Disclaimer: Bioware owns all, except what I most humbly imagine. While, at times, I will take verbatim from the game, I mostly use the events of the Dragon Age games, expansions and universe as a loose structure around which to construct my re-imagined tale. If you are looking for a strict canon piece, I have no desire to offend, and so I warn you upfront!
When reading this tale, I hope you can easily imagine it being told by the very best of storytellers in Varric Tethras (from DA:2). In my version of events, Varric meets "The Hero" (Elissa Cousland) in Kirkwall during the time period of DA:2. I mention this only so that readers can understand his connection along the way, and so I don't have to mention and rehash it again and again as I make my way through the tale.
A/N: A little glimpse of what happened at The Keep while they were gone. :D
Thanks to my readers, followers and reviewers and as usual to my betas artemiskat and Snarkoleptic.
Happy Reading!
-Frayed One
Chapter Forty-Three: The Metamorphosis
Nocturne led Elissa true, just as Nathaniel promised he would. Beyond that, the stallion rode well beyond any normal animals' capacity. Zevran lost his battle to stay conscious as the parapets of The Keep came into view, the remnants of Elissa's last tonic doing what they could in his blood stream.
Elissa noted the damage to the right outer wall and the massive amount of darkspawn corpses strewn about the property. Whoever stood watch on the ramparts called for the main gates to open on their approach – leaving Elissa free to ride straight through, sparing a look around the inner courtyard and breathing a half-sigh of relief when very few injured or dead looked to be from her forces.
She rode straight through the courtyard and up the main steps into the outer Keep, dismounting just inside and beckoning one of the guards over to help her bring Zevran down from the saddle. "Where is Varel?"
"He was injured in the battle. They took him to the infirmary to see to his wounds." The guard could sense that his response did little to soothe the commander, and became increasingly anxious in response.
"Well, someone must be seeing to the cleanup efforts that have begun. Who did he leave in charge?" Elissa hoisted Zevran up over her shoulder, bracing against a weight she wasn't quite expecting. "Out with it, man. I can't stand here all day waiting for you to find your tongue!"
"T-the mage, Commander. When Varel went down, he took over. Been keeping us all going ever since."
"Jowan." Elissa smiled as the words sank in, heading off down the hall to Zevran's quarters. "Have him meet me in the east wing. He will be able to find the room. And have someone see to my horse."
The guard muttered a few words of response before stumbling off to do as he'd been told.
"Will he survive?" Jowan's words were shaky, but it was more in response to the emotional weight he could see on Elissa than the situation at hand.
"His pulse is still weak, but he's alive – which means The Joining has taken." Elissa lifted her head from where it had lain against Zevran's side, pushing slowly to her feet and brushing a strand of blonde hair away from the elf's eyes. "Now, we just have to wait and see if he survives the trauma of his injuries."
"I'm sorry I'm not a better healer."
"There is no need to apologize, Jowan." Elissa squeezed his shoulder on her way to the window, peering out to watch as Voldrik evaluated the damage to the outer wall and pulled in laborers to begin working on repair. "I'd say you've more than proven your worth here. I heard rumors of large tree creatures coming to battle and a wall knit entirely of bramble holding back The Mother's forces when stone failed. I originally thought I'd have to thank Velanna, but it was you, wasn't it?"
"I-I… Yes. They were pouring through the gap in the wall and Velanna just… she just vanished." Jowan was far away as he worked his way through the memory of what had happened. "I'd been working with that tome you gave me for weeks, and just kind of started reciting some of the passages. Before I knew it, I was calling trees and building walls."
"And thank goodness you did." Elissa turned back from the window, stepping forward to hold Jowan's eyes. "You turned the tide of this battle, Jowan – and very likely saved The Keep and all inside by doing so. You have the gratitude of all who survived due to your quick thinking. And you have mine."
"Yours?" Jowan looked confused.
"I could not return until my task had been completed. I had to trust that I had chosen well with those I left behind, and it's obvious that I did. You defended The Keep with minimal losses. I could have done no better myself."
Jowan blushed as one of the guardsmen appeared in the door, still uncomfortable in the face of any sort of praise – no matter how much he deserved it.
"Commander. The rest of your party have arrived at the front gates. Should I send them up?"
"Have Anders come here directly. The others are free to move as they please." Elissa nodded her dismissal to the guardsman, noting that Jowan too excused himself before the others could arrive.
"If you won't eat or rest or have a bath, you should at least go and change out of what is left of that armor," Anders mused, settling the last of the bandages over Zevran's wound and quirking a bemused eyebrow in Elissa's direction. "Stepping away for two seconds won't change anything."
"Stepping away for two seconds nearly…" Elissa's words trailed off as she began to pace again, worrying with the bridge of her nose in frustration.
"You didn't do this, Elissa. From the size of the wound, I'd say it was one of the childer claws. And, as happy as I am to see that you're acknowledging our existence again, this routine of beating yourself up for things that are not your fault is just as unhealthy as the antithesis."
"Just say it, Anders. Quit mincing words and get it out. It's obvious you have something that needs venting." She stopped pacing and leaned back against the window, waiting for him to speak.
"Alright. I'm just wondering when you're going to see that this game you are playing is dangerous, and not just to you. The more you let… that… thing… call the shots, the less of you there seems to be." He watched as she chewed at her bottom lip, obviously formulating a response before speaking it.
"That thing is me, Anders. I keep telling you – and you keep denying it – but that doesn't make it any less true." Elissa sighed, running her fingers through her hair and turning her gaze back out the window again. "And I'll admit, I need to learn balance—"
"Balance? Is there a balance for it? It certainly doesn't seem like it."
"I can see there's no point in discussing this further with you." Elissa pushed back from the windowsill with a shake of her head, strolling back over to where Zevran lay and resuming her vigil.
"Look. I can see your rationale in making the decision to expose yourself to those vials of who knows what – and maybe I can even see the logic in allowing yourself to access those abilities, to a certain extent. But whatever door you opened back there in The Mother's lair nearly killed us all, and when you came back out of there, you weren't yourself anymore." Anders tried again to make his point, but the tension in her shoulders told him that the words still weren't getting through.
"I never intended to hurt any of my allies, but sometimes the few must be sacrificed for the safety of the many." The words were only slightly louder than a whisper, but they were there hanging in the air.
"And now you're quoting the stratagem of that twisted…" Anders recognized those words, he'd heard a near duplication of them come from The Architect just before they'd entered battle with The Mother. "You've never been willing to sacrifice anyone beyond yourself in the past."
"I've always shouldered most of these burdens for my own, and I'm not saying that I won't continue to do so, insofar as I can." Elissa worried with her jaw line before pacing back toward the door. "But the world is changing, and the threats that will emerge in the wake of that change I can no longer predict. There may come a time when I can no longer look at my companions and say that your life is more valuable than those of some nameless village or an entire country."
"Then I suppose it's good to know where I stand now." Anders watched her body language carefully, searching for any sign of remorse in reaction to his response, but he caught nothing. She stood there as unapologetic as she had before.
"I'm going to go and change. I'll be back to relieve you for the evening as soon as I can."
Elissa's return to Zevran's quarters had not been fast at all. She'd been waylaid by guards and stonemasons and Wade – everyone insisting their requests were more important. Hearing all of that reminded her of the things that still remained to be seen to in Amaranthine, so with a heavy heart and the promise that Zevran was out of the woods, she dressed in an old suit of armor and prepared to ride for the city.
"Surely you don't think you're leaving alone?" Nathaniel leaned armed and armored inside her doorway, his full pack on the floor at his side, and tried not to smile when Elissa glanced up at him – sighed – and went back to strapping her boots on. "The Mother is dead, but there are other threats which linger, unless you think she was the one hiring mercenaries to kill you."
"Don't be daft, Nathaniel." Elissa pushed up from the bed and turned to draw her swords loose from the weapon rack. "I haven't forgotten what's still out there, but there are things in Amaranthine that must be dealt with. I can delay them no longer."
"And I'm not saying you should." He bent down and picked up his pack from the floor, tossing it over his shoulder and stepping into the room. "I'm just saying you don't have to do it alone."
"Nathaniel…"
"I know this is a position Zevran usually fills, but I also know that he is still recovering from the battle and The Joining." Nathaniel stopped in front of her as she set her swords at her back. "So, unless you have a better idea, I've come to offer my services."
"Nathaniel… I am aware that your past, like Zevran's, would make you a logical choice for this, but you've never shown any interest in helping in the past – not to mention you have Delilah to think about. If she knew—" She reached down to grab her pack before Nathaniel reached out to take her hand.
"Delilah was wrong to say what she did, Elissa. And so was I. The choices you make are not easy, and I do not envy your having to make them – but I can see now that you honestly believe you are making them for the right reasons." He stroked at her hand, running his thumb across her knuckles and back again. "I've also spent an awful lot of time telling you how different I am from the other men in your life and not a whole lot of time living up to that assertion. I'd like to work on changing that, if you'll let me."
"Are you certain?"
"Am I certain you shouldn't bear this alone? Absolutely."
"No, that isn't what I meant I…" Elissa pulled her hand free and paced away again, her brow knitting in thought. "This won't be like the Free Marches, Nathaniel. You can't claim it was another's directive. If you do this, you walk in eyes open. It is a lot of blood to have on your hands, and I can assure you, it will never come off."
"I know what I'm doing, Elissa. And I offer myself with no reservations." He held her eyes and made no attempt to hide anything he was thinking or feeling – simply waiting for her to make the decision that would alter their relationship once again.
"We lost several horses during the battle, and I am hesitant to tax the ones who have just returned with another journey. We will have to… share… a ride."
"I can think of worse ways to spend an evening." Nathaniel chuckled.
"Do you ever stop?" Elissa tried not to smile as she shouldered her pack and brushed by him, but couldn't completely stop her lips from curving at the edges.
"Not if I can help it."
From the shadows at the end of the hall Anders watched the pair leave, low companionable laughter drifting down the hall to where he stood. The fact that she had chosen Nathaniel to accompany her was just one more thing that proved just how far down the wrong path Elissa had traveled, and he wondered if there was any hope of bringing her back now.
He briefly entertained going after them and asking to accompany her instead, but he knew he had no stomach for the task she was going to complete and that his hand was needed here as much of the Keep's inhabitants recovered from injury and illness. With a sigh he went back to his vigil at Zevran's side, hoping that Elissa might see reason when she returned.