Dear Jack

Chapter 3: Autumn 2009

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Sorry for the delay, this one takes a lot of energy. And I feel like you guys aren't digging the un-happy stories lately, which is a shame, because this fandom used to love a good angsty or dramatic fic.

Also, this won't all move so slowly. We still have to get from 2009 to 2011.

Anyway, thanks for the reviews so far, and keep them up, please. :)

~.~

"Monica," Chandler sighed in exasperation, catching the bedroom door mid-slam as he rushed after her, closing it behind them. "Monica, don't you think you're being a little ridiculous?" he continued on, Monica standing, arms crossed, away from him by their bedroom window.

"I'm being ridiculous?" she spun around to look at him. "You're the one who told your five-year-old daughter she could go to a birthday party after I told her she couldn't go. Yes, I'm clearly the ridiculous one," she attempted to move past him, but he blocked her passage between the bed and where she was standing beside the window.

"So, what, you were going to let Jack go and make her stay home?" Chandler challenged, Monica remaining silent. "Oh, so neither of them was going even though they haven't seen any of their friends all summer?"

Monica shook her head in frustration. "It's not like this is forever. Just, the chance of her catching something around all of those kids-"

"So, what, you're just going to keep her locked inside until she's in remission? Are you going to make her miss her first day of Kindergarten?"

"If I have to!" Monica shot back, both of them angry, but trying to keep their voices down so the kids wouldn't hear their argument.

"Jesus Christ, Mon, let her be five!" Chandler raised his voice slightly. "Because she might not get to be six or seven or ten or twenty, but she is five, so let her be a goddamn five-year-old," he vocalized both of their fears, slightly too loudly and suddenly, and Monica turned away from him at that, knowing he was right, but having a hard time holding herself together. "Let her spend a fucking hour at a birthday party with her friends," he added quieter, and when Monica remained silent, Chandler sighed, turning to leave the room.

Monica closed her eyes, allowing the tears to fall once he was out of the room. That was the first time either of them had acknowledged out loud both of their worst fear. Saying it out loud, hearing it, made it all too possible, all too fathomable, and she found herself needing the solitude to pull herself together after that hard blow to the gut.

Before she could fully recover, though, Chandler came back in, standing in front of her, wrapping his arms around her as she clung back.

"Sorry," he whispered into her hair, tears audible in his voice.

Monica took a shaky breath before replying, "One of us had to say it, eventually…."

~.~

"Ben!" Erica squealed, running down the stairs as the doorbell rang, already wearing her pajamas, knowing her cousin was there to baby-sit her.

Rachel had convinced Monica that perhaps she and Chandler needed some alone time since they hadn't had any in months. It had taken a lot of convincing, too, but Erica had been doing extremely well, and after some (much) consideration, Monica finally decided (was persuaded) that it would be okay to go out for a couple of hours.

"Hey, munchkin," Ben laughed as Erica clung to his legs.

"Guess what movie Mommy rented?" she asked, pulling him towards the living room. "Monsters ver-zes Aliens!" she exclaimed, running to grab the DVD.

"Hi, Aunt Monica," Ben greeted Monica, who walked in from the kitchen.

"Hi, Ben," she smiled in return. "We won't be gone long. We're just going to dinner at that new Italian place down the street and maybe to a movie," she explained. "Jack went to a movie with a friend," Monica shook her head. "I don't know what kind of crazy woman wants to take four five-year-olds to a movie, but more power to her. He should be home in about an hour. I left both of our phone numbers and the phone number for Erica's doctor on the table. If you need anything—anything—just call. We'll be five minutes away."

Ben smiled. "We'll be fine."

"Seriously, don't be afraid to call."

"We'll be fine," he repeated, going into the living room, where Erica had already started the movie.

~.~

"You really don't want any popcorn?" Ben, who had gotten up to get them snacks halfway through the movie, asked Erica, who was laying on the couch, still watching the movie. Erica shook her head. "Not even with M&Ms in it so they get all squishy?" he asked, referring to the snack they'd had last time he had watched the twins that they had both loved.

"No," she shook her head. "I don't feel so good."

"What's wrong?" Ben asked, practically running back into the living room.

"I just don't feel good all day. My tummy and my head hurts. But if I told Mommy, she wouldn't let you come baby-sit," Erica explained, sitting up as he sat beside her.

Ben reached out, placing a hand on her forehead. "Shit, you're burning up."

"That's a naughty word."

"Sorry," Ben apologized, running back into the kitchen, rummaging through the cabinet they kept their medicine in, pulling out a thermometer. "Here," he handed it to Erica, who stuck it in her mouth, used to such requests from her mother.

"A-lr yew ma at me?" Erica tried to talk while keeping her mouth closed.

"Don't talk," Ben sighed, sitting beside her. "No, I'm not mad at you. Just worried."

As the thermometer beeped, Erica took it out of her mouth, handing it to Ben. "Everybody's always worried about me," Erica sighed deeply. "It's no fun."

"102.7. I'm gonna be no fun and call your mom," Ben stood back up, taking his cell phone out of his pocket.

"Please no?" Erica went after him, grabbing at his leg. "Please no?" she repeated, now near tears. "Please no, please no, please no…."

Ben took a deep breath, calling Monica anyway. "Hey," he greeted her, trying to ignore Erica's pleading. "Everything's kind of okay. Erica has a fever—102.7. Okay," he paused. "How much do I give her? Okay. Okay. See you in a few minutes. Bye."

Erica's bottom lip quivered, arms crossed. "But I never get to do anything fun."

"Sorry, munchkin."

She sat on the ground, arms still crossed, pouting. "Do I have to go to the hospital?"

"Yea."

"You are no fun like everyone else!" she stood up, storming towards the stairs, sitting on the bottom one.

"Come on, Erica, you need to come take medicine."

"I always need to come take medicine."

"Hey, c'mon," Ben sat on the step beside her, heart hurting at how upset she was. "I'll come with you, and we can finish the movie in the car and watch the rest of it when we get there?"

Erica sighed. "Promise you won't leave til it's over?"

"Promise."

"Can you get my hat from my room before Mommy gets home? My pink winter one? Everyone stares at me if I go places with no hat on and no hair."

"Sure," Ben hopped up, ready to go get that and some Tylenol. "Anything else?"

"My blanket. And Dad's computer to watch the movie."

"Be right back," Ben headed upstairs, coming back only moments later, the aforementioned items in hand. He pulled her hat on her head, handed her the blanket and set the computer down, handing her a syringe of liquid Tylenol. Erica took it, making a face, as Ben sat beside her.

"I like the orange kind more than the red kind," Erica pointed out.

"Next time I'll know."

"I won't be sick forever. That's why I have to go to so many doctors and take so much medicine. To make me better," Erica explained what had been repeated to her many times, holding tightly onto her blanket.

"That is very true," Ben agreed.

Erica climbed onto his lap, leaning her head against his chest, still clutching her blanket, tired of fighting not feeling well. "You're still my favorite grown up."

Ben smiled, trying not to laugh at that, not at all considering himself to be a grown up. "You're my favorite munchkin."

~.~

Erica came into the kitchen, where Monica was cooking dinner, wearing the school uniform Monica had bought a few weeks earlier, along with the backpack she had picked out when Monica took both her and Jack school supply shopping. She had debated long and hard on taking Erica with or leaving her home, knowing very well she could be missing at least a couple of weeks of school at the beginning, but didn't want her to feel more left out than she already did.

"I want to go to school Monday," Erica announced, referring to the first day of school coming up.

Monica's face and heart fell. "Sweetie, remember we said you probably won't get to go the first couple of weeks-"

"I. Want. To. Go. To. School," Erica repeated slowly.

Monica bit her bottom lip. Erica's white blood cell count had plummeted because of her chemotherapy, causing the infection that landed her in the hospital for a week, and had delayed her next round of treatment.

"I want to go to school," Erica repeated, quieter, but still firmly.

Monica bit her lip. She wanted to say yes. She didn't want to tell her five-year-old she couldn't go to school of all places, that she had to miss her first day of Kindergarten. But she knew her white blood cell count was still too low, and the risk of her getting sick again right now was too high.

"Mommy?"

Monica shook her head slowly, Erica's big blue eyes filling immediately with tears.

"Maybe next week," Monica choked out, trying to hold back her own tears. "We'll have to see after you go to the doctor."

Erica immediately turned to silently leave, heading back up to her room.

"You're lucky you don't have to go to school," Jack pointed out, following his sister upstairs and into her room. Erica ignored him, lying down on her bed, covering her head with her pillow. Jack poked at her leg with his finger, but she ignored him. "Want me to sing the sunshine song?" he asked her as he climbed onto the bed. From beneath her pillow, he made out a nod. "You are my sunshine," he sang, "my only sunshine. You make me happy, when skies are grey. You'll never know, dear, how much I love you. Please don't take my sunshine away. You are my sunshine, my only sunshine, you make me happy with skies are grey…."

~.~

I don't own "You Are My Sunshine," although my best friend and I in high school used to write it in a note to the other person if they were having a bad day and then pass it to them in the hall. :)

Reviews? Please and thanks :)