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Day 9601

Ume sat in the Jounin Standby Station, ear bud in her ear and clipboard in her lap. From the ear bud came a static-y message: "Bird in place."

"Horse in place."

"Bear in place."

One more..."Lion in place."

Ume checked the room silently and pressed the 'push-to-talk' button hidden in her glove. "Weasel listening."

There was a pause and Bird's voice came over the line. "Weasel-taichou, do you have any information to pass on?"

Ume checked the board in her lap, three names were circled in bright red pen. "Every foreign ninja passed the info checks. However, there is a team of Sound ninja entering the exams this year."

A moment's pause and then another crackling response... Bear this time: "Sound? Never heard of them."

Ume chuckled. "I know."

There were brief sounds of understanding from the other side. "Roger. What is their marker?"

"Music note. Very cutesy. Are you in position to hear the exams clearly?"

There was a cacophony of affirmative answers ending with Bird's quiet. "Yes, Weasel-taichou."

"At least one person should have eyes on the Genin at all times. Aside from that, listen for anything suspicious and report it to me. The Genin should be arriving shortly followed by Ibiki and his team. He will need some sign of your presence, but keep in mind that the Genin are not to know you're there: suppress your chakra and mask your scent if at all possible." Ume heard footsteps outside of the door. "I will check-in with you every fifteen minutes, if you do not answer the check-in call, assume you are dead. Got it?"

The was a chorus of yes ma'am's.

"Good, in order to keep the noise down, I will not verbally respond to you until check-in. The click of the 'push-to-talk' will signal that I heard you. Remember that you shouldn't speak unless you have something to report."

A pause then an unanimous: "Roger."

The door opened and closed.

"You're just chilling here by yourself, Brat?"

The smell of cigarettes would have tipped her off, if the nickname hadn't. "I'm doing paperwork like a real adult, Jerk."

Asuma settled into the seat across from her, the one conveniently close to the ashtray. "And here I thought that you special agent types didn't have to do paperwork like us poor peons."

She smiled. "Nope, we have more paperwork than you poor peons."

Asuma made as if to answer, but focused at some point over head. As she turned to look over her shoulder, the door opened and closed and she rolled her eyes. She brought her hand over her mouth and threw her voice: "Calling Lover-boy, come in. World of the Living, Calling Lover-boy. Can you hear me?"

He glared at her and the whispered around his cigarette. "Shut it, brat."

"Welcome back, Jerk. That dumb grin of yours was starting to worry me." Ume shot him a smug smirk before turning over her shoulder to greet Kurenai. "Hullo!"

Kurenai eyed her bright smile with a small amount of suspicion, but answered just as cheerfully. "Hi, Ume." She turned to Asuma and smiled with a tad more sex appeal than was necessary, strictly speaking. "Hello, Asuma."

Asuma smiled up at her and took his cigarette out of his mouth. "Hey." He was still smiling at her when he noticed Ume making kissy faces at him. His smile fell abruptly and Kurenai looked over at her. Ume just smiled blithely back and Kurenai frowned, sitting next to Asuma.

As Asuma and Kurenai began to talk, a whisper came over her ear bud. "Weasel?" She clicked the push-to-talk button. "The Sound ninja are two males and a female, approximately 14-16 years of age. One of them uses some sort of air based attack. It's hard to explain, but the boy with the wrapped face has some sort of apparatus attached to his forearm that manipulates air. He had a brief tiff with one of the Leaf Genin and, although the Leaf ninja dodged it with time to spare, the attack brought him to his knees."

She kept her face neutral and began to write the information down.

"Wait. It manipulates sound, it attacks the eardrum of his opponent, that has to be it. Outstanding. Where the hell did he get that?"

She signaled her response and edited the information on the clipboard.

"Ume!" She looked up and saw Kakashi sitting next to her.

"Yes?"

He looked at her shrewdly. "What are you doing?"

She shrugged. "You know, paperwork." But Kakashi knew better, ANBU members didn't do paperwork, any and all mission reports were given to the Hokage, and only the Hokage, verbally, never written down.

"Behind?" He let it drop.

She smiled at him. "A little. You know me. Paperwork, is definitely not my favorite."

He gave her a look that said he suspected something. Then again he had been suspecting things for the past two weeks. As an ex-ANBU and partner of an active ANBU captain, he was well aware that it was exceptionally odd for any ANBU, let alone a squad leader, to be off-duty for more than a few days. She hadn't had a mission for two weeks and that nearly impossible barring two reasons: she was on medical leave or she was already on a mission.

He had intimate knowledge as to the health of her body, so that left one reason.

The group quieted down again, Asuma, Kurenai and Kakashi, discussing their students. Ume mostly just watched them converse while waiting for any information from the field agents.

After about fifteen minutes, Ume looked up at the clock.

Standing, she tucked clipboard under her arm. "Tea anyone?" Asuma and Kurenai shook their head no, but Kakashi indicated that he would like some. "Be right back."

As she walked away, a soft chuckle came on over the ear bud. "Ibiki just called them baby-faced degenerates."

Ume chuckled and pushed the push to talk button. "Score one, Ibiki." Walking over to the tea pot on the far side of the room, she held the teapot in such a way as to push the button while she poured. "How is everyone holding up?"

"Bear here. Nothing to report."

"This is Horse. All is clear."

"Bird reporting. All is fine. Nothing unusual."

"Lion here. Bored as hell."

Ume shook her head and pushed the button once more. "Focus Lion. Anyways, break time is over. Talk to you at the next check-in."

"Roger."

As soon as she was out of earshot, Asuma turned to Kakashi. "What is she hiding?"

Kakashi shrugged and leaned back. "She not allowed to tell me and I don't ask."

Asuma blew out at stream of smoke. "You mean to tell me that when she goes off on some mission, she doesn't tell you what she'll be doing?"

Kakashi shook his head. "No. The kind of missions she goes on are disclosed on a need to know basis. If I needed to know, I'd know. That the way it works."

Asuma frowned. "I couldn't deal with the not knowing. Hell I don't like what she does and I don't even know the full extent of it."

"Full extent of what?" Ume passed one of the cups in her hand to Kakashi and sat down beside him.

Kakashi looked over at her and from this angle, she was sure he could see her ear bud. "Asuma was just commenting on the type of work you do."

Ume made a face. "Let's not start this again, Dad. It's what I'm good at and I like it."

Asuma pulled his cigarette from his lips. "You are good a lot of things, that doesn't mean that you have to put your life in constant danger."

Ume chuckled. "We're ninja, that's what we do. A safe ninja is a dead ninja."

Asuma frowned and took a long drag on his cigarette. "You know damn well that ANBU missions are ten times more dangerous than even the normal elite Jounin's mission. That is the point I am making."

Kurenai's eyes widened. "You're ANBU?"

Ume glared at Asuma and ignored Kurenai. "Yeah, so what? That's the point you've been making for the past ten years. Guess what? Still hasn't changed my mind. Mostly likely won't."

Seeing that he wasn't getting anywhere, Asuma turned to Kakashi. "Say something why don't you?"

Kakashi looked confused. "Like what?"

"Like how you don't want her-"

Ume waved her hands in front of her chest. "Whoa, whoa, what makes you think he can stop me, even if he wanted to?"

Asuma glared at her. "You two are in a relationship, I'm sure he has some sway over your decisions."

Ume and Kakashi looked at each other briefly before Ume chuckled and Kakashi answered. "The word 'relationship' is relative, besides, she's a big girl, she can make her own decisions."

Asuma rolled his eyes. "Whatever."

Ume stuck her tongue out at him over the rim of her steaming tea-cup.

Asuma stuck his tongue out too. "You're a child."

Ume crossed her eyes at him. "You're a bully."

Kurenai, who had watched the entire exchange with a raised eyebrow. "Are they always like this?"

Kakashi nodded. "I guess you haven't been around the both of them together often enough to see them like this, but yeah. They were worse when they were younger."

Kurenai just watched them with a slight smirk. "I don't really remember it but I'll take your word for it."

Eventually Asuma and Ume stopped bickering like children and the flow of the conversation returned to normal. Every fifteen minutes, Ume would get up to get tea or go to the bathroom in order to check-in with the team.

With fifteen minutes till the end of the first round, Ume came back to find the sensei discussing their students.

Asuma tapped the excess ash off of his cigarette. "I heard that their first examiner this year is Ibiki."

Kakashi, looking pensive, leaned back as Ume sat down next to him, putting his fresh cup of tea in between them. "Great... Sticking them with that sadist right off the bat."

"Huh? What sadist?" Kurenai looked confused.

Ume chuckled. "I like Ibiki, I think he's funny."

Kakashi scoffed. "That's because he leaves you alone. He likes you."

Ume shook her head. "He leaves me alone because I'm not interesting. Too simple or something."

Asuma laughed. "Dumb more like." Ume stuck her tongue out at him.

Kurenai looked a little put-off that no one was listening. "What sadist?"

Asuma chuckled. "I forgot that you're a new Jounin, Kurenai. Otherwise, you wouldn't have to ask that."

She shrugged. "So I'm ignorant. Who is he?"

Kakashi answered, "He's what you might call a specialist."

Kurenai's eyes widened a little bit. "Oh yeah, in what?"

Ume giggled slightly as Asuma took a deep, dramatic hit on his cigarette. Taking it out of his mouth, he answered, "Interrogation.. Torture." At Kurenai's gasp, he continued. "Of course, he won't be using physical torture during the test, he won't need to. That's not really his thing anyway. He works on people's minds, not their bodies. He's famous for it. Everyone knows about the head of the ANBU Torture and Interrogation Corps for the Hidden Leaf Village, Ibiki Morino."

Kurenai looked disgusted and turned toward Ume. "And you like this guy? Sounds like a real freak show."

"Like I said he's funny."

Asuma wasn't finished. "You see, this guy, Ibiki, he's a master of interrogation because he understands how the human mind works. He knows just were to probe to uncover your weaknesses. The thing is, he's so good at his job, he doesn't use physical torture, he doesn't need to. He just messes up your head so bad, you torture yourself."

"I still say he sounds psycho."

Ume shrugged. "He's on our side regardless."

Kakashi sat up straight and looked at her. "You knew all about this, didn't you?"

Ume looked shifty. "No."

Kakashi laughed. "Yes you did! I remember you telling me that you were looking forward to working with Ibiki again. I never thought that Ibiki would be the first proctor."

Kurenai leaned forward. "Do you know what they're doing?"

Ume shook her head. "No idea, only that Ibiki was the proctor and that he requested the use of twenty Chuunin from the Torture and Interrogation Corps to be his proctor assistants."

"Twenty?" Asuma shook his head. "I wonder what he is doing to them. Do you know who the next proctor is?"

Ume smiled. "One of my favorite people in the world: Anko."

Kurenai shook her head. "Let me guess, you think she's funny too?"

"Yep."

Kakashi chuckled lightly. "The more you get to know her, Kurenai, the more you realize that she, in fact, likes everyone."