Derek Shepherd was in complete shock right now. The doctor's words kept replaying over and over in his head like a movie. His little girl, his first daughter, had cancer. The words had stabbed him like a knife through the heart and now, trying to absorb the news was like trying to mix oil and water. He couldn't do anything to make his daughter feel better and he knew that with the treatment she would have to get, she would only feel worse before she got better. Everything's just seemed so unfair and it took all of the strength Derek had to hold in his anger and how he was feeling.

"I spoke to my mom." Derek whispered, looking up as Meredith came into their bedroom and closed the door. He was sitting on their bed, still in the same clothes from earlier, his hair a mess.

"Okay..." Meredith walked over to the bed, her sweatshirt hanging off of her shoulder.

"She's expecting us...getting the house ready."

"Okay." Meredith sat down. "I just got off the phone with Arizona."

"What did she say?"

"She saw the scans and without a doubt she does have leukemia." Meredith took a deep breath. "She wants us to come out right away and prepare for a very long stay. She wants us to come out there while she's sick."

"Is she asleep?" Derek looked up at her.

"She is but I have this strong urge to pull her into our bed."

"She'll wonder what's wrong."

"I know." Meredith pulled her hair from her ponytail. "She um...we have to both go which means we have to pull them both out of school."

"And find another school."

"What about Ava and school?"

"I...I don't even know."

"She loves kindergarten."

"We can...maybe she can still go to school..."

"How?"

"Or maybe we shouldn't decide until we know more about her treatment." Derek sighed. "I don't know."

"What if I home school her?"

"I don't know."

"I mean...I wouldn't be working in New York...I..."

"I feel like I'm dreaming." Derek laughed harshly. "Like someone needs to wake me up from this nightmare."

"I miss yesterday."

"She um...she's going to have a lot of questions."

"She's going to lose her hair..."

"How did this happen?"

"I messed up...I don't know."

"She was healthy."

"We need to get them packed. We have three children's lives to pack up."

"So we're leaving tomorrow." Derek breathed, running a hand through his hair.

"Tomorrow night."

"We need plane tickets."

"I did that while on the phone with Arizona...our plane leaves at eight tomorrow night."

"Did she say anything...about treatment or..."

"She wants to run another test on the bone marrow and remove the lump from her stomach." Meredith replied. "She said it will come down to chemo or radiation."

"What about her...what are the survival rates?" He whispered.

"They won't know until they run more tests."

"Right."

"We need to pack...and we need to pack some toys and ship them because we can't take everything on the plane. We each get two pieces of luggage and our carry-on." Meredith leaned into him. "I'm going to be up all night."

"I'm not sleeping either." Derek sighed, kissing her head.

"Your Mom still has a crib right?"

"Yeah."

"We have to pack up their lives and...they don't even know yet."

"She doesn't even know how sick she is."

"No she doesn't..." Meredith felt something rise in her throat and she took off towards the bathroom.

"Mer..." Derek followed after her.

"Ava..." Meredith burst into tears before getting sick.

"I know." He slid down to the floor with her, wrapping his arms around her.

"I can't...Derek I can't..." Meredith clutched him.

"We're going to do this...we're going to get her through it." Derek whispered, trying to believe the words himself.

"I can't do this for her."

"Arizona is a great doctor..."

"I know...I know." Meredith put her hands over her face. "We need to pack and decide what they need because it seems we're going to be there for at least a few months."

"I'll get started on our stuff if you want to do the kids."

"I'll pack some toys...I can't do clothes until they're awake." Meredith wiped at her eyes. "And I need to get their coats and laundry."

"This just..." Derek shook his head.

"We can't let her know we're freaking out."

"How are we going to tell her..."

"I have no idea. I feel like we should tell the kids that we're going to grandmas for a while in the morning. We can let Hunter go to school to see his friends and then we can tell Ava sometime during the day."

"I'm going to go check on her." He stood up.

"I wanna come."

"Come on." Derek held out his hand to help her up.

"Derek..." Meredith stood, wrapping her arms around him.

"We can do this." He whispered.

"She's our little girl and we're supposed to protect her."

"We will..."

"I...you're sure we can't pull her into our bed?" Meredith murmured.

"We don't usually do that...she'll know something's not right." Derek sighed.

"I'm turning into a helicopter Mom."

"But I'm tempted to sit in her room and watch her sleep."

"Want to?" Meredith swallowed.

"After we get some packing done."

"Okay."

"She's tough...she's going to be okay."

"She is." Meredith wrapped her arms around his waist.

"She has to."

"We can't lose her."

"I thought the doctor was going to say she caught a stomach virus...and would be better in a few days...a week at the most.

"Me too." Meredith pulled away, wiping away her tears. "I should go downstairs and pack their favorite movies."

"I guess I'll get a start with my things."

"Get stuff for cold weather too."

"Right."

"I'll be back."

"Okay." Derek sighed, opening their closet door. They had no idea how long they were going to be in New York and Derek knew they were lucky to have his Mom's house to go to and not have to worry about staying in a hotel for however long they were there for. It would be months, maybe more, before they came back to Seattle and packing seemed like such a daunting task. He didn't know what to bring,

what they would be doing or how to handle any of this.

Their entire world had been torn apart when the doctor had given them the news and everything was going to change drastically. They would leave their jobs, and pull their children from school where they had friends who they loved to have to get treatment for their five year old daughter. It wasn't fair.

"Did you get the movies?" Derek asked, folding up a few t-shirts and tossing them into the suitcase as Meredith came back into their room.

"Yeah...I grabbed their favorites and a few others." Meredith replied, sitting down on the bed. "I also tossed all of Zola's bottles and formula into a bag."

"We have to call Holly and tell her we won't need her...and I thought we could tell her she could take any of the food in the fridge...or whatever she wants."

"That's a good idea." Meredith nodded. "We're almost out of diapers but I figure we can stop at the store."

"My mom can get some." He sighed.

"I think we should put a ton of stuff in boxes and ship it out tomorrow before lunch."

"All of their winter clothes...jackets and stuff..."

"Zola is going to be the hardest to pack because her sizes are always changing."

"My sisters have plenty of baby clothes." Derek breathed.

"She deserves the stuff we bought for her."

"We can ship most of it...pack whatever she'll need for a couple of days." He got up and took a few more things from the closet.

"Okay." Meredith agreed. .They would pay one hell of a shipping bill but it needed to be done. She was sure people would think she was crazy showing up with so many boxes. As Meredith walked over to her dresser a small cry filled the room from the baby monitor.

"I'll get her."

"I'll be here."

"Okay." Derek smiled weakly, heading out of the bedroom and down the hall to Zola's room. He just wanted everything to be normal again. He wanted the day before back when all his daughter had was a stomach flu and she would be sick for a little while and then go back to her normal self. But it wasn't going to happen. His daughter, his little girl, had cancer and there wasn't anything that he could do about it except try his best to be strong for her.

And I know that it's a wonderful world
But I can't feel it right now