Author's Note: The next several chapters deal with the aftermath of the break-up of Uhura and Spock's relationship, primarily from the Vulcan's POV via a series of flashbacks. Please forgive the author for breaking the convention every once in awhile to reveal thoughts of other characters that obviously would not have been known from Spock's own remembrances. If you have been reading these stories for a while, you know this author does not always adhere to the rules.
Your comments are always welcome.
On Friday morning, Spock sat with Captain Christopher Pike in a diner for their usual breakfast meeting. That day, Pike's son, Jack, also joined the two.
The Captain stared incredulously at the sight of his son devouring the last of his stack of pancakes. As Jack chewed he looked over and saw something on his father's plate that caught his eye. With food in his mouth, he tried to speak but could not be understood.
"Don't try to talk with your mouth full, Jack." Pike remarked. "I don't know how many times I've told you that."
Jack picked up his glass and washed down the remnants of his pancakes with the remainder of his milk. "Hey, Dad. Are you going to eat that piece of bacon?"
"You can have it."
"Thanks." The boy placed the entire slice in his mouth and appeared to swallow it whole.
"I don't know where he puts it." Pike commented to Spock. "Not an ounce of fat on him. Well, at least, I don't have to worry about food going to waste."
Spock knew such behavior would never be tolerated in a Vulcan household. Anyone wanting to take food from another's plate would be considered quite ill mannered.
"Jack's growth spurt coupled with his sports activities is making high demands on his nutritional intake level." Turning to the boy. "After this phase in your physical development passes, you will have to be careful to adjust your caloric consumption so you will not gain weight unnecessarily."
"OK, Mr. Spock. I'll try to remember that. But right now I never feel like I can get enough to eat."
"Mr. Spock is right, son. As you grow older, you'll have to start paying more attention to your body's needs." Pike commented. "At my age, I try to stay physically active, but my current metabolism won't allow me to eat anywhere as much as I did when I was younger."
"No offense, Dad, but I've got a long while before I'm as old as you."
"Thanks, Jack." Pike replied tersely, before turning back to Spock. "You always know when someone begins a sentence with the words, no offense . . . an offensive statement is sure to follow."
Spock agreed with the Captain, but thought it best to change the subject. "Jack, what evaluation did you earn for your Spanish presentation?"
The boy looked confused for a moment before his faced beamed with recognition. "Oh, that thing. It seemed so long ago."
"It was Wednesday, Jack." Pike interjected. "That was only two days, ago."
"Right, Dad, it's been a while." The boy paused as if suddenly confused, and then asked, "What did you ask me, Mr. Spock?"
"Did your teacher evaluate your Spanish report? If so, what were her remarks?"
"Oh, yeah. I did great. I got a B+! I would have gotten an A if I hadn't forgotten to give my conclusion. But my teacher said the best part was how good I could speak Spanish."
"You mean to say, how well I could speak Spanish." Pike attempted to correct him.
"That's what I said, Dad. She really thought I spoke it good."
"Did you write the thank you card to Ms. Uhura like I asked you to?" Pike asked, deciding a lesson in Federation language grammar could wait for another day.
"Yeah, I brought it in my backpack. I still don't know why I couldn't just send her a e-Card." He picked up his bag and began to rummage through it.
"Judging for your teacher's comments and what you told me, Ms. Uhura's assistance appears to be considerable. To properly show your appreciation, you should go to at least a little more effort than simply sending an impersonal e-Card."
"Here it is." The boy said as he pulled the card out of the bag. "Since I knew we were having breakfast with Mr. Spock this morning, I thought he might give it to her."
Pike tried to hide his surprise as he took a quick look at the Vulcan, who continued to look as indifferent as usual. Spock now regretted bringing up the subject. He would rather Pike not know the boy saw him meet Nyota there. He did not have to wonder long to know if this fact would be revealed.
The Captain asked, "Jack, why would you think Mr. Spock would have access to Ms. Uhura?"
"He came to meet her for lessons or something when she was helping me. Weren't you, Mr. Spock?"
"Jack." Spock said while glancing at his chronometer. "You'll need to leave now if you want to catch the bus for school."
Jack gave the Vulcan a knowing smile as he rose from his seat with the thank you card still in his hand. "Does that mean you'll take it to her, Mr. Spock?"
"No, Jack, put it back in your bag." Pike remarked as he took the card from Jack and set it on the table. "I'll look up her schedule and we'll find a time for you to give it to her personally after school as we had planned. Is that understood, young man?"
When his father spoke in a stern voice, the boy knew he was not in the mood for joking. "Yes, sir." Jack answered as he returned the card to his backpack. "So, after I give the card to Ms. Uhura, then can we go get the puppy?"
"I don't know." The Captain replied. "Assisting with the needs of an excitable, active dog might be too much for an old guy like me to handle."
Jack laughed weakly. "You're kidding, right, Dad?"
"What do you think?"
"But, Kirk said if somebody didn't get the puppy by 5:00, his CO was going to send it to the Humane Society. And, you know what happens there if no one claims it after a while."
"Kirk should have thought about that before he brought the dog on campus in the first place. While at the Academy, Cadets have few privileges and owning an animal is not one of them."
"But, Dad –"
"Get a move on, Jack."
The boy hesitated, but when he heard his father's unflinching tone Jack decided it best not to press the subject at this time. He knew his father sometimes spoke fondly have his own family pet. Jack doubted his father would refuse the dog if he would only go and see it.
"Yes, sir." The boy replied. "And, don't worry, Dad, I'll see you right after school. Good-bye, Mr. Spock." He said as he hurriedly left them.
Spock surmised the dog had been the same one Nyota had been in contact with on Tuesday evening – the night of their separation. As for Kirk, the Vulcan knew the cocky Cadet was becoming a more influential part of Jack's life. It irked him to think the Iowan was the one who provided the opportunity for the possible addition of a dog to Pike's household. Curiously, he thought, it bothers me more to know Kirk now has more of a chance to further endear himself to Nyota. Why does this trouble me so, when I no longer have any claim to her?
"Spock," Pike interrupted his thoughts. "What does Jack know about you and Uhura?"
"Nothing, but what a 13 year old boy could imagine." Spock remarked. "On Tuesday, Jack was taking instruction with Ms. Uhura in the Graduate Student Office when I came by. I made sure he did not see or hear anything that could give rise to any speculation regarding our relationship."
"Still, you should try to be a bit more discreet about where and when you meet with her. You don't want to give opportunity to talk that would lead to the discovery of your affair."
"Captain, the concern is no longer relevant." The Vulcan stated with a detached look. "Our affair is no more."
While Pike had thought the relationship ill advised, he did not expect these words from Spock. "Do you want to talk about it?"
"Speaking of it would be of little benefit, sir. The deed is done."
"What deed?"
"I pushed her away . . . I pushed her away." He repeated.
"You're the one who ended it?" Pike asked. "Why?"
"I do not know."
As the two men walked back to the campus, no words passed between them. Pike looked to his friend and found him deep in thought. While Spock had yet to reveal the details of ending of his relationship with the Cadet, the Captain could see the matter was far from closed.
As Spock walked toward the Academy grounds, he thought of the events of Tuesday night after he and Nyota had broken off their involvement with each other. He remembered . . .
Spock attempted to follow Nyota as discreetly as possible as she walked toward her dorm. However, while moving across the quad, she suddenly appeared to sense his presence. The East African confronted him, protesting his action.
Spock retorted, "I am the one who invited you to spend the evening with me. Despite what occurred earlier, I am not relieved of my duty."
"What duty?" She asked incredulously.
"My duty to ensure your safe passage to your living quarters." He stated as if a matter of fact.
"Mr. Spock, I neither expected or desired your company after I thought I had left you back at the Physical Science Complex. I am quite capable of walking unescorted anywhere I please."
"Your opinion is irrelevant. The obligation must be completed." The Vulcan stated coolly.
Spock could feel her glare as she seemed to ready a response. Then, it seemed she changed her mind as she instead turned about and continued on her way toward her dorm. Having a longer stride allowed him to let her take the lead 10 paces ahead and then match her speed walking behind her.
When she arrived at the door of her residence hall, as he expected she did not turn back to see if he still followed her. The Vulcan looked up to the fourth floor of the building to the window corresponding to her room. Estimating the time it would take to reach her quarters, he waited until light illuminated the once darkened window before departing.
He reached his own living quarters strangely unaware of the time or effort it took to reach there. Once inside, he stripped himself of his clothing and stepped into the shower. He turned the temperature to cold and stood beneath the icy water until he could barely feel his limbs.
He welcomed the numbness . . .
The void . . .
The emptiness . . .
For this was preferable to the knowledge that . . .
He had deliberately hurt her . . .
Caused her great pain . . .
This woman who he loved with all his heart . . .
He rejected . . .
Without understanding why.
He once asked his mother if he should complete the Vulcan discipline of Kolinahr and purge himself of all emotion1 . . .
Now he questioned his decision not to undergo the ritual . . .
Perhaps, he thought, he would never be able to find the means to reconcile the human feelings at war with his Vulcan soul . . .
But he did know . . .
It hurt too much to live this way . . .
It hurt too much to risk hurting her, again . . .
And, if that meant never again being capable of giving love or desiring to be loved . . .
Then, so be it.
Just as Spock donned his meditation robe, his communicator sounded. Reason told him, she would not call him . . . not tonight . . . not ever, again. Yet, he recognized his momentary disappointment upon verification of another caller . . . T'Lau. Now thoughts of the mission to expose her plot against Starfleet became an opportune distraction.
"T'Lau, are you aware of the hour of your call."
"Yes, Spock, I am cognizant of the hour. However, I am just now leaving our lab and, if permissible, I wanted to report our break-through concerning the issue with the containment field."
"You have my attention. You may proceed."
"Based on your recommendations, our team was able to identify and make the necessary modifications in the ion buffer to bring our containment field in line with our original projections. As you know, our standards were significantly higher than those required by Starfleet."
"The members of the Oversight Committee will be pleased to receive this news. You should be sure to commend your team for their work."
"Spock." Her voice appeared to lighten. "I believe your statement was as close as you have come to voicing a compliment as I have ever heard."
"My words were targeted toward your team, which is comprised primarily of Terrans. Working with them for the last 12 years, I have found their performance level rises appreciably when one can find occasions for praise when, of course, warranted."
"Yes." She replied. "Humans can be quite needy at times."
Spock chose not to provide a retort, although he knew humans were not the only ones who fit this description. His experience with this Romulan masquerading as T'Lau proved she too could be quite needy behind closed doors.
"T'Lau, while your report is valued, you could have waited until the morning to share it with me."
"Your schedule always appears so full. There never seems to be the right time to contact you."
"Have I not been available for consultation whenever required? Have I not attended well to my responsibilities as an Oversight Committee member?"
"Of course, you have. Your professional conduct has been no less than what would be expected of a Starfleet Officer, and more importantly, what one expects of a Vulcan."
"Then, T'Lau, what is your complaint?"
She paused before giving her response. "It pleased me to have lunch with you, yesterday. I cannot pretend your absence since that time has not been missed."
Spock was well aware of her continued attraction to him, but he knew it best not to appear too eager to resume a more personal relationship. "
"Your prior comment about the fullness of my calendar is quite accurate. However . . . " The Vulcan paused as if considering the matter. "My assistant may be able to rearrange my appointments tomorrow to provide time for me to personally deliver commendations to your staff."
Encouraged by his response, T'Lau asked, "After providing nourishment for their fragile egos, would you then have time to once again demonstrate ways to make palatable the so-called food in the cafeteria?"
"Making such changes to my midday schedule would prove problematic. Instead, my intention would be to arrange time for a visit closer to the projected end of your workday. This would afford us the opportunity to have dinner at an establishment with fare not requiring our intervention. Of course, this plan is dependent upon whether your own schedule can accommodate such a scenario."
Her affirmative response came with no hesitation. While she had not been celibate since she last had sex with Spock, T'Lau had found little satisfaction between the legs other men. And, although the Vulcan had never professed affections for her, she wanted to believe his recent overtures might signal a change of heart. Perhaps then, she thought, I can begin to test his allegiance to the damn Federation. There is still time and he is worth the wait.
After his conversation with T'Lau, the Vulcan put himself in a meditative state for nearly an hour to quiet his restless spirit. He then complemented his relaxed state by playing his ka'athyra well into the early hours of the morning. He finally came to his bed with only a few hours remaining before he normally would awaken for the day.
As he pulled back the coverlet away from the pillow, he saw it . . .
The red scarf . . .
Her red scarf . . .
Nyota's red scarf . . .
But the sight of it did not sadden or feel him with more regret for what had past between them that evening . . .
Instead . . .
The Vulcan lay down on his bed . . .
Brought the scarf to his cheek . . .
And allowed the memories of her gentle touch to lull him to sleep.
At 10:23 AM on Wednesday, Spock sat opposite of Sevat in the Vulcan secret agent's office on the Berkely campus. Under his assumed position as a Xenolinguistics Professor, Sevat questioned Spock about his conversation with T'Lau.
Sevat asked, "Did she accept your proposal?"
"Of course. The pretender still appears interested in recommencing physical intimacies."
"You must be careful not to move too fast to engage her in any sort carnal activity. She must not become suspicious of your motives, especially when she suspects your ongoing involvement with Ms. Uhura."
"My relationship with the Cadet is no longer a concern of this mission. The affair has been terminated."
Signaling his surprise, Sevat cocked his head on an angle. "This obviously is a most recent turn of events."
"It happened last night."
"There is no chance for reconciliation?"
"None whatsoever."
"How fortunate."
Spock paused to temper his initial incensed response. "Like most humans in such circumstances, Ms. Uhura was quite distraught. The experience most likely will impair her performance for at least the next few days, perhaps, longer. How could that in any way be considered fortuitous?"
"Previously, it was clear you were reluctant to reassume any sexual activities with T'Lau due to your sense of faithfulness to your human concubine."
While Spock's voice remained low, the intensity of his speech increased greatly to meet the passion of his reply. "Ms. Uhura was never my concubine. If you ever endeavor to demean her in such a manner, again, you will answer to me in ways you will find most unpleasant."
"A threat, Spock?"
"No, Sevat, it is most assuredly a promise."
"Apparently, Ms. Uhura is not the only one affected by dissolution of your association. So not to compromise this mission, you must concentrate on controlling these impulses that most probably are a derivative of your mixed heritage."
"Your advice would be rendered unnecessary, if you take heed of my directive."
Sevat knew Spock not to be one to provide idle threats. Yet, glancing at his chronometer, the agent realized there remained a trump card he could still play that morning.
"It is a pity we cannot continue this stimulating discussion, but it is time for my next appointment. It is a directed study with a Cadet from Starfleet Academy." The Vulcans rise from their seats and head out the door.
"A student from the Academy? Are there not enough subjects, here, at Berkeley to secure your cover?"
"Of course, but I believe this particular one may prove beneficial for multiple purposes."
From the moment they stepped into the lobby, Spock recognized Nyota standing with her back turned to their view. His immediate anger with the revelation of object of Sevat's instruction was quickly suppressed by her laughter that filled the air.2
Sevat quipped, "Apparently, your assessment of her psychological state has proved quite inaccurate."
Author's Note: Yes, I know some of you will not be pleased with me ending it there. However, I thought it best to post something today, than wait longer to finish this particular episode of the story. The next chapter continues the depiction of events from Spock's POV following his breakup with Uhura.
Your comments are always welcome.
1 A paraphrase of a line from the film, Star Trek (2009).
2 See the end of Chapter 18 for the circumstances of Uhura's laughter.