Chapter 3: Le hospital n' shit

"Another successful procedure!" -Medic, Team Fortress 2

Everfree forest

For the second time today, Charles was in extreme pain; falling of a cliff usually led to that. Still lying in the bushes, he felt like every bone in his body was broken in three places... Twice. All he knew is that he sure as hell couldn't move. This was bad. Very bad.

Suddenly, he heard a hesitating young female voice call out to him. "A-are you okay?"

Yes, rescue!

Grunting in pain, he responded. "I think I got a stick up my ass..."

Charles could hear at least two other voices now, one snorting at his bad luck, the other one letting out a overdramatized, indignant cry. Tentatively, he reached a hand around to feel up his bum and was relieved to feel a lack of branches up his rectum.

Can you imagine it? A guy walking around with Hometree up his ass? That would be fucking hilarious.

"It's ok, I didn't have one. Still feel like shit, though," he added weakly. "I think I've broken something..." His potential rescuer called to him again.

"It's alright, we'll come and help you. Just stay put!"

Not like I have anywhere else to go, Charles muttered bitterly.

The foliage rustled as his potential rescuer trudged through to reach him. He sighed in relief. Finally he could get out of this goddamn cystic anal acid forest and take a rest...

He wasn't therefore fully prepared to be faced with a purple pony with a horn in front of him, looking at him with gigantic, surprised eyes. He stuttered. "Uh... B- what..."

It was a unicorn. A real, honest-to-god unicorn. That settled the deal for Charles. He knew he shouldn't had eaten that purple potato from the flying tree back there before the whole river incident.

The pony's original confused expression suddenly turned into a wide smile, it's eyes bulging in excitement. "Wow! I've never seen a creature like you before! And you can talk? Oh and you have clothes too! What's your name? What species do you belong to? Do you have any kind of civilization..."

She had barely finished talking before she noticed Charles had already passed out.

...

AND THEN SHE RAEP-

Nah, let's not turn this into a clopfic, shall we not?

The ponies now surrounded the strange creature that laid sprawled onto the ground. While Twilight and Pinkie Pie gazed at it with interest, Rainbow Dash and Applejack mostly stared at the thing with suspicion while Fluttershy and Rarity seemed to stay away from it, Fluttershy for her usual timidness and Rarity because that creature was absolutely filthy. And foulmouthed, I might add.

A goddamn ironic statement, considering this shitfest of a fic has more fucking swears than the Bible has the word "God" in it.

Rainbow Dash slowly approached and poked the creature with her hoof. "What the hay is that thing?"

"It looks hurt," Fluttershy added quietly. Twilight stroked her chin.

"Obviously it as to be an intelligent creature," said Twilight. Oh how ironic that Charles is to be considered intelligent, don't you think? "It was able to speak, and look," she pulled at the fabric surrounding the human. "Clothes."

Pinkie Pie gasped. "A new thingamajig? We should throw a party!"

"Ah'm not sure, Pinkie," Applejack frowned. "No guarantee what that thing might do. 'Could be sumthin' unpleasant."

The group traded several looks. "We can't just leave it here," Twilight protested.

"Girls..."

"Then what are we gonna do with it?" Rainbow Dash retorted. "if it's a bad guy, we shouldn't bring him along."

"Girls..."

"And look at it!" Rarity complained. "I refuse to let that... That thing near my boutique. It is clothed horribly!"

"Girls!"

"What?" Fluttershy squealed before regaining her composture.

"We can't just abandon that poor animal in the forest alone! It's hurt and it needs help!"

Twilight mused over the fact. "We could bring it to the Ponyville hospital and then interrogate him..." Something clicked in her brain. "Maybe it knows something about the magic wave we felt earlier!"

After some debate, it was settled that they would try to carry it to the nurse Redheart. With the collective efforts of Rainbow Dash, Applejack and Fluttershy, they left the forest.

Little did they know that the very being they were escorting out would bring change to Equestria in ways they could not imagine...

…

...As the first human to ever have landed in a fictional world. Seriously, did you really expect any UBAR-DARK N MYSTERIOUZZ PAST shit from this loser? Except in his drunken furies, of course.

Hemoglobin.

Ponyville hospital (obviously, duh)

Charles' head was murdering him for the second time today. His vision was slowly becoming clear again, his breath steadying. He could hear voices, but they seemed so distant.

Ugh, did someone drop a pink elephant on me?

Slowly, his hearing and vision were back to normal. He could hear people talking more clearly now. He was lying down, staring at a white ceiling. Was he at the hospital? Things must have gotten quite out of hand at the party, then...

"...I think it's waking up."

IT's waking up? I can't look that much like shit...

Wondering if his good old buddeh Stanley hadn't accidentally slipped in some LSD into his drink, he craned his head in the direction of the voices. He blinked.

Ponies. Colorful ponies were staring at him.

He blinked again.

One of them, dressed in a nurse's garb, walked up to him and cleared it's throat. "Can you understand us?"

I can't still be tripping. It's impossible.

"Uh, yeah...?"

"Now, I suggest you do not..."

Charles straightened himself up in a sitting position.

CRACK

"...move..."

The room fell deathly silent. You could have heard a pin drop. Or a nuke, for that matter.

Charles started was shaking lightly, his face contorted into a very pained smile. He struggled to open his mouth, ever so slight spasmszszs shaking him. His overall demented glare made the ponies back away nervously.

"O... Ouch..."

One of the ponies, presumably the one that had rescued him earlier, asked him nervously. "Are you okay?"

Charles' eye twitched. "Yes," he responded all too calmly, his voice slightly pitched. "I am fine."

"Maybe you should just..."

He laid down again.

CRACK

"...Lay down again."

Silence.

His hand reached out and smashed the table beside him, making everyone jump in fear. He inhaled sharply, the ponies cowering in fear...

"Ow."

The assembled group exhaled in relief.

…

"FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!"

The table Charles had smashed earlier fell together in a pile. The very foundations of the building started shaking. Several recipients filled with medicine and chemicals fell on the floor and smashed into pieces, sending the liquids flowing across the floor. Part of the roof collapsed even, the debris almost hitting an unfortunate patient.

Charles' face was contorted in extreme pain and anger. His bloodshot eyeballs threatened to leave their sockets. His face looked like an inflated tomato, both in color and shape. His teeth seemed even more feral with his mouth open wide, a deluge of spit flying out. Steam escaped his ears while snot poured out of his nostrils. Th ponies backed into a corner, fear and despair etched onto their faces.

After what seemed like an eternity of rage induced-terror, the human finally fainted.

Bloop*

Achievement Unlocked: Scare the shit out of every living being nearby.

A/N: First contact has finally been established. Not a very successful one, I might add.

On another note, this story is now on FIMfiction! I'll be uploading every chapter I've written there soon, so head there and give a shout-out for this story if you want.

So here you go, and see you soon! Herp-de-derp!

*Author disappears into a trollface abyss