It had been two months since Mathew had gotten out of the hospital and the boy had been doing great during the times England had seen him except for wincing every time someone touched his arms but he'd had no contact with Prussia much to Arthur's pleasure.

"And what are you thinking about that's making you smile so darkly? Are you imaging what I'm going to do to you tonight? Or oh you can't possibly be thinking of cursing more people. I thought you had given up all that silly magic stuff."

"Shut up frog I can think what I damn well please." the ex pirate snapped at France who was sitting across the small table from him "And what are you doing in my house again!"

"Making your day great." he cooed ignoring the harsh tone.

"It was until you came." Arthur said coldly.

"Don't say that." Francis chuckled getting up and walking over to the Brit, he leaned in lips brushing his ear "You know you like it when I come over."

"The...The hell I do." he blushed pushing the other away who just laughed

"So what were you thinking about?" France asked sounding unusually serious.

"How glad I am that that narcissistic bastard ex nation you're dumb enough to call a friend if keeping his sorry ass away from Mathew."

"And mon ami is losing his mind and drinking himself sick."

"Like I give a damn about that. Canada is better off without him."

"That's what you think." the Frenchmen said softly.

"I know it. Prussia is a good for nothing git. Mathew will be thankful in the end." snapped Arthur.

"We'll see wont we?" Francis said standing straight.

"Where are you going?" the Englishmen asked surprised by the sudden movement.

"Home." Was the reply as France left slamming the door behind him.

"Tch what's his problem?" he sighed going back to his embroidery.

"Hey Kuma…" Mathew said as he sat on his kitchen floor holding his bleeding wrists "…Do you think he still remembers me? He probably doesn't. Its not like I'm worth remembering anyway." he babbled on waiting for the numbness of death to take him "No one will miss me when I'm gone, except for maybe you Kuma, but I'm sure you'll be happier with Al…" his eye lids begin to droop.

"These last two months had been a living hell for Canada. He saw Prussia everywhere he went but the albino was never there. His eyes were red and tear swollen from crying himself to sleep then waking up from Prussian dreams crying. He had gotten to the point where he only left his house when he had too. No one seemed to notice or care and finally the loss and abandonment he felt became too much for him to handle. So here he sat in the middle of his kitchen on the floor both wrists slit and bleeding, blood soaking him.

"Hey Mattie you home?" a voice asked through the haze, he didn't respond. He noticed Kuma scurry off but ignored it and instead began humming softly to himself.

The next thing he knew Kumajiru was pulling his brother into the room by his pants leg. When Alfred saw Mathew his eyes grew wide and he ran over to him pulling off his bombers jacket, wrapping it around his wrists and holding them up to slow the blood loss. Then he pulled out his phone dialing emergency and telling them what was going what it was and where they were before hanging up.

"Mathew look at me." America said facing his brother "Tell me why you did this, pleas." His eyes were sad and he was on the brink of tears.

"I'm tired of the emptiness. I'm tired of being alone. I'm tired of not being wanted. If he doesn't want me I don't want to live." Canada replied monotonously.

"Mattie…" he said before pulling his brother in to a tight one armed hug, other still holding up his wrists up "Why didn't you tell me? If you needed me I would have been here. You'll never be alone."

"But HE won't be here!" Mathew began sobbing "He doesn't want me!"

"Mathew. Prussia never said he didn't want you." Alfred said knowing Arthur would kill him if he found out he told his brother but he didn't care right now.

"What?" his voice was trembling. Prussia never said… Then… "Why did England say…?"

"Because you deserve more than Prussia. He doesn't deserve you."

"So you're allowed to have a relationship with the person you love even though England doesn't approve but I'm not." the Canadian hissed just before the paramedics came rushing into the room pulling him away from his American brother.

Prussia lay on the couch too drunk to move, staring at the ceiling of the living room going over all the things that had happened. He didn't find it right that someone as awesome as him was going through all this. These last two months had been an alcoholic hell. He had somehow managed to get himself banned from every place that so much as sold alcohol in Germany. Not to mention that his kidneys had already shut down once from drinking too much. Boy did West give him a hard time about that one but he had brought up a very true fact.

Gilbert was killing himself. Slowly but surely drinking himself to death.

Prussia had never realized how much he really cared about Canada until now. This had made him see that without Canada in his life he had nothing. Never before had he noticed how much of his time had been spent with the blond and now he had nothing to do well except drink himself into oblivion. He knew his little brother, hell even Denmark was worried about him but he didn't really care.

"Mathew is better off and deserves better than me even if I am the most awesome thing ever created." Gilbert mumbled to no one in particular "But that doesn't mean I don't miss him. Gott I feel like suck a fuckin' chick!" he said sitting up then falling back down with a thud and a groan "Fuck, note to self never sit up that fuckin' quick when you've drank two bottles of pure Russian vodka." his hand holding his head, trying to stop the spinning.

He sighed when it finally stopped and went back to absent mindedly staring at the ceiling "I wonder what Matt's doing." He said while England watched France leave and America watched a group of paramedics carry his dying brother into an ambulance. n Prussia everywhere he went but the albino was never there

well so heres the third chapter sorry it took me so long testing and all that jazz also i moved so yes i hope you all think its good cant really say liked cuz i almost cried writing it anyway next chapter should be out sooner im almost done writing it

p.s. to anyone reading pancakes im sorry the new chaps not out my beta hasn't sent it back to me yet

review or romano will rip your arms off and beat you with them