Disclaimer: Bioware owns all, except what I most humbly imagine. While, at times, I will take verbatim from the game, I mostly use the events of the Dragon Age games, expansions and universe as a loose structure around which to construct my re-imagined tale. If you are looking for a strict canon piece, I have no desire to offend, and so I warn you upfront!

When reading this tale, I hope you can easily imagine it being told by the very best of storytellers in Varric Tethras (from DA:2). In my version of events, Varric meets "The Hero" (Elissa Cousland) in Kirkwall during the time period of DA:2. I mention this only so that readers can understand his connection along the way, and so I don't have to mention and rehash it again and again as I make my way through the tale.

A/N: Another long break before this chapter, I know :D Forgive the intrusion of my reality and its impact on my fictional world. Poison & Wine hit 100 reviews with the last chapter. Hard to believe it, but thanks to everyone who takes their valuable time to send comments my way either in reviews or messages. They are all read and appreciated.

Thanks to my readers, reviewers and followers, and to my wonderful betas artemiskat and Snarkoleptic.

Happy Reading!

-Frayed One

Chapter Forty: Promises and Regrets

When Anders woke from the few hours sleep Elissa had allowed them, dawn was just beginning to break on the horizon. Nathaniel had done an excellent job in building the fire, and even now the flames had not dwindled so low that the chill of the morning air could be felt inside the confines of the cave.

He rose quietly, noting that all the others slept on – all the others except Elissa. He doubted that she'd had any rest at all. She'd paced the edges of the camp for most of the night; restless and twitchy, coming to join the group just long enough to pick at the stew he had prepared before flitting back off into the shadows in search of The Messenger.

Anders watched as she emerged from the tree line still at the creature's side, discussing something in the hushed tones of a heavy whisper before The Messenger diverted himself back into the forest as Elissa caught his eye. He left the warm confines of the cave, stepping out into the damp air of morning to take a chance and speak with her for what could easily be the last time.

"Did you sleep?" The question was a diversion and an attempt to communicate to him that she did not wish to have another heart wrenching goodbye, though she doubted he would notice or accept that even if he did.

"As well as one could expect on the stone floor of a cave with any number of things lurking in the forest waiting to kill me." Anders smiled with the statement, though he was only half kidding. His back ached from the rock that had dug into his side for most of the night, and the close proximity to The Mother only made the dreams of her fury harder to ignore. "I noticed that you did not."

"Someone had to watch the camp."

"I'm sure The Messenger could have handled that on his own. Do the darkspawn even need sleep?" His eyes traced the edge of the camp where the creature had recently disappeared.

"As if any of you would have trusted him to do that." Elissa's laughter was bitter, pulling Anders' attention back to her as she stared out into the forest. "Even Nathaniel is wary, and The Messenger saved his life."

"Regardless of what he has done, he is still a darkspawn. It is nearly impossible to ignore that fact, especially when our purpose as Wardens is to end them." Anders watched as his words continued to strike at an already sensitive nerve, wondering what it was that really had her so upset. "Why are you taking this so personally?"

"Because I don't see much of a difference between myself and the thing you all call creature and condemn regardless of what he's done for you." Elissa turned back to look at him, pausing for a moment to hold his eyes before speaking again. "If you cannot look at The Messenger and see there is hope for redemption, then how can you look at me and see anything beyond the monster I have become?"

"You are not a monster, Elissa. Not any more than you allow yourself to be." He watched her for a moment longer, reading the scattered fragments of emotion that filtered through her eyes before she managed to shove them back down again. "Is this about what happened with Nathaniel's sister?"

"Delilah had no kind words for me, that is for certain…" Elissa trailed off as she turned back to the forest, watching as the warm light of a new day began to chase away the last remnants of darkness. "But this is about my finally admitting to myself what I am. I've been fighting against it for so long, but denying it cannot stop what I set in motion years ago. I am changing, Anders. There are times I wonder how much humanity I have left."

"Elissa…" Anders reached his hand out before conscious thought could stop him, tracing his thumb down the soft skin of her cheek until he reached the corner of her mouth. For a moment nothing that had happened between them mattered.

"Don't." She turned away from his touch with the realization of just how tempted she had been to draw some comfort from it, pulling back inside the shell of the Warden-Commander – and just like that, the moment was gone.

"Don't what? Don't care for you or don't say it aloud?" Anders' temper flared as he thought on being tossed aside once more, especially now when they could be facing their end.

"Don't do any of it." Elissa turned back to look at him. "Don't care, and don't say it, and don't look at me like you actually believe what you're saying. It will only make it that much harder when you finally realize I'm right and see me for this thing that I've become."

He started to argue, but she waved him to silence, and he could see the brief window of opportunity that had been open slamming shut.

"I didn't come over here to argue. I came because I-I…" She trailed off, turning her eyes back to the tree line for a moment before continuing. "I need to ask a favor of you."

"A favor? After this —"

"This did not start as I intended, Anders." The look on her face left no further room for argument and she watched his temper settle in the face of her waning patience.

"What can I do for you, Warden-Commander?" He asked the question with a false smile and the flourish of a mocking bow to her authority. She ignored it because it was a predictable response to her altered behavior.

"Should things start to appear hopeless, I need your word that you will remove yourself and Nathaniel from danger." Elissa watched the arguments springing to life behind Anders' eyes, though he had the sense not to speak them until she had finished with her request. "I doubt he will come willingly, so knock him out and drag him if it is necessary, but the two of you must survive."

"What makes us more valuable than the rest of you?" Anders chose his words carefully, not wanting to further instigate her temper before he had determined what it was she was trying to say.

"The Wardens cannot end here. You and Nathaniel are the most capable of continuing to rebuild the order should I fall. Zevran is neither a Warden nor a leader, and Oghren - though a capable leader - would be unlikely to do so." She rubbed at the bridge of her nose in contemplation. "Nathaniel was born to lead, and he knows Amaranthine better than anyone. He will never shrink from his duty to the order or to his fellow Wardens. We have never spoken of it directly, but I have been grooming him to take my place for some time. Instructions to the First Warden naming him as my successor can be found in my desk, along with a letter to Fergus and another to Alistair. Those should be sent out immediately upon your return."

"If Nathaniel is to lead, then I don't see how my survival is necessary." Listening to her rattle on a list of The Archer's noble qualifications struck a nerve, though Anders was hard pressed to disagree.

"Nathaniel cannot do this alone, and you know that as well as I do. He is strong in many areas, but he lacks tolerance and his nature does not give him the appearance of a man with a compassionate heart." Elissa turned to meet his eyes again, pushing past the temper and trying to get her message through to him. "For that, he needs you. I am not asking you to care for one another beyond the capacity of the order. I am not asking you to get along or to be friends. I am simply asking for you to put aside your issues and see to the well-being of the country and the order when I no longer can."

"It seems a small and logical request, but surely you know the actual weight of what you are asking?" Anders didn't let her squirm out from under his stare, forcing her to acknowledge the minefield blanketed beneath the rationale of her words.

"I understand." It was a simple response, but Anders was sure that she meant it. "I don't wish to make this an order, but—"

"You don't have to. I'll do it." She turned back to look at him, and Anders could read the relief in her smile when at least this small battle had been won.

"If we cannot end The Mother's threat here, it will be up to you and Nathaniel to warn others and to gather your strength for another assault." Elissa paced over to the tree line again as the conversation wound to an end. "Have Sigrun reach out to Kardol. The Legion will be invaluable should we be forced to go to war against a full force of sentient darkspawn."

"Are you going down there with the intention of not coming back?" Anders' words ground her to a halt before she could fully disappear into the waning shadows of morning.

"Not with the intention, no… but The Mother must be dealt with, and I am the best weapon we have. I cannot leave her lair until one of us has met her end."

Anders had more to say, but stopped at the look of determination that had branded itself onto her features. "Should I wake the others?"

"Yes. I'll gather The Messenger. We should move out within the hour."

She disappeared into the forest after that, leaving Anders to gather the others and his thoughts.

The Dragonbone Wastes were pretty much what the name made them out to be; an arid wasteland of sand and stone and the scattered broken remnants of dragons long gone from the realm of the living.

Elissa's company was bruised and battered and exhausted, regardless of the small reprieve a few hours of rest had offered to them, but still they pressed on – anxious to see this saga wind to its close one way or another. The presence of the sentient darkspawn was stifling, the sensation of their movements skittering around through the Wardens' senses as they themselves shuffled like cockroaches in the shadows that hid the boundaries of their path.

But the overwhelming pull of The Mother's blood drowned them all out the closer the group progressed to her lair. Beneath it all, Elissa could sense yet another signature – one she had not thought to sense again, not here.

"You seem distracted. What are you reading?" Nathaniel had moved in beside her so silently she did not notice his approach, and she struggled to silence her thoughts before he could decipher more than he already had.

"I'm reading any number of things, just as you are. Even in the open fields of this dragon graveyard such a heavy concentration of darkspawn sets my nerves a bit on end." Elissa brushed off the question as though it was nothing, turning them further down the path, which now took them through a rather large ribcage.

"I wish Sigrun could see this." Anders' tone was jovial, though his face was tight and riddled with anxiety much like the rest of the company. Elissa nodded in acknowledgement, but did not speak or smile.

"That isn't all there is to it, Elissa. Holding back information at this point serves no purpose. We've all willingly followed you into this nightmare; we know what's coming. The least you can do is give us all the information we need to face this fully prepared." Nathaniel's face was perfectly calm, though she could easily read the frustration in his tone, and it picked at her already frayed nerves like a needle at an open wound.

"You know what's coming…" The low laughter started to bubble up out of her before she could contain it, and she watched the others drift further away from her as she spun to face them. "You have no idea what's coming. Nothing in your limited repertoire has prepared you for whatever's waiting for us in that hole, I assure you. This is no mindless horde led by the pulled puppet strings of the Archdemon. This is a sentient, organized force – an army driven by the belief that they are right. They fight to protect The Mother and she will fight to protect them. Emotion is the driving force, and that is far more dangerous than any other motivating factor."

"Still, that is not what troubles your mind." Nathaniel stood steadfast in the face of her temper, knowing he was right to draw whatever was troubling her out of her mind and into the murky light of day.

"No. What troubles me at the moment, other than being put to the inquisition by those under my command, is that I sense The Architect is nearby somewhere among this chaos."

"The Architect? Is he here to help, or hinder?" Anders began to scan their surroundings as he spoke, though he knew his senses were nowhere near as developed as Elissa's and he likely had no chance at finding that unique signature among this madness.

"No, The Architect is never helping The Mother!" The Messenger's face bore offense, in as much as he could manage. "He is here always for the Grey Lady."

"And somehow that is just as unsettling…" Anders' words trailed off with Elissa's glare, her focus shifting briefly before turning back into the valley just ahead.

"Looks as though we're late to the party," she noted, pulling all eyes onto the battle already being waged down below.

The Architect's forces had already engaged The Mother, but they were badly outnumbered and the swarms of childer were taking them down one by one.

"More infighting?" Nathaniel scanned the crowd, and though his face held the appearance of calm, Elissa knew what he was really looking for. "It would appear that, if only for the moment, The Messenger is right. These troops do seem to be fighting against The Mother."

"Not for much longer if we do not intervene, my Warden," Zevran drew Elissa's attention; seeking instructions on what she intended their next move to be.

"In we go." Elissa dashed off down the hill, giving the others no option but to follow trailing in her wake.

There was little they could do to save what was left of The Architect's forces. Even when set upon by Elissa and her company, they did not shift focus from their kin until none of them remained alive, and Elissa wondered what it was The Mother must have done to make them ignore a much more dominant threat and simply press on with the assault against The Architect's small battalion.

It was a question much like all those she had brewing in her mind that would have to wait for its answer. There simply wasn't time for thought on the matter as The Mother's army shifted their tactics to address the new threat.

Elissa instinctually knew that the area they needed to infiltrate lay deep at the heart of the wastes, and so she pressed them forward through wave after wave of The Mother's forces, bellowing out orders or directing with a gesture when new contingents would enter the scene.

There were hurlocks, genlocks, and overwhelming numbers of both adult and juvenile childer as they made their way to the large ruined archway at the heart of the wasteland.

"There!" Elissa yelled, pointing out the ancient door that would lead them into the collapsing ruin that The Mother had claimed for her nest.

She was unsettled by how little of The Mother's stronger forces they had seen up to this point, and even now as they stood on her threshold only a few of her stronger disciples had joined the fray. They had seen no alphas and no ogres. It was likely a trap, this much she knew, but there was little she could do now other than walk into it. She had come too far to leave now without seeing her task fulfilled.

"Push to the door!" she cried, gesturing a division to attempt and flank their way toward the strongest concentration of The Mother's forces just outside the door, but as her boot touched the center of the ruin – she was blown back by a rush of air and forced to cover her face to prevent sand from blasting her eyes.

When she opened them again she was nearly floored with the sight of what stood there. It was a High Dragon; one so large it dwarfed the beast they'd ended atop the Frostback Mountains. Elissa watched as all focus shifted, the dragon intent on eating the remaining segment of The Mother's forces, as they had been too foolish to avoid catching her eye, and the darkspawn fighting an impossible battle to bring the dragon down. It was an advantage they could use.

"Let her focus on the darkspawn!" Elissa bellowed, pulling her company in tight at the dragon's left flank. "If we are to topple this monster, we will need her momentary lack of focus."

"I-I never… I-I had no idea they were so huge!" Anders couldn't stop watching it, and Elissa was uncertain how much of his stutter was rooted in wonder and how much was anchored in fear, but she had time for neither.

"This is a High Dragon, the largest I have ever seen," Elissa explained, watching Oghren drift closer to her side and begin inspecting the lower extremities for weakness.

"Dragonslayin' don't seem like such a good idea anymore, does it, Twinkle?" Oghren chuckled, winking at The Mage to illustrate he meant no harm.

"With its attention diverted, I can easily take out the eyes." Nathaniel made no move to lift his bow, waiting for Elissa to issue a direct order before taking such a step.

"And that is exactly what you must do." Elissa smiled as she drew out her blades and made ready for an assault. "On my mark, blind the beast. Oghren and The Messenger will keep her off balance, prodding at knees and ankles. Zevran and I will attempt to scale her back."

"Wait, what?" Anders pulled wide eyes away from the dragon when her words sunk in. "You're going to climb about on that-that… on a dragon?"

"The only way to put her down is to take off the head or at the very least pierce the brain, and to do so we will need to reach it. If you have any other suggestions for how we should go about that, I'm certainly willing to hear them." Elissa stood for a moment, waiting for his acknowledgement that she was right, shifting back into position when a brief nod gave her what she needed. "Right then. Ignore the 'spawn. They will focus on her, and she'll likely take what few of them are left out in an attempt to get at us. Nathaniel, go… now!"

With the sound of his bowstring, Elissa was off and running dipping to the side with a roll to avoid the angry flick of the dragon's tail but back on her feet in no time. The sound that bellowed forth from her maw moments later told her without looking that Nathaniel's arrows had struck true, and she shifted again when the wounded dragon turned to swat aimlessly when Oghren and The Messenger made contact with its limbs.

Now came the dance; the subtle shifting motion between herself and the dragon as she attempted to learn a pattern that would let her climb the body and end the fight. A moment later she saw her window as the rear haunches hit ground in response to a wicked blow from Oghren's axe. Two steps and she was up, digging in with a dagger when the angry flick of the dragon's tail sent a longsword flying and nearly toppled her back to the sandy ground below.

The dragon twitched and moaned until Elissa pried her dagger loose, clinging low to its scaly body as she inched her way forward toward the base of the neck. Just ahead Zevran sat anchored to a spot on the dragon's right shoulder joint, and she smiled with wonder at how he might have gotten there ahead of her.

"This lady, she is not receptive to my advances," Zevran breathed, digging his fingers into the dragon's skin when she attempted again to shake him loose as Elissa advanced to cling at his side.

"How does she resist?" Elissa chuckled, taking a moment to catch her breath and evaluate their chances to reach the head as the neck was far too thick for them to sever with only one of her swords at their disposal.

"I see you've lost a blade. That is unfortunate." Zevran read her thoughts with a low chuckle, reviewing his own plans now that one of their options was no longer on the table.

"We have to go for the head. There is no other way." Elissa glanced up, forced to renew her grip when the creature flailed again, blasting a wall of flame out at something in front of it.

"On three then?" Zevran pulled to a crouch, beginning to count with her nod, and launching himself forward onto the dragon's neck when his mouth shaped out the sound of three.

Elissa was behind him, discarding her sword when the bulky blade made it too hard to climb the already treacherous landscape of the dragon's neck. The dragon shrieked and flailed with every blade puncture as the two rogues scaled up the last few feet of its body to their goal.

Zevran glanced back down to evaluate Elissa's progress only to see her dagger fail to make purchase as the creature shook against her with a particularly violent motion. She clung for a moment longer, but eventually was slung to the ground beneath the dragon's feet, leaving the elf to complete their task alone.

The fall dazed her for a moment, and as Elissa struggled to her feet she was completely vulnerable to the now furious creature drawn to the scent of her blood. When she opened her eyes, she realized there was nothing she could do to avoid what was coming. She had no weapons, and even if she did, steel was no match for the ball of flame she could hear building in the dragon's throat.

"I'm quite bitter, you bitch!" Elissa yelled in her fury. "I hope you choke!"

The dragon's mouth was opening and she was out of time, but she would not flinch in the face of her death any more than she had flinched in the face of her life. As the first bits of flame licked out from between the long curling fangs of the beast, Elissa noted a small purple glow flicker to life in front of her and felt the warmth of someone pressing in at her back.

"What?" Elissa's voice held a wonder that Anders couldn't miss when she watched the wall of flame hit and curve around the shield he'd constructed around them. She reached fingers out to brush against the mystical bubble, feeling the magic tickle her skin as it made contact.

"Stay close. To make it strong I had to keep it small. It only extends a few inches beyond us." Anders felt her settle into the curve of his body and instinctively tightened the arm around her waist, suddenly very aware of just how much he'd missed such intimate contact with her.

"Zevran! Get on with it already!" Elissa called out, though Anders could make out the almost childlike grin on her face as she looked up to where The Assassin had perched to make his final assault. "As fascinated as I am by this new trick, I'm certain Anders cannot keep it up all day!"

"As you wish!" Zevran yelled back, slamming the longer of his two blades down through the dragon's skull and into its brain, ending the fight with a final twist of the sharp steel into the soft tissue that drove the dragon's life force.

As the body fell limp, Anders let the shield drop, releasing Elissa from his grasp and watching as she made her way over to Zevran's side to inspect the fallen dragon while collecting her scattered armaments. Already he missed the warmth of her touch, though he tried to shake the sensation of it out of his mind and focus on what lay ahead of them.

"If we live through this, I shall have Wade swimming in dragon bits for as long as he wishes," Elissa chuckled, sheathing her swords and watching as Nathaniel made his way over to them after finishing off the last twitching remnants of The Mother's forces. His eyes lingered briefly on Anders and Elissa knew he was less than happy about The Mage's valiant overture, though he at least made an effort to hide it.

"The Mother, she is waiting, Grey Lady." The Messenger pushed forward to Elissa's side, his nervous eyes holding heavy on the great stone door, which lead down into the lower ruins of Drake's Fall. "She is knowing you are here and she is preparing. We must be going now."

She watched her companions twitch in response to The Messenger's assertions, and knew all of them doubted his sincerity, wondering if he weren't a plant there to lead them into a trap after all.

"You're right." Elissa took in one last long breath of surface air before turning the company toward the doorway. "Let's not keep her waiting."