you to talk, but she'll probably babble, and she'll never stop loving you. There is nothing you can do to stop that, short of killing someone, and even then if it was for the right reasons she'd help you hide the body."
Laughing Merlin nodded his head, sliding his hand away from Arthur's. "I will come with you then, as soon as I do the breakfast dishes."
"No need, I'll do them, you go shower," Arthur said, "besides, I've not finished my food yet, so it'll give me time to finish eating." He shooed Merlin out of the kitchen with one hand, pointing toward the doorway.
Merlin stood up, seeming reluctant to do so. He lingered by his chair for a moment before he nodded and quickly made his way out of the room.
Arthur got up and scraped the rest of his breakfast into the food refuse bin, suddenly not feeling at all hungry.
Merlin wanted to serve him, and it was the last thing Arthur wanted.
He wanted Merlin to love him, and in a way that made Arthur feel guiltier. What if Merlin only did so out of pure obligation?