Her Smile Heals Me (part 17)
Santana took in a deep breath, the kind of swift intake of air somebody takes when they're forced out of a deep sleep by a sudden sensation of free falling, which caused her to immediately start choking. She pushed herself up on her forearms and forced her eyes open with every ounce of energy she had reserved, feeling half groggy and half out of her head from the amount of smoke in the air surrounding her. She tried to swallow but the dryness in her mouth and throat was thick, as if her last meal had been cotton balls and she hadn't brushed her teeth for days afterward.
The room was very dim, but she wasn't quite sure if it was the room or the darkness she brought with her from her dreams. Her every thought had been so shadowed lately, she was never sure if she was truly awake or still sleeping.
She heard a voice mumble something so she turned toward it. There was so much smoke in the air, everything appeared to Santana in slow-motion. Her head hurt. Her throat hurt. Her stomach hurt.
The voice said something to her again so she tried to sit up. Bad idea. The combination of motion and thick smoke turned her stomach faster than she could even process.
"Oh gross…now she's puking on herself…," an obnoxious, female voice said loudly, "…I told you should have left her out back."
"Shut the fuck up, Amanda," Jordan said harshly.
Santana heard the voices around her, but she had no ability to decipher their words…just like she felt warm liquid down the front of her, but she had no presence of mind to understand what was happening.
Jordan had a hard time lifting herself off the floor, but she made her way over to the couch and helped Santana stand, putting her cigarette between her pierced lips then one of the Latina's arms over her shoulders as she put her arm around Santana's waist.
"Come on…," Jordan told her, barely discernible through the hanging cigarette, "…let's get you cleaned up."
Santana gave her no resistance, allowing herself to be more or less dragged up a flight of stairs to the second floor.
There's a place that I know
It's not pretty there and few have ever gone
If I show it to you now
Will it make you run away…
Or will you stay
Even if it hurts
Even if I try to push you out
Will you return?
And remind me who I really am
Please remind me who I really am…
Brittany shivered hard under a sudden feeling of alarm that washed over her, shaking her entire body and causing her to flush. The overwhelming awareness that something was wrong somewhere pushed all of the other thoughts from her head. She heard a rise of applause, but her mind was so far away, it sounded like the distant ocean waves she always heard inside large sea shells as a kid at the beach.
"Brittany…."
She felt a gentle nudge, and she looked toward the person seated next to her, "Huh?"
"They called your name…," Austin said with an excited smile, "…you won!"
Brittany looked around the auditorium, seeing her parents and little sister standing proudly, clapping enthusiastically with the rest of the audience, her mom motioning her up to the stage.
Everybody's got a dark side
Do you love me?
Can you love mine?
Nobody's a picture perfect
But we're worth it
You know that we're worth it
Will you love me?
Even with my dark side?
Jordan opened the door to the upstairs bathroom and sat Santana on the side of its grungy, ceramic tub, pulling the shower curtain back, then she stepped sideways to kick the door closed with her black boot, holding onto Santana's floppy arm to keep her from falling. She leaned and set the remaining half of her lit cigarette on the edge of the sink with her free hand.
"Alright…arms up," she said as she grabbed at the bottom hem of Santana's cotton shirt.
The young brunette followed instructions by motion more than comprehension, and Jordan lifted the shirt off of her and tossed it to the floor, revealing Santana's bare chest.
"Damn, girl…," Jordan's thought escaped her mouth before she slid Santana backwards into the tub, her legs draped over the side.
The older girl turned around and took a long drag off her cigarette, flicking the hot ash into the sink, then returned to the tub and pulled off Santana's sweatpants, tossing them to the floor too.
"This'll be cold at first," Jordan said as she leaned over the younger girl and turned on the overhead shower, the water shooting out full force.
Santana let out an audible scream, startled by both the water and its temperature.
"Hey, I warned you…," Jordan said with a slight laugh.
The door to the bathroom pushed open.
"You're gonna have to wait…," Jordan said to another girl as she stepped in front of the door, trying to force it shut again.
"I gotta pee…," the girl told her, leaning on the door, "…and there's a line for the downstairs."
"Wait…or find a tree out back," Jordan told the unknown girl.
"Whatever," the girl slammed the door shut, "This party sucks anyway!"
Jordan turned back to the tub, picking up a bottle of liquid bath soap and squirting it over Santana, "…ok, that should help some of that smell." She tilted the shower head so it rinsed off the trail of soap from the Latina's brown skin then reached to turn off the water before grabbing a large towel, stopping a second to take a puff from the last of her cigarette.
"That'll have to do for now," she said as she pulled on Santana's arm to lift her back out of the tub, wrapping the towel around her as she got her to the edge.
Jordan ran a gentle touch down the back of Santana's wet hair, "Okay, feeling better, kid?"
Santana nodded weakly, the shower having brought her back to reality a little.
"You should maybe have some water or something, you think?"
She nodded again.
The older girl looked around for a cup, but finding none, she picked up one of the discarded, half-empty bottles of beer from the ledge over the toilet. She poured the rest into the sink then ran the bottle under the hot water before switching it to cold and filling the bottle with some of it.
"Here…guess this'll have to do…," she lifted the amber-colored bottle to Santana's lips.
As some of the water emptied into her mouth, the stench of beer from the rim of the bottle almost made the brunette vomit again.
"Okay, okay…sorry," Jordan said, pulling the bottle away, as Santana coughed hard.
The tattooed girl set the bottle on the counter then helped Santana stand again, tucking the towel around her.
Like a diamond
From black dust
It's hard to know
What can become
If you give up
So don't give up on me
Please remind me who I really am…
Brittany stood up from her seat and pushed past the rest of her classmates in the row, turning toward her parents again as she reached the aisle. Her sister gave her a giant toothless grin and a wave before she turned toward the large stage.
"I think Ms. Pierce is a bit shocked at coming out on top…," Ms. Mack said into the microphone as the applause started fading, "…let's encourage her with another round of applause."
Brittany made her way up the side stairs and walked across the lit stage until she reached its center. She was greeted with a firm handshake and a warm smile from Ms. Mack, Interlochen's toughest instructor, before she was handed an envelope and a trophy.
"Brittany, congratulations…," Ms. Mack said directly to her then added into the microphone, "…I'm thrilled to have had the opportunity to work with Brittany personally in my classes…she was not only our star pupil with her individual and team performance marks, but she was also highly favored by her classmates…her dedication to her craft and attention to detail…even with a family emergency that occurred mid-camp…."
Brittany looked out into the audience. Santana…she thought. This should be the happiest accomplishment of her seventeen years, but the one person she wanted to share it with was missing from the crowd. Her stomach dropped and tears filled her eyes. The sound around her disappeared again for a moment as she willed herself to keep control of her emotions, biting at her bottom lip as it quivered.
"…I would also like to point out that this is an honor typically bestowed on our graduating seniors…so again, congratulations and thank you for all your hard work."
Brittany managed to smile out at the audience then back at Ms. Mack, saying, "Thank you very much."
Everybody's got a dark side
Do you love me?
Can you love mine?
Nobody's a picture perfect
But we're worth it
You know that we're worth it
Will you love me?
Even with my dark side?
Don't run away
Don't run away
Just tell me that you will stay
Promise you will stay…
Jordan led Santana up the hallway and into her bedroom, sitting her on a very disheveled bed, before turning to pull out a clean t-shirt and sweat pants from the same drawer she'd pulled the clothes Santana previously had on.
"Do you have more underwear in your bag?" Jordan asked her, grabbing the red and white McKinley High backpack off the floor.
Santana didn't respond, the combined smells of lingering smoke and recently burned incense swirling around in her head.
The older girl dug around in the bag and pulled out a black bra, a paperback book, and a blue brush before finding a pair stuffed at the bottom along with a white bank envelope. She pulled out the paper sleeve and saw that it was thick with cash. Confused, she looked over at Santana, and her mind started churning with random thoughts of how she could use that money.
Jordan took a deep breath and saw that Santana was looking at her but she said nothing. She slid the envelope back down into the side of the backpack, zipping it closed and tossing it to the side of her dresser.
She ran the towel over Santana's shoulders and back then over her wet hair. She pulled the shirt over her head, pushing her arms in the appropriate holes, and leaned her back against the bed and pulled on the underwear then the pants over her thin legs. The older girl rolled her over so she was in the middle of the double bed and moved to the doorway.
The last thing Santana heard before the light went out was, "ok, kid…sleep tight…oh, and pleasedon't puke or piss in my bed."
Tiny arms grabbed Brittany from behind, squeezing her tightly. She turned to see her parents walking toward her in the brightly lit hallway outside the auditorium.
"Congratulations, sweetheart!" Mrs. Pierce approached her daughter with outstretched arms, hugging her when she reached her.
"We are so proud of you, Britt," Brittany's father leaned over his wife to kiss his older child on the cheek.
"Can I hold your trophy?" her sister asked excitedly.
"Be careful, ok…it's heavier than it looks," she said, still halfway holding it for support.
"It's pretty…I like the gold dancing girl…I'm gonna be a dancer too, just like you, B…huh?"
"You bet!" Brittany patted the child on the head, taking back her award, "…and you'll win ten of these."
"Mine are gonna be super tall too…like this tall…," the little girl held her arm in the air and jumped up, emphasizing the height she envisioned.
"Dream big, pumpkin," Mr. Pierce told her then adding, "Come on…are any of you hungry?"
"Yes!" his wife answered.
"Me…Me…Me!" the littlest Pierce voted.
"Give me just a second, okay?" Brittany asked, seeing Austin nearby with his family, "Hold this for me?"
"Sure…take your time," her dad told her, taking the trophy.
Brittany walked over to the lanky teen and tapped him on the shoulder. "Hey."
He turned and gave her a wide smile, "Congratulations!"
His parents, grandparents, and brother were standing in a semi-circle and added their congratulations too.
"Thanks…I really appreciate," she told them all, smiling politely.
"I wanted to tell Jeff thank you again for driving me down to Ohio," she said toward the handsome, older boy standing in the group.
"No problem…I was headed that direction anyway," Jeff smiled back at her.
"Well, tell Tiffany it was nice to meet her."
"I will…I'm glad you made it back safely," he told her.
"Me too…," Brittany looked down and shuffled her feet.
"That's so awesome that they gave you another scholarship for next summer," Austin said, squeezing her upper arm.
"Yeah, it's great…do you think you'll be back next summer?"
Austin looked at his parents, "Will I?"
"I'm sure we can budget for that…if you keep your grades up," his dad said.
"Cool…listen, I gotta go…I'm having dinner with my family," Brittany leaned to hug him, "I'll see you in the morning at checkout, ok?"
"Thanks again for all your help, Brittany…I couldn't have survived without you."
Brittany's thoughts instantly went to Santana. She shook her head to cast them away. Don't lose it now…she told herself internally as she walked back toward her family.
"Let's go eat," her father said, putting his arm around her shoulders.
"You're G-A-Y Gay, Dave."
"Shut up!" David screamed.
"It's true!"
"So are YOU, you bitch!"
"Yeah, so? I'm a girl…nobody cares…it's hot even."
"Shut up, Santana!"
"Just come out…what do have to lose?"
"Shut up!" David put his hands over his ears, trying to block out the sound of her voice.
"Do you realize what you did to me?"
"Please shut up," he begged.
"No! You RAPED me, Dave…you took EVERYTHING away from me…my dignity, my sense of safety."
"No…it was an accident."
"An accident?" she laughed, "So you didn't mean to rip off my clothes?"
"No…shut your mouth…it wasn't like that."
"Oh okay…and you didn't mean to ram your hand inside me? Over and over until I was BLEEDING!"
"STOP IT!"
"Stop it, Dave? Like you stopped when I screamed out in pain? When I begged you to stop, Dave? Like you stopped then?"
"I was drunk…I didn't want that to happen," he cried as he shook his head in protest to her words though it was as if she was standing and shouting right into his brain.
"YOU RAPED ME!"
David Karofsky sat straight up in his bed, unsure if the scream he heard himself make was audible or just inside his head. He drew in a shaky breath and ran his large hands through his thinning, brown hair, finding it wet with sweat. He closed his eyes and breathed deeply for several seconds until his pulse slowed.
He looked around his moonlit room. He saw sports pennants, displayed trophies, a football on his dresser, and a rack, hanging on the wall across from him, that held several baseball bats. His room made a statement: a boy lives in this room.
He's all boy…he'd heard his mother say countless times over the years. That's my boy…his father would yell from the stands at his games. Anytime he fell off his bike when he was younger he always heard…Quit your crying, son…toughen up! Once he grew taller and bigger than others in neighborhood, his father encouraged him with…Show them what it means to be a man, David.
Karofsky looked down at his hands. He held them up in front of him. He'd batted baseballs with them. He'd tackled linebackers with them. He'd punched guys in the face with them. He'd pushed smaller kids like Kurt into lockers with them.
YOU RAPED ME…he heard echo in his head. Tears rolled down David's face as he lay back down.
Quinn put her blinker on to turn right onto a side street. She was following Cate who was driving the small, maroon truck through the streets of a neighboring town to Lima. The teen looked at the older homes as they drove, wrinkling her nose at the condition of most of them. Truth be known, Quinn stayed away from this area for good reason.
She pulled up into a long gravel driveway and stopped her car behind Cate. The tall brunette got out of the truck and walked back to the Jetta. Quinn buzzed her window down rather than turning off the ignition, leaning her head out of the opening.
"Why don't you just wait here, ok?" Cate leaned and kissed Quinn, "I just need to trade keys with Jordan."
"Okay," Quinn smiled up at her, relieved to be given the out. She watched as Cate walked up the driveway, stopping by her bright blue motorcycle which was parked under a giant oak in the front yard near an old Adirondack chair. After a few seconds, Cate went up a set of steps and walk through the front door without knocking.
Cate surveyed the bodies in various spots around the living room, looking for the black and pink hair of her ex-girlfriend.
"Jordan," Cate shook the girl curled up in a fetal position in an old armchair.
"Huh?" she hardly stirred, pulling her knit cap down further over her face to block out the sunlight that was streaming through the large window on the front wall of the house.
"Jordan…come on…it's after two…I told you I was bringing the truck back today."
"Yeah, okay."
"Here's your keys…trade me and you can go back to sleep," Cate grimaced, looking around at the condition of the house and the random girls asleep in it.
Jordan didn't move but mumbled, "…back pocket."
Cate rolled the older girl over to get to the back pocket of her ripped jeans, lecturing, "It smells disgusting in here, by the way." She pulled out the key chain and removed her bike's ignition key, replacing it with the truck's key on Jordan's ring, adding sarcastically, "Just another awesome night of beer and pot, huh?"
"Go back to blondie and leave me alone," Jordan slurred.
"With pleasure…," Cate rolled her eyes, "…just tell me where my helmet is…and I won't bother you anymore."
There was no answer.
"Jordan!" Cate was losing her patience and her appetite at the nauseating smell of leftover smoke, alcohol and vomit.
"You're such an asshole sometimes," Cate told her over her shoulder as she headed up the stairs, taking them two at a time with her long legs.
The attractive brunette rounded the corner and pushed open Jordan's bedroom door with a loud thud, immediately scanning the room for her bike helmet.
"Oh sorry," she said, embarrassed, as her eyes stopping on a body in Jordan's bed then added quietly once she saw the girl didn't move, "I'm just looking for something…won't be but a sec."
Cate shrugged at the mess of piled clothes on the floor and lined up bottles of beer on Jordan's dresser. The room smelled of body odor and incense. Cate moved some junk that was stacked in a chair and flinched when it slid off and fell to the floor. "Sorry," she whispered again toward the sleeping girl.
The brunette tried to restack some of the junk on the floor so nobody would trip over it before she started quietly laughing at the absurdity of herself trying to "clean" any part of this sty. She squatted next to the dresser, looking one last location for her helmet, and found a familiar looking red and white backpack like one she'd seen Quinn use. Curious, Cate turned it around and saw WMHS on the front of it.
Cate stood up and stepped to the bed, now realizing the raven-haired girl in the bed looked very much like, "Santana!"
She rolled the sleeping teen over and tried to rouse her, "Santana…wake up!" Cate pulled her up out of the bed, "Come on…you can't stay here."
The Latina was barely coherent as she mumbled something, but there wasn't enough volume for Cate to understand her.
"What?" Cate asked her but she got no other response. The older girl put the backpack on and lifted the weak girl to carry her out of the room and down the staircase.
"Jordan! You are such a fucking asshole…what were you thinking?" Cate screamed as she got to the living room, kicking the back of the armchair until Jordan sat up.
"Have you lost your mind? What's your problem?" she slurred back loudly.
"I can't believe you…do you EVER think of anyone other than yourself?" Cate yelled while moving toward the front door, shifting Santana in her arms to open the front door, not even bothering to shut it behind her she was so angry.
Quinn adjusted the station of her car radio as she waited in the driveway.
She looked up to see Cate walking toward her carrying a dark-haired girl. "What the…?" Quinn said aloud, instantly confused until she realized Cate was carrying Santana.
Quinn threw open the driver's side door and jumped out, running toward them, "Oh my god…Santana!"
"Help me get her to the car," Cate requested, her strength giving out under the dead weight of the limp teen.
Quinn put her arm around Santana's waist and the other under one of her legs as the two of them carried her down the rest of the driveway and put her in the back of the Jetta.
"Will you drive if I sit back here with her?" Quinn asked.
"Yeah, of course…," Cate shut the passenger door behind Quinn then got into the driver's seat, turning around, "Wait…where should I drive to?"
"Away from here," Quinn said desperately.
"Look there's one that's red…where's that one from, B?"
"That's Arizona," Brittany answered her sister.
"That driver sure is far from home," Mrs. Pierce added from the front passenger seat of the blue van.
"Daddy…I need to go to the bathroom."
"Ok, sweetie…," Mr. Pierce turned on his blinker to move into the outside lane to exit the highway, "…we need gas too."
He drove the Sienna down an exit ramp up to a four-way stop sign, turning right until he pulled into a gas station. He stopped the van at one side of a set of gas pumps and turned off the ignition, "You girls go on."
He stepped out of the driver's side and pulled out his wallet, taking a plastic card from the inside and swiping it through the side bar of the pump. Mr. Pierce watched as his wife and daughters opened the glass door on the building and went inside.
"Britt…you going?" her mother asked.
"No, I'm good…I'm just going to get a water, want anything?"
"I want a purple soda," the tiny Pierce requested.
"You'll have water too," her mother corrected.
Brittany laughed at the grimace on her sister's face, "I'll get you one with a cool pop top, ok?"
The child smiled broadly and took her mom's outstretched hand.
Brittany heard her mom say, "Now remember…we don't touch anything in the restroom."
"…cause it's yucky!" her sister recited.
"That's right," Mrs. Pierce confirmed as they disappeared around the corner.
The tall blonde opened the glass door on the cold cooler and pulled out a tall clear bottle and a smaller clear bottle with a bright red sports cap. She walked up to the cashier and took out three crinkled, dollar bills from the front pocket of her jeans. She thanked the cashier and turned toward the front of the station when she heard her phone ring.
Pulling it out of her pants' pocket, she answered, "Hey, Quinn."
"Britt, we found her."
"What?" she stopped in her tracks at the entryway of the store, unsure of Quinn's meaning.
"We have her…alive...," Quinn said, adding dramatically, "…barely."
"Santana?" Brittany felt a surge of elation and dread at the same moment, "I want to talk to her."
"Uh…well…we're driving her to my house now."
"Q, doesn't she want to talk to me?"
"Britt…she's in bad shape…," Quinn revealed, "…she's not really talking."
Brittany swallowed hard, a sudden lump in her throat, "Well then…let me say something to her…please."
"Yeah, of course…here she is," Quinn said sweetly, holding the phone over to Santana's ear.
Brittany wasn't sure what to expect but all she heard was breathing into the phone, yet somehow, everything in her recognized her love at the other end. "Santana?" Brittany said softly as she stepped to the side out of the doorway, "Santana, I love you…I just need you to hear that, ok?"
Quinn watched the Latina shift toward the phone but say nothing in response, her eyes barely open. She pulled back the phone to her own ear, "Britt...she heard you."
Tears escaped from Brittany blue eyes, and she told Quinn, "We're nearly home…I'll be there as soon as I can."
"We'll see you when you get here." Quinn hung up her phone and turned back toward her dear friend, reaching over and squeezing Santana's hand.
"Slow down, Dad…it's the next one on the left," Brittany unbuckled her seatbelt and sat up on the edge of her passenger seat.
"I know, I know…I've dropped you at Quinn's many times," he responded calmly, slowing the vehicle.
"Right here…just stop, you don't have to pull into the driveway," the teen said anxiously.
"Brittany…settle down," her mom told her, "You need to remain calm for Santana."
"I'm fine…I just need out of this car," Brittany grabbed at the door handle even though the van hadn't yet come to a complete stop. The last ninety minutes had been brutal, but Brittany was grateful her parents agreed to drive directly to the Fabray residence.
"Brittany, stop...," her mother reached around and caught her by the wrist, "I want you to use good judgment…and keep us in the loop, do you understand?"
"Yes, Mom…please let me go to her now," Brittany stressed, her blue eyes pleading with her mother.
"Call us soon," Mr. Pierce yelled out as Brittany slammed shut the sliding door behind her, running up to Quinn's front door.
Brittany opened the door, knowing it would be unlocked from Quinn's earlier text to her. She ran up the staircase, turning right and walking up to the guest room door that was closed. As she reached for the doorknob, her heart beating out of her chest in anticipation of seeing Santana, it opened and Quinn stepped out.
"Oh god, you scared me," the shorter blonde told Brittany, pushing her back and closing the door behind her, "Hold up."
"Quinn, please…I just want to see her," Brittany tried to push past her former Cheerios captain.
"Wait…talk to me for a minute," Quinn insisted.
Brittany released a breath of air that she didn't realize she had been holding in her chest.
"We were too scared to take her to the hospital…with everything that happened last time…," Quinn explained, "…so Cate called her dad and described what's going on."
"He's a doctor?" Brittany asked.
"A vet…but help is help, right?"
"Okay…and…?"
"He said she sounded dehydrated…to get water into her...his words, not mine," she smiled.
"She's not an animal, Quinn" Brittany snapped.
"Hey, we're trying here," Quinn sighed heavily, continuing, "She is doing better now…though he lectured that she probably needs insulin and potassium…and…god knows what else."
"I get it…can I see her now?" Brittany's frustration was getting the better of her.
"There's no telling what all she's put herself through, Britt…she's in a very dark place."
"I'll take her however I can get her…please move now."
Quinn reached behind her and twisted the knob, stepping backwards as she pushed open the door.
Brittany saw Cate sitting crisscrossed on one side of the guest bed, holding a cup with a straw. Santana was under the covers on the far side of the bed, propped up on a couple of fluffy pillows. Cate turned toward the sound of the door opening, standing up when she saw Brittany enter with Quinn.
"She's still not talking," Cate whispered to the two blondes, handing Brittany the cup of water, "Try to get her to drink some more, ok?"
She took the cup and nodded, her emotions rising to the surface. Quinn patted Brittany on the shoulder and reminded her, "She just needs you now."
Brittany heard the door close behind her as she stepped to the edge of the bed, setting the cup on the nightstand and stepping out of her shoes. She climbed under the covers and slid over next to the Latina whose eyes were closed, wrapping her arms tightly around her and pulling her as closely as she could until Santana's head was on her chest.
"You're safe now, my love," Brittany kissed her on the top of the head, "…and I'm never letting you out of my sight again."
"Quinnie?" Mrs. Fabray pushed on the cracked door of her daughter's room, "Is it okay to come in?"
"Yeah sure, Mom…," Quinn waved her inside. She was sitting on the floor of her bedroom across from Cate who was leaned back against the footboard with her long legs stretched out in front of her. They both shifted uncomfortably. "Mom…this is Cate," Quinn pointed to the girl across from her.
"Hi, Cate…," Judy Fabray said politely, "…are you in Glee Club with Quinn?"
"Glee Club?" Cate wasn't sure what she was talking about.
"No, Mom…Cate goes to Lima Community College."
"Oh, my apologies…," Judy looked at her daughter, "…how did you two meet?"
Cate looked down, unsure of where Quinn wanted to take this conversation.
"At The Lima Bean," Quinn answered.
"Ohh, I love their special roast," Judy smiled, "Do you work there?"
"Um…sort of…," Cate nodded, looking at Quinn.
"She plays guitar there some nights, Mom," Quinn interjected.
"A musician? Interesting…," Judy kept talking as she was known to do often, "…Quinn has a very pretty voice, you know...her group went to Nationals in New York last month."
"Mom…I don't think Cate cares about any of that," Quinn gave her mother a look, willing her to stop embarrassing her.
"Of course I care…New York City?" Cate inquired further.
"We lost," Quinn rolled her green eyes.
"They came in twelfth out of fifty states…I was quite impressed," Judy corrected.
Cate smiled at Quinn and nodded, "Twelfth is definitely impressive."
Quinn smiled warmly back.
"Excuse me?" Brittany said softly behind Mrs. Fabray who turned around.
"How's Santana, dear?" Judy asked her.
"I think she'd feel better after a hot bath," Brittany said.
"She'd definitely smell better," Quinn added, standing up, "Let me get her some fresh clothes."
"I'll go run some warm water for her in the bathroom," Judy squeezed Brittany on one of her folded arms as she passed her, "I'll also heat her some soup, alright?"
"Thank you," Brittany smiled.
Brittany carried Santana into the Fabrays' guest bathroom and sat her on the closed lid of the toilet. She had a sudden déjà vu moment of retching over it all night not long ago, and her body involuntarily shivered. The blonde took a deep breath, privately noting how bad Santana really smelled, before turning to shut off the running water.
"Oh look how sweet," Brittany talked to the silent Latina, trying to force normalcy, "Quinn's mom put you some bubbles…you like bubbles…and that'll make you smell all nice and fresh again."
She turned back toward Santana and saw that she was sort of smiling up at her. Brittany squatted down in front of her to insure direct eye contact, "You are in there…aren't you?"
There was no verbal response, but Brittany knew Santana was looking into her eyes. "Well, we're going to get you all cleaned up…get all of that smoke smell off you…and whatever else…okay?"
Santana gave her a slight nod. Brittany smiled broadly then pulled her shirt off of her, dropping it to the bathroom tile. She stood them both up and pulled down on the waistband of Santana's pants and helped her balance so she could step out of them.
Brittany guided Santana down into the warm bath water, and she felt a tug on her arm as she tried to pull away.
"Do you want me to bathe with you?" Brittany tried to decipher.
Santana nodded weakly.
"Okay…," Brittany smiled, stepping over to lock the door and remove her own clothes. She grabbed the washcloth Quinn's mom had set on the counter for her then stepped into the oversized tub to sit behind Santana, pulling her back against her.
Brittany lathered the light blue cloth, slowly washing Santana's shoulders and down each of her arms. She could feel the brunette's body relax into hers, and she seemed to find the warm water soothing.
Brittany reached her long arms down under the water to wash Santana's legs, stretching around her to lather her calves and feet. "That feels better, doesn't it?" Brittany gently spoke to her.
Santana nodded.
"Let's wash your hair," she told her then leaned her back against her again and lowered them both in more of the water to get Santana's dark hair wet. She used shampoo from the front corner of the tub, setting it back when she had a full palm.
Brittany ran her long fingers through Santana's thick hair, massaging her scalp with the white foam.
"I'm not hurting you, am I?"
Santana shook her head.
"Let's rinse now," Brittany warned her, leaning her back into the water again.
The last place Brittany washed with the cloth was between Santana's legs, maneuvering it gently inside her folds. "I love you so much," Brittany softly told her in her ear in an effort to offset any violation, "I'm so happy you're home."
Brittany set the wet cloth on the side of the tub, tears forming in her bright blue eyes, telling Santana, "We may be completely hopeless together…but please never leave me again, baby."
Santana finally found enough volume to push a thought out from her inside her head, "Never."
Hearing Santana's voice, as weak and as raspy as she'd ever heard it, was the most beautiful sound Brittany could remember hearing. She pulled Santana closer into her, wrapping her long arms and legs tightly around her torso, enjoying a moment of just holding her, their skin to skin contact. Once the reality of actually being back with Santana overtook her, Brittany started sobbing, unable to control her emotions any longer.
I will be the answer
At the end of the line
I will be there for you
While you take the time
In the burning of uncertainty
I will be your solid ground
I will hold the balance
If you can't look down…
If it takes my whole life
I won't break, I won't bend
It will all be worth it
Worth it in the end…
Cause I can only tell you what I know
That I need you in my life
When the stars have all gone out
You'll still be burning so bright…
Cast me gently
Into morning
For the night has been unkind
Take me to a
Place so holy
That I can wash this from my mind
The memory of choosing not to fight…
If it takes my whole life
I won't break, I won't bend
It will all be worth it
Worth it in the end
'Cause I can only tell you what I know
That I need you in my life
When the stars have all burned out
You'll still be burning so bright…
Cast me gently
Into morning
For the night has been unkind.
Author's note: A special thank you to tramper15 (one of my dearest tumblr pals) for the inspiration of the Dark Side by Kelly Clarkson used in the combined, first scenes. The second song (at the very end) is Answer by Sarah McLachlan.
I know some of you readers have been growing impatient (for lack of a better word) with me as I dragged Santana, along with you all, down to the deepest depths. That's the reality of depression. My lovely friend Kaitlin can tell you that lying in bed, staring at the ceiling, for hours on end is reality for some people. So, my dear, wonderful readers…my fingers are crossed that this chapter gave you guys some much-desired hope.
For those of you who have stuck with this journey to this point, I hope that you are seeing those additional characters were not just random but were developed to serve a purpose. Please don't ever skip over them. Do me that one favor. :)
As always, your feedback is invaluable to me…so please let me know what you think of this chapter. Thank you so much for continuing to read my story! Kim