Author's note: Chapter 20 ended on such a shocking note, huh? I was thrilled that you guys really seemed moved by the sudden turn of events. I love it when readers are so invested in characters and what happens to them. Thank you so much for your comments!
Her Smile Heals Me (Chapter 21)
Saturday, July 4, 2009
6:20 pm
Santana walked into Brittany's bedroom behind her best friend and threw down her red and black Cheerios duffle bag with a thud, closing the door out of habit and kicking off her white, standard-issued sneakers before plopping down in the middle of the bed, the pleats from her uniform skirt spreading out to where her red bloomers showed.
Brittany moved into the interior-set bathroom without saying a word, humming light-heartedly to herself, leaving the bathroom door cracked as she did often.
The young Latina rolled her neck around and around, trying to loosen her muscles from some of the stiffness she'd felt all day during cheer practice. Being on the varsity squad as freshmen had been quite the accomplishment for Santana, Brittany, and Quinn Fabray, but with that accolade, came intense physical work, inner discipline, and a constant reminder from Coach Sue Sylvester that their best was never good enough.
"What time are your parents picking us up, Britt?"
Brittany answered loudly from inside the bathroom, "The fireworks don't start until eight!"
"So like…seven-thirty?" Santana tried to pinpoint, raising her voice to make sure she was heard.
She heard the flush of the toilet then running water from the faucet before Brittany opened the door and stepped out, flattening the skirt on her Cheerios uniform and saying, "Around then…why?"
"Just wondering…," Santana asked, flipping through a magazine as she lay on her stomach across Brittany's bed, her now bare feet raised up behind her and crossed at the ankles, "Do we have to actually sit with them?"
"Because of Emily?" Brittany pouted slightly, taking off her shoes and socks, leaving them next to Santana's at the foot of her bed.
"Well, she did scream the whole time last year…," Santana laughed, turning a page of the magazine.
"She's little, Tan…the loud booms scared her," Brittany defended, taking a drink from a water bottle then setting it on her nightstand.
"That's not why though…I overheard Quinn say she's going tonight with Finn Hudson," the Latina explained.
"And so…what? You want to spy on Quinn?" Brittany laughed, climbing onto the bed, laying on her stomach next to Santana.
"It's not 'spying', Britt…it's 'checking out the competition'…," Santana clarified.
"Yeah, okay…whatever," Brittany laughed more, absent-mindedly hooking her legs with Santana's in the air behind them as the two talked, leaning into her slightly to look at the open magazine, "Why are you so obsessed lately with everything Quinn does?"
"Because…Coach Sylvester's been favoring her all summer…she even let her stand in the center today for group photos," Santana said with an almost accusatory tone, "…some are saying she's going to name Quinn as captain when school starts back."
"That's crazy…Coach wouldn't put a sophomore as head Cheerio…would she?"
"She would if Q starts putting out for Finn Hudson…," Santana scowled, "…which is why I want to see what's going on between them tonight at the river."
Quinn was Santana's main competition in her determined-climb to the top of the popularity ladder, and the young Latina watched the conspicuous blonde dutifully, searching for ways to stay several steps ahead of the seemingly-perfect bombshell.
"That's silly, Tan…Quinn would never do anything with Finn…or any other boy…," Brittany attempted to offset her best friend's worries, "…she's strict catholic…she even mentioned starting a celibacy club in the fall."
Santana smirked at Brittany's reminder of Quinn's latest quest for spreading celibacy among high schoolers at McKinley. The entire idea was as absurd as it was ironic to Santana who knew Quinn was just as motivated as she was to adhere to Coach Sylvester's requirements for Cheerios success…and Coach's number one requirement was that each of her girls keeps a popular guy on her arm. In fact, the Latina's pursuit for ultimate popularity was her only motivation for giving any of McKinley High's guys her attention…and her body…otherwise her attention would only be on her truest desire.
Santana turned her head to look at the unconventional blonde next to her. Brittany was the one person in the entire world who made no requirements of Santana and who encouraged her to just be herself.
"So? That doesn't mean anything, Britt…I'm catholic…and I have sex," the Latina reminded her, "right?"
"Yes…yes you do…," Brittany concurred with a giggle, knowing that both of their 'slept with him' lists were steadily growing, but she added with a playful nudge, "well…you do with some people."
Santana swallowed hard when she took a breath and caught a whiff of Brittany's intoxicating scent as the blonde lay within inches of her. It was a scent Santana had become increasingly familiar with over the last few months now that the girls were more…physically…bonded.
Santana paused, her body involuntarily stiffening, thoughts suddenly racing inside her brain, then she hesitantly inquired, "Britt…would…you do…more?"
"More what?" Brittany asked innocently, turning a page of the magazine.
"More than…kiss?" Santana's thoughts froze and her breath caught in her chest as she waited for the blonde's answer.
"With you?" Brittany questioned out of clarification more than reluctance before saying with a smile, "Sure."
In that fleeting moment in time, Santana Lopez's entire existence altered without her even realizing it as she simply responded, "Oh."
"Would you?" Brittany tilted her head to look more directly into her best friend's face.
Santana instantly looked down at the magazine in her hands, trying to decide quickly the best response. Of course, Britt…all I've wanted for the past two years is to hold you, and kiss you, and…touch you…did not seem like the most self-preserving reaction at the moment, so Santana reined in her desire, looking back up into Brittany's blue eyes, and said with a slightly dismissive shrug, "Yeah, sure…why not."
Heart beats fast
Colors and promises
How to be brave
How can I love when I'm afraid to fall
But watching you stand alone
All of my doubt suddenly goes away somehow…
Brittany smiled widely, knowing Santana extremely well after years of friendship. She knew her best friend's words did not match the current look on her face. Brittany knew she had seen that look on Santana's face many, many times, and she knew she had started seeing it more and more since the first kiss they shared a few months earlier.
"Then…kiss me," Brittany told the Latina, challenging her to come after what the blonde knew her best friend wanted but was too afraid to ask.
Santana swallowed hard and reflexively licked her plump lips before leaning in to kiss Brittany.
One step closer…
Santana wrapped one arm around Brittany's waist and pulled her up underneath her as she pushed the magazine off the edge of the bed with her other arm, settling on top of the long blonde.
She slipped her tongue inside Brittany's mouth, tasting watermelon from the Jolly Rancher she had recently eaten, causing Santana to grin, internally soothed.
To Santana, this was the unassuming wholesomeness that was Brittany Pierce. Yes, she was beautiful and amazingly fit. Yes, she created poetry when she danced. Yes, she sometimes made no sense and sounded slightly insane when she spoke…but this girl…this beautiful, blonde, dancing…crazy, silly girl…was pure of heart, as if she were made of sunshine and rainbows…and Santana Lopez was totally in love with her.
I have died everyday waiting for you
Darling don't be afraid, I have loved you
For a thousand years
I'll love you for a thousand more…
Brittany loved it when Santana was on top of her. She loved feeling the Latina's weight pressed against her. Santana wasn't heavy or bulky like the guys Brittany had sex with…instead she was a delicate type of pressure that stoked at Brittany's internal fire.
The two of them never really said much to each other before…or during…and especially not after they made out like this, so they both just sort of had to guess at what the other one was thinking or feeling about each other.
Though Brittany never wanted to push Santana to talk outside of her comfort zone, it did seem rather odd to her to not know what Santana's thoughts were about the two of them, especially since she knew so many of Santana's other thoughts about everything else…sometimes knowing them before Santana even said them aloud.
Brittany knew though that she had started enjoying the intensity she felt whenever she was close like this with Santana.
Brittany found recently that her hands roamed with more curiosity. The blonde was allured by the smoothness of Santana's skin, and the firmness of her breasts, even if they were always bound by fabric, and the fullness in the curve of Santana's backside.
Brittany ran her hands over Santana's prominent body parts as they kissed, thinking Santana seemed to enjoy it too if her subtle moans and intakes of air were any indication.
Their kisses became deeper, their tongues moving in and out and around each other, as their passion grew. She let out a guttural purr of pleasure when Santana ran her hand down Brittany's side, her thumb raking over her right breast then settling on her taut abdomen.
The blonde kept waiting for the brunette to make a move or suggest something new, but Santana never said anything as they continued to kiss and run their hands up and down each other's bodies.
"Tan…do you maybe want to…take these off?" Brittany asked breathlessly, grabbing at the red fabric of Santana's Cheerios uniform, deciding someone needed to make a move.
Santana took a breath, lifting her head to say, "Yeah…um…sure…I'd like that."
Time stands still
Beauty in all she is
I will be brave
I will not let anything take away
What's standing in front of me
Every breath
Every hour has come to this…
The girls pulled apart and both sat up on Brittany's bed, folding their legs up underneath them, but neither of them said anything.
Santana reached up hesitantly as if she were going to unzip the side of Brittany's uniform top but withdrew her hand almost immediately and looked down at her lap then she reached up to unzip the side of her own top.
"What are you doing?" Brittany questioned with childlike curiosity.
Santana let out a nervous breath of air. "I don't even know."
Brittany put her hand on Santana's to stop her, smiling, "It's okay…let me."
The Latina almost forgot to breath when Brittany unzipped her red top then helped her lift it over her head. She did notice though that the blonde's hands were shaking when she reached up to unhook the front of Santana's sports bra.
"You're sure…right?" The enormity of the moment was not lost on Brittany.
Santana nodded, confirming, "Yes…I'm sure."
One step closer…
Brittany couldn't help but smile once Santana's breasts were exposed. They were beautiful…smooth, brown skin…and so full and round. She'd seen them often as the two changed clothes in front of each other in athletics and around the house, but there was now an erotic element added that caused her to lick her lips in anticipation of touching them.
"Now help me," Brittany pulled Santana's hand toward her, realizing the Latina needed the coaxing.
Santana devotedly reached to unzip Brittany's top and help her remove it, the same as she had done for her, leaning to reach behind her for the fastener on her bra, kissing her behind the ear as she sat back again, pulling off the white fabric to reveal Brittany's chest.
The best friends locked eyes…blue on brown…brown on blue…nonverbally encouraging each other that both wanted this then Santana leaned forward again to kiss Brittany on the lips.
I have died everyday waiting for you
Darling don't be afraid, I have loved you
For a thousand years
I'll love you for a thousand more…
Brittany pulled Santana with her as she lay back on her bed, running her hands up Santana's smooth back, feeling each of her vertebra, as Santana kissed a trail down and around the front of the blonde's neck.
The Latina cupped Brittany's right breast with her left hand, touching it softly at first with a respectful awe about her then squeezing it gently, hearing Brittany moan in pleasure.
Brittany closed her eyes and tilted her head back which caused her to arch up into Santana's touch. She could feel Santana's right breast pushed firmly into her left one then she felt Santana lick at the nipple on her right one, sending a heat straight to her groin.
"Ohhhhh," Brittany said before she realized the verbal encouragement had even left her throat.
Santana wasn't exactly sure what all to do to pleasure Brittany, but that certainly seemed to work so she did it again…then again to Brittany's other breast.
The two of them rolled around on the bed for a while, kissing and licking and touching and squeezing, until both of them were moaning and panting and until both of them were feeling an intense heat deep inside them.
"I want you to touch me…please," Brittany told Santana. All she could think of was the way she normally would touch herself, pleasuring herself, more recently thinking of Santana when she did, and Brittany knew she wanted the brunette's hands between her legs…now.
Santana rolled so that Brittany was on top of her so she could reach behind her and unhook the back closure of the blonde's cheerleading skirt. She was somewhat surprised when Brittany enthusiastically assisted to shimmy out of the skirt then the red bloomers then her underwear without any hesitation.
"Oh…wow…," Santana said, wide-eyed at the now naked blonde.
"Now you," Brittany smiled, helping Santana out of her skirt, bloomers, and underwear.
Once they both were completely unclothed, Brittany asked innocently, "Do you want under the covers?"
"Sure," Santana agreed, not really knowing why it mattered at this point, but her nerves were mounting so the sheets seemed like a comforting thought.
Brittany pulled back her comforter and pink sheets so the two of them could slide under them, and she smiled as she lay back against her fluffy pillows, saying jovially, "Okay…I'm ready."
Santana couldn't help but chuckle, her nerves lifting slightly, remembering that this was the same goofy girl who had made her swoon for two years now. She lowered herself on top of Brittany and kissed her deeply then ran a soft caress down her abdomen until her hand was right at Brittany's folds.
Santana smiled then licked her lips and watched Brittany's face as she ran her finger inside the blonde for the first time, pleased at how slick she found Brittany to already be. The look of pleasure that spread across Brittany's face under her touch nearly brought tears to Santana's eyes. Touching Brittany was something she'd thought about for so long, and now that she actually was, Santana was emotionally overwhelmed.
Brittany could see such tenderness in Santana's face as she rubbed her, and the more Santana rubbed, the more Brittany throbbed, and the more Brittany throbbed, the more she wanted to touch Santana in the same way.
The blonde raised her head up slightly to kiss Santana, and as they kissed, Brittany lowered her hand down between Santana's legs, running her long middle finger inside the Latina's equally wet folds.
"Ohhh god," escaped from Santana in between their frantic kisses, "Britt."
"Is that okay?" the blonde asked, her voice cracking under her growing arousal.
"Yeah…," the Latina confirmed, "Are you okay?"
"Uhuh…just keep rubbing…right…there," Brittany demonstrated with her finger on Santana's pulsing clit.
Santana moaned loudly, getting the message loud and clear.
The girls continued to stimulate each other faster and more intensely. Their faces were touching, but they gave no more thought to kissing at this point. Their only goal now was helping each other reach climax.
Santana knew Brittany came first because the blonde's hand stilled and she went stiff underneath her, so Santana kept rubbing, hoping that was the right thing to do.
When Brittany moaned loudly and cried out, "Ohhhh goood, Santana," as she quivered underneath the brunette, Santana felt like she had done the correct thing.
Hearing Brittany call out her name like that made Santana smile broadly, stoking her own internal heat. As soon as Brittany's orgasm finished, Santana felt the blonde's finger start again, but Brittany surprised her by rolling her onto her back.
"Ohhh god…," Brittany said, her breath catching in the back of her throat, "…I want you to feel that good too."
It took only a few more minutes under Brittany's intense manipulations before Santana felt a wave of electricity wash over her too, shaking her entire body, curling her toes.
She pulled Brittany down into another deep kiss once her senses returned, feeling the blonde's heart still pounding in her chest.
The two of them rested in a tight embrace until their pulse slowed and their breathing returned to normal.
Santana dragged her fingertips across the smooth skin of Brittany's back, relaxing under the weight of the blonde on top of her.
"Soooo…that just happened," Brittany smiled, kissing Santana softly.
"Yeah…it did, didn't it?" Santana let out a deep breath and smiled too.
And all along I believed I would find you
Time has brought your heart to me
I have loved you for a thousand years
I'll love you for a thousand more…
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
7:32 pm
In these bodies, we will live
In these bodies, we will die
Where you invest your love, you invest your life…
"Noooooooooooo," Quinn bellowed as she collapsed to the floor of the emergency room at Lima Memorial Hospital, gutted by the news of Cate's death.
Santana watched, completely detached from the scene she was witnessing, stepping back a few steps as Rachel and Brittany moved quickly to catch Quinn as her legs folded, lowering her gently to the ground.
"Quinn," Rachel screamed out as the blonde beauty broke under the weight of her intense grief.
"It'll be okay, sweetheart," Brittany told her former Cheerios captain as she kneeled to the floor with her, holding her tightly from behind.
Rachel tried to pull the black helmet from Quinn's grip but met immediate resistance, Quinn telling her, "Nooo, don't…oh god, Caaaate."
Santana wanted to comfort her dear friend as she wept inconsolably, but the shock of the situation only served to shut down her emotions which were already so fragile.
"Santana!" Brittany turned to her and shouted, trying to pull her attention back to them, "Get some help."
The Latina heard the words her girlfriend said, but Brittany's instructions seemed slowed and muffled as if Santana was caught in some distorted vortex of time, one that was sucking all of the energy and movement around her into its uncontrollable force.
"How did this happen?" Quinn cried out as Santana stepped back several more steps then turned in a fog of emotion to find help…somebody…anybody…to make it all stop.
As the disconnected brunette moved toward the nurses' window, two women in dark blue scrubs ran past her, responding to the emotional scene playing out in their lobby.
Santana looked back toward Quinn, seeing Brittany and Rachel still down in the floor holding her. She saw that the blonde was now being attended by several hospital staff.
Santana continued down the corridor, still in her haze, thinking a restroom was what she needed to now locate. The dark-haired teen found herself moving impulsively down the hall where the exam rooms were situated, looking mindlessly in through the glass panels of the rooms she passed each one.
She paused in front of one exam room, not even sure why, seeing a team of nurses lifting a man to transfer him from the ambulance stretcher to an ER gurney.
"Santana?" a deep voice said to her from behind.
The brunette reacted to her name by rotating around, finding her father standing there, holding a sliver clipboard in one hand and a black ink pen in his other.
"Dad," she said with surprise even though she was more out of place than the tall, Hispanic man who wore a long, white lab coat and had a black stethoscope draped around his thick neck.
"What are you doing here?" he asked her.
"I uh…I…I'm here with Quinn," she stuttered, trying to push past her internal confusion.
"Is Quinn okay?" he inquired, the deepness of his voice echoing in the otherwise-stillness of the emergency hallway.
"There's been a death…a friend…was um…in an accident."
Her father narrowed his eyes, "…the motorcycle accident?"
Santana nodded.
"Tragic for her parents…," he stated emotionless, "The grief counselor is with them now…there's a lot of paperwork."
Santana nodded again, unsure of what to say, unable to extract any additional replies from the numbness inside her.
"You look thin…too thin," he told her more out of concern than criticism.
The teenager looked down at the light-colored tile, realizing her pulse was quickening as she stood in his intimidating presence.
"Your mother mentioned seeing you."
Two nurses pushed through the swinging door of an exam room near them, moving quickly down the back hallway.
Both Santana and her father watched as they passed them.
Dr. Lopez looked again at his daughter, "I know that you probably hate me."
"I don't hate you," Santana responded sadly, pausing, then adding even more sadly, "I wish you didn't hate me."
The doctor pushed the closure at the top of his pen, clicking it shut then sliding it into the front pocket of his lab coat. "I don't hate you, Santana…you're my child…but…I don't…I won't…approve of your lifestyle choices."
"If I had a choice…in any of this…I would choose to be the same as everyone else…," she told him audaciously, "…I would choose to not have to worry what people are thinking…or saying…about me. To be treated differently? Why would I choose that, Daddy?"
Dr. Lopez didn't answer her.
"It's okay though…I'm making my life where I'm accepted for who I am…where I'm loved for being me."
"I do love you, Santana," the doctor responded defensively, "I just have your best interest in mind."
"No," Santana was unconvinced, "No…you have your best interest in mind."
There was a loud page over the intercom, "Dr. Lopez to ER Line 3."
Hector Lopez took a deep breath and stated, "I am sorry if I've hurt you, Santana."
Santana usually avoided direct eye-contact with her father, normally feeling so insignificant under his authority, but she lifted her head and locked eyes with him, telling him, "You have no idea what you've done to me."
Dr. Lopez stood there a brief moment, diverting his eyes first, then he walked away without further comment.
Santana watched her father as he moved down the corridor and turned right, disappearing around a corner, leaving her alone. A young girl exited a large swinging door. She was dressed in the same blue, hospital scrubs as the young guy with her, and Santana recognized him as the young nurse who spoke earlier with the police officers.
After they past, Santana stepped up to that same door, pushing up on her toes to look through the glass- paned cutout in the middle of the door. She saw a white sheet draped over a patient who was laying alone in the urgent care room. The Latina swallowed hard, her first thought being that could have been her two weeks earlier and her second thought being…oh god, Cate.
Without thinking, something inherently manipulating her movement, she eased quietly through the door. Seeing nobody else in the room, Santana inched her way up to the gurney and lifted back the sheet, not knowing what inside her wanted to see Cate one last time.
Upon seeing the lifeless body of her friend under the pulled-back sheet, Santana's emotions finally broke free, her eyes filling with hot tears, clouding her vision, making her unsure she was seeing what she was seeing.
She backed away quickly, her senses overwhelmed, and threw open the door, running back toward the lobby, shouting, "Quinn!"
Brittany tucked a lock of Quinn's blonde hair behind her left ear and offered her another tissue that one of the older nurses gave them.
Quinn didn't move to take one, staring off into space, so Rachel pulled one from the box and used it to dab at the tears still flowing freely from Quinn's green eyes.
"I loved her," Quinn said, her voice cracking.
"We know you did, honey," Brittany assured her, kneeling on the floor in front of her as Quinn sat on a padded chair in the far corner of the hospital lobby. The larger blonde compassionately held one of Quinn's hands, caressing it.
The girls tried to get Quinn to go to Rachel's car when several hospital employees offered assistance, but the devastated teen refused to leave the lobby, saying at first she wanted to see Cate then, once Rachel and Brittany calmed her slightly, saying she wanted to talk to Cate's parents before she went home.
The hospital staff had been extremely kind, death being an unfortunately-common part of their daily function, and they offered to move Quinn to a family grief room. The girls couldn't get her to leave the lobby though and then Brittany realized Santana was missing.
"Where do you think she went?" Brittany whispered to Rachel who sat in a separate chair right next to Quinn.
"She probably went to the restroom…maybe she didn't want to get upset in front of Quinn," Rachel leaned down to whisper back to Brittany.
"It's been almost twenty minutes," Brittany pointed out, craning her next to look across the widest part of the lobby, seeing lots of movement back and forth from the chairs to the nurses' desk, but not seeing Santana anywhere.
"Don't worry, Britt…she'll be back," Rachel assured her with a smile, squeezing her arms around Quinn's shoulders.
"I should look for her…," Brittany said with mounting concern, "…I'll be right back."
The tall blonde stood and walked toward the emergency area, crossing paths with a young girl in her early twenties who was helping a friend walk up to the Emergency Admittance desk.
The two of them caught Brittany's eye because the girl was practically carrying her injured friend, supporting most of her weight with her arm around her waist, holding on to the friend's other arm that was draped tightly around the girl's shoulders for assistance.
"HELP!" the young girl shouted desperately as she crossed in front of Brittany, practically dragging her weakened-friend up to the nurses' station, "My friend…she needs help!"
"Oh lord," a large, dark-skinned nurse rushed to help the two girls, seeing that the injured girl was covered in her own blood, saying over her shoulder to a younger nurse, "Get a chair!"
"What happened?" the larger nurse asked the friend.
"I don't know…I came home and found her passed out in the floor," the friend explained as best she could.
Another nurse moved to assist, stating, "What is going on tonight? Is it a full moon?"
"Please help her…she's in a lot of pain," the light-haired girl pleaded.
Brittany circled around the opposite side of the waiting area to avoid the latest influx of activity, trying to locate the restroom with hopes of finding Santana, looking back at the girl who was being positioned into a wheelchair by two nurses.
"Britt!"
Brittany turned to her left to see Santana walking briskly from the urgent care corridor.
"Britt…where's Quinn?" the Latina asked loudly, contributing to the frenzy near them.
The tall blonde pointed toward the back corner of the lobby where Rachel still sat, comforting Quinn. Brittany then immediately turned her gaze back to the young brunette being assisted by the nurses, hearing them ask the injured girl, "Do you remember what happened to you?"
The brunette mumbled something in return.
Santana frantically ran toward Quinn, saying when she reached her, "Quinn…it's not her!"
"What?" Rachel looked up at the Latina.
"It's not her…they're wrong…," Santana repeated, out of breath.
Quinn stood immediately, her eyes wide from the emotional U-turn, "What are you saying, San?"
"The police were wrong…it's not Cate," Santana clarified, fresh tears in her eyes.
"Quinn," Brittany said as she walked up behind them.
The girls turned toward the tall blonde who pointed their attention toward the familiar girl in the wheelchair.
"Oh my god…Cate!" Quinn screamed, running over to her, the others following closely.
"What happened to her?" Santana asked the girl she recognized as Becca.
"I got to the house and found her on the floor like this," Becca explained again.
"Who did this?" Quinn demanded, wanting desperately to bypass the nurses so she could touch Cate to confirm for real that her love was alive and in front of her.
"Step back, girls," the nurse told them, brushing them aside with her forearm as she bent over Cate to apply gauze to the blood-crusted gash over her right eye.
"Cate, what happened?" Quinn tried talking around the large woman then she looked to Becca, asking, "Did she say anything to you?"
"You're Quinn?" the older girl asked the blonde teen.
Quinn nodded, fresh tears falling from her already red, puffy eyes.
"She's been asking for you," Becca gave her a sympathetic half-smile.
"Go check on what rooms are clearing out soon," the older nurse instructed a young girl who was standing nearby then she added with a pat to Cate's knee, "It's a full house tonight…but we'll get you in a room as quickly as possible…just hang tight."
As soon as the nurse moved, Quinn shifted toward Cate, bending to pull her close, crying, "I love you so much."
"Quinn?" Cate said weakly, her eyes nearly swollen shut from her injured nose and eye.
"I'm here, honey…I'm here," Quinn kissed her on the side of her mouth, trailing light kisses gently up her blood streaked face and kissing the gauze covering her eyebrow and then the bruised bridge of her nose, "I can't believe you're alive…oh my god, I thought you were gone forever."
David Karofsky sat staring into space, detailed moments of his life playing in his mind like a YouTube video. His memory focused on his time with his mom when he was little, sharing picnics under a tree in the park and when the two of them would toss a football back and forth, and when he was older and she would let him drive her car home from the grocery store, reminding him not to tell his dad since he didn't yet have his license.
He remembered vividly his years of sports, the thrill he always felt when the crowd cheered his team's victories, and then the point when he realized it wasn't the cheerleaders, in their short, pleated skirts, at which he was always secretly gawking but rather his teammates in their skintight uniform pants.
His face flushed red and his gaze drifted further down to the metal table at which he sat. Without lifting up his head, David's eyes moved up to look around the low-lit room. Anytime he had thoughts of guys, he always found himself looking downward as if anyone near him could read his mind. The only person near him now was his defense attorney, and David shifted nervously in his metal chair.
"You're sure you are prepared to do this?" Thomas Lowell emphasized.
David cleared his throat, answering, "Yes."
"Before you say one word…you better damn well realize what you are doing to your family," his attorney said out of the corner of his mouth.
David didn't respond. His only concern now was being honest so he might restore Santana's future and free his mind from the vise of guilt that threatened his every thought.
The door to the small room opened, and Detectives Sheldon and Mills walked in followed by ADA Eric Cole.
"David…we're told you want to revise your original statement regarding what happened between you and Santana Lopez on the night of your junior prom?" Detective Sheldon sat down in the metal chair on the opposite side of the table from Karofsky and his attorney, looking over his shoulder at his partner who stood in the corner of the room, leaning his broad shoulder on the drab, gray wall.
"First…," Thomas interjected, "…we want to hear what assurances the DA's office is prepared to offer my client."
Eric sat down next to Detective Sheldon and opened a manila file folder, shuffling several white sheets of paper.
"Nothing," the ADA looked up and smirked.
"Eric…I felt we had an agreement when we spoke on the phone earlier," Thomas accused, his aggravation clear.
"My office is confident we can prove to a jury of David's peers that he knowingly raped Ms. Lopez," Eric stressed to highlight the public scrutiny the Karofskys would be under if the case went to trial.
"Oh come on now, Eric…you know as well as I know how fragile your victim's testimony would be on the stand," Thomas sneered in his attempt to verbally trump ADA Cole's threats.
"I have witness after witness lined up to describe in detail how David bullied and terrorized students at that high school…including…one incident where he made verbal threats of physical harm to Ms. Lopez in front of two other students she attempted to defend against him," Eric was undeterred in his growing confidence.
"Stop!" David shouted, "I've had enough of this legal crap."
The last thing Karofsky wanted at this point was to torture Santana and her Glee Club friends any longer. At this point, he just wanted to move forward as best he could.
"David…please let me be the one to speak," Thomas warned him, holding up his hand in a paternal chastising-type manner.
"There's nothing more to say…I'm ready to take whatever my punishment will be," David swallowed hard, adding boldly, "But…in exchange for my confession…I do have one condition."
In every heart,
There is a room
A sanctuary safe and strong
To heal the wounds,
From lovers past
Until a new one comes along…
I spoke to you,
In cautious tones
You answered me with no pretense
And still I feel,
I said too much
My silence is my self-defense…
And every time,
I've held a rose
It seems I only felt the thorns
And so it goes,
And so it goes
And so will you soon, I suppose…
But if my silence,
Made you leave
Then that would be my worst mistake
So I will share
This room with you
And you can have this heart to break…
The hospital door shut as Mr. and Mrs. Boyd exited their daughter's hospital room, and Quinn turned her head back around to look at Cate.
"Hi again," Quinn smiled sweetly. She was on the emotional rollercoaster ride of her life tonight. Feeling the loss of Cate was more than she thought she could bear then seeing her alive was a whole other out-of-body experience. At this point, she felt like she was having a dream within a dream.
Once the Boyds and the hospital staff figured out that Jordan was the one killed on Cate's motorcycle and Cate was treated for her injuries and moved to a room for the night, Quinn was finally calming a bit, suddenly feeling her entire body ache.
"Why don't you close your eyes?" Quinn suggested softly, running her fingertips along Cate's jaw line as she sat next to her bedside, "You look tired."
Cate smiled back at her, the light blue of her eyes masked by her swollen facial features caused by her broken nose, "You look more tired."
"It's been an emotional night," Quinn admitted, swallowing hard to hold back any more tears, but they just seemed to keep flowing. Her head hurt and her nose was stuffy from all the crying she had done in the last three hours, but she was finally alone with Cate, which was all she truly cared about now.
"I'm so sorry," the older girl reached up and took Quinn's extended hand in hers.
"I'm not…you're alive," Quinn smiled.
"Well…sort of," Cate joked.
"Yeah…you've looked better," Quinn forced a joke too, causing Cate to chuckle.
"Oww…don't make me laugh," the brunette pulled her arm around her chest, supporting her broken ribs.
"Your pain meds should be kicking in soon," the young blonde told her, standing up to turn off the florescent lamp over the hospital bed then pulling up Cate's basic hospital-beige blanket to cover her arms, kissing her sweetly on the lips, "So just close your eyes…and relax…and let them do their job."
"Quinn…," Cate said, dutifully closing both eyes.
"Hmm?" Quinn sat back down in the chair next to Cate's bed, pulling her hand from under the edge of the thin blanket and sheet so she could hold it.
"I love you very much," the older girl said, trailing off into sleep.
Quinn pulled Cate's hand up to kiss it, careful to avoid her IV connection, "I love you too, Cate Boyd."
And this is why
My eyes are closed.
It's just as well for all I've seen.
And so it goes,
And so it goes
And you're the only one who knows…
So I would choose
To be with you
That's if the choice were mine to make
But you can make
decisions too
And you can have this heart to break…
And so it goes, and so it goes
And you're the only one who knows…
"Quinn?"
The blonde felt a soft touch caress the back of her head as consciousness slowly pulled her from sleep. She opened her heavy eyelids and turned her head to see Santana standing next to her.
"Sorry to have to wake you…but it's time to go," the Latina told her quietly, not wanting to wake Cate.
Quinn turned back toward the battered brunette, saying, "No…I don't want to leave her alone tonight."
"She'll be fine…she just needs rest…just like you do," Santana put her arm around Quinn's shoulders.
Without moving, the former head cheerleader asked with a slight laugh, "The girls sent you in after me?"
"Yes," Santana smiled, "They know I won't take no as an answer from you."
Quinn shifted uncomfortably in her chair without budging, squeezing Cate's hand, refusing to take her eyes off her.
"You can't sit in that chair all night, Q."
There was a silence that hung in the air before Quinn took a deep breath and slowly let it out.
"Is it wrong that I'm glad it was Jordan on that motorcycle instead of Cate?" the blonde surmised, her voice still thick with emotion.
"I'm sad for Jordan…she was kind to me when I needed it most," Santana said sadly.
Quinn wiped at a tear as it rolled down her pale face. "I don't mean that I'm glad she's dead."
"I know what you mean," Santana confirmed with sympathy in her response, "If Brittany died…I would die with her."
"I'm in love with Cate, San."
"I know you are," Santana assured her, squeezing Quinn's shoulder and smiling down at her as the blonde looked up at her best friend, then Santana added with a wink, "It's pretty obvious."
Quinn paused, looking back down at Cate, then she said bluntly, "I'm pretty sure I'm gay."
Santana smiled again though Quinn didn't see it. "Well…welcome then…the signup sheet is on the bulletin board in the main lobby."
Quinn laughed and rolled her eyes, appreciative for the respite in the gravity surrounding the night. "I really hate you sometimes," she said playfully.
"Yeah…that's what makes us besties for life," Santana leaned over to hug Quinn tightly, kissing her on the top of her head, "I love you, Quinn…you deserve all the happiness in the world…and I think Cate is wonderful…you are very blessed."
"I love you too, Santana…," Quinn squeezed the Latina's hand that was resting on her shoulder, "…we're both blessed…so don't screw it up anymore, okay? I'm here for you…no more judgment…I promise you that much."
"I appreciate that, Q…and…I'm done screwing things up…I feel like I'm gaining back my focus…besides…I got plans with that silly blonde…," the Latina confided lightheartedly, "…I'm actually starting to look forward to the future."
"That's great to hear," Quinn encouraged her, "Because…that silly blonde is totally devoted to you."
"So come on…kiss your girlfriend goodnight…and let's go home and go to sleep."
Quinn felt all warm inside hearing Santana say that to her, and she stood and leaned over Cate's hospital bed to kiss her lovingly several times before turning to link her arm through Santana's arm, telling the Latina, "Life's good…isn't it?"
"Yeah…it is…," Santana agreed as the two friends walked toward the door to leave, "…when you least expect it."
"Rachel?"
The petite brunette turned back around as she, Brittany, Santana, and Quinn passed the low-lit living room in her house.
"Dad?" Rachel acknowledged, "You didn't need to wait up…I told you on the phone we'd be home late."
Daniel Berry closed the hardback book that was propped on his outstretched legs, removing his eye-glasses, and yawned, "Eleven isn't that late…I was just reading my book…you girls come in here please."
Rachel looked back at her friends as they stepped away from the staircase and moved back toward the living room as requested.
"Please…sit for a moment," Daniel waved them all further into the cozy space that was lit by a soft glow from a floor lamp situated behind Daniel's leather recliner.
Brittany sat at one end of the couch while Quinn sat at the other end. Santana took a seat between her former Cheerios, and Rachel sat on the floor at their feet.
"I'm very sorry about your friend, Santana," he told the larger brunette.
"Thanks…I still can't believe someone I know is actually dead now," Santana said.
Brittany could feel Santana physically shiver so she wrapped her arm around the Latina's waist, pulling her into her.
"It's tragic when any young life is lost…," Daniel lamented, "…I hope each of you girls will take away from this night the fact that life is so fragile…nobody is invincible…and those we love can be lost in the blink of an eye."
Rachel reached up and put her hand tenderly on Quinn's knee, and the blonde beauty looked down at the brunette at her feet and smiled.
"But Cate is doing okay, Quinn?" he inquired.
Quinn took a deep, steadying breath, her head still pounding from the events of the evening, reporting, "Yeah…she was in a lot of pain…she has two broken ribs, a broken nose, and a concussion…so it's completely understandable."
"Did they admit her?" he wondered.
"Yes…the doctor said she'd probably go home on Friday." There was some relief in Quinn's voice at this point.
"I'm glad to hear that," Daniel said sweetly, "You all are staying here tonight, I hope?"
"Yes, I told Quinn she doesn't need to be alone tonight so she's going to sleep in my room," Rachel assured him.
"And our prodigal daughter has returned for the night?" Daniel added with a wide grin.
They all chuckled.
"Yes…and I'm going to get my stuff tomorrow to move back in…," Santana smiled, "…so if you guys want to back out…speak up now."
"Never," Daniel assured her, "Trey and I are both elated."
"As am I…," Rachel added with a pat on Santana's shin.
"Well, listen…the other reason, I needed to speak to you, Santana…is that I had a phone call tonight from ADA Cole," he said cautiously.
All heads turned to the Latina.
"Okay…," she sounded guarded.
"There's been a surprising turn of events in your case," he began, "David Karofsky has offered up his confession."
There was an audible gasp that traveled around the room.
"So…he's going to actually admit he raped me?" Santana wasn't sure she understood Daniel correctly.
"That's what he told the detectives tonight."
"Well…so that's it, huh? I mean, it's over now, right?" Brittany interjected, "She doesn't have to testify or anything?"
"That's correct…," Daniel told them, "…but…there's a catch."
"A catch?" Quinn didn't think that sound like a good thing.
"He wants to meet with you, Santana," Daniel notified her of David's condition.
"No…no, that's not a good idea," Quinn quickly defended.
"I agree! That's just allowing Karofsky to victimize Santana all over again, Dad…," Rachel concurred, "You can't allow him to do that."
"He shouldn't get any preferential treatment!" Quinn was adamant, "He doesn't have the right to make demands on Santana."
"Girls, girls…," Daniel threw up his hands in defeat of the news he was delivering, "…I understand all of that…I promise I do…I am just telling you what the DA's office told me…ultimately though…this is Santana's decision."
"San?" Quinn prompted the brunette to her right.
Santana paused, unable to fully process her feelings about meeting face to face with David Karofsky. She turned and quietly asked, "Britt…what do you think I should do?"
Brittany smiled and gently ran her hand from Santana's waist up her spine to rest supportively on the curve of her back, thinking aloud, "Well…maybe it's not a terrible idea…it could give you closure…maybe?"
"Maybe…," Santana agreed reflectively, "Do I have time to think about it?"
"You've been given until Friday at noon by David's defense attorney…after that, he said they'll push through to trial."
"Okay…I'll let you know soon then," Santana confirmed, leaning back slightly into the crook of Brittany's arm around her.
"Sounds good, sweetheart…if you want to talk about it more then come to me," Daniel advised, standing up and setting his book on a side table near the cutout entrance to the room, "I'm glad each of you are safe and sound tonight…sleep well."
"Goodnight, Dad," Rachel told him as they watched him walk toward the stairs.
Santana held up her hand to stop words from coming out of Rachel and Quinn's mouths as they quickly turned to her, "Stop…I know everything you both are saying is true…and I love you both dearly for trying to protect me…but I need to think about it…ok?"
Brittany quietly ran her hand up and down Santana's spine.
Both Quinn and Rachel nodded sympathetically without saying another word on the topic.
Rachel stretched her legs to stand from the floor, taking Quinn by the hand to pull her off the couch, saying, "Let's go to bed."
Brittany dried her freshly-washed face then turned out the light in the Berrys' bathroom, crossing the hallway to open Santana's bedroom door. She saw her girlfriend lying in bed, propped up on two pillows, playing Angry Birds on her iPhone.
"Does it feel good to be back here?" Brittany asked, pulling off her jeans and shirt and laying them across a chair in the corner of the room. She moved to the bed and climbed under the covers, snuggling up to Santana.
"Yes, definitely," Santana commented, adding, "Oh crap…seriously? That column fell right on that damn pig…how did that not kill him?"
"You should try the Rio one if you think those pigs are annoying…the monkeys are way worse," Brittany pulled Santana's phone down so she could see the screen better, "…oh yeah…that's a hard level."
"I swear these fucking pigs smirk at me every time they survive," Santana complained.
"Santana…chill…it's just a pig," Brittany said, squeezing her closer, "It's not personal."
"Whatever…," Santana said playfully dismissive, rolling her eyes and closing her phone to set it on the bedside table, "Oh hey…news alert…Quinn came out to me tonight."
"What?" Brittany wasn't sure if she was surprised or not, "Really? What did she say?"
"She said 'I'm pretty sure I'm gay'…," Santana repeated.
"And…what did you say?"
"I said…Duh!"
Brittany giggled, affably slapping at Santana. "You did not."
"No…but…duh!" Santana laughed too.
"Be sympathetic, honey…," Brittany scolded gently, "I seem to recall a certain Latina who was equally in denial until a few months ago."
"I wasn't in 'denial'…was I?" Santana pouted.
"You wouldn't even talk about the topic of 'us' until I forced it," Brittany reminded.
Santana sunk down further under the covers, enjoying the feeling of Brittany's body pushed against hers, "Well…I'm very glad you did…cause this is so worth everything else."
Brittany tilted her head upward to kiss Santana on the side of her neck, "I'm glad to hear you say that, honey."
"Something else happened tonight…," Santana started, tightening her grip around Brittany.
"Geez…how much else can happen in one day?" Brittany said with a mixture of exhaustion and exasperation.
"I ran into my dad at the hospital."
"Oh…," the blonde looked up at her, asking cautiously, "…was it awkward?"
"Not awkward…I realized though that I don't feel much of anything for him anymore," Santana confided to her love.
"What did he say?" Brittany asked.
"That he would never accept me being gay."
"I'm sorry, hon," Brittany grimaced without looking back up at Santana's face, resting her head on her chest.
"Don't be…it's his loss," Santana said matter-of-factly, kissing Brittany on the top of her head.
Brittany smiled widely though Santana couldn't see her. Hearing her girlfriend's self-confidence return made her heart soar.
"I love you," Brittany told Santana, cuddling further into her.
Santana smiled, proud of herself, "I love you too, babe."
I'm trying to tell you somethin' about my life
Maybe give me insight between black and white
And the best thing you've ever done for me
Is to help me take my life less seriously,
It's only life after all…
Well, darkness has a hunger that's insatiable
And lightness has a call that's hard to hear
I wrap my fear around me like a blanket
I sailed my ship of safety 'til I sank it,
Now I'm crawling on your shores…
And I went to the doctor, I went to the mountains
I looked to the children, I drank from the fountains
There's more than one answer to these questions,
Pointing me in a crooked line
And the less I seek my source for some definitive…
The closer I am to fine.
Author's note: The songs referenced in this chapter are A Thousand Years sung by Christina Perri, And So It Goes by Billy Joel, and Closer To Fine by The Indigo Girls.
Please let me know what you think of this chapter and your thoughts on the way things played out at the hospital. It ended up being quite difficult to write it the way I saw it in my head. Fingers crossed that I was at least somewhat successful!
Oh, and let me know what you think of my interpretation of Brittany and Santana's "first time". I love hearing from each of you! Thank you again for continuing to read my story. Kim