So... i had the next chapter, but no this one. *shrugs* I can't figure my mind out. Anyway, this one took insanely long because of homework so sorry for the wait. But here it is. The next chapter will be up super soon to make up for the wait for this one.

Ch. 6

Four months, three weeks ago. Still in the cabin.

Sam hasn't stepped out of the clearing they've been living in. Dean has. Though he's never left Sam's sight. He'd walk around, setting up alarms in case someone comes by. Sets up traps for wildlife. It's why they haven't left for food until now. Now though, Sam looks at the separation of dirt to gravel, hesitant to take a step away from what's comfortable.

Dean stands right next to him, chewing his lip. "You could stay here?"

That sounds even more terrifying to Sam. He shakes his head. "No. I'll… I'll be fine." He links his finger in Dean's jacket sleeve.

Dean looks down to his arm in surprise. "You sure? I don't want you going all Rain man on me."

Sam bites his lip, letting go of Dean's sleeve. "Sorry. 'M fine."

Dean studies his brother. "You know you can tell me you're not, right?

Sam is silent for a second. Then, "What was I like?"

"When?"

"When I was out of it. The first thing I remember of here is you washing the dishes one night. You kept looking over your shoulder at me. Why?"

Dean swallows, nodding as he looks away. "That was the first day you actually looked at me like you were seeing me."

Sam tilts his head.

"You were almost comatose," Dean tells, shrugging. "I had to feed you, move you… uhh…" He grimaces.

Sam snorts. "You raised me, Dean."

Dean shrugs. "Still awkward. But anyway, it wasn't good. Like the lights were on but nobody was home. You looked, but you didn't see. Not until that night. I had to keep checking to make sure I wasn't kidding myself."

Sam nods to himself.

Dean watches him. "Why?"

Sam shakes his head. "Nothing."

Dean doesn't push him. Much. "What do you remember from that time?"

"Not now, Dean," Sam murmurs.

It takes him a few seconds, but Dean finally nods, nudging Sam with his shoulder. "C'mon, man. We need to go get supplies. What do you need?"

Sam frowns. "Uhh… I'm not picky."

Dean shakes his head, scratching the back of his neck. A nervous tick Sam recognizes. "I mean, what do you need to feel comfortable? If you need to do what you were doing earlier…"

Sam blinks.

Dean shrugs. "I've noticed contact helps. So if you need to hold onto me… it's fine. You can."

Sam looks down for a second before looking back to Dean. His hand hesitantly reaches out to fist in the sleeve of Dean's jacket. "Thanks." His voice is barely a whisper.

Dean nods once. "I'm here, Sam. I'm real. It's fine. Alright?"

Sam steps closer, knuckles white as he grips Dean's sleeve. "Yeah."

"Every day is a new question…"

"I will find the answer," Sam finishes in a whisper.

Dean grins. "Exactly. C'mon. I want some new food." He starts walking, Sam right at his shoulder with a small grin.

They walk down through the woods to the small town in case they have to duck somewhere and get away from someone who would recognize them. They aren't sure how many leviathans are around here. They don't really want to take any chances.

The town is empty. The brothers look around at the abandoned place in silence. There's no sign of destruction here though. It's as if they left in a hurry, but as a precaution rather than panic. Quick enough to avoid being snuffed out by the creatures. A lot of the cars are gone. Store lights are still on. The only way this place is still running is because the leviathans haven't come through. And if they have, the left silently because there is no one here.

"Well… at least we won't have to pay for anything."

Sam looks down at Dean, eyes full of despair.

"No." He shakes his head. "This isn't our fault, Sam. These monsters are more than anyone has been able to handle. It isn't just us. Why do you think they haven't been stopped yet?" He puts a hand to Sam's shoulder. "None of this is your fault."

Sam doesn't totally agree, but he lets it go.

Dean hotwires a car, driving it from store to store as they pick up any food they think they need. Or want. They pick up batteries for flashlights, more ammo, a few guns, and other miscellaneous supplies. Sam has to let go of Dean's sleeve of course, but he doesn't go far. Until Dean does.

He looks up after filling a cart with groups of water bottles, heart stuttering in his chest to almost a stop when he sees the space his brother was recently occupying, completely empty. "Dean?" His voice is a choked plea.

"See," Lucifer taunts, suddenly at his side. "I told you it wasn't real. You're all alone here. There is no Dean."

Sam is blindsided by the reappearance of Lucifer. He's been gone since the hit in his head. And his dreams. But now he's back. He looks down at his hand, knowing the fading scar won't help him anymore.

"No use trying, right?"

Sam grits his teeth. "Shut up." He leaves the cart of water, sprinting down the aisle to look around for his brother. "Dean?"

"He isn't real, Sam. None of it has been. I could take any of it away at any second. Even your precious big brother."

Sam starts hyperventilating. "Dean!" His voice borders on a panicked scream. As much of a scream as his low and gritty voice can manage. His eyes restlessly scan the aisles as he jogs down the length of the empty store. "Dean!" Tears start blurring his vision. He can't still be in hell. He can't still be at the mercy of Lucifer. He just can't.

He suddenly freezes, heart tripping over itself when he suddenly hears an answering voice. One syllable. His name, he recognizes the second time. "Dean!" He books it towards the other end of the store.

His brother walks around the end of an aisle, chest heaving as if he had been running too. "Sammy." Even though he doesn't yell, Sam can still hear it.

He barely slows as he reaches his brother, colliding with him almost violently. The only thing keeping Dean from falling backwards from the impact is Sam's arms closing tightly around him. "Dean." It's a desperate, choked plea.

Dean grips him back, just as tight. "I'm sorry, Sam. I'm sorry. I forgot. I was so stupid and I forgot. Just went to the back storage to see if they have anything we might need there. I shouldn't have left. I'm sorry."

Sam holds tightly on to him, holding back the sobs that want to break free. He tucks his face into his brother's neck. "It's okay," he whispers. "I shouldn't need you all the time."

Dean tightens his hold even more, shaking his head a bit. "It's alright Sam. It's not your fault. Really. It was me. I was stupid." They stand like that for a long time before Dean finally loosens up and Sam follows. His hand doesn't leave where it's clenched in Dean's sleeve again. "You alright?"

Sam's eyes move over his brother, taking in every detail. Everything so perfectly… Dean. The devil couldn't fake this. Not his brother. Sam would be able to tell the difference. "Fine. 'M sorry."

Dean pats his arm, eyes apologetic. "I promise to think before I move, okay?"

Sam nods once.

Dean nods back. "Okay. C'mon. Let's go back and get the water."

Sam doesn't let go of Dean's sleeve again. Dean doesn't make him.

By the time they're done, they have an SUV filled with everything. Sam had to let go of Dean's sleeve to pack the car, but now he's standing chest to shoulder with him again.

Dean looks to Sam with a grin.

Sam rolls his eyes.

When they get in the car, Sam sits inches away from Dean's side, hand clenched around Dean's sleeve again. He doesn't relax until they're back at the cabin. When they drive into the clearing, he lets out a breath.

"Home sweet home," Dean breathes.

Sam nods his agreement.

They unload the car, Sam letting Dean farther away, but still keeping him in hearing distance. Dean keeps up a constant stream of talk, meaningless and petty most of the time, but it keeps Sam sane. When they're done, Dean collapses on the couch.

"C'mon, Sam. Let's take a nap. I'm exhausted and I'm sure you are too after that panic attack back there."

Sam hangs his head sheepishly.

Dean rolls his eyes. "No need to worry about it anymore. I know you don't like me being out of your sight. I was stupid. Now come lay down. The bags under your eyes are growing."

Sam sticks his tongue out.

Dean grins. "Bitch."

Sam gives him a look that doesn't need any words. Jerk.

Dean moves his feet so Sam can lay down, head on the opposite arm rest. He lays his legs right on top of Sam's. A sense of protection. Heat and weight to let Sam know Dean is right there. Dean watches his brother's eyes close from his end of the couch. It's huge. Something Sam had commented on loving sometime within the first week he was talking. Just a tiny little comment he used to let Dean know he was still trying to pull himself from his silence.

"Thank you."

Dean smiles at the quiet words. Again, Sam letting him know that he was still fully there mentally. Though Dean knows he's had a little drawback today. He'll be quiet for a while. But Dean's gotten used to that. "No problem, Sammy."

He waits until Sam is breathing evenly and deeply before letting his eyes close too. Hopefully his brother gets a break today and actually gets a few hours of sleep.

Four months, one week ago.

Dean's tired of the screaming. Tired of the torture his brother has to go through every night in his dreams because of the collapsed wall. He just doesn't know what to do about it. He's wiping the sweat-soaked strands of hair from his brother's forehead one night after a particularly bad night when he gets an idea.

"What if I found a spell?"

Sam's eyes snap open. "You hate using magic."

Dean sighs. "I don't know what else to do, Sammy. Neither of us are sleeping, you're going to drop dead if you don't get more sleep, and I can't take the sound of your screaming anymore. I have to make it stop. What if I found a spell?"

Sam eyes him sadly. "I don't know of one…"

"We'll go see if there's a library or something in the town down there. I'll find every book of spells I can get my hands on."

Sam's eyes, looking so young at the moment, lock onto Dean's. "I'd do it," he murmurs.

Dean lets out a sigh. "That's it then. I will find something to help you."

Sam doesn't reply. His face doesn't show belief or doubt. Just hope.

Dean gets up. "You try to sleep. Okay? I won't be long. I promise."

They've been trying to slowly get Sam used to the idea of Dean being gone for little periods of time. Easing him out of a crippling weakness that could get them killed when they decide to leave their cabin. From what Dean knows, it's been okay. They've gotten it up to a couple hours. It won't take him that long to grab the books he might need.

Sam just watches him leave the bedroom, curling up in the warm spot his brother leaves behind. He pulls most of the covers over himself. It always seems colder when Dean's not around. And he knows he won't be getting any sleep while his brother is gone. He doesn't tell Dean how agitated he is when he's gone. How he barely keeps himself from going crazy. Tonight though… he's exhausted. Instead of his usual pacing, he just stays curled up in the bed, telling himself over and over his brother is real and he'll be back soon.

The impala peels out of their clearing, going down to the mountain to the small town at the bottom at what should be a frightening speed. But not to Dean. He knows his baby. It's no time before he's skidding to a stop in front of a library. Research has always been Sam's thing, so it takes him a while to figure out exactly where he should be looking. Eventually, he's letting out a triumphant 'ah ha!' and loading his arms with books.

It takes him five trips to get them all to the car, throwing them in the trunk with less care than he probably should use for books as old as these. But he's in a hurry. He's barely been gone forty five minutes before he's pulling up in front of their cabin. He grabs an armful of the books and heads inside, sighing in relief when he walks into the bedroom to see Sam giving him a reassuring smile.

"You alright?"

Sam nods.

"Okay. I found a ton of books. I'll bring them in and we can get to looking." He sets his first armload on the bed. "Here you go. Get to your geeky self and research." He grins when Sam rolls his eyes, glad his brother was okay while he was gone. After unloading the car, he takes his own armload and sits against the headboard next to Sam. He bumps his foot against his brother's. Sam bumps back. They're silent as they read.