Operation: No Return Chapter 31 Crash Into You Part III, a star trek: 2009 fanfic

Author's Note: Chapter 31 continues the scene from the previous chapter in which Uhura confronts Spock concerning his reference to the song – Tevul-tor vi' tu (Crash into Me).

This chapter uses lyrics from the song, Crash into Me by Dave Matthews. The writer does not claim to have written or to have rights to any part of the song.

As always, your comments are appreciated.

Now, after midnight . . .

Saturday evening melted into the beginnings of Sunday morning . . .

In the dark shadows out of the glare of a security light, Spock and Uhura stood nearby the Cadet's dorm . . .

There was no longer any doubt . . .

For she could see it in his eyes . . .

Lost for you, I'm so lost for you . . .

His large hand enveloped her own and held on . . .

A gentle squeeze of her hand . . .

And, the heat of his body entered her own . . .

You come crash into me . . .

And I come into you . . .

And her emotions were exposed before him . . .

Tied up and twisted, the way I'd like to be . . .

And he told her . . .

"When I wrote the note, I did not have the words to tell you "

"I did not know how to tell you."

In a boys dream . . .

"When you did not respond, I thought you had rejected me . . ."

"But I did not stop wanting you . . ."

"Ashayam . . ."1

Crash into me . . .

And he called her name . . .

"Nyota . . . "

She answered . . .

"Yes, Spock."

So lost was she under the Vulcan's spell . . .

"You must not allow Cadet Kirk to bed you."

The Vulcan's words startled her as if icy cold water were thrown in her face. She turned away and shook her head in disbelief.

"You've got a lot of nerve, Spock, to make such demands on me."

"In these moments we have been together, you have demonstrated your heart does not reside with him."

"Are you forgetting you were the one who broke up with me?"

"I am aware of that fact."

"And, what about your relationship with T'Lau? I'm sure you haven't been a stranger to her bed."

"I have never lied to you and I will not begin, tonight. My relationship with T'Lau has not been platonic."

Uhura turned back to him with her hurt lying exposed in her eyes. She could barely find her voice to tell him, "I don't know whether to curse you or myself for being such a fool."

"Under the circumstances, it would be more appropriate to curse me."

No longer able to restrain herself, she cried out. "Damn you, Spock!"

"As it is, at times, a human custom, it would be understandable if you would like to strike me." He commented. "I offer myself for that purpose."

The Vulcan stood tall with his arms to his side, while Uhura stared at him with an incredulous look and mouth agape.

Spock added. "I assure you, I will not attempt to block or dodge your blow."

Uhura held her arms as she retorted. "The action loses its effect when the recipient knows its coming."

"I seriously doubt if you could actually hurt me. However, I thought the gesture might prove therapeutic for you."

The remark brought the look to Uhura's face. The look she had once interpreted to him as meaning . . . Spock, you've got to be kidding me.

Spock continued. "If you would prefer not to take advantage of that option, then you may come nearer so I may encircle you with my arms. I can hold you in that position for as long as you desire."

"Spock, do you really think I'm in the mood for your embrace?" She replied. "The way I feel right now, if those are my options I think I would rather hit you."

"As you wish, but you have previously conveyed an appreciation for the tactile benefits you have experienced when I have held you in the fashion I described. I recall you first verbally relayed the advantages of such a posture the evening you seduced me on the trolley."

"I seduced you on a trolley? I recall the incident, but not the detail you allege. Perhaps, you are confusing me without someone else."

"The one and only time I have experienced that antiquated mode of transportation was in your presence six days before you left to visit your friend in New York for the holidays. However, it is my understanding you have engaged in at least one other ride since that time with another male."

"Kirk and I have never ridden the trolley together."

"I do not speak of Cadet Kirk, but of your other male admirer – Sevat."

"Sevat is my linguist professor, not my admirer."

"You should not be so naïve, Nyota."

"Spock, there is no reason to imagine an attraction between us when none is present. Sevat has shown no interest in me beyond guiding my language studies."

"A cable car appears hardly a suitable setting for academic pursuits."

"It was chosen as one of the settings for my lessons using Vulcan in a social context. But, I don't understand why Sevat would specifically tell you about it."

"He did not specifically say he had experienced it with you, but as far as I could tell there was no other logical explanation why he would have mentioned it."

"You don't think he suspects you and I have ever had more than a professional relationship, do you? I wonder if T'Lau put that notion in her head."

"I do not know if T'Lau discussed such speculations with him or not." Spock replied, effectively dodging Uhura's original question. "However, I gave Sevat no indication the trolley had any significance to me."

From Spock's response, she could tell knowledge of her trolley ride with Sevat had affected him. She had not known until this moment how much that experience with Spock had meant to her, too.

On a cold December evening, Spock and Uhura stood in line for the trolley with a group of mostly tourists. Both dressed for the weather with scarves, jackets, and boots. The East African also wore jeans, while the Vulcan donned black slacks and a wool cap pulled over his ears for extra warmth.

"I have, yet, to understand why you suggested this activity." Spock complained.

"Apparently, I'm not the only who feels it is not the experience to be missed."

"With the temperature well below average for this time of year, it boggles the mind to understand why such a throng would still be willing to subject themselves to this."

"Well, I find it even harder to believe you lived here so long and have never rode the cable car."

"There are a number of much more efficient and timely ways to travel about the city. Frankly, there is no practical reason why someone would care to take such a trip."

"It's a significant part of the city's lore. How can you be in San Francisco and not travel on it, at least once?"

"I have managed to do so with no regrets, I assure you."

"Perhaps, you just don't know what you're missing."

He asked, "How many times have you engaged in this suspect activity?"

"I'm sure at least a dozen times. It was one of the first things Gaila and I did together as roommates. And, whenever someone comes to visit from out of town, the trolley is usually an attraction near the top of the list of things to do."

"Having experienced this so many times, the activity surely must have lost its appeal for you, by now. I would not want to knowingly subject you to such tedium solely on my account."

Uhura laughed. "Nice try, Spock. But you're not going to get out of this so easily."

Clang! Clang! The familiar sound of the cable car bell could now be heard as it approached their stop. Spock looked once again to Uhura, but she seemed too eager to board the trolley to entertain another plea for reconsideration.

Sitting in the crowded trolley car, Spock glanced at Uhura whose face appeared childlike with awe as they rolled by the city landscape.

"Isn't the view absolutely breathtaking, Spock?"

"Please be more specific as to where I should focus my attention."

"Do you see how the city lights glow against the backdrop of the night sky?"

"This is not a unique phenomenon, Nyota. As the Earth rotates away from its sun, this image is replicated in populated areas throughout the world where there is no fog or other form of precipitation to obscure one's view."

"Ah . . . " Uhura said trying to disregard his comment. "Now, here's a sight you can't find everywhere. Just look at how the moonlight dances across the water."

"Really, Nyota."

"What's wrong now, Spock?"

"I do not understand why supposedly educated humans continue to use the word, moonlight."

"I understand Vulcan has no moon, but what possible problem could you have with that word?"

"Moonlight does not exist."

"Of course, it does."

"Nyota, are you not a woman of the 23rd century? How can you not know light does not emanate from that satellite? The light you see is a product of . . . "

". . . sunlight striking the moon's surface in a process called diffuse reflection." Uhura interrupted him. "I know what causes it, Spock."

"Then why do you insist on using that word?"

"Moonlight." Uhura said, now regretting she had asked him to take the trip. "How can that word so offend you?"

"It is nonsensical."

"Moonlight is the substance of dreams."

"So now your contention is that something that does not exist is the product of one's imagination. At least, your babble is consistent."

"Babble?" She questioned him with the ire in her voice steadily rising. "Spock, is there not a romantic bone in your body?"

"I find nothing remotely romantic about discussing concepts which are an anathema to science. It is the realist, not the dreamer who arouses my senses."

"A dreamer is one who can only find his way by moonlight, and his punishment is that he sees the dawn before the rest of the world."2

"Nyota, must you continue to use that offensive word."

"What word? M – o – o – o- o – o –o – n – l – i – i – i – i - g – h – t!" Uhura drew out the sound of the word and then ended it with a harsh final consonant.

Silence now separated the pair as each stared straight ahead calculating the number of stops left on their trip. Then, a distressed voice of a young child suddenly caught Uhura's attention.

"Mommy, I'm cold."

Uhura glanced back and saw what appeared to be a six or seven year old girl sitting next to a woman who had her arm about the child. While both wore jackets, neither one wore a hat or scarf.

"I know, honey. I wish you would have told me you had dropped your scarf when we got on the trolley."

"I thought I had it on me."

"Well, it won't be much longer before we'll be able to get off and return to our hotel."

"How much longer, Mommy?"

"Don't worry, Rachel. It'll just be a little while longer." The woman tried to calm her child, although knowing it would be at least 20 more minutes before they would reach the desired stop.

Uhura rose from her seat before Spock had time to question her intent. Yet, her purpose did not remain hidden for long as she unwound her blue scarf from her neck. The Vulcan listened as she asked the woman if the child could accept her scarf. The woman initially refused, but the East African gently persuaded her to allow the gift.

"It's so warm." The little girl happily proclaimed as Uhura wrapped the woolen article once about the child's head to cover her ears. She then draped the remainder behind the girl's back.

"I don't know how to thank you, Miss." The woman told Uhura, her eyes glistening with gratitude.

Back in her seat next to Spock, Uhura resumed her position looking straight ahead. However, the Vulcan could see she now appeared to have a slight smile on her face.

Spock commented. "You seem to be quite content with yourself."

"I am."

"You will soon begin to feel the effects of the absent scarf."

"Probably."

"Yet, you willingly gave away your protection against the cold of the night."

"Do not neglect to do good and to share what you have, for such sacrifices are pleasing to God."3

"I assume you are quoting from your sacred book."

"We simply call it, the Bible."

"Then, your act was motivated by religious teaching."

"That . . . or, the effects of moonlight." She quickly glanced over to Spock, barely able to contain her laughter. Yet, the Vulcan seemed unaffected by her humor.

Disappointed by his lack of response, Uhura echoed the words of the child's mother. "Don't worry, Spock. It'll just a little while longer."

"At our rate, I calculate we will not reach our destination for another 17 minutes, 45 seconds."

"Well, thanks for the report." She replied, feeling as if the last ounce of her feel good moment had been sucked away. As cold air wafted through the cable car, Uhura's body began to shiver slightly. She reached up to take hold of her jacket's pull tab, but then realized it was already at the top of her zipper.

"You are no longer properly attired for the evening's temperature."

"Thanks for reminding me, again." She quipped.

"I know of few others who would have acted as you did." He remarked drily.

"My actions aren't motivated what other people would do." She said as she checked her chronometer, now anxious to end the trip.

And then . . .

Uhura could feel his warm gloveless hand cover her two hands nestled in her lap. Taking in her eyes, he told her softly. "You have a generous heart, Nyota. I find this quality much more alluring to me, because it is so rare. According to Surak, We must give more in order to get more. It is the generous giving of ourselves that produces the generous harvest."4

"Thank you, Spock." She said, as she felt herself filling with pride.

"I am only stating the obvious truth. Your empathetic spirit as demonstrated through action is the core of your beauty."

"I know not whether I deserve such high praise, but I must admit if you continue your poetry may be in danger of turning my head." She retorted.

Spock leaned his head forward so his lips almost touched her ear, and said one word. "Seductress."

Oh, yeah . . .

This Vulcan was working it . . .

But she didn't want him to stop . . . not yet . . .

He placed his arm behind her and pulled her body to his own. He commented, "The juxtaposition of my body to yours should serve to warm you."

Oh, yeah . . .

She was no longer missing her scarf . . .

How she liked this . . . feeling . . .

Being next him . . .

All right . . .

All right . . . yeah . . .

The Vulcan added, "The process would perhaps be more effective, if you laid your head against my shoulder."

The smell of his leather jacket mixed with his . . .

Maleness . . .

Oh, yeah . . .

She could learn to really like this . . .

All right . . . yeah . . .

"Seductress . . ."

There, in the dark shadows outside of Uhura's dorm, a laugh suddenly escaped her lips.

Spock asked, "I do not recall any laughter that evening on the trolley. With your head upon my shoulder, I seem to remember some sighs and other inarticulate sounds of your . . . pleasure. There were no indications of levity."

Uhura's smile remained on her lips as she walked slowly about him. "I laughed when I remember what my friend, Shaniqua, once said about you."

"Having never met the woman, could her analysis offer any real value?"

"You be the judge."

"As you wish."

Now back in front of him, Uhura raised her head to meet Spock's eyes. "Shaniqua told me you are one dangerous Vulcan."

"This . . . opinion I assume is based on information you shared with her."

"That is correct."

"Then, why let her speak for you? You need not deliver your sentiments behind her shield."

"On this, Shaniqua and I are of one mind. I must definitely watch my step with you."

The tall Vulcan took a step toward her so his face hovered only inches from her own. His body ached for her so. Yet, his words did not disclose his true thoughts. Instead, he asked her, "Is it me you do not trust or do you not trust yourself?"

"Come on, now, Spock." She said, refusing to be moved by his audacious act. "Don't play me like that."

"Play you? What is the meaning of that expression?"

"Stepping up on me like that, as though I'm suppose to melt each time at your approach."

"You say that as if I think of you as some sort of automaton. As if I know just what buttons to push to get a desired reaction."

"Nothing to that extreme, but Spock there is nothing you say or do in which you have not calculated the likely outcome."

"If that were true, then I . . ." Feeling the tremors return to his hands, he stepped back trying to quiet the trembling.

"Spock?" She called to him, not knowing the context for his sudden movement.

As he felt the tremors begin to subside, he remarked, "I was going to say, if that were true, you would be in my arms at this very moment."

She told him, " I remember . . . that night on the trolley . . . you had me . . . you had me all the way . . . so vulnerable was I to those words that slid off your tongue like sweet honey. So, entranced was I that evening, that I even fooled myself into thinking you were speaking words of love, when the word was actually never spoken."

"If the result is the same, what difference does it make whether or not the word, itself, is uttered?"

"Because it's what I need Spock."

"It is nothing more than a human insecurity."

Uhura gave him the look and retorted. "Well, being human I guess I can't help myself."

"Your answer is unsatisfactory."

Uhura shook her head, before turning and walking in the direction of her dorm.

"Nyota, please don't go."

Under the glare of the security light, Spock's plea stopped Uhura in her tracks. She turned back to the Vulcan and saw his want of her naked upon his face.

"Tonight is not the first night I thought about coming out here to meet with you." Uhura admitted calmly. "But I was afraid . . . afraid that like a foolish young girl I would run into your arms and beg you to take me back."

"There is nothing foolish about you, Nyota." He told her.

"I apparently was not wise enough to know that even if you had not ended our relationship, it could not have gone on like that. With you calling most of the shots, I was quite the willing subject. If compromises had to be made, there was no question as to who would be the one to bend."

"Circumstances most often dictated that outcome."

"No, Spock. You took hold of the wheel and charted a path for the both of us. I was simply a passenger who you would let in and out of your life at your will."

"You overstate your case, Nyota."

"Not at all, Spock. In fact, it's probably the first time I've seen our relationship with my eyes wide open."

"What suddenly brings such a dubious clarity to your vision?" He charged. "Has your friend fueled this perspective?"

"She did not have to, Spock. It's just that I now realize I am worthy of a more substantial role than merely playing a part in your sideshow."

"I need you, Nyota." He said quietly.

"Then, at least, meet me halfway, Spock." She replied.

Silence.

When East African could finally find her voice again, she spoke barely above a whisper. "I miss you, Spock . . . the sound of your voice . . . your touch . . . just being with you . . . I love you, Spock . . . I love you."

The Vulcan stood mutely before the woman he loved, unable to tell her what was on his heart. How could he do this and possibly put her life at risk?

The silence returned . . .

A silence that appeared as daggers to her soul . . .

She had opened her door, but he seemed unwilling to enter it . . .

She nodded . . .

As if acknowledging his inertia . . .

"It's all right, Spock." Uhura told him gently. "If these last five weeks have taught me anything, I've learned that I can go on with my life without you."

The Vulcan watched her walk into her dorm . . .

She did not look back . . .

She would not look back . . .

She could not look back . . .

And, he cried out for her . . .

A cry that only he could hear . . .

Buried deep . . .

Buried deep inside the core of his being . . .

"Ashayam . . . I swear I will not ever come to you, again."

Author's Note: In the next chapter, Spock's condition worsens and T'Lau suggests a solution to his malady.