Disclaimer: Bioware owns all, except what I most humbly imagine. While, at times, I will take verbatim from the game, I mostly use the events of the Dragon Age games, expansions and universe as a loose structure around which to construct my re-imagined tale. If you are looking for a strict canon piece, I have no desire to offend, and so I warn you upfront!

When reading this tale, I hope you can easily imagine it being told by the very best of storytellers in Varric Tethras (from DA:2). In my version of events, Varric meets "The Hero" (Elissa Cousland) in Kirkwall during the time period of DA:2. I mention this only so that readers can understand his connection along the way, and so I don't have to mention and rehash it again and again as I make my way through the tale.

A/N: A bit of a turning point for Nathaniel and Elissa here, but don't get too excited - you know how they are :P

Thanks to my readers, followers and reviewers and to my wonderful betas artemiskat and Snarkoleptic.

Happy Reading!

-Frayed One

Chapter Forty-Four: Everything Old is New Again

The ride into Amaranthine was silent and uneventful, for which Elissa was immensely grateful. Climbing up onto a horse with Nathaniel was not something she had done since they were teenagers and very much in love. She had been reluctant to go there again, but he had kept his word and been nothing short of a gentleman. Even now there were no comments or sideways glances as he dropped down from the saddle and reached up to draw her after him. Even the conduit between them was blissfully silent.

Hasan, the guardsman she had left in charge following Aidan's disappointment, had done a fantastic job of keeping up with Elissa's explicit instructions and had even managed to begin some of the cleanup on the damage done to the city.

"Have there been any further occurrences of disease within the city?" Elissa's words were measured as she removed her gauntlets and tucked them away within her pack, turning to follow Hasan toward the Infirmary.

"No, Commander. The quarantine stopped the spread, but those held within lost the ability to leave their beds several days ago." Hasan's eyes were haunted, and Elissa took in a deep breath as she pulled a vial out of her pack, fidgeting with the edge of the corked lip.

"Thank you, Hasan. You have gone above and beyond what anyone could be asked to do. I hope you will accept my offer and take up the position of Constable. Amaranthine will need you in the coming days."

"Y-yes, Commander. I will… I will do my best." The guardsman bowed, both humbled by the offer and overwhelmed in the face of what he knew Elissa must now do.

His eyes strayed to Nathaniel, whose father he had known, and Elissa could see the man contemplating the cruelty that might run through his bloodline like a poison. She knew all too well what the people of the arling who had not been taken in by Rendon's spell thought of the man now that he was gone – and that they worried just how many of those tendencies had been passed down to his children.

"These people will die, Hasan – with or without my intervention. I am offering them a far more peaceful end than what will come without this vial in my hand." The guardsman nodded, but did not shift his attention, forcing Elissa to clear her throat and draw his eyes. "This is done by my orders. Nathaniel had no say in this."

Hasan nodded and walked away, leaving the two Wardens standing just outside the Infirmary alone.

"That was unnecessary, Elissa. I stopped caring what people thought of me a long time ago."

"I care." Elissa pushed the door open, stepping into the entry room and waving one of the caretakers in their direction.

Nathaniel watched as she gathered the handful of healthy people in the building and sent them on their way, wondering how long this – the latest of her mercurial mood swings – was destined to last.

Once the last of the healers had walked out the door, Elissa stepped forward into the room and stopped at the table being used to distribute water and what food the ill could manage to digest. She popped the cork from the vial and emptied a third of it into the water, watching it cloud and then disappear.

"I hadn't thought of that." Nathaniel watched as Elissa tucked the vial back into her pack before settling it to the floor and beginning to pour what she'd mixed into the cups laid out on the table.

"What? You thought I was going to come in here with a blade and slit their throats?" There was no humor in Elissa's tone as she turned to look at him, and Nathaniel knew there was a part of her that knew exactly what kind of monster she appeared to be.

"Elissa…"

"Are you certain you are up to this task, Nathaniel? I will give you one last chance to walk away." She did not look at him, merely continued loading the tray in front of her with cups and waiting for his reply.

"I have not changed my mind, Elissa. I am here beside you. Just tell me what you need me to do." He took the tray she pressed into his hands and watched her load a second for herself.

"You take the right half and I'll take the left. Start at the back and work yourself forward. What's in those mugs will be enough to sedate a man of your size so there shouldn't be a problem with having to adjust the dosage."

"What should I do if they ask—" Elissa turned at the tone in his voice, stopping him mid sentence.

"Most of these people are too far gone to care, and those still aware enough to acknowledge your presence know that they are dying and will welcome this. But, if someone asks…" She drifted off for a moment, lost in some distant place. "If someone asks, tell them it's just like going to sleep. There will be no more pain, no more sickness, only peace."

As Elissa moved away, Nathaniel noted that she had assigned herself the side of the building where all of the people she had pointed out to him from the Chantry stairs had been positioned. The mother of four, the man who was the last of his bloodline, even Albert was a responsibility she had taken for her own. He thought to argue with her, but knew he'd get nothing beyond a swell in irritation and a possible order simply to leave altogether.

When all the cups had been distributed, there was nothing to do but wait and check to ensure that the poison had completed the task for which it was intended. Nathaniel stood after checking the last of his half of the large building and turned to find Elissa lingering at Albert's side.

As the day had passed, he'd felt the whirlwind of emotions building inside her – though she had fought to keep them concealed from him. But now as he approached her at the man's bedside, he could sense nothing but sorrow and regret. It weighed her down, and he could see the strain on her body as she stood.

"I need to speak to Hasan. If they've started cleaning the city, they must be burning the corpses somewhere. These will need to be added to that pyre."

"It is asking a lot to have people accept the burning of their loved ones' remains so soon after acknowledging that a loss must come. Is there no other way to dispose of them?" Nathaniel watched her rub at her brow before responding, and knew that he'd asked the wrong question.

"You cannot bury the tainted. They Blight the earth, the animals, everything they come into contact with. They must be burned, and the sooner the better. The longer they stay here, the longer this festers and the more likely it will spread again." Elissa took in a deep breath before looking at him again. "If you do not wish to help with this part, then I will relieve you of that duty – but it will be done with our without your consent."

"I wasn't trying to back out, Elissa. I was simply trying to find a better way; a way less likely to result in half of the arling burning you in effigy mere weeks after you saved them all." Her laughter interrupted his thoughts, and he shook his head, wondering what she could possibly find funny this time.

"People are always going to burn me in effigy, Nathaniel. No matter how many times, how many ways I save them – it all ends the same. They don't… they cannot understand what we do. If they did, they'd just live their lives in fear and no one can exist like that – not with any hope of sanity. Part of the sacrifice I make is to play both hero and villain, to be cast in the role they need to fill. A week ago I was their savior, tomorrow I'll be the monster that took their mothers and fathers and children. It's how things must be." She leaned against the wall, looking out the tiny window into the gathering darkness, though Nathaniel knew there was nothing there to be seen.

"It isn't fair."

"Life isn't fair. You and I, of all people, should know that." She stood again, pausing to catch his eyes before heading out the door. "I'll go and find Hasan. Let no one in until I return."

Nathaniel found himself unable to do anything but nod his acceptance; the weight of what it was Elissa really did for those she was charged to protect starting to become even clearer to his eyes. No one should bear a burden like this alone, and Elissa had done that for so long he wondered how she continued to stand the strain of it.

Most of the townspeople no longer left their houses after dark, making it easier to keep their grisly task hidden in the shadows of the night. As the last of the bodies was loaded onto the burning remnants of a house at the farthest edge of the outer walls, Elissa sent Nathaniel to secure lodging at the Crown and Lion knowing they had neither the stamina nor the inclination to make it back to The Keep without resting.

When she walked through the tavern door an hour later covered in ash and mud and Maker only knew what else, she did not expect to see Nathaniel lounging at the bar with food and ale.

"Do you want the good news, or the bad news?" He swallowed down the mouthful of food he'd just taken with a drink of the watery ale, and tried not to laugh at the look of poorly disguised irritation on her face.

"I'd prefer neither, but seeing as you have both, let's get the bad out first, shall we?" She settled down on the stool at his side, taking the mug right out of his hand and finishing it off before waving for another.

"The bad news is that with half of the city destroyed, most people are taking rooms at the inns, so there was only a single room available." He watched her eyes narrow in his direction as she pulled a large piece of cheese out of his plate, but she said nothing. "The good news is, there is a hot bath waiting for you inside of it, along with a plate of food and pitcher of ale all your own."

"A bath you've no doubt already used, before settling yourself down for a meal." Elissa snorted, snagging another piece of cheese before heading for the stairs, room key in hand. "I'm locking the door, and so help me, Nathaniel – if you pick it and come in before I'm bathed and dressed I'll send you to the Void."

Nathaniel shared a laugh with the innkeeper before turning back to his meal, pretending the thought hadn't crossed his mind.

Elissa laughed to herself when she finally heard the light knock at her door, wondering how long Nathaniel had stood there contemplating picking the lock before deciding it was in his best interest not to.

"Enter."

"I thought you were going to lock it." Nathaniel chuckled, stepping through the door and latching it behind him with the assumption that neither of them would be leaving again until morning.

"I did, while I was naked." Elissa leaned back into her spot on the couch, enjoying the warmth of the fire as she scribbled various notations in her journal.

"You say these things to taunt me." He shook his head as he settled down on the couch beside her, watching her curl up her legs and then stretch them back into his lap just as she'd done in this very room months before.

"Yes, Nathaniel. I see to my personal hygiene just to taunt you." She rolled her eyes and dropped the journal down against her chest. "Tell me you don't actually think these things."

"Not really. But you know how I feel, and yet you causally mention being naked as though I'm to have no reaction at all."

"Fine. I won't speak of being naked again." Elissa sighed and went back to her journal, kicking lightly at him when he dragged a nail up the arch of her foot.

"Well, that's no fun." Nathaniel laughed, pushing up the leg of her pants and working his fingers into the muscles of her calves. "Just know if you do decide to bring it up, you should be prepared to get as good as you give."

"I don't care if you talk about being naked, Nathaniel." She rubbed at her nose but didn't look in his direction, a sure sign that she was bluffing.

"There's no use in lying, Elissa. Brief and transient though it was, we have been together now. I know how you looked at me then, and I know how you looked before. You aren't nearly as unaffected as you like to pretend." His fingers hit the inside of her knee and trailed up into her thigh, brushing the edge of the scar he knew began there, and he smirked as she cleared her throat and pushed his hand back down.

"Let's change the subject."

"Alright." Nathaniel chuckled softly, shifting himself slightly on the couch and working his hand back under the edge of her trousers. "Do you remember sitting in this room months ago and realizing what it was my father actually did to us?"

"Of course I remember." Elissa glared at him, arching an eyebrow as he drew his fingers along the inside of her lower thigh once again. "If you have a point, I'd suggest getting to it."

"I tried to get you to kiss me. To prove that you still had feelings for me."

"Yes, I remember that as well." She sighed, reaching down to dislodge his hand from her pant leg once again and starting to pull herself to a seated position.

"Well, now I know." Nathaniel leaned in, pressing his body against hers as he leaned her back against the arm of the couch. "You kissed me that night before The Mother, even though you wouldn't say it in words. You love me, Elissa. This is meant to be."

"It doesn't matter, Nathaniel. I'm not a good match for anyone, that should be painfully obvious." Elissa held his eyes, hoping that he would understand. "You want more than I can give."

"You have no idea what I want," Nathaniel assured her, leaning in to brush a quick kiss against her lips.

"I'm getting a pretty clear impression of what you want against my inner thigh at the moment," she responded, trying to resist her body's need to respond to the touch of his hands. "Anything between us will only end in disaster. I'm trying to spare you the—"

"Bullshit, Elissa. You're afraid. Afraid of what we could have – and so you won't even try." He kissed her again, never wavering from her eyes until she closed them and just gave into it.

"This is… this is such a bad idea." Elissa's words were breathy as Nathaniel trailed his lips across her jaw, and down her neck, pulling aside the loosely tied neck of her shirt to expose her upper chest.

Beyond that it was all sensation, the intoxicating feeling of human contact and the overwhelming swell of passion and adoration that flowed through the conduit. There was a powerful connection between them, just as there had always been, and denying it was becoming harder with every passing day.

The fog of desire lifted briefly with a sharp rap at their door, snapping Elissa's head to attention before Nathaniel attempted to draw her back down with a demanding hand against her breast. "Ignore it. Whoever it is can wait until tomorrow."

"Nathaniel! Open the door. I know you're in there. I can hear you talking." Delilah's voice drifted through the wood, thick with pain and anger, neither of which could be ignored.

"Damn it all…" Nathaniel sighed, pushing his weight up to allow Elissa to scramble out from under him, straighten her clothes and answer the door giving him a moment to work his body back under control.

The look on Delilah's face when Elissa pulled the door open undid all the distraction Nathaniel had just provided. It was obvious both that Delilah had expected to find her there, and that she had no desire to see her.

"Is my brother not allowed to answer the door?" Delilah snipped, stepping into the room and passing her eyes over everything in it with disdain.

"I was closer to the door. That's all."

"You were closer to presentable is more likely." Delilah snorted, rolling her eyes before turning to Nathaniel. "What's the matter, Nathaniel? Can't stand at the moment?"

"I'll give you two some time alone." Elissa offered, moving toward the door.

"Yes, please do. I'd like to ask my brother why he felt the need to burn my husband's body, preventing me from giving him a proper burial."

"Delilah… Nathaniel had nothing to do with this. Your anger should be directed at me." Elissa drew her attention, waving Nathaniel to silence when he thought to intervene. "He is here by my command, and everything that has been done is with my order. Nathaniel is not to blame."

"Is he here in your room on orders, or does he lie with a monster of his own volition?" Delilah's words were venomous, and Elissa visibly recoiled before composing herself and making her way out the door in silence.

The tension between the two people most important to him was like being doused in cold water, so Nathaniel had no trouble dashing after Elissa into the hall. "Wait, Elissa… she had no right to—"

"She had every right to, Nathaniel. This is how things have to be. You cannot have Albert's blood on your hands. Now go, be there for your sister. I will see you in the morning."

He paused for a moment, torn between his blood and his heart, until Elissa made the decision for him – disappearing down the stairs and into the tavern below.